Chapter 1 - Episode One

Christine woke up slowly. Oooh…my head hurts…I don't feel so good…

She opened her eyes, and quickly regretted it as brilliant sunshine stabbed her retinas. Ow! Who opened my windows?!

She groaned inwardly. And that is an entirely rhetorical question. Edi, my dear brother, I'm gonna kill you!!

Rolling over to bury her face into her pillow, she felt something hugely soft roll over her head like a cloud. Yanking her head back up, she felt the cloud-like thing fall off to the side. She opened her eyes again, but her elbow-length black hair fell into them.

Spitting hair out of her mouth, silently swearing everlasting revenge against her brother Edi once she figured out what was going on, Christine crammed her fists into her eyes, rubbed vigorously, and took a good look around.

Unless Edi had somehow managed to move her into a completely different house while she had been sleeping, she suddenly doubted he could be responsible for transforming her bed into an ebony king-size canopy with lavender comforters, a mountain of pillows, and carvings more intricate than any she had ever seen.

Christine stared, dumbstruck, for a moment, then yanked the lavender veils of the canopy open.

Light was pouring in from two ceiling-to-floor windows set between the ceiling and the floor of a room she knew she had never seen before. The floor was made of ebony planks; the walls were painted a rich, creamy gold; and from the ceiling hung a fantastic wrought-iron chandelier dripping with shifting crystals.

The wall opposite to the windows had windows of its own, hidden behind somber black drapes. Lined up beside these covered windows was a truly fantastic collection of nasty-looking spears, swords, and guns.

“Oh…my…God!”

The last word came out as an involuntary shriek.

Immediately the double doors to the room flew open.

A green-haired young woman dressed in shorts, boots, and gloves, her chest covered only by a large black belt, leaped into the room with a sword and a scream. “EIYARAGHAYGAHIHGESGH!!!”

“AAAAAAAAAAHH!!!” Christine screamed, rather more simply.

Another young woman charged in behind the first. Her long black ponytail reached her knees; the sleeves of her open chihaya flapped in the breeze of her passing; sandals gasped for visibility beneath her baggy red hakama with every step. She too carried a sword.

“Princess!” the second woman shouted, brandishing her sword threateningly. “Where is the danger?! Who threatens you?!”

“What?!” Christine demanded in a voice about an octave higher than usual.

The green-haired swordwielder dashed about the room, whacking objects with the flat of her swordblade. “We know you're here, foul shapeshifter! Come out come out wherever you are!!”

The other woman went straight to Christine, dropped down on one knee before her, and stared up at her with slanted black eyes burning with zealous determination. “Princess, we heard your scream. What is the matter?”

Christine stared back. Her mind was making a sound like stuck gears. “Matter?”

“Yes. What is bothering, troubling, and/ or threatening you?”

There was only one thing Christine could think of to say, so she said it. “It's…very…bright…”

“Emiko!” the woman snapped. “Board the windows!”

The green-haired woman snapped a salute and ran out of the room faster than was humanly possible. Literally five seconds later, there was a sudden loud banging from outside, and the light from the windows vanished, covered by a hundred nailed boards.

Emiko exploded back into the room, panting heavily. “Done, Your Majesty!”

“Is there anything else, Princess?”

Christine was about to answer when she looked at the two women again. Really looked at them. The eyes. The build. The costumes.

“Oh my God. I'm in Disgaea!”

* * *

“This displeases you?” the woman asked anxiously. “Emiko!” she snapped. “Find this Disgaea and kill it!”

Emiko snapped another salute.

“No, wait!” Christine cried.

Emiko, halfway to the door, stopped so fast that she fell forwards onto her face.

“That is…I mean to say…” Christine gave up with trying to make sense of it all. “Where am I?”

“In your rightfully conquered Netherworld, Princess,” the black-haired woman stated. “In the bedroom of your new palace.”

“My palace?”

