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THE VALLEY OF THE DEAD >:3 by Axel4eva
View as PDF, Submitted: 2008-02-28, Updated: 2008-03-06, Chapters: 4, Size: 5K, Words: 1395, Comments: 78, Views: 495   
Miscellaneous (5034) > Writing (311) > Action/Adventure (46)
this ish mah story that i thought of during ICT class... i think ish ICT... or ish it ITC... i dunno...^^
ENJOY!!!!
Chapters
1 - dunno - Submitted 2008-02-28 Updated: 2008-02-28 - 110 views, 545 words, 2k
2 - i'm not using chapters!!! - Submitted 2008-02-28 Updated: 2008-02-28 - 54 views, 308 words, 1k
3 - I TOLD U I'M NOT USING CHAPTERS!!!!! - Submitted 2008-02-28 Updated: 2008-02-28 - 60 views, 307 words, 1k
4 - OMGSH I'M NOT USING CHAPTERS!!! - Submitted 2008-03-06 Updated: 2008-03-06 - 42 views, 235 words, 1k

28 Comments (Most recent 10). Show All
YukiX62
Apr 16, 2008 07:45 PM by: YukiX62 chapter 4
Swe-et! XD
 
Axel4eva
Apr 16, 2008 11:57 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
^w^ thanx
 
YukiX62
Apr 18, 2008 01:07 PM by: YukiX62 chapter 0
no problem! :D
 
winxgirl21
Mar 21, 2008 08:31 AM by: winxgirl21 chapter 4
yay! she gets to marry Pip. =)

I wodner what the next challenge will be?
 
Axel4eva
Mar 21, 2008 10:31 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
thanx 4 reading *hands cookie*
 
winxgirl21
Mar 21, 2008 08:30 AM by: winxgirl21 chapter 3
Aw! Amira is in lvoe with a commoner! taht's awesome! I wonder what will happen with that?
 
Axel4eva
Mar 21, 2008 10:31 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
^w^ u'll hav 2 find out! :D
 
winxgirl21
Mar 21, 2008 08:28 AM by: winxgirl21 chapter 2
new characters. =) fluffy sounds cute.
 
Axel4eva
Mar 21, 2008 10:30 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
yer thanx... i'm gonna draw him
 
winxgirl21
Mar 22, 2008 06:21 AM by: winxgirl21 chapter 0
I'll be looking for the picture, then. =)
 
Axel4eva
Mar 22, 2008 05:08 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
:3
 
winxgirl21
Mar 21, 2008 08:27 AM by: winxgirl21 chapter 1
this is good so far. =) for soem reason the action seems a little rushed, but maybe it's just me. lol. Well, on to the next chapter!
 
Axel4eva
Mar 21, 2008 10:30 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
lol yer i agree... thanx
 
Morpher
Mar 9, 2008 07:09 AM by: Morpher chapter 1
Ok i checked it out and there could be some improveing done here first, i recomend you should use chapter's and give the chapter's name's so people can predict (geuss) what might happen in the next chapter. Also i suggest useing stronger vocabulary example: (you don't mind me quoteing some things and rearangeing some scentences right?) "She ran to it with haste as her as fast as her weary leg's could carry her. She had finaly reached it sounded the alarm." see, this would make it sound more intresting. also when i saw “Well what are you standing around for?!?! It best be that we set up camp," you don't need a bunch of "?!?!" all you need is "?" he is asking why she's standing around right? also the i notice this quite a few times in your story but, there is no need for the "comma" at the end of when some one speaks cause it wouldn't make much sense to put it there if you think about it. The "comma" is ment to give your story more of an edge (if you now what i mean) like here's an example: The cold, and bloody war has finally come to an end. All had parished but, Elga she was the only on left that had survied the war. did you see how the "comma" made it a litle more exciting cause you don't know what could happen! the last thing i see you should do is put more descripition in your story, if it has more detail it will soud much better and more exciting, plus you can actullay get an image of what the character's enviorment is like and all that. Use more detail for not just the setting but for the character's too. What do they look like? personality? etc. all that and don't use suddenly at the end to much switch it around with different words every now and then. welp thats it.
 
