Christmas story I typed and printed
Blog Entry: Christmas story I typed and printed
Blog Entry: Christmas story I typed and printed
Well, this is a story a wrote a month ago and printed out for a school Christmas story. I presented it to everyone in the class and everyone laughed HARD!! My teacher loved it so much, she gave me an A+ (110/100 points). So without further ado, here is the original unedited story, copied and pasted from Microsoft Word-
THE MOST EPIC CHRISTMAS
It was beginning to feel like the WIERDEST Christmas ever….. why? We got a Prius…. We actually won it at a special offer from the California State Fair last summer. It was a typical December 24th morning…. Me and Uncle Dennis and some other guests and siblings are watching holiday specials on Cartoon Network while Cinnabons are on the stove cooling off. Then we heard the front door open and close. Hmmmm… who could that be? Later I heard footsteps coming from the roof. I automatically knew who it was after that. I went outside and saw Santa on the roof. “Hey!”, I shouted (and dangit I startled Santa and he slipped and slid down the roof!) I started waving and shouted “Hey! It’s Santa! It’s Sant-OOOMF!”. Santa fell on me and I was right under him. “Hey!”, he said, “Is there anyone here, I just heard a voice? Whoever said that, where are you?”, “I’m under 214 pounds of fat! Now get off me!!”, I said (Yes, I know I was kind of mean, but I was literally SQUISHED!). “Santa, you’re not supposed to be traveling across the world in broad daylight. What’s going on?”. “Bad news, the Abominable Snowman, the Grinch, the Joker, among other of my enemies have escaped the North Pole Jail and are abusing many of our elves and making Christmas Not-So-Holly-Jolly for people around the globe by coming in and throwing trash around the houses, and we need your help to stop them!!!”, Santa explained. “But why do you need MY help? I’m just a loser…”. “Sonny”, Santa said, “No one’s a loser on Christmas.” “Thanks Santa”, I said, “but you need PROFESSIONAL help, I’m a professional idiot, you need someone like Barack Obama, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bill Gates, David Hasslehoff, George Lucas, Johnny Depp, George W. Bush, ANYONE!!”
“Well, Sonny,” said Santa, “We would if we COULD, but the 3 Christmas haters have already tied them up and thrown them in the North Pole Jail, they even took your Grandpa, and I accidentally crashed here when I was looking for help, and I see you believe in me, so you’re perfect for the mission, we’re going to go to the North Pole!” “…And how are we going to get there?”, I asked. Santa got out his handy-dandy (Man, I’m liking these silly adjectives) Santa Cell and called the number 1-800-446-7580. “Thank you for calling Polar Express Transportation Service, you’re #1 service for traveling to the hot destination, the North Pole!” “Hey Cynthia, It’s Santa”, Santa said. “Oh, hi, boss! Would you like to rent a train?” “Actually, I’m on a tight schedule so can you send over the SantaVan?”. “Right Away, boss”, said Cynthia. A government helicopter came 10 minutes later and dropped the raddest van I’ve ever seen. It was red and green. “So what’s in the van?”, I asked. “Free Wi-Fi, video games, pizza, restrooms, beds, HD movie player, bowling alley and king-size bathtub.”, Santa replied. Uncle Dennis came out. “Oh my God, what is that rad van?” “Hi Dennis! Me and Santa are going to the North Pole and stop the Yeti, the Grinch and the Joker to save Christmas!” “Wanna come?”, Santa asked. “Sure!”, Dennis said. When Santa was driving he put on a CD. “Bon Jovi, anyone?”, he asked? Then we drove out at 55 miles an hour. (YES, It had jet packs, but we have to obey the speed limit if Santa wants to keep his identity secret, dangit!)
“Here we are!”, Santa said, parking the van 10 hours later! Santa, Dennis, and I were walking past one of the elves “Wait! That’s not an elf. That’s Gary Coleman. What’s the difference anyway?? Hahahaha) “Welcome to the North Pole! Take a map”, he said as he gave me a map. “No way…”, I said. “The North Pole has it’s own McDonald’s, movie theater, bowling alley, Juvenile Hall, GameStop, Wal-Mart, Universal theme park, and LegoLand!” “Who wants to go to the workshop?”, asked Santa. Later we went to the workshop. It was beautiful inside… “Over there is where the elves plasticize the potatoes and add accessories for the beloved Mr. Potato Head toys, and over there is where the elves test the LEGOs to make sure they are buildable, over there is where they make the Barbie dolls.” I picked up a doll. “A Goth Barbie, you gotta be kidding.”, I said. “And over here will probably be your favorite,” said Santa, for the good teens, we make Nintendo and XBOX games here, you know the “elves” in this area are really midgets who used to be Nintendo and Microsoft executives” “Look at that tall one over there testing out Guitar Hero.”, I said.
