i want more writeing *crys* ~FATE the Pirate

T_T write more because i said so... you took way to long XD well im going to add this story to my short little favorite list section ^_^ ~FATE the Pirate

o_o this story ROCKS! It is definitely one of the deepest stories I have ever read. You're doing a great job, keep up the EXCELLENT work! *faves*

^^ I drew Tear and Haelo for you ^^

AHHH cant wait to see how this will turn out!!! btw I drew a picture of tear and haelo for ya^^ hope chu's like!!

good song choices btw...but dang the part where he wispers in her ear i absolutly love her when she smiles I blushed and I'm NOT Even In The STory >.< wow im stupid...This is really getting good!

Man this is Hard Core!!! I Loved the part where shes all sad and he wakes up and she goes to sudden happyness^^ OH the rockness of it all !.!

I think she should.. love NICK!!! lol don't worry I'm only kidding I read the comments and I wanted to be different!! I TOTTALLY SAY TEAR AND HAELO ALL THE WAY!!!!

GWAAA!!! -sniff,sniff- its beautiful! I Love it must read more-marches off to read-

wow this is intense but good I'm determened to read it all!!! Super Groove-a-2-licious

OMFG!!!! this is awesome!!! -drools- I will defiently be reading the rest!!~.^ you are extremely talented in writing and drawing ...-on knees- please write more!!!

Yay! a new chapter. I love how your stories are written and this one is particularly well written i love when you wrote: "...I pushed passed every sound of every droplet of rain hitting the surface, just to hear her." I just love that quote. I can't tell if there is more to come or if this is the end of the story. I hope not it's too good. ^-^ Keep it up! Also I wanna draw a picture for you but do not know what to draw, what would you like?

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I'VE WAITED?! TOO LONG MISSY! ^ ^ JK! I'm lovin' it! lovin' lovin' lovin' it! And I hope the next chapter will come soon! I'm so happy you haven't given up on the story! It's so great!
keep it up!
~LD16

Yay! I shall draw some pictures, too. This is sounding like it's gonna be a lemon. What happened to Ben?
Sorry to nag XD

PLEASE UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's sad.......

i love it XD so funny when ben wakes up MWHA i laughed XD ~FATE the Pirate

noooooo go for Haelo i like them together >.< ~FATE the Pirate

GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD ~FATE the Pirate

OMG its so sad O_O *crys* but good *reads more* mew ~FATE the Pirate

good good MUST READ MORE!!!!! ~FATE the Pirate

this is good ^_^ i love it im going to read the next chapter now >.> ~FATE the pirate

SO MUCH EMOTION!!! I never knew Ben could be so violent when he was jealous but his jealousy probably got more powerful when he just let all his emotions out. Is Ben gonna die? I agree you should publish this it is really good and i love how you can put so much emotion in your stories. Great job i can't wait for the next chapter!!! ^^

I can't believe I haven't read this story in soooo long. It's good i especially love all the emotion in this chapter, though Ben telling everything about Sasuka to Tear was a bit annoying because i think it should have been Haelo to tell her, just my opinion it was great how you did it though. It was great poor Ben though can i have him! ^^

I love this! "This ish so emotional! MOOOOOOre

You should publish this, it's so good!

Now this is what I'm talking about! Rough; intense; short, perhaps, but long enough to have a point. and to think I though Ben would die! I should hope not! ^ ^ Course I welcome death in any story. But maybe perhaps not so soon in the plot. It's only chapter twelve after all! ^ ^ Anyway, back to the story: I liked it. I liked it very much. The beginning was strong. the middle was strong. The end was sad. yes, this is good. Sweet redemtion!!!! Very good. It's funny. This actually reminds me of something from my own story, the one I'm doing with Brooke. I love relating things!!! ^ ^ Jealously is so strong. It's a very good moral for the chapter. I honestly didn't think Ben had it in him to do those things, but I guess, like the story said, he'd been keeping his own mouth shut and helping others for so long, he could help himself. Yes, yes, yes. This was a good chapter.

Keep it up! We want more! We want more! ~LD16 *Sarah*

Well Como, I'm not going to say that I think it was a poorly written chapter cuz I can really tell that you put your heart into it, but if you want my honesty, I don't know that it was the best chapter you've done. i don't know - maybe it was just that it was so quick. Things led one into another really quickly and there was no time to think about what was going on till the very end. It just didn't seem real. Emotion was fine. Very dramatic and deep. But it was.... well, I have liked previous chapters more. But PLEASE! don't let me put you down! Like I said, I can tell you really put your heart into it and that's the important thing. and I'm still very very interested about what's going to happen. So don't you dare stop! How will I have inspiration to do a pic for you? Keep it up!!!
~LD16 *Sarah*

