we've got older, but we're still young.
Blog Entry: we've got older, but we're still young.
Blog Entry: we've got older, but we're still young.
Posted by: Aesthetic
Posted: April 4, 2011, 4:32:18 PM
Updated: April 4, 2011, 4:36:16 PM
Listening To: the starting line - the best of me
Posted: April 4, 2011, 4:32:18 PM
Updated: April 4, 2011, 4:36:16 PM
Listening To: the starting line - the best of me
i hate growing up.
but i want to so bad. it's just happening faster than i ever thought.
i mean, mostly mentally i have grown up, since i've been through a lot of stuff in life, but now...now it's starting to hit me.
people say that when you are in highschool, you will lose most of the friends that you had known and been close to for most of your life. this has been partially true for me. all the people that i genuilly care about(this is very hard for me to say, i lack empathy really bad, and it was hard for me until recently to admit that i loved my parents)i am not as close as i used to be with them.
most of my friends have dropped out. the 5 that i still go to school with are: hannah, mikaela, ashlee, tinisha, and stephanie.
Hannah has been my friend since i was in about 4th grade. as of late we don't really hang with each other, she is mostly with her boyrfriend.
about 4 years ago, i got close with mikaela, but we rarely hang out with each other outside of school.
last year was when i got extrememly close with ashlee, it's the same deal as mikaela.
stephanie, i met around the same time as hannah. we were never as close, but i still rarely see her on the weekends.
tinisha. me and her are on and off. she's also my ex girlfriend. XD we got realyl close, especially while we were dating, but she is a really fake person, which makes me feel bad to think that, since she seems to have a lot of problems in her life.
and the people that i loove so much, that i litterally cry everytime i think of them, that i swear it kills me everytime i think of them:
number one is courtney. i can't beleive i am actually crying right now. me and her were inseperable. she was the closest person to me ever, and i miss her so much. i never thought you could have so much feelings for a friend. she is pregnant, and i just found out today that she is having a boy. i wish i could see her more often.
michael. i was the second person for him to tell that he was gay. he changed my mind about so much things, and i used to be able to talk to him about anything, and not feel weird about it. somehow we lost contact, and now he is a completely different person.
bianca. my homie. i still hang out with her on occasion, but we are definitly not as close as we used to be.
now the people that i confide in, and randomly hang out with on the weekends is tiffany and olyvia. i've known them since the 4th or 5th grade.
i don't know why i am ranting about all the people that i miss, it's probably partially my fault anyways, i should try harder. i guess it's just hard for me to realise that i will be alone whenever i start college, which is soon. and it's not like any of the people and things mentioned above are a big deal, i mean, aside from michael, i still hear from these people and i still see them on occasion.
i guess i'm just really fragile.
i've also realised that i am a drifter. i've driften though highschool, in social situations, and amidst my friends. i've always been kind of a homebody and hermit. i never really had anyone to relate too on certain things, so i only mention them briefly and just go along with things. it's like i'm there but i'm really not. and i'm sick of it. i just wish...i don't know. i don't really know what i am talking about now, just sorta rambling.
but i want to so bad. it's just happening faster than i ever thought.
i mean, mostly mentally i have grown up, since i've been through a lot of stuff in life, but now...now it's starting to hit me.
people say that when you are in highschool, you will lose most of the friends that you had known and been close to for most of your life. this has been partially true for me. all the people that i genuilly care about(this is very hard for me to say, i lack empathy really bad, and it was hard for me until recently to admit that i loved my parents)i am not as close as i used to be with them.
most of my friends have dropped out. the 5 that i still go to school with are: hannah, mikaela, ashlee, tinisha, and stephanie.
Hannah has been my friend since i was in about 4th grade. as of late we don't really hang with each other, she is mostly with her boyrfriend.
about 4 years ago, i got close with mikaela, but we rarely hang out with each other outside of school.
last year was when i got extrememly close with ashlee, it's the same deal as mikaela.
stephanie, i met around the same time as hannah. we were never as close, but i still rarely see her on the weekends.
tinisha. me and her are on and off. she's also my ex girlfriend. XD we got realyl close, especially while we were dating, but she is a really fake person, which makes me feel bad to think that, since she seems to have a lot of problems in her life.
and the people that i loove so much, that i litterally cry everytime i think of them, that i swear it kills me everytime i think of them:
number one is courtney. i can't beleive i am actually crying right now. me and her were inseperable. she was the closest person to me ever, and i miss her so much. i never thought you could have so much feelings for a friend. she is pregnant, and i just found out today that she is having a boy. i wish i could see her more often.
michael. i was the second person for him to tell that he was gay. he changed my mind about so much things, and i used to be able to talk to him about anything, and not feel weird about it. somehow we lost contact, and now he is a completely different person.
bianca. my homie. i still hang out with her on occasion, but we are definitly not as close as we used to be.
now the people that i confide in, and randomly hang out with on the weekends is tiffany and olyvia. i've known them since the 4th or 5th grade.
i don't know why i am ranting about all the people that i miss, it's probably partially my fault anyways, i should try harder. i guess it's just hard for me to realise that i will be alone whenever i start college, which is soon. and it's not like any of the people and things mentioned above are a big deal, i mean, aside from michael, i still hear from these people and i still see them on occasion.
i guess i'm just really fragile.
i've also realised that i am a drifter. i've driften though highschool, in social situations, and amidst my friends. i've always been kind of a homebody and hermit. i never really had anyone to relate too on certain things, so i only mention them briefly and just go along with things. it's like i'm there but i'm really not. and i'm sick of it. i just wish...i don't know. i don't really know what i am talking about now, just sorta rambling.