“This is the confidential government meeting room.”, said Santa, “Where we keep our weaponry.” “Snowball Rifles? Wow…” I said. “Want to meet our snowball team?” “Sure!”, I said! “You and Dennis are part of it.” “YEAH!”, me and Dennis said. “I like the sound of team spirit” said Santa. “EVERYONE LINE UP!!!!”, Santa yelled. “WHEN I SAY YOUR NAME, YOU SAY CHECK!! WE WANT TO MAKE SURE WE HAVE ENOUGH FIGHTERS TO TAKE DOWN THE ABOMNANIBLE SNOWMAN, THE GRICH AND THE JOKER! Rudolph!”, “Check!”, “Buck?”, “Ruff!”, the dog said, “John Thornton”, “Check!”, “Frosty”, “Check!”, “Yoda”, “Check!” he said, “What’s he doing here?” I asked. “Ice Climbers!” “Check!” they both said, “Pillsbury Doughboy”, “Check!”, “Professional snowball throwing penguins”, “Check!” they all said. “Wait”, I said, they could talk?”, “This is the North Pole for crying out loud! Anything can happen! We’re down two penguins, Skipper and Piplup, where are they?” “They’re out on a date”, said one of the penguins. “Ghost of Christmas Past” ,“Check!” ,“Ghost of Christmas Present” ,“Check!”, “Ghost of Christmas Future”, there was a silence, “Oh yeah, I forgot you couldn’t talk. Ronald McDonald!” “Check!” “Alright guys, we’re doing this for America! Let’s make the best of this! WHO ARE WE?”, exclaimed Santa. “THE SNOWBALL FIGHTERS!!!” said the group. “Now that’s what I call organization and teamwork! Now let’s go save Christmas!” “YEAH!!!”, everyone said. “Grab all your snowballs, the 3 Christmas haters are coming right now with snowball bazookas! Ready, Aim, Fire!!!!” The Yeti, the Grinch, and the Joker all literally got BEANED by the snowballs. The Yeti came up from the snow with his bazooka aiming at Santa. “Goodbye Santa, you’ve had a good run…”, the Yeti said, and right before he put his finger on the trigger a voice called out. “Hey, Santa, are these the jerks that are destroying Christmas?” “Yes!”, Santa said. “OK” said the voice, which was really a Polar Bear standing up wearing Summer clothes and swim trunks with a bowling ball, he rolled the bowling ball down and hit the Yeti. “And by the way, I freed Barack Obama and everyone else that was tied up in the prison!”, the polar bear said. “He’s nice.” I said. “So, do you have an apology?” said Santa to the Christmas haters. “Well, the reason why we hate Christmas is because we’re always stuck out here in the snow and there’s always a blizzard and we can’t get any peace…” said the Grinch. “I used to live in a city, but Batman kicked me out, said the Joker with some sort of creepy laugh. “Well Christmas is about peace on Earth, want to have a party at my house tonight. “Sure!”, Yeti said, “Oh and Santa, while you’re out sending gifts tonight, I want to make it up to you and get a vacuum cleaner to pick up all the trash that I’ve thrown at the people’s houses.” “sure!”, Santa said. “This is going to be a great Christmas!” Dennis said, “let’s head home!”
Later that night, the Snowball fighters, the Yeti, the Joker and the Grinch celebrated Christmas that night. Later I invited Alvin and the Chipmunks and they sang the Christmas song from their hit movie! Later Alvin got an electric guitar and sang a lot Aerosmith songs.
It truly was a Merry Christmas. ROCK ON!!!
- Merry Christmas from the Abominable Snowman.
Did you like it? I thought so :) Since I had more space on the paper, I wrote an Epilouge in pen. This is what I wrote-
So we stayed up until 2:30 AM partying, then Santa came to the house to say Hi, he gave us all free candy and I gave him a book called Diabetics for Dummies. "It'll help you alot I said". The reindeer were playing golf on the roof (that can explain the golfballs in the chimney), then took off. Santa waved at us, then we all went to sleep waiting for tomorrow...
