Chapter 1 - 110 Quotes and sayings

1. Life's a journey, get a car.
2. One out of every 3 Canadians is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your 2 best friends, if their ok, then it must be you.
3. The more un-popular you are, the more popular you actually are, if everybody knows you and your un-popular, your actually more popular than everybody else.
4. I have amsisia and daja vu at the same time, I think I've forgotten this before.
5. If at first you don't succeed, sky-diving is not for you.
6. I have to exercise very early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
7. Consistency isn't always good, especially if your consistently wrong.
8. I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?
9. Just when you get really good at something, you don't need to do it anymore.
10. If its good, they'll stop making it.
11. Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
12. Just because I have a short attention span doesn't mean I...
13. What you do now will affect your future.
14. Imagine your future, you might not know where you will be, but do you know what you will be like?
15. The time to repair the roof, is when the sun is shining.
16. Eagle's may soar, but weasle's are never sucked into jet engines!
17. "If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with 'quit while you're a head'."?
18. I know the best things in life are free, but why do the next best things cost so much?
19. People never say 'its only a game' when their winning.
20. Time: Everyone needs it, but nobody has it.
21. You were born an original, don't die a copy.
22. Today is only today and every other day, because when tomorrow gets here, its today again and when today becomes yesterday, its no longer today.
23. I finally managed to get my hands on some powdered water, but I don't know what to add!
24. Why do the signs that say 'slow-children at play', have a picture of a child running on them?
25. Best friends never listen to each other, but always know each others problems.
26. Suburbs are places where they can cut down tree's, and name the streets after them.
27. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
28. If it weren't for electricity, we would be watching TV by candle light!
29. Chickens are the only animal you can eat before its born and after its dead.
30. Why isn't Santa on the worlds most wanted list for breaking and entering.
31. When companies ship styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
32 Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
33. Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
34. I worked at a health food store once and a guy came in and asked me "if I melt dry ice in to my bath tub, can I take a bath without getting wet?
35. A person with a watch knows what the time is. But someone with two watches is never sure.
36. I know not with what weapons world war III will be fought, but world war IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
37. Do not follow where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
38. Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising each time we fall.
39. Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.
40. The most important thing about goals is having one.
41. I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something.
42. The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't being said.
43.There are only two rules for success. 1. Never tell everything you know and 2. See number 1.
44. All of us are always going to do something better tomorrow, and we would too, if only be started today.
45. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
46. Sure there's no 'I' in team, but there is an 'M' and an 'E'. Also there is an 'I' in win.
47.Practice makes perfect. Nobody's perfect, so why practice.
48. Don't let school ruin your education.
49. Don't let parents ruin your life.
50. Trust only in yourself. If you can't trust yourself who can you trust.
51. It isn't so hard to believe the TV, after all it spent so much time raising us.
52. There's a ripple effect in all that we do, what you do touches me, what I do touches you.
53. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
54. The main reason santa is so jolly, is that he knows where all the bad girls live.
55. I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman 'where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me that it would defeat the purpose.
56. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands?
57. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
58. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
59. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
60. Where do forest rangers go to 'get away from it all?'
61. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
62. Why do the lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid some one will clean them?
63. If a turtle has no shell, is it homeless of naked?
64. How do they get the deer to cross the roads only at the yellow signs?
65. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
66. One nice thing about egotists: they never talk about anyone else.
67. If one syncronized swimmer drownds do they all drownd?
68. If you try to fail and succeed. Which one have you done?
69. Why is it called tourist season if you can't shoot at them?
70. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
71."The telephone company is urging people to *please* not use the telephone unless it is absolutely necessary in order to keep the lines open for emergency personnel. We'll be right back after this break to give away a pair of Phil Collins tickets to caller number 95."
72. A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
73.What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic
74. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
75. Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
76. Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.
77. The fact that no one understands you doesn't make you an artist.
78. People who never get carried away should be.
79. My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.
80. USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
81. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
82. Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say, are you going to drink that?
83. A horse may be coaxed to drink, but a pencil must be lead.
84. If you're going through hell, keep going.
85. First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
86. You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you're all the same.
87. When I get real bored, I like to drive down town and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
88. Wait, I just remembered something! You're boring and my legs work.
89. My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called 'Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.'
90. In my experience, cats and beds seem to be a natural combination.
91. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
92. If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
93. Cats are smarter than dogs.You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through the snow.
94. You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.
95. Child rearing myth #1: Labor ends when the baby is born.
96. You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
97. If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.
98. Never trust a dog to watch your food.
99. Old people shouldn't eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.
100. There are four basic food groups, milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles.
101. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him .
102. Women are like stars, there are millions of them out there, but only one can make your dreams come true.
103. Life is too short for men to take it seriously.
104. If you've got nothing interesting to say, learn something that is.
105. Positive anything is better than negative nothing
106. Nothing happens that is not first dreamed.
107. Behind every successful woman...is a substantial amount of coffee.
108. A friend might well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.
109. Gems may be precious, but friends are priceless.
110. The best vitamin for making friends is B-1.

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