Chapter 1 - Noel Does Hollywood
Submitted August 28, 2003 Updated August 28, 2003 Status Incomplete | This is a rather long fic about Noel Chandler from SO2 when he gets a job at Hollywood and he doesn't know it's hentai...there are also a couple of LOD characters in here too...for some reason my computer won't let me put offensive language so don't
Category:
Anime/Manga » Star Ocean EX |
Chapter 1 - Noel Does Hollywood
Chapter 1 - Noel Does Hollywood
(The scene starts with Noel in a park holding Peanuts near the Elephant cages)
Noel: Hehehe want another one? (Tosses a peanut in the cage)
Noel: Hahaha this sure beats watching a hockey game…way better…
(Back at home)
Announcer: VANCOUVER SCORES! MARKUS NASLAND SCORES AGING! 3-1 VANCOUVER OVER THE FLAMING BARRELS FROM EXPEL!!!
Brent: Yes!
Ashton: Nuts!
(Claude walks in)
Claude: Hey Ashton there is a pizza here…0_0’ (Stares at Brent)
Claude: Brent?
Brent: Claude?
Brent: You doing well?
Claude: Huh? No killing? No threats?
Brent: It’s my day off were pals right?
Claude: Oh my god…Hullo got to you?
Hullo: Nope…
Claude: Your watching the game too?
Hullo: After the game when Ashton losses 700 FOL from the Canucks…were ordering a pizza and playing Wild Arms 3!
Claude: 0_0’ I’m going to get some fresh air for a second…(leaves)
Brent: Pass the popcorn…
Hullo: Here you go!
Ashton: Why did Naslund score? Damn it…
Hullo: Down in front!
Ashton: Sorry…
Claude: (Something isn’t right…I’m going on a bike ride…)
(Back at the park)
Noel: Hahahaha! (Gets tapped on the shoulder) Wha?
Park Ranger: What are you doing?
Noel: I’m taking the curiosity of feeding these poor animals for you…
Park Ranger: Do you work here?
Noel: Ah…well I specialize in…
Park Ranger: You work with Animals?
Noel: Yes…I care for them…
Park Ranger: Are you with a group like Greenpeace?
Noel: Well yeah…(Takes off his shirt) Greenpeace is trying to save the Earth…you should too…
Park Ranger: That’s it…I’m going to have to ask you to leave!
Noel: Make me!
Park Ranger: I’ll make you!
(Nothing happens for 5 seconds. Tumbleweed goes by)
Park Ranger: (Leaves)
Noel: 0_0’
Mr.T: Good worker brother…you taught that fool a lesson…
Noel: You’re the bad mouth guy from Rocky 3 right?
Mr.T: Ah…I think so…I can’t remember what movie it was anyway…name is Mr.T!
Noel: So why are you talking to me?
Mr.T: You seem to defend that poor animal fool! So I’m going to Ask you something…
Noel: Ok…
Mr.T: Whatever you do…there we’ll be some guys whering black don’t make eye contact with them! UNDERSTAND!
Noel: Ok…why?
(Winds blow as Mr.T disappears)
Noel: That was strange…what next?
(Wind disappears as there are two guys in black)
Noel: AH!
Guy: Come with us…we want to make you a deal…
Noel: Mr.T warned me about you guys!
Noel: (Climbs a branch and leaps to the top of the Elephant cage)
Noel: Try and get me now! Nah nah (Turns around. Sees the two guys in front of him)
Noel: AH! (Jumps off cage and runs to the exit)
Noel: Almost there!
Woman: Stamp your hand for reentry!
Noel: Ok! (Sees the guys running slowly) Ah could you hurry up…
Woman: Hold it…I misplaced the stamp…oh where is it?
Noel: NO TIME! (Runs)
Woman: Hey wait a minute!
Noel: (Running into the street) I think I lost them…
????: Hey…
Noel: Hey you look very familiar…
Cutepiku: Noel? What’s wrong?
Noel: Some guys in black are chasing me…
Cutepiku: I’ll help you!
Noel: You will?
Cutepiku: (Pulls down zipper like in cartoons. Really is Lavitz from LOD)
Noel: NO NOT YOU! I HATE LOD!
Lavitz: You better come quietly! Get the van!