“You commanded that the old Netherworld Overlord's castle be destroyed, and your new palace raised in its place,” the woman explained. “Following its construction within the five hours you designated as the building time, you retired to this chamber to take your rest.”

“The old Netherworld Overlord?”

“Yes, Your Majesty.” The woman looked uncomfortable. “I realize you gave orders never to mention him again—I apologize most abjectly.”

“Not a problem.” Christine's mind was making that stuck-gear sound again. “So, wait a minute. Are you saying that I'm…the new Overlord of this Netherworld?”

“Of course, Princess.”

“It wasn't Laharl's Netherworld, was it?”

“No, Your Majesty. Do you wish us to conquer the Netherworld of this Laharl?”

“No, that's okay!” Christine said hastily, because Emiko looked like she might salute again. “But…if I'm the…then…”

The new Netherworld Princess (if such she was) fell silent for a moment. The two women fell silent as well, waiting for the command they were sure was coming.

“What's your name?” Christine asked, pointing at the black-haired woman.

“Hatoko, Majesty.”

“And you're Emiko.”

“Yes, my Princess!” Emiko bawled, saluting from her position on the floor.

“You can get up off the floor.”

“Yes, my Princess!” Emiko jumped immediately to her feet and saluted again.

“Why do you keep saluting?” Christine asked.

“FORGIVE ME, PRINCESS!! I shall stop immediately!” Emiko began to salute, remembered she wasn't supposed to, tried to stop, and began to twitch instead.

“No, that's okay,” Christine said quickly, because Emiko looked as though her brain might explode. “You can salute. I was just wondering why…”

Emiko finished her salute and thankfully stopped twitching. “As the Captain of your Army, it is in the job description that I salute you as frequently as respectfully possible, Your Majesty!”

“Uh-huh…”

Emiko began to sweat. “It is the truth, Your Majesty! I can bring you my contract as proof!”

“No, I believe you, it's okay!” These people are pretty high-maintenance…

Wait a minute, that thought almost sounded like I believed them! I don't believe them…do I? What possible other explanation could there be for them though except that I am an Overlord? But wouldn't I remember conquering a Netherworld? I don't even remember coming here at all! The last thing I do remember is watching Shamanic Princess with Ian and Edi…

“Are Ian and Edi here too?”

“Ian and Edi?” Hatoko and Emiko looked at each other, then back at Christine.

“Are they here?”

Both women looked intensely nervous now. “Umm…”

“Are they here or not?” Christine demanded.

Emiko burst into violent rivers of tears and flung herself down at Christine's feet. “No, my Princess! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Please forgive me!!”

“What, did they die?” Christine asked, more than a little freaked-out that a Disgaea Warrior was crying at her feet.

“I do not know!” Emiko wailed.

“Stop that crying, Emiko!” Hatoko snapped. “Hurry and organize a search party!”

Emiko jumped up and saluted again, spraying salt water everywhere. “Yes, my Princess! I shall find this `Ian' and `Edi' for you and bring them back, dead or alive!”

“HOLD IT!!” Christine bellowed, annoyance at all the melodrama overcoming her astonishment at these officially unusual circumstances. “I just want to know two things! Do you know where Ian and Edi are?”

“No, Princess,” Hatoko and Emiko admitted together.

“Do you know who Ian and Edi are?”

“No, Princess,” Hatoko and Emiko admitted together, cringing as though expecting to be burned at the stake for not knowing.

“Okay then,” Christine said, feeling that the conversation was not going well. “Then just forget about it for right now.”

“Yes, Princess,” Hatoko and Emiko sighed in relieved unison.

Okay, so they don't know Ian and—wait. WaitwaitwaitwaitWAIT. I'm thinking this like I believe them again! I can't believe them—I can't possibly be an Overlord.

Or can I?

…

There's one way to find out…

Christine stood up, noticing that she was wearing some kind of satin nightgown, and went for the door.

“Princess?” Hatoko asked, following her.

Christine reached for the door, but Emiko got there first and yanked it open. “Allow me, Princess!!”

