IMPERIAL GUARD (warning strong language)
Blog Entry: IMPERIAL GUARD (warning strong language)
Blog Entry: IMPERIAL GUARD (warning strong language)
just as the other info on wh40k i found XD
AHEM quote
Imperial Guard
The Commissariat: Defining Badass since WW2.
Throughout the majority of human history, any military unit labeled "imperial" or "guard" has generally been of superior quality and capable of dishing out the pwn on everyone else. In the fagged up universe of 40K, the profusion of furry monsters, man eating eurocountry matters and random killing machines render the best that humanity has to offer (Space Marines and any other persons with steroid counts above 80% of Barry Bonds levels don't count) mere cannon fodder. The Imperial Guard of Man is devoted to the emperor and proud of losing billions of men from a million worlds each day in defense of the Imperium. The Communists just wish they could lose this many men in battle.
IG fare in the 40K universe is pretty standard. Each trooper is issued several things and told to go off to war.
* Lasgun - Your basic laser blaster thingamajig. It sucks so much that players affectionately refer to it as the "flashlight". The Imperium prides itself in the reliability of its basic weapons - the IG lasgun will reliably never hit anything, never penetrate armor, never wound, and never make a difference. Due to the imperium being retarded, nobody knows how it works anymore.
* Bayonet - 12 inches of good fine steel vs. lightsabers, zerg, power axes, tanks....
* Flak Jacket - Outdated since 1944.
* The Tactica Imperium - Nice little booklet so everyone can RTFM. Is seriously used for toilet paper or rolled into cigarettes.
* Plasma guns - xbox hueg power, but roll a 1 and the gun explodes
* Grenade launchers - so you can pretend to be a demoman
* Chainswords - So you can watch your soldiers fail even more at shooting, then still get obliterated in close combat.
Despite that kind of gear, the Imperium of Man is STILL the most powerful faction in 40K. This is because it can actually afford to lose billions of people each day as chump change. This is because not only are they communist, but the AZNs actually took over and continued their rampant populating of blank spaces. This is also why every plastic human soldier is a whitey. In fact, they don't even sell Asian skin color paint. Its because the Azns are all controlling it from behind. sneaky sneaky, eh?
In addition to the soldiers, there are several supporting departments in the IG.
* The Ecclesiarchy - Supplies priests armed with two handed chainsaws capable of cutting tanks in half. Yeah. Holy shoot indeed.
* The Psykers - Delivering Epic Mindfrack since 40,092.
* The Kasrkin squads - The SS of the Imperial Guard, 'nuff said.
* Only the most hardcore of the Death Korps of Krieg can dance AND wipe the floor with your @$$.
* The Commissariat - The most badass communists you ever saw. Ever.
* Baneblade - killdozer crewed by hackers on steroids.
The Imperial Guard supports genocide of all non-humans, and is willing to send YOU into battle to accomplish this. If you don't like that, the local Commissar will motivate you to do it anyway.
AHEM quote
Imperial Guard
The Commissariat: Defining Badass since WW2.
Throughout the majority of human history, any military unit labeled "imperial" or "guard" has generally been of superior quality and capable of dishing out the pwn on everyone else. In the fagged up universe of 40K, the profusion of furry monsters, man eating eurocountry matters and random killing machines render the best that humanity has to offer (Space Marines and any other persons with steroid counts above 80% of Barry Bonds levels don't count) mere cannon fodder. The Imperial Guard of Man is devoted to the emperor and proud of losing billions of men from a million worlds each day in defense of the Imperium. The Communists just wish they could lose this many men in battle.
IG fare in the 40K universe is pretty standard. Each trooper is issued several things and told to go off to war.
* Lasgun - Your basic laser blaster thingamajig. It sucks so much that players affectionately refer to it as the "flashlight". The Imperium prides itself in the reliability of its basic weapons - the IG lasgun will reliably never hit anything, never penetrate armor, never wound, and never make a difference. Due to the imperium being retarded, nobody knows how it works anymore.
* Bayonet - 12 inches of good fine steel vs. lightsabers, zerg, power axes, tanks....
* Flak Jacket - Outdated since 1944.
* The Tactica Imperium - Nice little booklet so everyone can RTFM. Is seriously used for toilet paper or rolled into cigarettes.
* Plasma guns - xbox hueg power, but roll a 1 and the gun explodes
* Grenade launchers - so you can pretend to be a demoman
* Chainswords - So you can watch your soldiers fail even more at shooting, then still get obliterated in close combat.
Despite that kind of gear, the Imperium of Man is STILL the most powerful faction in 40K. This is because it can actually afford to lose billions of people each day as chump change. This is because not only are they communist, but the AZNs actually took over and continued their rampant populating of blank spaces. This is also why every plastic human soldier is a whitey. In fact, they don't even sell Asian skin color paint. Its because the Azns are all controlling it from behind. sneaky sneaky, eh?
In addition to the soldiers, there are several supporting departments in the IG.
* The Ecclesiarchy - Supplies priests armed with two handed chainsaws capable of cutting tanks in half. Yeah. Holy shoot indeed.
* The Psykers - Delivering Epic Mindfrack since 40,092.
* The Kasrkin squads - The SS of the Imperial Guard, 'nuff said.
* Only the most hardcore of the Death Korps of Krieg can dance AND wipe the floor with your @$$.
* The Commissariat - The most badass communists you ever saw. Ever.
* Baneblade - killdozer crewed by hackers on steroids.
The Imperial Guard supports genocide of all non-humans, and is willing to send YOU into battle to accomplish this. If you don't like that, the local Commissar will motivate you to do it anyway.