(Van comes and picks Noel up as long with some other guys in black)
Precis: (Drinking a surpee) What the?
Bowman: Oy! Precis!
Precis: …
Bowman: I just came from a jog…something wrong?
Precis: Noel was just brought into a van with a bunch of dudes…
Bowman: 0_0’ Is Noel gone gay?
Precis: Maybe?
(Inside the van)
Noel: Lavitz…what the hell I thought you died!
Lavitz: Not really…you see when I died in Hellena when Dart was crying like the 3 year old wimp he is…they replaced me with a stunt double…
Noel: Oh…then what happened?
Lavitz: The movie business saw my good looks when Legend Of Dragoon did it’s promotion movie and I’m now famous! ^_^
Noel: Oh really?
Lavitz: Hey watch it! My charms can knock you down hard!
Noel: Ok…what movie’s have you been in?
Lavitz: None till today! I’m doing a very good movie that is getting big reviews by the producers on Entertainment Tonight!
Noel: So why am I here?
Lavitz: We are willing to offer you a contract to play as the main character Sumio…
Noel: ^_^ Me? In show business?
Lavitz I must warn you this show contains…
Noel: I’ll sign! I WANNA BE A STAR!
Lavitz: But…
Noel: So are going to the studios?
Lavitz: Well first were going to see a friend about you signing up…
Noel: YES!
(Scene switches to Claude talking to Celine)
Celine: It sure does sound strange…
Claude: I mean he was…and she was…what the hell?
Celine: Maybe you dreamed it?
Claude: No way! I wish!
Celine: Well why don’t we go back there and check ok?
Claude: Ok Celine…with you I feel safe…
Celine: (I wonder what he really meant by that?)
(Back at the home)
Claude: Alright Celine into this room!
(Celine follows Claude inside the room)
Celine: 0_0’
Claude: See?
Celine: See what?
Claude: (Looks and find there is no one there)
Claude: Hey where they go?
Celine: Claude…I think you need help…
Claude: NO! I SAW THEM RIGHT HERE!
Celine: It’s ok…you need help…
Claude: They were right there…
Celine: Let’s go Claude…
Claude: Fine…
(They both leave. Then when they closed the door)
Brent: Sweet pool table Hullo!
Hullo: That was a good game…now back to Hockey!
Ashton: Ohhh…can’t we just make bets on the Panthers and Leafs game?
Brent: No…
Ashton: Oh man…(Checks wallet)
Gyoro: (This is gonna cost you)
Ashton: *_*’
(Back at the Hollywood studios)
Lavitz: Good afternoon Ron!
Ron: Hello Lavitz…did you find my Sumio?
Lavitz: Right here! Meet Noel from SO2! ^_^
Ron: SO2? Oh yeah…Jim Carey placed that before…he was strange since that day…
(In Hollywood)
Jim: Wow…Celine is so hot! SMOKIN!!!
Agent: It’s just a game Mr. Carey…
Jim: Games are real…I bet you I’ll see her one day…and you’ll be laughing…
(Back at the office)
Ron: Hello Noel I’m Ron Howard…
Noel: ??? Who?
Ron: o_o’
Lavitz: (Whispers) He’s not from here…
Ron: Oh! Well your alright…so your new my Sumio?
Noel: I got the job already?
Ron: Hahaha…well you look pretty good looking I bet the girls are crazy about you!
Noel: Not really…one old lady thought I was hot! ^_^
Ron/Lavitz: 0_0’
Ron: You’ll be perfect…I like your personality! Your hired!
Noel: Oh thank you! When do I start?
Ron: Tomorrow…here’s a script! Study it and be prepared tomorrow!
Noel: Alright! Bye Mr. Howard!
Ron: See you! (Turns to Lavitz) Where did you find this loser?
Lavitz: I thought he would be perfect…
Ron: (Smacks Lavitz) LAVITZ YOU IDIOT! He’s a queer! And 2nd his eyes! And his clothes!
Lavitz: Sir…don’t hit me aging!
Ron: (Idea) Actually Lavitz you may have outdone yourself this time…
Lavitz: Sir?
Ron: Think about it! A new star! Our next big thing! We could make MILLIONS!
Lavitz: BILLIONS!
Ron: No…he’s too ugly to sell that much…
Ron: You told him about the script?
