Chapter 7 - Episode Seven

The Netherworld of the Princess Chris…
 
   “NO!” Laharl raged. “NO, NO, NO!!! I REFUSE TO BE YOUR VASSAL!!!”
   “Then let’s be friends!”
   “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!”
   “Can I take it that you’ll be my vassal instead?”
   The only reply was Laharl’s agonized panting.
   “I thought so.”
   “This…is…cheating!”
   “No, this is a Netherworld, Harlie—do you mind if I call you Harlie?”
   “With every bone in my body!”
   “Happy birthday.”
   “EEEEEEEEYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!”
   “Harlie it is, then.” Chris snapped her fingers. “Emiko!”
   Emiko threw out her hand in a crisp salute. “YES, MY PRINCESS!”
   “I want you to get everybody in my Netherworld and gather them together for a celebration.”
   “Celebration, Princess?”
   “Yes. A celebration. The biggest damn celebration any Netherworld has ever seen.” Chris ticked off important points on her fingers while Laharl tried to recover himself and Etna and Flonne fluttered anxiously on the sidelines, not entirely sure what they were supposed to be doing. “I want the Idols and the Magi in charge of the decorating, and I want all the flowers to be black and all the fabric to be white. I want the Succubi in charge of the music, and I want the most danceable rocking-out love songs there are playing during the whole thing. And I want enough food to even fill up Ian.”
   Emiko saluted again, even more crisply. “Excellent, Princess! I shall find this Ian and determine how much food it takes to fill him, or die trying!”
   Oops. “Uh…on second thought, scratch that, Emiko. I want enough food to feed everybody here in the Netherworld twice over.”
   Emiko took the change of directives well. “Yes, Princess! Right away, Princess!”
   The female warrior turned around and charged purposefully towards the door—and almost ran smack into a girl with pale blue hair and brilliant ruby eyes, dressed in an unusual white suit with a stuffed rabbit held loosely in the crook of one arm.
   Chris looked at her and blinked. “Hey…you’re Pleinair, aren’t you?”
   The girl didn’t say anything. She walked up to Chris, ignoring the fact that she had almost been run over by Emiko, and held out a letter sealed in a black envelope. Perplexed, Chris took it.
   Pleinair nodded once, turned around, and left without ever uttering a single word.
   “Wha…?”
   Patience being low on the list of an Overlord’s qualities, Chris ripped open the envelope, and withdrew from it a piece of paper the deep carmine shade of blood, etched with sharply-inked letters as black as night.

~   ~   ~
To Her Majesty the Princess Chris,
 
An Overlord’s Conference has been called to discuss your rampant pillaging of your neighbors’ Netherworlds. You shall be put on trial for the murder of two Overlords and the power-hungry desire to dominate the Dark Congress; if you are found guilty as charged, you shall be stripped of your Overlord status and forcibly transmigrated into a Prinny.
 
If you attempt to avoid your trial in any way, the sentence stated above shall be passed regardless.
 
The Conference has been called immediately, in Gate ZPG-52. We expect to see you soon.
 
