Pirate story I typed for school
Blog Entry: Pirate story I typed for school
Blog Entry: Pirate story I typed for school
THE Ultimate Pirate Parody Adventure!!!
ONCE UPON A TIME… wait… upon a time? Noooo…. This story takes place in Lodi, CA, home of Captain Crack Sparrow, a wannabe buccaneer who has sailed the seven seas… wait… I messed up again… he went on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland, which isn’t really the seven seas, but close enough. He and his friends, Phil Turner, Barbloka, and Uncle Jonesy have wanted to go to Los Angeles for a vacation. “I know!”, Crack said, “Let’s go to Los Angeles for a vacation!” But that’s what I just said. “Dangit, Narrator, I’m telling the story now!”, Crack said. He’s not telling ANY STORY, because you know dead men tell no tales. “I HEARD THAT.”, exclaimed Crack. 2 hours later, Crack and his crew built a pirate ship. “Alright!”, said Phil, “Now to sail the Pacific to get to Los Angeles!” “Change of plans, I made a deal with George Bush so we can ride in his Carnival Cruise Ship.”, said Crack. “WHAT? When did this happen?” Barbloka asked. “I made the deal 2 hours ago.”, said Crack. “THEN WHY DID WE WASTE 2 HOURS BULDING THIS SHIP?”, asked Jonesy. “Exercise is healthy you know, plus, this is an easy $4,000 on eBay.”, explained Crack. “Good point”, said Jonesy. “Let’s get in the ship”.
The cruise ship was just amazing. “Men!”, Crack said. “Phil, you steer, Barbloka, you can be up in the crow’s nest (AUTHOR’S NOTE: I think that’s what it’s called) with the telescope and looks for islands of booty. Ha, ha, ha… booty. Jonesy, you can be the manager in Macy’s.” “There’s a MACY’S on this ship? Wow… too bad there’s not a JC Penney.”, Jonesy said. “Actually, the Macy’s is on the right side of the ship. JC Penney is on the left, you can work there.”, said Crack. “Thanks!”, said Jonesy. “Hoist the Jolly Roger!”, yelled Crack. “Let’s go!”
3 hours later, it was madness basically. The cruise ship was stuck in traffic, between many other cruise ships and pirate ships. “Hey! Let’s go! What’s the hold up?”, yelled Phil, beeping the horn on the ship’s steering wheel. “HEY! SHUT UP BACK THERE!”, yelled a captain ahead of them. “Crack…”, Jonesy said. “I have to go to the bathroom, and the restrooms in JC Penney are closed, and I don’t want to go in front of all these people.” Suddenly, a whale that was in traffic with them spouted a boatload of water and landed on Crack and Jonesy. “I have an idea!”, said Crack. He whispered in Jonesy’s ear. The whale spouted lots of water again, and landed on Jonesy and Crack. Now they were soaked everywhere. “Thanks for the idea, Crack! Now I feel a lot better now!”. “You’re welcome”, said Crack, “It’s a belated Christmas miracle!”. Suddenly, the captain ahead of them, got a rope, marooned his ship, and impressively did a flip, landing on the cruise ship. Then he got out his cutlass, and said to Crack. “Don’t make me hurt you.” “But what did I do?”, asked Crack. “Your ‘driver’ threw a banana peel at me.” “DON’T LISTEN TO HIM, HE’S A DRUNK DRIVER, HE CAUSED ALL THIS TRAFFIC!!”, explained Phil. “My name is Captain Crunch, and I’m going to loot this merchant ship, because when it comes to looting treasure, you GOTTA CATCH ‘EM ALL!” “You gotta catch ‘em all? Where have I heard THAT one before, ‘Captain Crud’?”, said Phil, laughing. “SHUT UP!!!” said Captain Crunch. “This is MADNESS!”, he yelled. “THIS! IS! SPARTA!!!!!”, yelled Crack even louder as he kicked Captain Crunch where it hurt the most, sending him flying out to the sea. “ZOMBIES!!! ATTACK THEM!!!”, yelled Captain Crunch as he was drowning. In mutiny, everyone else from Crunch’s ship jumped on board and started fighting Crack and the crew. “Hey, these aren’t zombies!”, said Jonesy, “These are just overly pale