Lavitz: Well…yeah…
Ron: Hope so…this will be the best F3 episode that has ever comed out of production!
(At Bowman’s house)
Bowman: (Trying to set up a pyramid of cards) Almost there…
Noel: (Opens the door) HI GUYS!
Bowman: (All the cards fall down) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! THIS TOOK ME 5 HOURS! (Cyring)
Noel: Hiya Bowman! Why are you crying?
Bowman: It’s not…(Sniffle) fair…
Noel: I know…(Hugs him) I’m going into movies and you don’t…
Bowman: What are you talking about? I made a movie last month…(Shows him a movie with Bowman in a thong) It was Baywatch the sex version 2 ^_^
Noel: 0_0’ (Leaves)
Rena: Hi Noel!
Opera: Hello!
Claude: (Shivering)
Noel: Hi guys! (Looks at Claude) What’s wrong with him?
Claude: Brent and Hullo…no killings…UGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Celine: He’s a little nuts…he’ll be fine…
Opera: I heard you said something to Bowman about movies?
Noel: Well apparently I’m staring in this new movie! ^_^
All: 0_0’ you?
Noel: Yep! ^_^
Rena: What’s it called?
Noel: Um let me check…(Reads title) F3: The 4th episode…cool!
Opera: F3! They wanted to me to play one of the girls but I refused…
Noel: Too bad Opera…
Rena: Do you even know what F3 is about?
Noel: Yeah an action movie!
Opera: It’s a Hentai show!
Noel: No it isn’t…I don’t do that kinda of stuff just look at me!
Rena: But Noel it is!
Noel: Your just jealous! YOUR ALL JEALOUS!
Claude: Must wash off dirt spot…still not clean! (Licks his dirt spot on his hand)
All: 0_0’
Noel: Anyway I’m going to bed!
Opera: Hey wait!
Rena: What are we going to do?
Opera: Leave him…we got better things to do!
Claude: (Holding Opera) Help me I lost my mommy…
Oprea: *_* Never mind let’s try and follow him tomorrow…
Rena: Ok!
(Next day at the studio)
Ron: Alright take it from the top! 1, 2 ,3 action!
WARNING: THE REST OF THIS FAN FIC TALKS ABOUT SEXUAL COMMENTS AND HAS SOME SWEARING IF YOUR UNDER THE AGE OF 12 YOU SHOULD STOP READING HERE!
WARNED? LET’S CONTINUE SHALL WE?
Lavitz: Oh baby! I wanna really mess you up bad! Screw your boyfriend the real deal is here!
Hiroe: I don’t know about that!
Lavitz: Come on! I don’t wanna wait any longer! (Touching her breasts)
Dart: Hey Lavitz!
Lavitz: S…shoot!
Dart: WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH SHANA!
Hiroe: I’m not Shana! I’m Hiroe!
Ron: You blond haired fag it! You ruined the shot! You idiot!
(For once in this fan fic Claude hasn’t been dissed)
(And Dart is being dissed)
Ron: Hey Noel is here! Ok Hiroe go change and bring out Mayanka!
Noel: Hi guys! Hey Lavitz!
Lavitz: Yo! (Slaps his hand)
Dart: Hey Lavitz…I thought you loved me?
(Cutepiku pops up in the corner)
Cutepiku: We apologize for the diss on Dart with him loving Lavitz…the author wasn’t thinking quite right…we now return you to your regular scheduled program.
Lavitz: Hey ever since I lefted the show you treated me like crap! No phone calls…no nothing…you loved Shana more than me…(Crying)
Dart: Oh come here you big lug! (Hugs him)
Noel: 0_0’
Ron: Ah Noel my big star you’re here! Are you ready for your scene with Maynaka…played by Molly from Virtual Expel…^_^
Noel: Oh…yeah I’m ready!
Lavitz: Dart…
Dart: Lavitz…
Ron: Um…could you get those guys outta here?
Reebi: I like when guys kiss…
Noel/Ron: We don’t!!!
Reebi: fine seesh…(Takes Lavitz and Dart away)
Ron: Alright action!
(Music plays)
Noel: …
Molly: Hello…I’m lost can you help me?
Noel: I guess so…but…(reads script) what’s a girl like you doing here?
