Pretty good story, but needs more characterization. Well, if you'd like to kill some time, I'd really appreciate it if you came on down and read my fanfics (I have 6 here). There's a cookie in it for you if you do. Okay, no cookie. But read them anyways. I think they'd help you write better, honestly, because what you're lacking inorder to create a great story my stories are driven by. So, bye.
you spelled zeppelin wrong, but thanks for the comment. yeah, their fourth album was great, but two was pretty kick ass as well, not to mention the first. lol. hell, led zep can do no wrong!