It was the one-eyed, one-horned, fling purple people eater. Actually, it's.... CHAPTER THREE: Al's Ultimate Goal (music class) "Okay class!" said Professor Fuery. "We're going to have a super-duper time in class today!" Al smiled and giggled. "What are we going to do, Prof. Fuery? Sing a song?" "That's right, Alphonse! Come up here and help me!" Al twirled on his feet and giggled again. "Well, gosh, I don't know..." "Oh, you silly-billy! It's alright!" Prof Fuery took out a sock puppet. "This is Mr. Doodles! Mr. Doodles is your friend!" Al bounced to the front of the room and hugged Mr. Doodles. "Well, howdy-doo! I love you!" Al squeaked. "O-----kay, Alphonse! He-e-e-re we go!" They started bouncing up and down. "Happy, happy, joy, JOY! Happy, happy, joy, JOY! Happy, happy, joy, joy, JOOOOOY!" They held hands and twirled in a circle while flowers sparkled merrily around their heads. Then (still holding hands) they skipped down the rows of desks. "Okay, Al! Time to dance!" Al and Prof. Fuery dosey-doed, then skipped back to the front of the room. "Wowee, wow, wow!!" Al squeaked. "That was fun, fun, fun!! But for some reason, I feel sad..." Prof. Fuery stuffed Mr. Doodles in Al's face. "It's okay to be sad! It's your body's way of feeling better about your miserable life!" Al looked at his shiny "Teacher's Pet" button. "What is it, Alphonse?" asked Prof. Fuery. "Well, I...I want to be more than just 'Teacher's Pet'. I want all the teachers to love me so much that they'll bow when they see me! They will fan me and feed my grapes and give me extra homework by the gallon! I will become the ULTIMATE student! I'll--" Beep, beep, beep! The bell rang and everyone left. "Time to go already? Golly gee...would you and Mr. Doodles care to discuss this tomorrow?" Al asked Prof. Fuery. "Oh, yes! That would be most exuberant!" Al waved bye-bye and went to lunch. (lunch) "Gee, willikers, brother! What in the name of Shok von Glutenheimer happened to you guys?" Ed and Russel were sitting at the table with their faces in their mashed taters saying, "Ow...ow...ow...homedawg...ow..." A candle appeared over Al's head because he wanted to preserve electricity so he didn't have a lightbulb. "Oh! I said I'd call Fletcher!" He pulled out a walkie talkie and pressed a button. "Fletcher? It's me, Al. Over." "Al? Oh, hey! I was just in the middle of writing my super-cool story called The Magical Adventures of Puff Puff the Magical Mustard Puff. It's off the heezy fo' sheezy!!....over." Ed rolled his eyes, then he saw something...something magical. Envy...the hottest tenth grader alive...was flirting...with Winry!! Ed jumped up and ran to them. "Who do you think you are?" he shouted. "Tell it like it is, Aieesha," said Yoflonda. "Shut up! He's my homeboy!" Russel screamed. "Uh....like I said, who do you think you are?" Ed repeated. "I'm Envy." "You know what I mean." Winry sighed dreamily and melted into a puddle of nacho cheese. "Ah....isn't he wunnerful, Edward? We're dating! I've been his girlfriend for twenty whole minutes!" "What?!" Ed grabbed Envy and shoved him against a milk vending machine. "Hey! My Nesquik!" said Seymour. "Why'd you go and steal mah gurl?" yelled Edward. "Um...Ed...I was never your girl," said Winry. "Yeah, so get the puck out of here, you son of a trench," Envy said. "Most definately not," said Al. "Uh...forizzle?" Russel said. "Well, I--I mean...I....you're all meanies!" Ed ran into the girl's bathroom to cry. "Why do they all hate me?!" "Run, Jessica, Run! It's the stalker!" "Quick, give me the lipgloss!" "Ahhhhh!! My eyes! They F***ing burn!!" "Take that, Stanley!!" Everyone who heard that just stared. "....wanna go to english class now?" Al asked, parting his hair in the middle. "Sho," Russ said. (English) "To be? Or not to be? That is the question?" said Mr. Armstrong. He stood at the front of the room and flexed his muscles while these little sparklies sparkled around his head. Everyone loves the sparklies. "Shakespere stories have been in the Armstrong family for generations!" Al waited until the teacher wasn't looking, then he passed Ed a note. Ed read it: "I'm glad you're my brother!" He started to pass it back, but then... "Mr. Armstrong!! Edward's passing notes!!!!" Al screamed. "What the duck?" Ed yelled. "Why, thank you for telling me that, Alphonse. If you hadn't, I would've never known of his terrible deed! Edward, bring that abomination to the front!" Ed gave Al a "death glare". "I am sorry, oh dear and loving older brother of mine, but I had to! In the quest to become the ultimate teacher's pet, one must make sacrifices. Ed started to bring the note up, but then (again)... The door burst open, and Principal Mustang jumped in. "MOVE! MOVE! MOVE!" The SWAT Team crashed through the windows and pointed their guns at Edward. "Chh...Foxtrot Uniform Charlie 9005, we have the target located. We're bringing him in. Over." He turned to the SWAT Team while a flag waved behind him. "Come on, men. Let's go home." They slow walked out of the room (and the flag was still there) while heroic music played. ".....as I was saying! Shakespere blah blah yap yap sham-a-lam-a-ding-dong..." (office) "So...Edward..." The pricipal had Ed handcuffed to a chair with a little lightbulb over his head. "Will you tell the truth? The whole truth and nothing but the truth?" "I ain't done nothin', see? Yeah, nothin'!" They stared at each other for a while. "....uh...why did you bring me here? Are you gonna use me as fuel for your evil plans?" The principal covered up his "Miniskirt-Making Machine 2006". "Of course not..." He got up from his desk and walked over to Ed. "W-what are you doing? Why are you looking at me like that?!" Mustang got so close his, nose was touching Ed's. "...I'm watching you, Elric." He unlocked the handcuffs. "O-----kay, you can go. Have a nice day. Don't do drugs." Ed sped out of the office and went outside to see....Russel was bobbing his head and dancing like one of those kids on "Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown". Some chicks were in the background singing. "Smile for me, daddy." "Whatchu lookin' at?" "Lemme see your grill!" "You wanna see my what?" "Ya-ya grill. Ya-ya-ya grill." Ed pulled a half-eaten lollipop out of his butt-pocket and chewed it. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> (sighs) Geez, by the time I finished this chapter, it was 10:48. That's LATE people!! ANDDD my dad says I have to go to bed at 12:00! Too early on Saturday! Sorry I haven't been able to update. I've been busy at school. Plus, I tried to get on FAC at school in Keyboarding class, but I got caught. Ms. Jones is EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL! She took my floppy disk!! Grr....I'll have the next chapter up soon.