“Er…thanks, Emiko…”

Emiko fell over backwards. Hatoko lost her footing and crashed to the floor.

“What?” Christine asked, confused.

“N…nothing, Princess,” Hatoko stammered. “N…n…nothing at all…”

Christine examined them both for a moment. Oh wait…if I'm an Overlord, I'm probably not supposed to thank anybody, huh?…Oh well, too late now.

Christine walked out into the hallway.

* * *

Christine stood in the courtyard, arms akimbo, staring around and pondering her next move. She knew what she needed, or wanted, to do—but doing it was going to be…interesting.

Okay…now I need something to set something else on fire with…

“Your matches are in your front pocket, Princess.”

Christine dug into the front pocket of her nightgown, and to her surprise, found a box of matches. Then she paused. “Wait a minute. How'd you know I wanted these?”

“You had that `Now I need something to set something else on fire with' look in your eyes, Princess.”

Whoa. Now that's just creepy.

Shaking her head to knock those thoughts away, Christine withdrew a match from the box and struck it. It exploded into a flame about three times bigger than those Christine was used to.

Neither Emiko nor Hatoko so much as blinked when Christine threw the match into a bush.

The bush's transformation into a bonfire brought a flotilla of the…bounciest…women Christine had ever seen flying, buckets of water clutched in their tails, icy magic crackling from their finely manicured fingers. The pink hair and the barest scraps of black covering their impossibly large endowments not so much spoke as screamed, “Succubi!!!!” at Christine.

And now for the test.

As the succubi dived at the burning bush, readying bucket and spell to put out the fire, Christine opened her mouth.

“Stop.”

She had deliberately spoken the word in a normal voice, without the faintest rise of volume or infliction. It was the most neutral, “Stop,” she had ever voiced.

And with its vocalization, every last one of the succubi stopped dead.

That clinched it. She, Christine, an ordinary Earth girl, could never have commanded a pack of succubi. Only an Overlord could command her subjects with the merest whim.

“Okay, go ahead and put it out now.”

* * *

Thirty seconds later, bush extinguished and succubi having returned to their daily duties (whatever those might be,) Christine stood in the courtyard, alone except for Emiko and Hatoko.

“So, your Majesty,” Hatoko said, hoping she wasn't overstepping her boundaries. “The day is just beginning. What is your agenda for today?”

“First, Hatoko.”

It was Hatoko's turn to sweat. “Y—yes, your Majesty?”

“What's my name?”

Hatoko feverishly hoped this wasn't a prologue to an order of execution. “You are Her Highest Majesty, the Flame's Overlord, Princess Christine.”

“Chris.”

“I—I'm sorry?”

“Princess Chris. Not Christine.”

“Please forgive me, your Majesty Princess Chris! I promise I will remember in the—”

“You wanna know my agenda for today?”

Hatoko quailed. “N—only if your Majesty wishes—”

Princess Chris whirled around, her eyes alight. “Pack your sword, Hatoko. We're goin` to war!”

* * *

Next Time, on Disgaea: Overlords' Dance

Etna: Rising pop star Etna has finally made her way to the sparkling stage of fame!

Chris: Hey, look, it's Etna!

Etna: With her pure, lovely voice and innocent, tantalizing sexiness, she's going all the way to the top!

Chris: Hey, Etna! I'll sing with you too!

Etna: But wait! Out of the shadows, a rival band appears!

Chris: Where's a stereo when you need one…

Etna: Can Etna's voice and sexiness win over the dirty tricks of the Subatomic Smashers?!

Chris: Emiko! Get me a stereo!

Etna: Next time, on Super Sexy Singing Star Etna, Episode Two, “Mayhem on the Stage of Champions!”

Chris: “I'M A BARBIE GIRL, IN A BARBIE WORLD…”

Etna: TURN THAT THING OFF BEFORE I HAVE TO SMASH IT!!!

1





4

You are not authorized to comment here. Your must be registered and logged in to comment