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Chapter 1 - L'Histoire de Fromage

[The story of cheese]. This is a melodrama I wrote for the first of my two Theater Arts classes. This is the story of a man named Louis and his Dairy Products. Short and sweet, but kinda funny :P.

Chapter 1 - L'Histoire de Fromage

Chapter 1 - L'Histoire de Fromage
A/N:: I wrote this after brainstorming during a free period with my friend Lynsey, who actually provided the basic idea. It was one thing to read it over to myself, but another to actually see it performed by my friends. I really enjoyed watching it, I thought it was rather funny lol ... Enjoy.

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"L'histoire de Fromage"
[The Story of Cheese]


Louis Von LaPoufe
Linda Welsh
Paige Fenwick
Moneray Jacque Pierre Von LaPoufe
Unnecessary Narrator


NARRATOR What you are about to see is something completely out of the ordinary. This story will take you on an emotional roller coaster like you have never been on before. This is a story of hope, romance, and tragedy. This is the story of a man and his dairy products.

[1923]

[LINDA's room]


PAIGE [buttoning, zippering, and straightening out LINDA's dress] Hold still, Linda, I'm not finished.

LINDA [applying makeup] I am holding still.

PAIGE Almost done ... [tugs on the dress a little] There you go! All done.

LINDA Augh, stupid mascara. [shakes mascara and begins to apply it again] It's all clumped together.

PAIGE It looks fine. [pauses as she waits for LINDA to finish applying her makeup] Oh, Linda, you look gorgeous! Are you nervous?

LINDA Yes ... No ... Oh, I don't know, Paige, I just can't believe this is happening. I'm finally getting married to the love of my life; to the man of my dreams!

[scene cuts to LOUIS in his kitchen. he has just woken up]

LOUIS [yawns and walks to the refrigerator. groggily opens the fridge and takes out a carton of milk. it is sour. LOUIS grimaces] AUGH, gross, it's all chunky. My day has already been ruined and it's only 10 o'clock in the morning. [throws milk carton on the floor, dramatically. suddenly, LOUIS stops in his tracks. insert over exaggerated gasp] TEN O'CLOCK??!!! Oh my God, I'm late for the wedding!!

[LOUIS runs off stage. returns, out of breath. he is in front of a church]

LOUIS There's no one here ... [yells] LINDA!! PAIGE!!! ANYONE!!!???

[suddenly a horse-drawn dairy carriage goes by. we can see LINDA and JACQUE inside]

LOUIS Linda ... ? LINDA!! LINNDDAAAA!!!! [begins running after them, slows down] Could that really have been Linda? And what was she doing with that strange moustached man?? [gasp!] Perhaps he has taken her without her consent!! I have to know what's going on! [dramatic pose] I'M COMING TO SAVE YOU, LINDA!!!!

[LOUIS runs off stage for the second time]


LINDA
Oh, Jacque, I'm so happy you came to sweep me away when you did! I was getting rather fatigued, standing there for so long, waiting for Louis to arrive.

JACQUE Yez, my dear. Vee shall run avay, so no one shall ever find us! And vee shall live happily ever after, in a castle by ze sea!!

LINDA Oh, it sounds so wonderful!

[LOUIS runs in]

LOUIS I'm here, Linda! I'm here to save you!!

LINDA Oh, Louis, I ... I'm sorry ...

LOUIS What's going on? [notices JACQUE] Who is this?

JACQUE I have come to take her vhere she vill be forever happy, and zat place does not include you.

LOUIS Linda ... is this ... is this true?

[PAIGE enters]

PAIGE Yes, Louis. It is all true.

LOUIS Paige?! What's going on here?

PAIGE I set you up, Louis. I made sure the milk Jacque delivered to your house today was sour, so you would forget about your wedding.

[LOUIS gasps]

PAIGE I know, I'm sorry, Louis ...

LOUIS How could you do something like this to me?

PAIGE Louis, I ... I love you!

[collective gasp from LINDA and JACQUE]

LOUIS Paige, you know I love Linda.

JACQUE She is mine now.

LOUIS No! You will never have her! I won't let you!

JACQUE It is too late for zat, my friend.

LOUIS Who are you??!!

JACQUE [takes off fake moustache] I am Moneray Jacque Pierre Von LaPoufe. Your long lost brother.

[collective gasp from LINDA, PAIGE and LOUIS]

LOUIS Jack ... ?

JACQUE Yes, Louis. I have returned after all zese years.

LOUIS So, umm ... what's with the accent?

JACQUE Vhat accent?

LOUIS You have a French accent.

JACQUE Vell, zis is because I am FRENCH, of course!

LOUIS .... We're from Kentucky.

JACQUE Alright, alright, listen. I vill make a deal visyou. I vill take your beloved Linda to a place far far avay, and in return I vill let you have .... ZIS PIECE OF BEA-U-TI-FUL CHEESECAKE!!! [holds out a slice of cheesecake for LOUIS]

LOUIS ... Well ... Alright. I accept. But as long as you promise to take good care of her.

LINDA Oh, Louis ...

LOUIS No, Linda. Don't speak. You will be much happier now ... with a man who would never forget his wedding day, no matter how sour and chunky his milk is.

[LOUIS and LINDA hug]

JACQUE Zen ze cheesecake is yours ...

[LOUIS takes the cheesecake]

LINDA Goodbye, Louis.

LOUIS Goodbye, Linda ... Goodbye, Jack.

JACQUE No, no, it is JACQUE. In ze back of ze throat. JJJJacque.

LOUIS Jack.

JACQUE Jacque.

LOUIS Jack?

JACQUE Augh, nevermind. Goodbye, now, brother.

[JACQUE and LINDA depart]

LOUIS This cheesecake looks delicious! [takes a bite]

PAIGE No, Louis, don't!

LOUIS Why not?

PAIGE The cheesecake! It's POISONED!!!

LOUIS [gasp]

[the cheesecake suddenly takes effect, and LOUIS falls to the floor dramatically]

PAIGE Louis!! NOOOOO!!!!!!

LOUIS [cough] Paige! Please, go! [cough] Save yourself from that beautiful cheesy temptation! [cough] Remember me, Paige. I ... [cough] I ... I love ... you! [dies]

PAIGE Oh my God, Louis! [begins to weep] Louis ... I need to be with you, always! [eyes a carton of milk JACQUE had mistakenly left behind, takes it] God help me, I'm Lactose Intolerant. [drinks milk, dies]


[in the dairy carriage]

LINDA Jacque, what made you decide to give your brother that delicious piece of cheesecake?

JACQUE Vell, I, um, thought he looked a bit hungry, and .... Vait .... Vhy do you call it delicious?

LINDA Oh, I had some just before we left. It was fabulous! Where did you learn to make cheesecake like that?

JACQUE [gives the audience a shocked look]



fin.[/i]

Comments

Comments (3)

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nedj77 on November 26, 2011, 12:23:28 AM

nedj77 on
nedj77what irony! lol! favs!

darth_chichiri on February 10, 2007, 9:27:15 AM

darth_chichiri on
darth_chichiriHa ha! That was hilarious! Man, you're really good! I think it was awesome!

BloodRoses1619 on February 10, 2007, 11:24:38 AM

BloodRoses1619 on
BloodRoses1619thanks i guess .
xDDD.

i try :P.