uh... stuff that was on my profile, 'til it got too long, like this title...
Blog Entry: uh... stuff that was on my profile, 'til it got too long, like this title...
Blog Entry: uh... stuff that was on my profile, 'til it got too long, like this title...
February 22, 2008
My problem of them day is... *drum roll* I still hate everything, and nothing is getting better and now I'm confused about my friends, or lack there of, I mean, I have a lot of friends at my school, but i question their... their... i question if they are the right people for me to be around, i mean, they are my friends, but I'd rather not have them as friends, I want my old friends, but that is never gonna happen, we all went our separate ways and now they have new friends and I'm stuck with these "friends" that i would have avoided last year, i dont think I've changed much, just my wardrobe... ok, I've changed a lot since last year, I know I have, i think I've even changed more than my old friends have, which scares me, I didn't want to change, I liked who i had become and now... now i hate myself for who i am, and i cant help it. I know I'm 'pretty, but I dont want to be 'pretty' by their standards, i dont care what these new people say, i want to be the strange child who walked around school like a pirate, the one who wobbled down the hall like a drunken Jack sparrow, that got in trouble for talking in class when it was HOBZ! (Mrs. Campbell soup) I want to be the one who would rename the school after continents and 'land of the panda', i want to be the one who mimes in the field, who runs the mile singing "sally macle-whatever" at the top of my lungs, I want to be the one who i was. Now... I write kill over and over and over and over in a notebook, I'm the kid sitting in the corner hating everyone else, I'm the girl that giggles at every joke he says, I'm the one trying so hard in drama class and never making it into drama club, I'm the one taking music class when i want to be outside singing my own songs, I'm the one who wears all black every day, I'm the one who keeps my hair in my face, I'm the one who wears too much make-up just to cover up the dark circles around my eyes from lack of sleep, I am the one who hates who i am, and that will never change any time soon.
February 10th 2008
My page and I'm putting another babbling, ranting speech so if you didn't read the last one, move away. I still hate you, by the way. I've had a tough school year so far. I dont really like my new friends that much, though i cant bear to tell them directly because they are the only ones really willing to talk to me. Anyways, The people I live with all worry about me, and not in the way you want people to worry about you, like they are bugging me about going to see the doctor about putting me on anti-depressants, and they all say things like 'you're really a happy person, It'll make you feel better to be on meds.. It'll make you normal again' It's a great load of bull, and i mean it. They want me to be on anti-depressants... Idiots. I'd rather be locked in a padded room with a straight jacket than be some drugged up 'happy person' I do just fine one my own. I may hate everything about myself and everything right now, but at least i have enough courage to say something about it to them. I really hate my school, it's frigging tiny, everyone knows my name, and they think that they know who i am. well, you may not understand this but, I've excelled at acting in a casual environment, i ACT like happy person i pretend that i dont want to hurt myself. I laugh at their jokes on the outside, cry at them on the inside, and try to forget they said them in the first place.
This is really just the thing i need right now, and yes, I'm being sarcastic... I just want to be left alone for a while, give me a packet of papers to do and leave me in a room by myself. I could go on forever and i know that most refuse to read this much so i wont have to edit this as much as i edited the one before. I wanted to move schools, to go to hobz's school, fat chance. Mom would never let me go there, I'm stuck in this stupid hell hole of a school, where the only elective i could take was the one they placed me in, not the one i wanted to be in, "newspaper is better for you' well y know what, there is going to be some horrible stuff in there thanks to me and it's not going to be fun to read either, i specialize in writing murder scenes and i intend to make it gory and horrific and hopefully it would scar some people. I cant wait until i can laugh maniacally about this and watch them cringe as thy imagine it. yum.
February 4th 2008
My page, I'll do what i want with it so *cracks knuckles* here goes.
I hate my life, your life, his life, her life, their lives, it's life and everything else, the only thing i truly love, you cram down you pie-hole without a second thought about "hm. beef again?" no! not again, not now, not ever, i hate eating meat. it's gross, violent, cruel, selfish and a waste of life. Why would you allow poor helpless animals suffer such agony, just so you can eat a deep-fried piece of it? it feels pain too. it feels scared too. it feels nervous anxiety, it feels affection. it breathes like you do. Might as well be a damn cannibal. You have no idea. by this point in time, or several sentences ago, you realized that I am a vegetarian, soon to be vegan. I could go on for hours, who knows how much text i could put here, but you aren't gonna read it, you maybe read two lines, three if you feel like reading today, huh? truth is, i always feel this way but today... today was a bad day, and no, i dont want to talk about, i'm not lying like you'd think i was. i want to keep this inside for now, so i can scream in everyone's faces, so they can see my anger, fear, hate, regret, passion, fury, love, loath. i only vent like this as a way to gather my thoughts. this text my vanish soon after, ya know, after i realize how much i hurt myself by posting this big long speech.