Yay! I finally found out why Haelo's crazy about Tear and they kissed. Tear is going to join the band wow it was funny when she was worrying about girls sending death threats. I want to live in Haelo's apartment it sounds awesome with the see-through walls and the lights and the technology, video games and the entertainment system wow. This has to be one of my fav. chapters so far!!! Can't wait for the next one and you did a great job all your hard work paid off Buddy!!! ^^

GOODY, GOODY! MESSA LOVE, MESSA LOVE! WHAT'S BETTER, I NOW HAVE A PICTURE IDEA!!!!!! YAY!!!!! .... well ok, it's not exactly a whole idea yet, but the rest will come to me!!!! YES!
Anywho, 'bout the chapter -
loved it! Even though it was supposed to be melonchally, my fav part was actually toward the beginning when Tear was going crazy about how girls would attack if she joined the band and Haelo goes, "Not the excuse I was expecting." I ALMOST LAUGHED ALOUD!!!! (Normally when I read I do all laughing and smiling and emotional stuff in my head, unless it's crying - something very hard to do in one's head without really doing it!)
Well now we all know why Haelo's crazy about Tear. I had hoped the girl's name would be more original, but Sakura's a pretty name anyway. ^ ^ I could so see those big, teary silver eyes!
Oh and Haelo's apartment - you totally made all that up, right? I mean, you've not actually see a room with "see-thru" wall and a TV system so technologically advanced, right? (The TV system was not so impressive as the black marble floor and the leather couches!!!! That I would definitely have in my house! I probably won't play video games or watch TV much when I get older.)
GA! BABBLING! SEE WHAT GOOD WRITING DOES TO ME?!!!! ^ ^ Anyway, it was really good.
NEXT CHAPTER, PWEEZ! *uses one of my character's IRRISISTABLE puppy dog eyes!!!!*

You're right. That was intense. I admire the characteristics you gave to the girl. It's funny how you can admire a character when you don't know hardly anything about them. Plus, they're not even real! Great chapter! I await the next!!!!

That was so sad *cries* poor Haelo and his girlfriend whatever her name was. This was intense and totally explains why Haelo is the way he is. I love this story and can't wait for the next chapter. ^^

Yay! It's another chapter this one was great a bit short but oh well u were tired i'm going to read the next chapter now!!! ^^

I NEED MORE! *glomps ben*
me:wheeeeeee this is more fun than i thought!

I LUV THIS CHAP! MUST READ more! YOU HAV TA DO MORE!

You'll be happy to know I have no "suggestions". ^ ^ AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! This chapter... I loved it and hated it at the same time. It was sweet and well written, but something about it irks me. I don't expect that I'll be able to explain. At least I know why things will turn out the way they will now (as in Tear and Healo being together.) The beginning was.... interesting. Internal conflict. Very kool. Very real. Yet somewhat unique for one's own character. O.o I know, I'm speaking non-human now!
Now, where's that story you were gonna put up? The one your teacher read? ^ ^ Keep writing!

I LOLVE THIS STORY SOOOOOOOO MUCH! SO kyutt!

I agee with Liedetector16 but its ur chars. I luff THE STORY!!!!!!!!!!! MORE!

I agee with Liedetector16 but its ur chars. I luff THE STORY!!!!!!!!!!! MORE!

I luff this chapter!! MORRRRRRRRRRRRRE MUST READ MOORE!

*GASP* LONG CHAPTER!!! GOODNESS!
I liked it. I did. it had a good start, great ending! ^ ^ I especially liked the part with the singing, going back and forth from singer to audience. that I could TOTALLY picture in my head, no prob at all.
I do have a few suggestions. I know, all the good stuff and then dump you with the critisism. I'm sorry, but if you liked it last time... you get the idear.
Ok, first of all, the stuff you put in * *, really that wasn't neccissary (I've never been able to spell that word). sometimes it's ok to put stuff in () but I would do that only when you HAVE GOT TO! Stuff like that takes the reader away from the present scene going on. It's still ok to put the little detail in - they make for a good story - but you can leave out the * *.
Another thing: sometimes (I didn't see it a lot) you'd change tenses. The story is written in past tense, right? As in, it happened already. But sometimes you go into present tense, as in "it's happening now!" (I'm sure you know what tenses are ^ ^ Sorry I didn't mean to make to say that I think you didn't.) Just for example: right before ~HPOV~ it says, "I need that picture of them with me..." Now if that were a thought of Tear's it might fit but in that case you would have to let the reader know she was thinking it, maybe by italisising it. But if you wanted to simply state it, to keep the same tense it would have to be "I needed that picture of them with me..." or "I had to have that picture of them with me..." You see the difference?
I'm so picky! I'm sorry! I make the same sort of mistakes all the time! And I don't want to go into the last point but I will if it'll help. And if not, well, you can come flame me! ^ ^
Right before you started describing what you got in which place (which I also liked!) you put, "I got the following so far..." Well that's similar to what I told you the very first time I commented on your story: addressing the reader is a big-time no-no. This is addressing the reader, even though it doesn't really sound like it as much as, "Well reader, I got the following so far..." This is also present tense. And (even though everything you put next was really in list form) it makes is sound like they're about to read a grocery list or something. To lead into the "list" better, you could put something like, "They boys got me so much stuff, most of which I never thought I'd ever see again!"
I'm not a very good critic and I know it's annoying. I don't like my work being critisized, but if it'll make me a better writer, I say "BRING ON YOUR WORST OR TELL ME ABOUT MINE!" ^ ^ I hope all my mumbo jumbo made some sense.
Great writing! I'm realy into the story! Can't wait to read the next chapter!!!