people!” “Really?”, asked Crack. “Who am I fighting right now with this sword, anyway?” “The name’s Cullen. Edward Cullen.”, said the ‘zombie’. “Holy God, we’re facing the cast of Twilight! I’ve ALWAYS wanted to do this! Eat sword, monkeys!”, Phil said. “Enough with the plundering!” “They didn’t just bring the cast of TWILIGHT on the ship. The managed to bring BILLY MAYS and MICHAEL JACKSON back to life!”, Barbloka said as he was dodging the boxes of OXI-CLEAN Billy Mays was throwing at him, and the CDs Michael Jackson was throwing at him. “WE’RE SENDING DARTH VADER OUT ON YOU!!!”, yelled Jacob (from Twilight). Suddenly, a load of mist came as the doors opened. Crack watched fearfully as Darth Vader walked out of… wait a minute. That’s not Darth Vader! It was a fat guy wearing a WHITE SHIRT and a SWIMSUIT, holding a PLASTIC LIGHTSABER, and wearing a Darth Vader helmet. “THAT’S your enemy of Doom?”, asked Crack laughing. “Well, we couldn’t afford the REAL Darth Vader”, Billy Mays said, shouting as he does in his commercials. “Besides, you wouldn’t want to hurt me…”, said the Darth Vader wannabe. He took his helmet off “…because I AM YOUR FATHER!!!”. “ARNOLD SHWARZNEGGAR?” YOU’RE MY FATHER?”, asked Crack. “Wait”, Arnold said as he took a closer look. “YOU’RE not Mike Myers, pack it up, men! We got the wrong guy.” Everyone went back on the ship, and there was no more traffic. “YEAH!!”, Crack said. When he yelled YEAH!, apparently some music judges on another boat heard it, and they walked on the boat. “You were a little pitchy, but you still did good”, said Randy Jackson. “Good singing”, said Paula. “DREADFUL”, said Simon. Then in the ocean, something was going VERY fast. No it wasn’t a speedboat. Some jokers just got some car in the water and drove in it. “WE’RE DRIVING A PRIUS!! WE’RE DRIVING A PRIUS!! WE’RE DRIVING A TOYOTA PRIUS!!!”, sang the guys. “We should go judge THEIR singing next.” Said Randy. “Let’s go, guys!”, they said as the jumped on the Prius. “Hey, Crack”, Phil said, “If we’re in another emergency, do we have help?” “Yes, I got the Verizon crew with me!” Crack said as Verizon’s ‘Can You Hear Me Now? Good!’ guy and his crew were behind him. Verizon Wireless: America’s Largest and Most Reliable 3G network. “OK, good!”, said Phil. “Because we need it NOW!”, he said as he was pointing at a tidal wave. Everyone on the ship was SCREAMING. “AAAAAAUUUUGGGHHHH… Hey, look, I found Nemo”, he said, pointing at a clownfish he saw in the wave. Then he went back to screaming. “WE STILL GOT YOU COVERED”, yelled the Verizon guy. Then, the wave, hit the ship, and everyone was knocked out.
The next morning, Crack woke up on an island. He saw some strange lemur. “Hi!” said the Lemur. “OH MY GOD!! IT’S A TALKING MUTANT LEMUR!!”, said Phil, who apparently was also on the island. “My name is King Julian, you are on Madagascar. I like to move it, move it!” he sang, “Oh, and we fixed your boat, it’s a Transformer now!” “Really? Thanks!”, Crack said as he and his crew went back on the ship. “COME AGAIN SOON!”, said Julian.
Later back on the ship, Jonesy saw a button near the steering wheel. “Hey, what does THIS button do?”, he pressed it and the boat transformed into a strong robot that was so tall, it was waterproof, and could only have its FEET in the water (and if you ask me, that is VERY tall). “Megatron and the Decepticons must be stopped”, said the transformer. Phil noticed a GPS on the transformer, and some controllers, so he simply controlled it to go to Los Angeles. “We’re here!”, said Crack. They finally made it to Los Angeles. They walked out dancing to Metro Station’s 2009 hit “Shake It”. They went to Pizza Hut later. “Now THAT was some total drama” said Crack. “We should do it again sometime!” “Actually, let’s LIVE here!” said Phil. “Good Idea!” said Jonesy.
