I recieved the story by e-mail just to let you know I'll look at it l8r but I still gots other stuffs to do c yas!

I think it was a great story,really.You are a talented artist and a talented writter as well.Once again I think I am going to fav you!!
Keep up the fantastic work!!You are awesome!!
:)

The hell? oO Uh, ignore those 'A' things. FAC hates me for some reason.

Okay, I read it. 8U I'm such a great friend. *shot*
 
Anyway, I'm not sure if this was just a sample or something, but I'll add some crit to help you. :3 Writing is fuuuuun.
 
1. Always double check your spelling and grammar. It wasn't the biggest deal, but some things were like 'pang' for pain. Although, I shouldn't talk about spelling errors. Lawl.
 
2. Spacing. Everything is all lumped together and makes it harder to read. On the interweb, when posting stories, you should double space between paragraphs. Makes things nice and neat. :3
 
3. Describe things! x3 As soon as you posted that 'And here's a picture in case you were wondering what they looked like' thing, I went 'Oh no' right away. In stories, you're not always going to have that 'lookatthepicturelawl' ace card, so you should ALWAYS describe your characters. Even with the picture, I couldn't bring up a mental image very well. Just that they were gerbils. ):
 
Also describe the setting more. I got the basics, field and whatnot. But what kinda field? What's in the field? Is it night or day? Etc, etc.
 
4. Rushing and whatnot. Was this a whole chapter? If so, it was really short and it just seemed rushed. Part, if not all, had to do with the fact that you didn't describe a whole lot. See, describing isn't just for helping people see what you want us to, but it also adds meat to the story. That way we aren't jumping from one place to the other. So much happened here and I'm still trying to sort it out in my head. XD;
 
lawl, so yeah. It was interesting. :3 If you work on those things I talked about, I'm sure it will be even better. Best of luck to you. <33

Thank you, really, i hate it when people say its perfect. Everything can be improved. I'll work on it and i'll probably not repost it since a publishing company said they were interested in it. Tanks again :D

n.n

koooooooooool!*faves*

For some reason the italics have gone weird. the italics at the top say: Chapter 1: Hiroshi
and the italics further down say the lengend:
“A hundred year mark, darkness will fall,
An omen will appear, a wicked one to mark.
The purest evil of death will appear true,
In the form of a creature you all thought you knew.
Then a battle, oh a great battle, will flare up and rage,
It will lock up all life in an unopenable cage.”
Okay. Hope that cleared stuff up.