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THE VALLEY OF THE DEAD >:3 by Axel4eva
View as PDF, Submitted: 2008-02-28, Updated: 2008-03-06, Chapters: 4, Size: 5K, Words: 1395, Comments: 78, Views: 622   
Miscellaneous (4012) > Writing (289) > Action/Adventure (40)
this ish mah story that i thought of during ICT class... i think ish ICT... or ish it ITC... i dunno...^^
ENJOY!!!!
1 - dunno
One foggy, stormy night, when the pirates were feasting in the captains lair, Alexandra, their slave scrubbed the decks solemly. Then she heard a loud crack. Alexandra slowly rose and quickly checked the sails and cannons. There was nothing wrong, then suddenly grappling hooks flew up and caught on the sides of the ship. She ran as fast as her tired legs could carry her and sounded the alarm. Right away the pirates stumbled out of the sleeping and eating quarters with their swords drawn and ready for battle. Rival pirates climbed up the hooks and started to fight.
Swords clashed and cannons fired, Alexandra cowered in the kitchen, she was frightened.

After what seemed to be forever, the battling stopped and she slowly, with all of her courage, trudged up the stairs and onto the deck. There were bodies everywhere! She winced from the horrible sight of blood and all of the men who were lying lifeless. The Captain called for the medic, and after an hour or so, all of the crew were drinking wine and celebrating their victory. Alexandra soon fell fast asleep.

The ship jolted violently, and she awoke, “Why aren’t we moving anymore?” she thought to herself. She rushed to the side of the ship, they had crashed on a deserted island!

The crew arose, tired and moody. “What’s happened here matey?” the captain asked gruffly.
“I don’t know… we seem to have crashed onto an island,” Alexandra answered.
“Well what are you standing around for?!?! It best be that we set up camp,” the captain ordered.
Alexandra gathered camping equipment and food supplies while the crew lounged around waiting for her.
They lowered the ramp and searched for a camping spot. “Here will be fine,” Alexandra announced.

So the crew set up tents and then got settled in.
“Alexandra! I want you to go and find help, use the small boat and search for help,” the captain ordered.
“Yes sir,” she answered.
But Alexandra had other plans, she gathered weapons, food, water, maps, a compass, and all the items she thought would be useful.
Then, she set off to find freedom.

Days had passed and Alexandra was tired and lonely, she opened her pack and got out her map.
She was closer than she thought! Her aim was to get to The Valley of the Dead, there she hoped to obtain the gem of freedom and strength.
“I’m almost there,” she thought.

A few minutes later Alexandra was getting all of her equipment and getting ready for her dnagerous journey.
“There’s no going back once I start,” she thought.
She gathered her courage and strode toward the looming forest that lay ahead.

Hours passed and Alexandra was getting cold and hungry. She found a nice clearing and settled down for a bite to eat.
When she finished and was all packed up and ready to move on, she heard something shuffle behind the bushes. She took a quick look around but saw nothing. “Probably just the wind,” she told herself.
But there was no wind blowing, the clouds from earlier on had move and it was a beautiful sunny day. “Ok… this is getting a little freaky,”
Suddenly…
11 Comments (Most recent 10). Show All
winxgirl21
Mar 21, 2008 08:27 AM by: winxgirl21 chapter 1
this is good so far. =) for soem reason the action seems a little rushed, but maybe it's just me. lol. Well, on to the next chapter!
 
Morpher
Mar 9, 2008 07:09 AM by: Morpher chapter 1
Ok i checked it out and there could be some improveing done here first, i recomend you should use chapter's and give the chapter's name's so people can predict (geuss) what might happen in the next chapter. Also i suggest useing stronger vocabulary example: (you don't mind me quoteing some things and rearangeing some scentences right?) "She ran to it with haste as her as fast as her weary leg's could carry her. She had finaly reached it sounded the alarm." see, this would make it sound more intresting. also when i saw “Well what are you standing around for?!?! It best be that we set up camp," you don't need a bunch of "?!?!" all you need is "?" he is asking why she's standing around right? also the i notice this quite a few times in your story but, there is no need for the "comma" at the end of when some one speaks cause it wouldn't make much sense to put it there if you think about it. The "comma" is ment to give your story more of an edge (if you now what i mean) like here's an example: The cold, and bloody war has finally come to an end. All had parished but, Elga she was the only on left that had survied the war. did you see how the "comma" made it a litle more exciting cause you don't know what could happen! the last thing i see you should do is put more descripition in your story, if it has more detail it will soud much better and more exciting, plus you can actullay get an image of what the character's enviorment is like and all that. Use more detail for not just the setting but for the character's too. What do they look like? personality? etc. all that and don't use suddenly at the end to much switch it around with different words every now and then. welp thats it.
 
HikariYugiYamiAtemu
Mar 8, 2008 11:05 PM by: HikariYugiYamiAtemu chapter 1
nice chapter..:P
 
nextguardian
Mar 6, 2008 09:47 PM by: nextguardian chapter 1
Nice! Awesome opening!
 
cassydiddles
Feb 29, 2008 03:51 PM by: cassydiddles chapter 1
awsome as, i like alexandra's charactor
 
PrincessFatCat
Feb 28, 2008 06:53 PM by: PrincessFatCat chapter 1
Wow You have a really good imagination!
 
darkstar17
Feb 28, 2008 06:22 PM by: darkstar17 chapter 1
WOw that so so good Adds to *faves* ^_^
 
YukiX62
Feb 28, 2008 06:22 PM by: YukiX62 chapter 1
OOOOOOOOOOH! what happened?!
 
animehieikakashi
Feb 28, 2008 05:41 PM by: animehieikakashi chapter 1
awesome mez addz to favs asap
 

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