THE MOST EPIC CHRISTMAS
It was beginning to feel like the WIERDEST Christmas ever….. why? We got a Prius…. We actually won it at a special offer from the California State Fair last summer. It was a typical December 24th morning…. Me and Uncle Dennis and some other guests and siblings are watching holiday specials on Cartoon Network while Cinnabons are on the stove cooling off. Then we heard the front door open and close. Hmmmm… who could that be? Later I heard footsteps coming from the roof. I automatically knew who it was after that. I went outside and saw Santa on the roof. “Hey!”, I shouted (and dangit I startled Santa and he slipped and slid down the roof!) I started waving and shouted “Hey! It’s Santa! It’s Sant-OOOMF!”. Santa fell on me and I was right under him. “Hey!”, he said, “Is there anyone here, I just heard a voice? Whoever said that, where are you?”, “I’m under 214 pounds of fat! Now get off me!!”, I said (Yes, I know I was kind of mean, but I was literally SQUISHED!). “Santa, you’re not supposed to be traveling across the world in broad daylight. What’s going on?”. “Bad news, the Abominable Snowman, the Grinch, the Joker, among other of my enemies have escaped the North Pole Jail and are abusing many of our elves and making Christmas Not-So-Holly-Jolly for people around the globe by coming in and throwing trash around the houses, and we need your help to stop them!!!”, Santa explained. “But why do you need MY help? I’m just a loser…”. “Sonny”, Santa said, “No one’s a loser on Christmas.” “Thanks Santa”, I said, “but you need PROFESSIONAL help, I’m a professional idiot, you need someone like Barack Obama, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bill Gates, David Hasslehoff, George Lucas, Johnny Depp, George W. Bush, ANYONE!!”
“Well, Sonny,” said Santa, “We would if we COULD, but the 3 Christmas haters have already tied them up and thrown them in the North Pole Jail, they even took your Grandpa, and I accidentally crashed here when I was looking for help, and I see you believe in me, so you’re perfect for the mission, we’re going to go to the North Pole!” “…And how are we going to get there?”, I asked. Santa got out his handy-dandy (Man, I’m liking these silly adjectives) Santa Cell and called the number 1-800-446-7580. “Thank you for calling Polar Express Transportation Service, you’re #1 service for traveling to the hot destination, the North Pole!” “Hey Cynthia, It’s Santa”, Santa said. “Oh, hi, boss! Would you like to rent a train?” “Actually, I’m on a tight schedule so can you send over the SantaVan?”. “Right Away, boss”, said Cynthia. A government helicopter came 10 minutes later and dropped the raddest van I’ve ever seen. It was red and green. “So what’s in the van?”, I asked. “Free Wi-Fi, video games, pizza, restrooms, beds, HD movie player, bowling alley and king-size bathtub.”, Santa replied. Uncle Dennis came out. “Oh my God, what is that rad van?” “Hi Dennis! Me and Santa are going to the North Pole and stop the Yeti, the Grinch and the Joker to save Christmas!” “Wanna come?”, Santa asked. “Sure!”, Dennis said. When Santa was driving he put on a CD. “Bon Jovi, anyone?”, he asked? Then we drove out at 55 miles an hour. (YES, It had jet packs, but we have to obey the speed limit if Santa wants to keep his identity secret, dangit!)
“Here we are!”, Santa said, parking the van 10 hours later! Santa, Dennis, and I were walking past one of the elves “Wait! That’s not an elf. That’s Gary Coleman. What’s the difference anyway?? Hahahaha) “Welcome to the North Pole! Take a map”, he said as he gave me a map. “No way…”, I said. “The North Pole has it’s own McDonald’s, movie theater, bowling alley, Juvenile Hall, GameStop, Wal-Mart, Universal theme park, and LegoLand!” “Who wants to go to the workshop?”, asked Santa. Later we went to the workshop. It was beautiful inside… “Over there is where the elves plasticize the potatoes and add accessories for the beloved Mr. Potato Head toys, and over there is where the elves test the LEGOs to make sure they are buildable, over there is where they make the Barbie dolls.” I picked up a doll. “A Goth Barbie, you gotta be kidding.”, I said. “And over here will probably be your favorite,” said Santa, for the good teens, we make Nintendo and XBOX games here, you know the “elves” in this area are really midgets who used to be Nintendo and Microsoft executives” “Look at that tall one over there testing out Guitar Hero.”, I said.