Overlords of the Dark Congress
~   ~   ~


   “What is it, Princess?” Hatoko asked, sounding concerned.
   “It’s…”
   Chris couldn’t find words to express the words staring her in the face. She was being put on trial? For the murder of two Overlords? But Laharl wasn’t dead, he was her vassal!
   A sneaking thought insinuated itself into her mind, pointing out that he had seemed awfully dead until he had been brought back to her Netherworld and revived by a Cleric, but Chris stomped on that.
   “What is it, Princess?” Hatoko repeated, anxiety creeping into her voice.
   “I’m…on trial!”
   Hatoko went the color of a corpse. From down the hall Emiko had run off into, there was a long, loud, piercing scream, like somebody being stabbed to death with a paper clip.
   “What?” Chris asked, thrown.
   “On trial?!?!” Hatoko gasped, stumbling backwards and running into the wall, eyes locked onto Chris as though with a padlock. “No! Surely not!”
   There was a sound of pounding footsteps, and suddenly Emiko exploded back into the room like a torpedo, eyes streaming with tears.
   “NO!!!” Emiko roared. “I shall not permit this!! If my princess wishes to dominate more Netherworlds, she will dominate more Netherworlds!! Fight on, Princess!! I shall face the entire Dark Congress for you if I must!!!”
   For a moment, Chris spared a thought to marvel at the support of her vassals. What had she done to earn such devotion? But at the same time, something else more important caught her attention. “Wait. Dominate more Netherworlds?”
   “That is the reason for the trial, Princess,” Hatoko said, bravely fighting back the tears that Emiko was spraying all over the floor. “You are expanding too quickly…but I am with Emiko. I shall defend you till the end, until the last breath is driven from my body!”
   “But I don’t want to dominate any other Netherworlds,” Chris protested.
   There was a resounding silence.
   “What?!” Laharl gasped out, forcing himself upright. “Then why the hell did you conquer mine?!”
   “Because I’m your number one ichiban fangirl, stupid! You’re the only Overlord I wanted to conquer, because I wanted you as my vassal! Other than you, I don’t care about any of the other Netherworlds.”
   “You don’t?” Emiko repeated.
   “I don’t.” Chris pondered that for a second. “So, if I’m going on trial because they think I’m expanding too fast…”
   “Yes,” Hatoko agreed.
   “…then if I explained that this was a one-time thing and I plan on leaving people alone after this, would they let me off?”
   “Yes!” Emiko exclaimed.
   “Probably!” Hatoko cried.
   “NO!” Laharl screamed.
   Etna raised her eyebrows. “You mean you only attacked us because you wanted the Prince? Wow. You’re a pretty interesting girl.”
   “I’m not sure ‘interesting’ is the right word…” Flonne said helplessly.
   “Well, that settles it!” Chris declared. “I’ll explain myself, I’ll get let off, and then…”
   Emiko and Hatoko stared, waiting for the conclusion of the sentence.
   Chris looked over at Laharl, and smiled wickedly. “And then I can have my party.”
 
      *  *  *
 
The Netherworld of the Emperor Edi…
 
   Jubilation reigned in the Netherworld of Emperor Edi.
   “All right! The task is over! Now we can get down to the important part of your schedule, Emperor! Hurry now, there’s not a moment to lose!”
   “You’re alive, Emperor! You survived! You won The Shadow contest! That swordsmanship was exquisite! Supreme! Stupendous!”
   “She did not injure you in any way, Emperor?! She did not slash you, stab you, impale you, sting you, prick you, cut you…”
   “Well, now I have your materials, Emperor. I’ll go get started on the cannon.”
   “You might just have to skip the destruction and get right to the pillaging, but maybe we can squeeze in some destruction amid the ruinous warfare to make up for that.”
   “Fantastic! Amazing! Marvelous! Stunning! Incredible! Mindblowing!”
   “…wound you, harm you, bruise you, bump you, concuss you, break you, hurt you, hit you…”
   “It was fun adventuring with you, Emperor. We should do it again sometime.”
   “Maybe we can even shave a few minutes off lunch to make room for the other things, I mean, how much time does it really take to eat…”
   “Emperor!”
   Shiori’s alarmed shout broke Edi’s vassals’ monologues.
   Standing in Isolde’s alcove waiting for them all was, not Isolde and not Mastication, but a pale girl with bright blue hair and ruby-red eyes. In one hand, she carried a stuffed shark; in the other, a black envelope.
   “Pleinair!!” Edi exploded.
   The girl inclined her head, walked up to Edi, and held out the envelope, which he reflexively took. As soon as the envelope left her fingers, she dissolved into thin air as though she had never been.
   “Uh-oh,” Setsuna said mildly.
   Miaki whirled on her. “ ‘Uh-oh’? ‘Uh-oh’?! What do you mean, ‘uh-oh’?!?!”
   “Well, Pleinair is the emissary of the Dark Congress,” Setsuna said. “The congregation of the Overlords. For her to be delivering a message here…”
   “Is the Emperor in trouble, dood?” Captain Clove asked.
   Setsuna brought her foot down on Captain Clove’s head.
   “How dare you even suggest such a thing,” she said idly, as Captain Clove lay stunned on the ground.
   Butterflies beginning to flutter in his stomach, Edi ripped open the envelope, hoping very very hard that he wasn’t in the kind of trouble that he was suddenly beginning to fear he was.