Molly: I got separated from my friends…but you look like you can help me…
Noel: I can so…wanna ride in my nice Pontiac Astrowagon?
Molly: I hate Pontiac’s!
Noel: We don’t need to take anything…I’ll I got is you…(Hehehe what a nice story…and the way I said it was beautiful!)
Molly: Well why don’t we go inside…
Ron: Ok CUT!
Ron: That was great Mr. Chandler! You did great!
Noel: Thanks…you know that wasn’t quite bad…
Ron: Now for your big scene break a leg!
Ron: 3 2 1 ACTION!
(Lights dim)
Molly: Are you feeling comfy?
Noel: (Reads script) Oh yes…
Molly: Let me relax you…(Rubs his toes)
Noel: Ah…(This is great…what’s next?)
Molly: (Stand up and starts to undress)
Molly: Are you ready?
Noel: WHOA! WHAT THE HELL!
Ron: Cut! Noel your suppose to undress too!
Noel: YOU LIED TO ME!
Ron: What?
Noel: You said that this wasn’t going to be a porno film! And you lied!
Ron: I said in the locker room that this is going to be a magicful scene your going to do…and if you read the script you would know that it contains porn in it…
Noel: *_* Ah…I did…but not to there! But still you lied to me! I want out!
Ron: Are you sure?
Noel: YEAH! I DON’T DO PORN!
Ron: Are you gay Noel?
Noel: No! the only gays here are Dart, Lavitz and Claude!
Ron: Hahahaha
Noel: ???
Ron: Well once you start a movie…you can’t leave!
Noel: Just try it!
Ron: Alright…you just made a big mistake! LAVITZ AND DART!
Dart/Lavitz: !!!
Ron: TRANSFORM INTO DRAGOONS AND DESTORY THEM!
(Dart and Lavtiz are kissing)
Reebi: Hehehe ^_^ They are soooo funny!
Ron/Noel: 0_0’
Ron: No matter I have another weapon to defeat you! THE HOLLYWOOD PRODUCERS!
(5 men rush in)
Producer: STAY!
Producer2: NO BREAKS!
Producer3: You sell things now!
Producer4: Where do you think your going?
Producer5: Do I look fat in this?
Noel: Ah…this is easy! EARTHQUAKE!!!
(Nothing happens)
Noel: 0_0’ What?
Ron: MUAHAHAHA Prepare yourself!
Noel: !!!
????: WAIT!
All: !!! (Turn around)
(Rena and Opera are there)
Noel: Opera! Rena! You came to rescue me!
Opera: I knew you would screw up…
Noel: Hey…
Producer: DESTORY THEM!
Rena: Opera get ready…
Opera: …Alright bring em in!
(5 people with suits rush in)
Producer: OH NO LAWYERS!!! RUN!
(Producers are getting chased by Lawyers outta sight)
Ron: Hehehe 3 on 1...are not fair…now I’ll show you…
Opera: Your just a dumb Hollywood producer! What are you going to do?
Ron: (Glows White) HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Noel: Oh no! He’s the real deal!
Opera: …this is so stupid…(Shoot her gun)
Ron: Hahaha…Huh?
Ron: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! AND I DIDN’T GET TO USE MY MOVES! THIS CAN’T BE REAL!!! (Explodes)
Rena: We did it!
Bowman: (Opens the door) Hey guys what’s going on? (Sees the naked women)
Bowman: Holly shoot! Are we in Heaven? So many naked…girls!
Opera: I’ll take care of this! (Hits Bowman unconscious)
Noel: OH GUYS!!! (Hugs Opera and Rena)
Rena: Your…welcome…x_x…
Opera: My…back…
Noel: …
Noel: Come on let’s leave this awful place and never come back…(Walks away)
(A few days later)
Rena: Sorry your dreams didn’t come true…
Noel: It’s ok…
Opera: How come you don’t like Hentai shows?
Noel: Porno is just wrong…and I’M NOT GAY AT ALL! It’s just boring and nasty…
Opera: I hear ya!
Noel: I will never do a mistake like that aging! For now on your going to see a new Noel!
Rena: Huh?
Noel: A noel with change…a cautious Noel…and Noel who looks first before leaping…I will never go to the park aging…that’s where this madness started!
Rena: But Noel you like the park!
