LOL

WAT THE CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!O_O

oh god...O_O

oh boy...

... AKEWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!O_o

Nice Kiari nee-chan

HaHa Ryo LOL

wow O_O

...

oh boy.

O M F G that was odd

hehe lol bird poop...

OMG!!!!!!

DAMN U CLIFFFFYYYYY!!!

Cliffie! XD Great chapter. So much death over 3 people. I can't wait to see what happens! =)

4 people...i am probably going to update soon

sorry bout that, lol. well, I'll be waiting for it. =)

suspense! Update soon! =)

uh-oh. i hope they make good decisions...

lol. niice. XD great chapter. =)

Hm, it's a nice start, but it lacks a lot of detail. 
 
First of all, instead of putting breaks in between each scene like you did "In the Classroom" at the top, you could describe the time of day, the weather, who was in the classroom, what they were doing, and so on along with telling the reader that they were in a classroom--but be sure to say what kind of classroom it is (the Ninja Academy, in this case).  It doesn't create any real visual in the readers mind with just "classroom".  And it's the same thing with the very first sentence:
 
"The teacher was calling out teams and then Celine and Jamal bursted through the doors "
 
What was the teacher's expression?  Who was the teacher?  How was s/he calling out the names?  Was the teacher calling names at all (it says "calling out teams)?  What was s/he wearing?  Was the teacher a man or a woman?  You left all these questions that help give the reader an idea of what you saw when you wrote this story unanswered.  Of course, not all of these questions' answers are needed, but there are more, and some detail needs to be added that doesn't really have to do with the teacher, but the students in the classroom that were listening to him/her (Were some of them not even paying attention?). 
 
Moving onto the next part of the sentence. First of all, "bursted" isn't a real word (just to let you know).  The reader might be able to see Jamal and Celine burst through the doors panting or whatnot -- but was that your intention?  Did you see the two "burst" through the doors happily, or frantically or something different from what I saw?  Describe and show us what you saw in your mind when you were writing this.  Quoting many English teachers (I am sure), "Show, don't tell."
 
On to punctuation: I see that you added a lot of question marks and exclaimation points to the end of Jamal's first spoken sentence in the story.  Going along with details, I'd suggest only adding a couple of "?" and "!" to the end of dialogue sentences with a lot of emotion in them.  Just "show" us what/how his expression or tone of voice did/changed during the end or beginning or middle of that sentence.  Sentences with just punctuation at the end doesn't give a visual of what is really going on inside the character's head.  I also noticed that there are no clear endings to the end of your sentences (well, the end of the paragraph is clear, but not the sentences.)  You have no periods or cammas or any other type of punctuation besides the question marks and the exclaimation points.  "..." does not END a sentence, it shows a pause, but cannot be put in the place a comma all the time.  Utilizing correct punctuation will help the reader understand exactly how you want your sentences to sound. 
 
Your story really does have a good plot so far.  It's just detail and  punctuation that are the main problems.  I'm sorry if I seem a little harsh, but that the way it is. ^^'
 
 -- Faramae

Ugh, I hate it when it puts all those weird "A"'s and makes it hard to read -_-'

Celine won! lol. Awesome fighting scene.

Awesome chapter. =) Teamwork is very important.and now they get to celebrate!

Sounds like this is going to be good. =)

coo but da a rank whould draw more attention lol k
 

coo but y dose s/he use rassingan dats narutos

rasengan is a jutsu...ANYONE CAN LEARN IT!!!! ^_^...see

i was going to do an explanation on jutsu and stuff...but im too lazy...i will leave that stuff to sakura

lol o
 

coo chapp i like da fight good twist 2
 

coo coo like how they worked 2gether not like naruto

coo sounds good i like u made da teams bigger

It seemed to go rather quickly. More detail will help keep readers hooked. For instance,
 
"This sucks...Sis dont be stupid...you know you cant beat her!" Jamal whispered and then he saw a truly shocking sight!...Nova snuck up behind Mew and got a bell! "What the-" Jamal said
 
How did she get the bell?
 
edited slightly:
"This sucks,...Sis don't be stupid...you know you cant beat her!" Jamal whispered and then saw a truly shocking sight! Nova was silently creeping behind Mew and with one swift movement of her hand, snatched a bell! Simple as that! "What the-" Jamal stammered.
 
Words like "stammered" and "whispered" (which you already used >_o) help describe a lot. Use them when you can, but not too much or a reader may become too overwhelmed with trying to cram it all into their brain.

It's nice, though the use of "zsdt...easdrtet...sderesrt..." is a little...er...misused. The very last paragraph, I noticed, is all one sentence, only seperated by "..."s and stuff. Maybe breaking them into separate sentences?

ha ha

AAAAAAACCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!! MY GOAL WAS 600 WORDS!!!!!! THATS SSSSOOOOO NOT FAIR!!!! (if you cannot see....this chapter was excatly 599 words) THAT IS SSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MMMMMMMEEEEAAAAAANNNNNN!!!

~Jamal

its messed up

ur welcome

MORE THAN 1050 VIEWS!!!! THANK YOU ALL OF YOU VIEWERS!!!!