My problem of them day is... *drum roll* I still hate everything, and nothing is getting better and now I'm confused about my friends, or lack there of, I mean, I have a lot of friends at my school, but i question their... their... i question if they are the right people for me to be around, i mean, they are my friends, but I'd rather not have them as friends, I want my old friends, but that is never gonna happen, we all went our separate ways and now they have new friends and I'm stuck with these "friends" that i would have avoided last year, i dont think I've changed much, just my wardrobe... ok, I've changed a lot since last year, I know I have, i think I've even changed more than my old friends have, which scares me, I didn't want to change, I liked who i had become and now... now i hate myself for who i am, and i cant help it. I know I'm 'pretty, but I dont want to be 'pretty' by their standards, i dont care what these new people say, i want to be the strange child who walked around school like a pirate, the one who wobbled down the hall like a drunken Jack sparrow, that got in trouble for talking in class when it was HOBZ! (Mrs. Campbell soup) I want to be the one who would rename the school after continents and 'land of the panda', i want to be the one who mimes in the field, who runs the mile singing "sally macle-whatever" at the top of my lungs, I want to be the one who i was. Now... I write kill over and over and over and over in a notebook, I'm the kid sitting in the corner hating everyone else, I'm the girl that giggles at every joke he says, I'm the one trying so hard in drama class and never making it into drama club, I'm the one taking music class when i want to be outside singing my own songs, I'm the one who wears all black every day, I'm the one who keeps my hair in my face, I'm the one who wears too much make-up just to cover up the dark circles around my eyes from lack of sleep, I am the one who hates who i am, and that will never change any time soon.
February 10th 2008
My page and I'm putting another babbling, ranting speech so if you didn't read the last one, move away. I still hate you, by the way. I've had a tough school year so far. I dont really like my new friends that much, though i cant bear to tell them directly because they are the only ones really willing to talk to me. Anyways, The people I live with all worry about me, and not in the way you want people to worry about you, like they are bugging me about going to see the doctor about putting me on anti-depressants, and they all say things like 'you're really a happy person, It'll make you feel better to be on meds.. It'll make you normal again' It's a great load of bull, and i mean it. They want me to be on anti-depressants... Idiots. I'd rather be locked in a padded room with a straight jacket than be some drugged up 'happy person' I do just fine one my own. I may hate everything about myself and everything right now, but at least i have enough courage to say something about it to them. I really hate my school, it's frigging tiny, everyone knows my name, and they think that they know who i am. well, you may not understand this but, I've excelled at acting in a casual environment, i ACT like happy person i pretend that i dont want to hurt myself. I laugh at their jokes on the outside, cry at them on the inside, and try to forget they said them in the first place.
This is really just the thing i need right now, and yes, I'm being sarcastic... I just want to be left alone for a while, give me a packet of papers to do and leave me in a room by myself. I could go on forever and i know that most refuse to read this much so i wont have to edit this as much as i edited the one before. I wanted to move schools, to go to hobz's school, fat chance. Mom would never let me go there, I'm stuck in this stupid hell hole of a school, where the only elective i could take was the one they placed me in, not the one i wanted to be in, "newspaper is better for you' well y know what, there is going to be some horrible stuff in there thanks to me and it's not going to be fun to read either, i specialize in writing murder scenes and i intend to make it gory and horrific and hopefully it would scar some people. I cant wait until i can laugh maniacally about this and watch them cringe as thy imagine it. yum.
February 4th 2008
My page, I'll do what i want with it so *cracks knuckles* here goes.
I hate my life, your life, his life, her life, their lives, it's life and everything else, the only thing i truly love, you cram down you pie-hole without a second thought about "hm. beef again?" no! not again, not now, not ever, i hate eating meat. it's gross, violent, cruel, selfish and a waste of life. Why would you allow poor helpless animals suffer such agony, just so you can eat a deep-fried piece of it? it feels pain too. it feels scared too. it feels nervous anxiety, it feels affection. it breathes like you do. Might as well be a damn cannibal. You have no idea. by this point in time, or several sentences ago, you realized that I am a vegetarian, soon to be vegan. I could go on for hours, who knows how much text i could put here, but you aren't gonna read it, you maybe read two lines, three if you feel like reading today, huh? truth is, i always feel this way but today... today was a bad day, and no, i dont want to talk about, i'm not lying like you'd think i was. i want to keep this inside for now, so i can scream in everyone's faces, so they can see my anger, fear, hate, regret, passion, fury, love, loath. i only vent like this as a way to gather my thoughts. this text my vanish soon after, ya know, after i realize how much i hurt myself by posting this big long speech.