There may not have been a “Once Upon A Time”, but these pirate wannabes truly had a “Happily Ever After”
Thanks for reading! Words it took to make this story- 1,365 words!
ONCE UPON A TIME… wait… upon a time? Noooo…. This story takes place in Lodi, CA, home of Captain Crack Sparrow, a wannabe buccaneer who has sailed the seven seas… wait… I messed up again… he went on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland, which isn’t really the seven seas, but close enough. He and his friends, Phil Turner, Barbloka, and Uncle Jonesy have wanted to go to Los Angeles for a vacation. “I know!”, Crack said, “Let’s go to Los Angeles for a vacation!” But that’s what I just said. “Dangit, Narrator, I’m telling the story now!”, Crack said. He’s not telling ANY STORY, because you know dead men tell no tales. “I HEARD THAT.”, exclaimed Crack. 2 hours later, Crack and his crew built a pirate ship. “Alright!”, said Phil, “Now to sail the Pacific to get to Los Angeles!” “Change of plans, I made a deal with George Bush so we can ride in his Carnival Cruise Ship.”, said Crack. “WHAT? When did this happen?” Barbloka asked. “I made the deal 2 hours ago.”, said Crack. “THEN WHY DID WE WASTE 2 HOURS BULDING THIS SHIP?”, asked Jonesy. “Exercise is healthy you know, plus, this is an easy $4,000 on eBay.”, explained Crack. “Good point”, said Jonesy. “Let’s get in the ship”.
The cruise ship was just amazing. “Men!”, Crack said. “Phil, you steer, Barbloka, you can be up in the crow’s nest (AUTHOR’S NOTE: I think that’s what it’s called) with the telescope and looks for islands of booty. Ha, ha, ha… booty. Jonesy, you can be the manager in Macy’s.” “There’s a MACY’S on this ship? Wow… too bad there’s not a JC Penney.”, Jonesy said. “Actually, the Macy’s is on the right side of the ship. JC Penney is on the left, you can work there.”, said Crack. “Thanks!”, said Jonesy. “Hoist the Jolly Roger!”, yelled Crack. “Let’s go!”
3 hours later, it was madness basically. The cruise ship was stuck in traffic, between many other cruise ships and pirate ships. “Hey! Let’s go! What’s the hold up?”, yelled Phil, beeping the horn on the ship’s steering wheel. “HEY! SHUT UP BACK THERE!”, yelled a captain ahead of them. “Crack…”, Jonesy said. “I have to go to the bathroom, and the restrooms in JC Penney are closed, and I don’t want to go in front of all these people.” Suddenly, a whale that was in traffic with them spouted a boatload of water and landed on Crack and Jonesy. “I have an idea!”, said Crack. He whispered in Jonesy’s ear. The whale spouted lots of water again, and landed on Jonesy and Crack. Now they were soaked everywhere. “Thanks for the idea, Crack! Now I feel a lot better now!”. “You’re welcome”, said Crack, “It’s a belated Christmas miracle!”. Suddenly, the captain ahead of them, got a rope, marooned his ship, and impressively did a flip, landing on the cruise ship. Then he got out his cutlass, and said to Crack. “Don’t make me hurt you.” “But what did I do?”, asked Crack. “Your ‘driver’ threw a banana peel at me.” “DON’T LISTEN TO HIM, HE’S A DRUNK DRIVER, HE CAUSED ALL THIS TRAFFIC!!”, explained Phil. “My name is Captain Crunch, and I’m going to loot this merchant ship, because when it comes to looting treasure, you GOTTA CATCH ‘EM ALL!” “You gotta catch ‘em all? Where have I heard THAT one before, ‘Captain Crud’?”, said Phil, laughing. “SHUT UP!!!” said Captain Crunch. “This is MADNESS!”, he yelled. “THIS! IS! SPARTA!!!!!”, yelled Crack even louder as he kicked Captain Crunch where it hurt the most, sending him flying out to the sea. “ZOMBIES!!! ATTACK THEM!!!”, yelled Captain Crunch as he was drowning. In mutiny, everyone else from Crunch’s ship jumped on board and started fighting Crack and the crew. “Hey, these aren’t zombies!”, said Jonesy, “These are just overly pale people!” “Really?”, asked Crack. “Who am I fighting right now with this sword, anyway?” “The