~   ~   ~
To His Excellency the Emperor Edi,
 
An Overlord’s Conference has been called to discuss the rampant pillaging of Netherworlds by the Overlord Princess Christine and the heinous thievery of another Overlord’s vassal by the Overlord Lord Ian. You are requested to observe the trial and pass judgment on the two Overlords and their crimes.
 
The Conference has been called immediately, in Gate ZPG-52. We expect to see you soon.
 
Overlords of the Dark Congress
~   ~   ~


   Edi blinked. Then he blinked again.
   “What is it, Emperor?” Shiori asked urgently. “What’s happened?!”
   “I’m…being asked to observe a trial,” Edi said blankly.
   Everyone in the room breathed a massive sigh of relief, even Setsuna, although she made an effort to keep it small and unnoticeable.
   “Oh, thank goodness,” Aki sighed. “I was becoming worried…”
   “Good?!” Miaki shrieked. “How is this good?! A trial is going to annihilate the schedule!! How will we possibly fit in pillaging when the Emperor has to—”
   Setsuna pulled out her remote control and fried Miaki with it.
   “But that’s not the weird thing,” Edi said, staring at the letter, barely noticing that Miaki was now a discordant smoking mass on the floor. “The weird thing is…the two Overlords who’re being put on trial…their names…”
   “What about their names, Emperor?” Shiori inquired.
   “Well, the one…Princess Christine…Christine is my sister’s name. And the other one, Lord Ian…Ian is the name of one of my friends.”
   “Princess Christine? Lord Ian?” Setsuna frowned. “Unusual. I haven’t heard anything about them so far. They must be new Overlords.”
   “They must be,” Aki agreed. “I have never heard of them either.”
   “Well, soon enough we will,” Shiori said. “We’d better get a move on, Emperor. One does not keep the Dark Congress waiting.”
 
      *  *  *
 
The Netherworld of the Lord Ian…
 
   Nanairo was in her element.
   “Scrub harder, dog-girl! If you don’t scrub harder, the toilet scum will mutate into horrendous Tofu Giants and eat us all alive in our beds! Less weight forward on your knees! If you lean forward too much, the tiles will break and you’ll have to replace them with rubies grown by your toes! Get more soap on that brush! It’s all gone by now! You’re not scrubbing right, dog-girl! You’ll have to try the REAL way to scrub out toilets—stand on your head and put your feet on the moon, then whistle our Netherworld’s anthem backwards while sticking a shovel in your left ear with your right hand and holding the brush with your belly button! Come on now, double-time!”
   “Will you shut up?!” Gao demanded, wishing to Heaven and Hell both that she was still Marjoly’s vassal and she had the freedom to rip this annoying bossy little Mage to pieces. “Nobody can do that!”
   “Oh! OH! She’s refusing to follow the Overlord’s orders!” Nanairo whirled and seized a crystal rotary telephone conveniently located on the bathroom counter. “Kitty? Get me the Overlord. Overlord? Yes, your new vassal is refusing to scrub toilets in the proper way.
   “What is the proper way? You stand on your head and put your feet on the moon, then whistle our Netherworld’s anthem backwards while sticking a shovel in your left ear with your right hand and holding the brush with your belly button. I thought everybody knew that, Overlord!
   “Yes, well, she’s refusing to do it. Do I have your permission to punish her?”
   “Punish me?!” Gao exploded. “For not doing something that ridiculous?!”
   “Now she’s calling the time-honored technique of toilet scrubbing ridiculous, Overlord.”
   “Time-honored!! It’s impossible!!”
   “I may? Oh, THANK you, Overlord!”
   Nanairo hung up the telephone, a little smile on her face. She looked back at Gao, and that little smile twisted into a hugely insane Cheshire grin. Gao broke out in a cold sweat.
   Nanairo pulled out her magnet.
   “AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
 
