The disturbing tale of the cheese cake

Once upon a day, on the third Friday on the sixth February in the fourth century of the world so far. A cockney baker made a cheese cake made out peanuts, chewing gum from the path way to the local school and an eyelash of a turtle. But as soon as he had made it Ricardo the moon rat stole it and tried to eat it! But since the baker was also a back street magician; he had cast a spell over the naughty cheesecake to make it a cheese cake cannibal!! It jumped up in to the air from Ricardos hands and swallowed him whole. Then it had a taste for blood and it went round the streets of London gobbling everything in its path until it accidentally went into a modelling agency and broke the lock, evidentially getting it trapped inside with only models to eat!
He ate all the models in three quarters of an hour and then starved to death in pain over the next few months. And thats why cheesecakes are known as the cockney cholesterol killer.