name’s Cullen. Edward Cullen.”, said the ‘zombie’. “Holy God, we’re facing the cast of Twilight! I’ve ALWAYS wanted to do this! Eat sword, monkeys!”, Phil said. “Enough with the plundering!” “They didn’t just bring the cast of TWILIGHT on the ship. The managed to bring BILLY MAYS and MICHAEL JACKSON back to life!”, Barbloka said as he was dodging the boxes of OXI-CLEAN Billy Mays was throwing at him, and the CDs Michael Jackson was throwing at him. “WE’RE SENDING DARTH VADER OUT ON YOU!!!”, yelled Jacob (from Twilight). Suddenly, a load of mist came as the doors opened. Crack watched fearfully as Darth Vader walked out of… wait a minute. That’s not Darth Vader! It was a fat guy wearing a WHITE SHIRT and a SWIMSUIT, holding a PLASTIC LIGHTSABER, and wearing a Darth Vader helmet. “THAT’S your enemy of Doom?”, asked Crack laughing. “Well, we couldn’t afford the REAL Darth Vader”, Billy Mays said, shouting as he does in his commercials. “Besides, you wouldn’t want to hurt me…”, said the Darth Vader wannabe. He took his helmet off “…because I AM YOUR FATHER!!!”. “ARNOLD SHWARZNEGGAR?” YOU’RE MY FATHER?”, asked Crack. “Wait”, Arnold said as he took a closer look. “YOU’RE not Mike Myers, pack it up, men! We got the wrong guy.” Everyone went back on the ship, and there was no more traffic. “YEAH!!”, Crack said. When he yelled YEAH!, apparently some music judges on another boat heard it, and they walked on the boat. “You were a little pitchy, but you still did good”, said Randy Jackson. “Good singing”, said Paula. “DREADFUL”, said Simon. Then in the ocean, something was going VERY fast. No it wasn’t a speedboat. Some jokers just got some car in the water and drove in it. “WE’RE DRIVING A PRIUS!! WE’RE DRIVING A PRIUS!! WE’RE DRIVING A TOYOTA PRIUS!!!”, sang the guys. “We should go judge THEIR singing next.” Said Randy. “Let’s go, guys!”, they said as the jumped on the Prius. “Hey, Crack”, Phil said, “If we’re in another emergency, do we have help?” “Yes, I got the Verizon crew with me!” Crack said as Verizon’s ‘Can You Hear Me Now? Good!’ guy and his crew were behind him. Verizon Wireless: America’s Largest and Most Reliable 3G network. “OK, good!”, said Phil. “Because we need it NOW!”, he said as he was pointing at a tidal wave. Everyone on the ship was SCREAMING. “AAAAAAUUUUGGGHHHH… Hey, look, I found Nemo”, he said, pointing at a clownfish he saw in the wave. Then he went back to screaming. “WE STILL GOT YOU COVERED”, yelled the Verizon guy. Then, the wave, hit the ship, and everyone was knocked out.
The next morning, Crack woke up on an island. He saw some strange lemur. “Hi!” said the Lemur. “OH MY GOD!! IT’S A TALKING MUTANT LEMUR!!”, said Phil, who apparently was also on the island. “My name is King Julian, you are on Madagascar. I like to move it, move it!” he sang, “Oh, and we fixed your boat, it’s a Transformer now!” “Really? Thanks!”, Crack said as he and his crew went back on the ship. “COME AGAIN SOON!”, said Julian.
Later back on the ship, Jonesy saw a button near the steering wheel. “Hey, what does THIS button do?”, he pressed it and the boat transformed into a strong robot that was so tall, it was waterproof, and could only have its FEET in the water (and if you ask me, that is VERY tall). “Megatron and the Decepticons must be stopped”, said the transformer. Phil noticed a GPS on the transformer, and some controllers, so he simply controlled it to go to Los Angeles. “We’re here!”, said Crack. They finally made it to Los Angeles. They walked out dancing to Metro Station’s 2009 hit “Shake It”. They went to Pizza Hut later. “Now THAT was some total drama” said Crack. “We should do it again sometime!” “Actually, let’s LIVE here!” said Phil. “Good Idea!” said Jonesy.
There may not have been a “Once Upon A Time”, but these pirate wannabes truly had a “Happily Ever After”
Thanks for reading! Words it took to make this story- 1,365 words!