I think the song really does describe Tear it's scary (in a good way) I can't wait till the next chapter and thanx for keeping me posted on when u put a new one up! This story rocks!!! ^^

For the song "Sugar We're going Down"

cdzinc.com/K/32/rock/E_H/falloutboy.html

By the way here are the link to which you can download the songs in this chapter and listen to them for free! Here is the song Breath....
cdzinc.com/K/32/rock/M_R/nalickanna.html

For the song "Sugar We're going Down"

cdzinc.com/K/32/rock/E_H/falloutboy.html

For the song Absolutely (Story of a girl)

cdzinc.com/K/32/rock/M_R/ninedays.html

Hoped you liked the new chapter!

Yay! Another chapter thanks so much for telling me that you put up another one! I loved the part when Tear talks to Ben and Ben's half asleep for me that's funny cause it happens to me all the time with my little bro. I also like the part when Tear is talking to herself and Haelo answers her question. Keep it up i can't wait for the next one!!! ^^

Oh! Oh! It's great! There are some small boo-boos, but they're probably just typos! It's so good in fact that I have a fav part! When Tear walks into the kitchen and she's talking to herself and says, "I... wonder what Haelo is like when he's not around girls..." and then Haelo jumps in and says, "He's probably still a jerk." ^ ^ I love that part!! Don't know why. It's really a classic, when the girl comes in talking and doesn't notice the boy and she talks about him and he finishes her thoughts in third person! But the way you did it was so kool! Like I knew it was coming and couldn't wait to see what he said! and it was one of those statements where you could see him smiling and you feel really sorry for the poor guy.
...Enough blabbing! Keep it going! This is kool! cuz obviously Haelo and Tear end up together but right now it seems more like Ben and Tear so I'm in suspence at how the transition is going to work!!!!

Personally, I would go with Ben. I feel bad for Haelo and all that happened to him and all, but he's not stable enough to get close to any girl, especially one that is unstable herself. Love Ben! He's awesome! Haelo I more like for the looks. and I never did care for girl characters anyway, but I do feel sorry for Tear.

Great.... I'm getting caught up in stories that aren't mine!

< Liedetector16

Hey Como! I've been reading your story. Very sadvery beautiful. Very real. There's so many girls out there in reality just like Tear. Your story really makes one think. But hey, would you mind if I just gave you one tip? I'm a writer myself and I hope to get professional about it one day as a Christian fiction author. But back to your story: At the top under "~HPOV~", second paragraph, you started in "I guess I should tell you a little more about myself." In writing, it's a major no-no to address the reader. And plus there's so many more creative ways to start off that paragraph. I'm not gonna do it for ya cuz you're already creative enough! ^ ^ Hope you don't mind a little constructive critisism. It's a good story! In fact I'm gonna keep reading! Happy writing!

< Liedetector16

This chapter is sooo emotional Ben and Tear or Haelo and Tear I can't wait till the next chapter to see what happens!!! This one was my favorite so far!!! Keep up the great work!!!

Yay another chapter!!! I love this story and the funny thing is that they want to see each other but are like freaked out, in my opinion, by each other especially Haelo. Gonna read the next chapter now!!! ^^

I can't wait to read more! This is awesome and touching it's funny how Tear and Haelo can't stop thinking about each other they were mean't to be!!!

Yay! I'm so glad Tears safe. I really like this story and Ben is related to Haelo. The story really brings up suspense!!! *Favs*

I really like this i always wondered how those 2 met! Poor Tear! This is really good I'm gonna read the next chapter now!

OMG...........So touching..........XD +faves

Yah.i think i figured it out.lol!
it's ok
~higes_wolf
P.S. it actually took me a lil wile to notous that.lol!
Weeeee!!!!watching Full Metal Alchamist!^^

Sorry about the cut off on the edges i'll try to fix that in the next chapter but for some reason it won't let me in this one. You can tell what it says right?

OOO!poor Tear!
i've never seen a story in this kind of writeing, i like it!i can't wait to read more!^^
tell me when the next chapt is up.
~higes_wolf