Morpher
Mar 9, 2008 07:18 AM by: Morpher chapter 0
its a good storyline though. it just need's some tweaking.
 
Axel4eva
Mar 9, 2008 06:46 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
oh ok thankies^^ i will go back and edit it give it more detail and such thanx again^^
 
Morpher
Mar 9, 2008 06:48 PM by: Morpher chapter 0
your welcome^^
 
HikariYugiYamiAtemu
Mar 8, 2008 11:07 PM by: HikariYugiYamiAtemu chapter 4
cool! ^^
 
Axel4eva
Mar 8, 2008 11:08 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
thank yoo
 
HikariYugiYamiAtemu
Mar 8, 2008 11:07 PM by: HikariYugiYamiAtemu chapter 3
so adventurous..XD and Amira has a secret admirer ? :O
 
Axel4eva
Mar 8, 2008 11:07 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
:O ^w^
 
HikariYugiYamiAtemu
Mar 8, 2008 11:06 PM by: HikariYugiYamiAtemu chapter 2
cool, a new character arrives..:)
 
Axel4eva
Mar 8, 2008 11:07 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
thanks 4 reading
 
HikariYugiYamiAtemu
Mar 8, 2008 11:05 PM by: HikariYugiYamiAtemu chapter 1
nice chapter..:P
 
Axel4eva
Mar 8, 2008 11:07 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
^w^ thankies
 
Falconlobo
Mar 7, 2008 02:13 AM by: Falconlobo chapter 4
cool was it a dream dun dun dun^^
 
Axel4eva
Mar 7, 2008 02:14 AM by: Axel4eva chapter 4
was wat a dream???
 
Falconlobo
Mar 7, 2008 02:16 AM by: Falconlobo chapter 0
the fairy party cuse she woke up on the cart right after the fairy party part^^
 
Axel4eva
Mar 7, 2008 02:17 AM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
naw i just wrote about the fairies coz they will be further in mah story... she wasn't dreaming that... but still thanx 4 the comment!!!
 
Falconlobo
Mar 7, 2008 02:18 AM by: Falconlobo chapter 0
oh okay^^
 
Falconlobo
Mar 7, 2008 02:12 AM by: Falconlobo chapter 3
cute^^
 
Axel4eva
Mar 7, 2008 02:13 AM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
^w^ thanx :3
 
Falconlobo
Mar 7, 2008 02:16 AM by: Falconlobo chapter 0
np^^
 
nextguardian
Mar 6, 2008 09:50 PM by: nextguardian chapter 3
Nothing like swinging on snakes disguised as vines to work up an appetite for such a healthy meal, lol! Great job!
 
Axel4eva
Mar 6, 2008 09:51 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
LAWL XD thanx
 
nextguardian
Mar 6, 2008 09:48 PM by: nextguardian chapter 2
Ah man, cliffhanger! lol, nice work!
 
Axel4eva
Mar 6, 2008 09:51 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
Lol thanx 4 reading it!!!^^
 
nextguardian
Mar 6, 2008 09:47 PM by: nextguardian chapter 1
Nice! Awesome opening!
 
Axel4eva
Mar 6, 2008 09:51 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
^w^ thankies :3
 
cassydiddles
Feb 29, 2008 03:57 PM by: cassydiddles chapter 3
awsome as. i love the marshmellows... and the fairies
 
Axel4eva
Feb 29, 2008 06:04 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
^^ thank yoo very mch 4 reading and commenting!!! ish very very very mucly appreciated!!!!!! :3
 
cassydiddles
Mar 5, 2008 03:22 PM by: cassydiddles chapter 0
no probs
 
cassydiddles
Feb 29, 2008 03:54 PM by: cassydiddles chapter 2
oh oh fluffy is so cool lol
 