Noel: I know…I’m going to take a break from that place first…now I’m going to get some Ice cream to celebrate! See ya later! ^_^ (Leaves)
Opera: Well things are back to normal…
Rena: Did you think he really meant what he said?
Duff Man: WHEN MOLLY TOOK HER TOP OF NOEL’S DREAMS WENT TO A CRASHING END! OH YEAH! NOW HIS DREAMS ARE OVER AND THINGS HAVE RETURNED TO NORMAL. YOU MAY THINK THIS IS THE END OF THE STORY AND THERE IS A MORAL BUT THERE ARE SOME STORIES THAT NEVER GET A HAPPY ENDING…AND THIS IS ONE CHUG MONKEYS…BECAUSE THE NEXT DAY…
(Bowman is on an table getting his back rubed)
Bowman: Ah this soooo relaxing…you make me feel so happy…
Bowman: I’m so lucky…could you get behind the @$$ please?
(Kissing sounds)
Bowman: Hey girls…more action less talking! (Looks above and sees Dart and Lavitz kissing each other on top of him)
Bowman: 0_0’ 0_0’ OH…
Dart: Lavitz I’m all yours…screw Shana…
Bowman: MY!!!
Lavitz: No woman could replace you…
Bowman: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Duff Man: THINGS LOOKED PROMISING FOR BOWMAN BUT WHAT ABOUT NOEL?
(Birds chriping)
Noel: ah…who needs the park…(scene switches to the zoo) when I HAVE THE ZOO!
Noel: Nothing will go wrong this time!
Guy: Excuse me sir…how would you like to do a camera commercial for 2 million dollars?
Noel: I don’t know…I had a bad experience with cameras…
Guy: It’s also for charity! ^_^
Noel: SOLD!
(Scene fades)
Duff Man: AND OF COURSE WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND…LIKE IN EVERY GOOD STORY…
(Next day)
T.V: The Panthers are beating the Maple leafs 4-3 this is going to be a good third period!
Hullo: Past the chips…
Brent: (Here you go)
Ashton: HA! Panthers are winning! You owe me…
T.V: MAPLE SCORES! IN THE LAST 4 MIN’S OF THE HOCKEY GAME!
Ashton: DOH!
Brent/Hullo: Hahahaha…(Hits beer mugs together)
Claude: (Looking over ahead in other room) I must be going crazy…I GOTTA STOP THIS shoot! (Runs into the room)
Claude: Brent! What are you doing with Hullo?
Brent: Claude…what day is it Ashton?
Ashton: Wednesday…
Brent: (Checks Calender…) Wednesday…is…good…
Claude: Face it more people love Claude admit it! You think I’m sexy!
Brent: Uh…I’m too tired to diss you today so I’ll get someone else to do it…(Claps hands)
Claude: What the?
(Expertise and Cutepiku appears)
Claude: 0_0’ OH shoot!
Cutepiku: Hullo you better stay where you are!
Hullo: I’m watching the game…I’ll diss you guys tomorrow…
Brent: That’s the spirit!
Hullo: I ain’t on your side…hehehe Brent is a jerk!
Brent: …(Nods head)
Cutepiku: (Slices her head off with a ax)
Brent: (picks Hullo’s head up) Hehehe…headless Hullo that sells right?
Cutepiku: Yep!
Claude: Ahhhhhh…
Expertise: Now for you!
Claude: LOOK OVER THERE!
Brent, Cutepiku, Expertise: (Looks at the other direction)
Claude: Suckers! (runs away)
Brent: Oh he won’t be going anywhere…
Expertise: That anti-Claude trap you showed us?
Brent: In a second you’ll hear thousands of screams…
(In the distance they hears buzz saws, electrical shocks, and screams)
Brent: 3...2...1...
(Silence)
Expertise: Music to my ears!
Cutepiku: Hey Ashton…can we watch the game?
Ashton: Sure…
Expertise: Pass the peanuts…
Cutepiku: Dip…
(Scene fades)
End.
Credits:
Claude: Jack @$$ Homo…he finally died in the end…
Rena: She didn’t do crap but she’s so sweet…
Celine: Claude’s mommy…
Bowman: Getting some action tonight…
Precis: Only one appearance? For shame…
Ashton: Shouldn’t bet on hockey games…
Noel: He’d learned his lesson…
Opera: Kick @$$ machine guns! ^_^
Hullo: Headless corpse…
Brent: He seems to start in more fan fic’s…doesn’t he?