 
   Ian hung up the telephone that Kitty had held out to him and let himself double over laughing. “Oh my God! Nanairo is hysterical!”
   “What did she want?” Subaru asked curiously.
   “She wanted permission to punish Gao,” Ian explained, racked by his laughter. “For not scrubbing the toilet the ‘time-honored way’…which of course involves putting your feet on the moon and holding the brush in your belly button.”
   Subaru swallowed a hoot of laughter. “That’s just like her. You know, I think this is the first time Nanairo’s lying has actually been useful for something.”
   “I’ll have to make her Gao’s permanent supervisor,” Ian said, recovering himself as best he could. “Gao SO deserves it.”
   “Overlord?” Kitty said cautiously. “I don’t mean to interfere, but the transmigration process is underway and it’s best not to stop in the middle of it…”
   “Oh, of course,” Ian said contritely, wiping his fingers across his eyes. “I’m sorry, let’s finish that.”
   “Place your hands on the ball, Overlord, we need mana for Mamoru…”
   Ian laid his fingers on the crystalline ball he had used to create Alej, one last giggle at Nanairo’s domination of Gao escaping him. Subaru watched him in something like admiration as light flowed forth from the crystal ball and illuminated his smile. The last Overlord had never smiled like that. In fact, the last Overlord had never really smiled.
   The light vanished, and a whorling mass of glittering mana rose between Ian’s fingers. Ian inhaled, focusing, and the mana leapt to the body of Mamoru, which Kidd had laid gently beside the crystal ball. For a moment the mana hovered, as though uncertain—then it leapt into Mamoru’s chest and changed his form into sparkling uncertainty.
   Ian and Kitty were both so focused on the transmigration of Mamoru from one form to another that they didn’t even notice when a girl with short sky-blue hair and huge ruby-red eyes literally walked out of thin air next to them.
   Subaru jumped. “Who are you?!”
   The girl looked at Subaru with a curiously blank expression, and with startling suddenness was suddenly directly in front of him.
   Subaru fell back a pace, hand snatching for his gun. “What are you doing he—?!”
   An ebony envelope was in his hand instead of his gun before he could even register that the girl had placed it there. The girl locked gazes with Subaru, and without conscious thought, Subaru suddenly realized that the girl wanted the envelope to be given to Ian.
   “This…is for the Overlord?” Subaru asked uncertainly.
   The girl nodded with apparent satisfaction.
   “But—”
   There was no time for buts. The girl turned around and walked purposefully around behind Ian’s back. She disappeared from Subaru’s vision…and did not reappear. Somewhere between passing behind Ian and coming back into visibility, she had vanished as mysteriously as she had come.
   Subaru gaped. To teleport away so effortlessly, without even the services of a Dimensional Gatekeeper…
   “Success!” Ian exclaimed jubilantly.