“This is the confidential government meeting room.”, said Santa, “Where we keep our weaponry.” “Snowball Rifles? Wow…” I said. “Want to meet our snowball team?” “Sure!”, I said! “You and Dennis are part of it.” “YEAH!”, me and Dennis said. “I like the sound of team spirit” said Santa. “EVERYONE LINE UP!!!!”, Santa yelled. “WHEN I SAY YOUR NAME, YOU SAY CHECK!! WE WANT TO MAKE SURE WE HAVE ENOUGH FIGHTERS TO TAKE DOWN THE ABOMNANIBLE SNOWMAN, THE GRICH AND THE JOKER! Rudolph!”, “Check!”, “Buck?”, “Ruff!”, the dog said, “John Thornton”, “Check!”, “Frosty”, “Check!”, “Yoda”, “Check!” he said, “What’s he doing here?” I asked. “Ice Climbers!” “Check!” they both said, “Pillsbury Doughboy”, “Check!”, “Professional snowball throwing penguins”, “Check!” they all said. “Wait”, I said, they could talk?”, “This is the North Pole for crying out loud! Anything can happen! We’re down two penguins, Skipper and Piplup, where are they?” “They’re out on a date”, said one of the penguins. “Ghost of Christmas Past” ,“Check!” ,“Ghost of Christmas Present” ,“Check!”, “Ghost of Christmas Future”, there was a silence, “Oh yeah, I forgot you couldn’t talk. Ronald McDonald!” “Check!” “Alright guys, we’re doing this for America! Let’s make the best of this! WHO ARE WE?”, exclaimed Santa. “THE SNOWBALL FIGHTERS!!!” said the group. “Now that’s what I call organization and teamwork! Now let’s go save Christmas!” “YEAH!!!”, everyone said. “Grab all your snowballs, the 3 Christmas haters are coming right now with snowball bazookas! Ready, Aim, Fire!!!!” The Yeti, the Grinch, and the Joker all literally got BEANED by the snowballs. The Yeti came up from the snow with his bazooka aiming at Santa. “Goodbye Santa, you’ve had a good run…”, the Yeti said, and right before he put his finger on the trigger a voice called out. “Hey, Santa, are these the jerks that are destroying Christmas?” “Yes!”, Santa said. “OK” said the voice, which was really a Polar Bear standing up wearing Summer clothes and swim trunks with a bowling ball, he rolled the bowling ball down and hit the Yeti. “And by the way, I freed Barack Obama and everyone else that was tied up in the prison!”, the polar bear said. “He’s nice.” I said. “So, do you have an apology?” said Santa to the Christmas haters. “Well, the reason why we hate Christmas is because we’re always stuck out here in the snow and there’s always a blizzard and we can’t get any peace…” said the Grinch. “I used to live in a city, but Batman kicked me out, said the Joker with some sort of creepy laugh. “Well Christmas is about peace on Earth, want to have a party at my house tonight. “Sure!”, Yeti said, “Oh and Santa, while you’re out sending gifts tonight, I want to make it up to you and get a vacuum cleaner to pick up all the trash that I’ve thrown at the people’s houses.” “sure!”, Santa said. “This is going to be a great Christmas!” Dennis said, “let’s head home!”
Later that night, the Snowball fighters, the Yeti, the Joker and the Grinch celebrated Christmas that night. Later I invited Alvin and the Chipmunks and they sang the Christmas song from their hit movie! Later Alvin got an electric guitar and sang a lot Aerosmith songs.
It truly was a Merry Christmas. ROCK ON!!!
- Merry Christmas from the Abominable Snowman.
Did you like it? I thought so :) Since I had more space on the paper, I wrote an Epilouge in pen. This is what I wrote-
So we stayed up until 2:30 AM partying, then Santa came to the house to say Hi, he gave us all free candy and I gave him a book called Diabetics for Dummies. "It'll help you alot I said". The reindeer were playing golf on the roof (that can explain the golfballs in the chimney), then took off. Santa waved at us, then we all went to sleep waiting for tomorrow...