Yeah i am ........ i mean he is

Hell YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

O_O Gawrsh! Ryo-kuns a genious!!!!

^_^ Awww!!! your me prince charming!

Yep im ok with it!

Finally!!!!!!!!!

^_^ Aaaaawww!!!! Thats so cute! T_T Nasty dream? Mean

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:D >/////< omfg Jamster..... Ahhh! >////<

:D YAAAY!!!! GO WINNIE!

ok there was only 2 votes before christmas so its gonna be the easy way...but dont be too dissapointed becuase the "moment" is happening!

~Jamal

BIG FIGHT^^

hurry with the "moment" all ready.

ok it was funny

BIG FIGHT

I vote BIG FIGHT!!

BIG FIGHT!

to vote say BIG FIGHT or EASYNESS

Awww! Why did he tell her! I really was hoping shewould die.... LOL jk

O_O oi

lolz!

woah this is awesome!

nice!

finally, thank you for updating!

Hahaha!
I like #5!! :D
*starts doing the soluja boi dance*

Awesomeness!...random, but it turned out sweet!

GOOD LUCK WINNIE!!! *shouts from the stands* :D

Nice work, as always!

thanks^^

Wow im being put through heck .nice jorb dude

Good stuff!

ahaha GO WINNIE!!

again i'm with celine^^btw where's the kiss sceen between Nova and Jamal?*says that in a mischiviuos voice*

i'm with celine^^YOU GO WINNIE!!!!!!!!^^

lol "emo-ween" lol funny^0^

YEEE-HAAA! You go Winnie! *holds up the #1 foam finger* YAHOO!

nice writing Bro! Keep up the awesome work!..AND HAVE FUN AT THE MALL! :P

Don't Die!

She'll never do it, im just too awesome!

i love the emo corner! that's completely amazing i love it, Don't worry winni i'll be there for emo-ween!

GO WINNIE! *holds up a flag with winnie's face on it* WOOHOO! YOU SHOW DAN YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!

Awesomeness, please hurry up and add the next chapter bro!
*puts a flashlight under my chin again* or bad things will happen,... little brother....BWAHAHAHA!

...HAHAHAHAH! ZOMG TOO FUNNY RIGHT THEIR!
It took me a while, but I finally got it, lol. I'm a blonde, remember? heh.

It's alright Winnie *pats your back* I'll visit you in the emo corner every once in a while!^^

>:(.you do not put me in any story!

but you have to wait until the Winnie arc is finished...then i will try and do a Mew arc

sorry...ok the next couple of chaps i will try to have you in them

i'm with sasukeXsakuraforever and AnimeAngel87^^

SasukeXSakuerforever Quote^.^

Shalalalala
My oh my
Looks like the boy's too shy
Ain't gonna kiss the girl
Shalalalala
Ain't that sad
it's such a shame
Too bad, you're gonna miss the girl
go on and kiss the girl

uh, YEAH YOU BETTER!

There ya see her, sitting there across the way.
Boy ya gotta lot to say, but there's something about her.
She don't say a word, not a single word,
GO ON AND KISS THE GIRL!
*Mwa*

ok...the votes are in and...the kiss is...gonna happen (of course)...ok even though i suck at this kind of stuff i will try my best

is that even a question? YESSS!

OMG!!!!!!!!!!^^Umm Let me see uh Yes,Yes,Yes and uh YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DO THE KISS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*sqweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*^^ ^^ ^^ ^^

OMG that was great and i vote ummm..... YES

T////T my eyes

YAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!! i like how im in a mask, and i love how im so wonderfully cool!

am i in it

wicked^^

Gah! haha, I fell unconcious! ~_~ Lolz, I tend to do that alot lately don't I? LOL! This is funny, please continue!!

AWESOME! nice job person! man i can't belive i missed that! LOL ok WEEEEE!!!! *waits till chapter*

this is awesome!! i wish i was in it more.....^-^

oh boy so close there Nova so close.ni9ce one^^

oh awsomeness^^

see this is going to be harder! i can't update like you are, my chapters are longer!

fine...every 2 chaps you must make a new one...ok?

or maybe 3?

Gah! Dan! I can't belive you woke me up?! You know I need my beauty sleep! >< lolz. Very funny chappie, bro! Can't wait to read what comes next! ^_~

lol " THAT SMELL WAS...YOU!!!" lol

Bwahahaha! Hilarious! I started busting up when you said "And Nova...get out." haha! No offence Nova! Just funny! This is going to be quite an adventure, eh? Dan, Jamal, Nova, and myself... in the same house....wow! OK I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT COMES NEXT!! HURRY UP WITH THE NEXT CHAPPIE!! lolz! ^_^

hahaha!!! i actually do bust up other doors and walk right in! great chapter!

o////O Dang..... Ugh! ok great chap!

cool story

LOL that was funny^^

O__O oh noes... >//////<

I agree with celine, poor ramen! oh and i wnat to be one of the oc's!

which 1?...Dan or Tyrone?

Dan please!!!

cool

lolz! Allergies much << or is it? Mwahahaha! That was so funny, POOR RAMEN! Nice job, keep up the good work! ^_~

YES!!!!! GO SENSEI!!!! :DDDD

wow this will be cool^^

wicked^^

awsome^^

that is AWESOME! i can't wait to see wat happends to us next!