Axel4eva
Feb 29, 2008 06:03 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
yer LAWL XD ^w^
 
cassydiddles
Feb 29, 2008 03:51 PM by: cassydiddles chapter 1
awsome as, i like alexandra's charactor
 
Axel4eva
Feb 29, 2008 06:03 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
^^ thankies :3
 
SunaNoFara
Feb 28, 2008 09:10 PM by: SunaNoFara chapter 0
Pretty awesome ideas! I can see potential in this, yet it's not all that detailed. If you included more details about her journey and about the pirates and every other person it would be much better and longer. Make sure to proofread for mistakes. ^^
 
Axel4eva
Feb 28, 2008 09:22 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
yer thanx 4 the tips^^ i hope 2 become better as i go along
 
SunaNoFara
Feb 28, 2008 09:24 PM by: SunaNoFara chapter 0
Um, hm. ^^ You're welcome!
 
Axel4eva
Feb 28, 2008 09:27 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
mayb i could go and edit it then submit the edited version
 
YukiX62
Feb 28, 2008 07:19 PM by: YukiX62 chapter 3
This is so sweet! ^-^ write more!
 
Axel4eva
Feb 28, 2008 07:21 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
okies and thanx again^^ 8D
 
YukiX62
Feb 28, 2008 07:28 PM by: YukiX62 chapter 0
no prob!
 
Axel4eva
Feb 28, 2008 07:31 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
^w^
 
YukiX62
Feb 28, 2008 07:33 PM by: YukiX62 chapter 0
^w^
 
PrincessFatCat
Feb 28, 2008 06:55 PM by: PrincessFatCat chapter 2
Awesome I can't wait to read more. This is very interesting ^_^
 
Axel4eva
Feb 28, 2008 06:55 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
thank yoo very much!!! :D i'm working on it right now and will b submitting a new part soon
 
PrincessFatCat
Feb 28, 2008 06:53 PM by: PrincessFatCat chapter 1
Wow You have a really good imagination!
 
Axel4eva
Feb 28, 2008 06:55 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
gawsh... thanx^^ LAWL XD i sounded like Goofy XD ^w^
 
PrincessFatCat
Feb 28, 2008 07:21 PM by: PrincessFatCat chapter 0
LOL
 
Falconlobo
Feb 28, 2008 06:25 PM by: Falconlobo chapter 2
cool^^
 
Axel4eva
Feb 28, 2008 06:26 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
thanx Falconlobo :D
 
Falconlobo
Feb 28, 2008 06:27 PM by: Falconlobo chapter 0
you're welcome
 
Axel4eva
Feb 28, 2008 06:33 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
8D
 
Falconlobo
Feb 28, 2008 06:35 PM by: Falconlobo chapter 0
Yay i made a Chibi Sally Finkelstein comic two versions one is just colored more than the other they are on funart first
 
YukiX62
Feb 28, 2008 06:25 PM by: YukiX62 chapter 2
so mysterious! it's so cool! ^-^ write more soon!
 
Axel4eva
Feb 28, 2008 06:25 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
yer i'm working on it right now^^ thanx 4 reading!!!^^
 
YukiX62
Feb 28, 2008 06:28 PM by: YukiX62 chapter 0
no prob! i luv it!
 
Axel4eva
Feb 28, 2008 06:33 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
^///^
 
darkstar17
Feb 28, 2008 06:22 PM by: darkstar17 chapter 1
WOw that so so good Adds to *faves* ^_^
 
Axel4eva
Feb 28, 2008 06:23 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
^^ thank yoo!!! 8D
 
YukiX62
Feb 28, 2008 06:22 PM by: YukiX62 chapter 1
OOOOOOOOOOH! what happened?!
 
Axel4eva
Feb 28, 2008 06:23 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
read the 2nd part 2 find out^^
 
animehieikakashi
Feb 28, 2008 05:41 PM by: animehieikakashi chapter 1
awesome mez addz to favs asap
 
Axel4eva
Feb 28, 2008 05:42 PM by: Axel4eva chapter 0
^///^ thankies!!!^^ i'm flattered really :D
 
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