Cutepiku: CUT OFF MORE HEADS!
Reebi: Werido…who likes gay guys kissing…
Expertise: Didn’t kill anyone…but who cares!
Hiroe: Slut…
Molly: She’s makes an appearance! ^_^
Dart: Cares more about men than girls…
Lavitz: Ok he’s was cool till later…
Mr.T: I PITY THE FOOL! WHO PUT HIM IN THIS STORY!
Ron Howard: As a fighter…he sucks…but I like his movies!
Duff Man: Give him credit…he’s always in my stories…
Hollywood Producers: Pushy people
Lawyers: Can you imagine a world without lawyers?
Noel: Hehehe want another one? (Tosses a peanut in the cage)
Noel: Hahaha this sure beats watching a hockey game…way better…
(Back at home)
Announcer: VANCOUVER SCORES! MARKUS NASLAND SCORES AGING! 3-1 VANCOUVER OVER THE FLAMING BARRELS FROM EXPEL!!!
Brent: Yes!
Ashton: Nuts!
(Claude walks in)
Claude: Hey Ashton there is a pizza here…0_0’ (Stares at Brent)
Claude: Brent?
Brent: Claude?
Brent: You doing well?
Claude: Huh? No killing? No threats?
Brent: It’s my day off were pals right?
Claude: Oh my god…Hullo got to you?
Hullo: Nope…
Claude: Your watching the game too?
Hullo: After the game when Ashton losses 700 FOL from the Canucks…were ordering a pizza and playing Wild Arms 3!
Claude: 0_0’ I’m going to get some fresh air for a second…(leaves)
Brent: Pass the popcorn…
Hullo: Here you go!
Ashton: Why did Naslund score? Damn it…
Hullo: Down in front!
Ashton: Sorry…
Claude: (Something isn’t right…I’m going on a bike ride…)
(Back at the park)
Noel: Hahahaha! (Gets tapped on the shoulder) Wha?
Park Ranger: What are you doing?
Noel: I’m taking the curiosity of feeding these poor animals for you…
Park Ranger: Do you work here?
Noel: Ah…well I specialize in…
Park Ranger: You work with Animals?
Noel: Yes…I care for them…
Park Ranger: Are you with a group like Greenpeace?
Noel: Well yeah…(Takes off his shirt) Greenpeace is trying to save the Earth…you should too…
Park Ranger: That’s it…I’m going to have to ask you to leave!
Noel: Make me!
Park Ranger: I’ll make you!
(Nothing happens for 5 seconds. Tumbleweed goes by)
Park Ranger: (Leaves)
Noel: 0_0’
Mr.T: Good worker brother…you taught that fool a lesson…
Noel: You’re the bad mouth guy from Rocky 3 right?
Mr.T: Ah…I think so…I can’t remember what movie it was anyway…name is Mr.T!
Noel: So why are you talking to me?
Mr.T: You seem to defend that poor animal fool! So I’m going to Ask you something…
Noel: Ok…
Mr.T: Whatever you do…there we’ll be some guys whering black don’t make eye contact with them! UNDERSTAND!
Noel: Ok…why?
(Winds blow as Mr.T disappears)
Noel: That was strange…what next?
(Wind disappears as there are two guys in black)
Noel: AH!
Guy: Come with us…we want to make you a deal…
Noel: Mr.T warned me about you guys!
Noel: (Climbs a branch and leaps to the top of the Elephant cage)
Noel: Try and get me now! Nah nah (Turns around. Sees the two guys in front of him)
Noel: AH! (Jumps off cage and runs to the exit)
Noel: Almost there!
Woman: Stamp your hand for reentry!
Noel: Ok! (Sees the guys running slowly) Ah could you hurry up…
Woman: Hold it…I misplaced the stamp…oh where is it?
Noel: NO TIME! (Runs)
Woman: Hey wait a minute!
Noel: (Running into the street) I think I lost them…
????: Hey…
Noel: Hey you look very familiar…
Cutepiku: Noel? What’s wrong?
Noel: Some guys in black are chasing me…
Cutepiku: I’ll help you!
Noel: You will?