OMG so now your going to start it with us being older?! THATS AWESOME! How old? 16, like in the Shippuuden, I don't care really, It's just so cool that we are older! I can't wait to read what happens next! KYAA!

~Your Sista^^

well its not shippuden yet..but we are older...and remeber our personalities changed so yea

Awesome, can't wait to see what happened! eek i cannot hold the excitement in Little Bro!

SWEET! ^_^ Very cool!

that was awesomes!!! WRITE MORE I DEMAND IT!!....jk^^

Awesome battle! That was so cool! Mew's new powers kick butt!!! Can't wait for more!^^

YAY YOu Wrote !!!!! i so happy!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

ATTENTION!-IMIGHT NOT BE MAKING CHAPTERS BECAUSE OF SCHOOL (stupid school) THAT IS ALL...CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!

AARRRRGGG!!! *nova strangles Jamal* Write or DIE!

....*speakless*

oh crap! this is good^^*move to the next chapter*

gosh darn you and your stupid cliffangers... they're better than mine!

This is getting very intriuging! So much information, and its so fun! ^_^ I hope the next chapter is just as action packed as this one!

Pretty awesome story so far YAY STORIES

O.O Wow that was AWSOME^^

oh boy this is badO.O

o_o *cries* WHAAAAHAHAHAH! MY ZABU!!! COME BACK TO ME! ^_^ great chap!

Kyaa! Nova, Winnie, HELP! I don't like being in a box... its so cramped >_< lolz. This is getting very interesting here, I can't wait to read more!^^

AAAHHH! YEAH! WE KICKED HIS BOOTEH!!!! AHAHAHAHA

I WANT TO KILL THE GUY WITH MY FIRE FOX WHIP OF DOOM!!!!!jk ............ MORE.....plz =3

IM READY TO KICK SOME @$$!!! Ok this is totally awesome so far!....

0.0 oh my this isn't good.....*gos to next chapter*

wikced^^

Hurry guys hurryO.OAwsome^^

wow cool^^

Oh noes!!! he want.....me.

O_O Jamal, do you always....LOOSE HHAHAHAHAHA

OH NOES!!! MY BABIES!!!! *hugs Celine and Jamal*

u silly.

ZOMG TWO BATTLES! OH NO!! Darnit, you and your cliffhangers are going to be the death of me Jamal!! >_< heh. ok ok, you must continue ASAP ok? good!^^

Kyaaa! Oh poo! I'm still kidnapped..er..ninja-napped... heh! Very good so far! Good job! ^_~

ZOMG! WHAT HAPPENED TO US?! KYAAA! I am loving your cliffhangers! WRITE MORE WRITE MORE! ^.^

>///////< omg

Yeaah! A-rank's betteeer~!

i love this! keep going!

i wanted the A-Rank......i want to beat the heck out of ninjas! awwwwwwww.....man! very good chapter!

we beez BEASTS MAN! *hi-fives*

WOOH!!!

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW SO KAWISHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-^^-40 cookies for you^^

may an A-ranked would have been better

awsome^^

Awwww! That was such a kawaii moment right there! I'm getting tingles! You two are so cute!! <33 I can't wait to read more. Its got adventure/drama/ and now romance! Yayz^^

aww! I wanted the super dangerous A-rank mission! lolz! I would have died before we even got their! That was funny! This is getting interesting now! I can't wait to see what happens next! ^.^

OMG! That sooo coool!!! I have Chidori and Wini has Rasengan!!!! Who shall win? >.>

AHHH!!!! CLIFFHANGER!!!! Ur right the Suspense!!! Its killing me! anyway Awesome chapter!can wait to see who winz<P

Darn you and your cliffhangers of doom! Waa! I wanna see what happens! *sniff sniff* Oh well, great fight details, I can't wait to read more! ^_~*

0_0 oh my, You..lost...to..a ....GIRL?!?!?!?!AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

YUUUS!!! I AM A BEAST!

Haha Teach loves me!

this is AWSOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!^^50 cookies for u for such a great story^^

*laughing a little cause of the ending*Ok still cool^^

cool^^

Awesome chapter!!!^-^ ....... ok my jutsu's r Rasengan,water styal,wolf claw, and any other animals^-^

ok^^

Wow! Hey I won! Jamal you were excelent!!!! That was a very awesome battle! Kept me on the edge of my seat...accually I think I fell of..... yup! I fell....ow >_< Any who! Very nice, I can't wait to read Nova and Winni's battle^^ It should be very interesting.... I'm putting a pillow underneath my chair this time... I'm not falling out of my chair....again... ^_~

i got tied up....im glad to have AWESOME!! teammates....great job can't wait for more^^

aww! Your so nice!!! *phew* I thought I was going to be stuck to the log all day! Yay, I love this chapter!! I can't wait for the next one^^

It's a nice start

thanks

YAY !!! this awesome so far plz continue^-^

HAHA! Yay your on our squad!! (already knew that haha) OMG this is too good! Please continue, I love this so much!^^