Dear Diary,
Ugh!!! I can't believe they would let me enter the Miss Universe Pageant!
"You have to be a woman to enter the pageant, sir." That's sexism, man!
Ugh, anyway, Sasuke seemed especially sad and emo yesterday. I tried to cheer him up, but I don't think he enjoyed my hug very much. That hurt my feelings. I want to teach him how to love, so maybe he would stop crying and cutting himself all the time. It hurts me to see him slit that soft smooth skin day after day. I have to hire Kabuto and that raccoon girl to babysit him when I go shopping every week. But they're kinda irresponsible. Like, I came home last week, and those two were playing monopoly and Sasuke had a plastic bag on his head!!!! And those two, they play mean jokes on me!!!! Like, they hid my underwear!!! So I took a shower, and I realized that my undies were gone!!! So I was running around they house naked looking for my undies and Sasuke saw me and started screaming and crying and then he had a seizure!!!! So I rushed over to his side and tried to help him, and he faints. Then, a few moments later, he wakes up and the same thing happens all over again!!! And then he faints again but does't wake up this time, so I called Kabuto and the raccoon girl over to help because they're medical ninjas but it gets even worse!!!
Kabuto sees me and starts screaming and crying and falls on the floor and has a seizure.
Then the raccoon girl, I forgot her name, is like, "Kabuto? What's wrong?" and then she looks my way and starts screaming and crying and falls on the floor and has a seizure too!!!
So everybody in the house except me is screaming and crying on the floor. Then, I find my undies and I get my other subordinates to take Kabuto and the raccoon girl home. And Sasuke went into a coma and finally woke at five o' clock today. I was so worried about him!!! But he's been avoiding me all day. I'm scared. I may never win his little heart.
Well, it's not my fault people can't handle my sexiness...