   Subaru snapped back to himself as Ian rushed past him in a glitter of crystals and reached out to help pull a slightly dazed Mamoru to his feet. Although Mamoru had not changed class—he was still a male Warrior—he had now changed group; Ian had promoted from a Fighter to a Gladiator. His brown hair now resembled bronzed gold, and his clothes, perhaps stained by mana, had changed colors as well; his red headband and sash had turned green, and his brown pants had gone a deep pacific blue.
   “I love the Gladiator coloring,” Ian muttered, as though to himself. “Whoa! Steady!” For Mamoru, shaky on legs that had never before been transmigrated, had half-fallen against Ian, who buckled, not used to trying to hold up one hundred and seventy pounds of pure muscle. “Are you okay?!”
   “I…yes,” Mamoru managed, shaking his head slightly drunkenly. “ ’M sorry…Overlord…it’s just…real…”
   “Bizarre,” Ian supplied. “I bet.”
   For a moment, Subaru lost track of himself. Then Ian’s voice brought him sharply back to reality.
   “Subaru? Are you okay?”
   “This,” Subaru blurted out, shoving the letter into Ian’s free hand. “This…some strange girl with blue hair, she…”
   “Blue hair?”
   “Blue hair and red eyes, and a red bow on her head, and a white dress—”
   “Was she by any chance wearing high white platform boots?” Ian interrupted.
   “Yes! She—” Subaru stopped, feeling suddenly very stupid. “Do you…know her?”
   “That sounds like Pleinair,” Ian mused. “What was she doing here? And why would she have a letter for—?”
   His voice was cut off by Kitty’s scream.
   “PLEINAIR?!?! Oh my frickin’ god, PLEINAIR was HERE?!?!”
   “I think,” Subaru said, feeling stupider by the moment. Who was this Pleinair that everyone seemed to know except him?
   Kitty lunged at Subaru and began shaking him like a maraca. “PLEINAIR WAS HERE AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME?!?! THE MESSENGER OF THE DARK CONGRESS HERSELF WAS HERE AND YOU LET ME MISS IT?!?! WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SOMETHING?!?! WHY DIDN’T YOU SLAP ME?!?! WHY DIDN’T YOU TIE HER UP AND HOLD HER CAPTIVE UNTIL I COULD GET HER AUTOGRAPH, SUBARU?!?!?! I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!!!!!!!”
   Humongous black thunderheads roiled up around Kitty with the weight of her despair, and began to rain on Subaru’s head.
   “Overlord?” Mamoru asked, his voice a little stronger than it had been a minute ago. “Who’s Pleinair?”
   “She’s…” Ian frowned. “Well, she’s a lot of things, really. She’s Nippon Ichi’s mascot; she’s the receptionist for the Dark Assembly of Laharl’s Netherworld; she’s a reporter for the SatteliTV News Program…”
   “I watch her every week!” Kitty interrupted devoutly. “She’s also the messenger for the Dark Congress itself! She rose to that position from being a simple receptionist, just like me! I want to be just like her in a few centuries!!”
   Turned from despair to idolization, the rainclouds disappeared, to be replaced by a drift of sparkling rose blossoms which appeared out of nowhere and buried Subaru in a manner similar to snowflakes.
   Ian stared at his rose-covered Scout. “That was unexpected.”
   “What are you waiting for?!” Kitty snapped. “Open the letter, Overlord!” Then her hands flew to her mouth. “Oh no! I mean, I didn’t mean to presume—to order—to—that is—”
   “Well, no, you’re right, I should,” Ian agreed, tearing open the envelope.


~   ~   ~
To His Supremacy the Lord Ian,
 
An Overlord’s Conference has been called to discuss your blatant thievery of another Overlord’s vassal. This complaint has been brought against you by Marjoly, Overlord of Marl, on account of the Dog-Girl vassal Gao. You shall be put on trial for the theft of this vassal; if you are found guilty as charged, you shall be deprived of your mana and all vassals currently under your command.
 
If you attempt to avoid your trial in any way, you shall be stripped of your Overlord status and forcibly transmigrated into a Prinny.
 
The Conference has been called immediately, in Gate ZPG-52. We expect to see you soon.
 
Overlords of the Dark Congress
~   ~   ~


   The blood drained from Ian’s face.
   “Overlord?” Kitty asked, her voice tinged with fear. Responding once again to her change in emotions, the glittering roses crushing Subaru vanished—to be replaced by an explosion of frightened chickens who trampled him into the floor in their eagerness to escape.
   “Overlord?” Mamoru asked, sounding alarmed. “Is it a declaration of war?”
   “N—no,” Ian forced out, his stomach twisting itself into knots. “No! I’m on trial!”
   Somewhere in the palace, in the middle of tormenting Gao, Nanairo felt all of her hair stand on end. Down beneath the palace, in the blazing earth-colored kitchen, Alej dropped a tower of plates on top of a Prinny with a horrific crash. In the Netherworld hospital, where the Hell Kitties Nyu and Nyo were being revived by Bran, Rinjo, and Cordelia, three light bulbs exploded and Cordelia’s petals went brown at the edges. Out on the hillside, Kidd misjudged his aim for the first time in a decade and almost killed Serenity, who froze in the middle of pulling up weeds with frissions running over her spine.
   Kitty and Mamoru both gasped.
   “No way!” Kitty expostulated. “What for?!”
   “For stealing Gao.” Ian looked helplessly up from the letter. “I thought I was allowed to steal Gao if I defeated her!”
   “You are!” Kitty said stalwartly. “It’s completely legal!” She considered. “Well, as legal as anything ever is here, anyway.”
   “But then why am I on trial?!”
   “Because Marjoly’s a sour old—” Mamoru began.
   “Don’t say things like that!” Kitty said hastily. “She’s still a level 2500 Overlord, even if she is a…”
   Unable to say the term, Kitty fell silent. And unable to think of anything to say, Ian and Mamoru followed her example.
   The silence filled the room rather terribly. Then Subaru, covered in chicken feathers and scratches, cleared his throat.
   “You have to go, Overlord.”
   Ian, Kitty, and Mamoru all looked at Subaru, who blushed uncomfortably. That had come out sounding horrible.
   “I mean…not that you weren’t going to…and not because you’re wrong! But if…to make…to clear yourself. To prove that you’re still within the rights of Netherworld illegality. It’s in the Sacred Tome, the rules of Overlord powers and rights and abilities. Kitty, you’re a Dark Assembly representative, you have a copy, right?”
   “Of course,” Kitty said, flicking her tail.
   “Chapter Two Hundred Seventeen, Statute Seven Thousand Ninety-Two, Paragraph Three: ‘A vassal who challenges an Overlord to combat forfeits all ties to their own Overlord upon loss of the duel.’ Gao challenged us, and lost, so she lost her status as Marjoly’s vassal. You had the right to take her yourself.”
   “I did?”
   Subaru nodded.
   Ian inhaled deeply. “All right. All right. If I do, then I have nothing to worry about. I go to the trial, I point out the book, and I get off. And I keep all of you. Right?”
   “Well…” Subaru didn’t want to say it, but felt he had to. “As long as the Dark Congress doesn’t vote to change or overrule the Sacred Tome…”
   Ian, whose color had been coming back, blanched again. “Are they likely to?”
   “No,” Mamoru declared.
   There was a pause.
   “Maybe,” Subaru hedged.
   There was a longer pause.
   “Yes,” Kitty admitted. “Overlord Marjoly has more seniority, more mana, and more voice in the Congress than you do, Overlord. But the Sacred Tome’s on your side without adjustment, and that might be enough.”
   “How would that be enough, if they can change it whenever they want to?!”
   Kitty shrugged. “Because usually Overlords have to change the Sacred Tome to make themselves legal.”
   “…Oh…”
   “Well, you must leave at once, then, Overlord,” Kitty said, her tail whipping about purposely. “I’ll summon all the available vassals—you must have the best honor guard available. A first impression can move a Netherworld, you know!”
 
*     *     *
 Next Time, on Disgaea: Overlords’ Dance

Etna: Once upon a time, there was a mighty Prince Chris who rode a black horse on her great quest…
Chris: Haha! Don’t I look hot, Harlie? Don’t I? DON’T I?!
Etna: The great Prince Chris rode to the enchanted castle to rescue her cursed love…
Laharl: You’re not hot at all! Now shut up and go away!
Etna: Her one and only love: Princess Laharl!
Laharl: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Chris: BWAHAHAHAHA!!! LAHARL’S WEARING A DRESS!!! OMG, FANGIRLNESS HEAVEN!!!!
Etna: Standing in the way between Prince Chris and Princess Laharl is only the evil fairy…Maleflonne!
Chris: Not for long she won’t!! I’m gonna get my crossdressing Laharl!!! OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!!!
Flonne: Why am I always the villain?!
Etna: Next time, on Sleeping Laharl, Episode Eight, “The Great Final Battle!”
Chris: I’m gonna marry you, Laharl!!
Laharl: ETNA!!!!!!! YOU TRAITOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

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