Cutepiku: (Pulls down zipper like in cartoons. Really is Lavitz from LOD)
Noel: NO NOT YOU! I HATE LOD!
Lavitz: You better come quietly! Get the van!
(Van comes and picks Noel up as long with some other guys in black)
Precis: (Drinking a surpee) What the?
Bowman: Oy! Precis!
Precis: …
Bowman: I just came from a jog…something wrong?
Precis: Noel was just brought into a van with a bunch of dudes…
Bowman: 0_0’ Is Noel gone gay?
Precis: Maybe?
(Inside the van)
Noel: Lavitz…what the hell I thought you died!
Lavitz: Not really…you see when I died in Hellena when Dart was crying like the 3 year old wimp he is…they replaced me with a stunt double…
Noel: Oh…then what happened?
Lavitz: The movie business saw my good looks when Legend Of Dragoon did it’s promotion movie and I’m now famous! ^_^
Noel: Oh really?
Lavitz: Hey watch it! My charms can knock you down hard!
Noel: Ok…what movie’s have you been in?
Lavitz: None till today! I’m doing a very good movie that is getting big reviews by the producers on Entertainment Tonight!
Noel: So why am I here?
Lavitz: We are willing to offer you a contract to play as the main character Sumio…
Noel: ^_^ Me? In show business?
Lavitz I must warn you this show contains…
Noel: I’ll sign! I WANNA BE A STAR!
Lavitz: But…
Noel: So are going to the studios?
Lavitz: Well first were going to see a friend about you signing up…
Noel: YES!
(Scene switches to Claude talking to Celine)
Celine: It sure does sound strange…
Claude: I mean he was…and she was…what the hell?
Celine: Maybe you dreamed it?
Claude: No way! I wish!
Celine: Well why don’t we go back there and check ok?
Claude: Ok Celine…with you I feel safe…
Celine: (I wonder what he really meant by that?)
(Back at the home)
Claude: Alright Celine into this room!
(Celine follows Claude inside the room)
Celine: 0_0’
Claude: See?
Celine: See what?
Claude: (Looks and find there is no one there)
Claude: Hey where they go?
Celine: Claude…I think you need help…
Claude: NO! I SAW THEM RIGHT HERE!
Celine: It’s ok…you need help…
Claude: They were right there…
Celine: Let’s go Claude…
Claude: Fine…
(They both leave. Then when they closed the door)
Brent: Sweet pool table Hullo!
Hullo: That was a good game…now back to Hockey!
Ashton: Ohhh…can’t we just make bets on the Panthers and Leafs game?
Brent: No…
Ashton: Oh man…(Checks wallet)
Gyoro: (This is gonna cost you)
Ashton: *_*’
(Back at the Hollywood studios)
Lavitz: Good afternoon Ron!
Ron: Hello Lavitz…did you find my Sumio?
Lavitz: Right here! Meet Noel from SO2! ^_^
Ron: SO2? Oh yeah…Jim Carey placed that before…he was strange since that day…
(In Hollywood)
Jim: Wow…Celine is so hot! SMOKIN!!!
Agent: It’s just a game Mr. Carey…
Jim: Games are real…I bet you I’ll see her one day…and you’ll be laughing…
(Back at the office)
Ron: Hello Noel I’m Ron Howard…
Noel: ??? Who?
Ron: o_o’
Lavitz: (Whispers) He’s not from here…
Ron: Oh! Well your alright…so your new my Sumio?
Noel: I got the job already?
Ron: Hahaha…well you look pretty good looking I bet the girls are crazy about you!
Noel: Not really…one old lady thought I was hot! ^_^
Ron/Lavitz: 0_0’
Ron: You’ll be perfect…I like your personality! Your hired!
Noel: Oh thank you! When do I start?
Ron: Tomorrow…here’s a script! Study it and be prepared tomorrow!
Noel: Alright! Bye Mr. Howard!
Ron: See you! (Turns to Lavitz) Where did you find this loser?
Lavitz: I thought he would be perfect…
Ron: (Smacks Lavitz) LAVITZ YOU IDIOT! He’s a queer! And 2nd his eyes! And his clothes!
Lavitz: Sir…don’t hit me aging!
Ron: (Idea) Actually Lavitz you may have outdone yourself this time…
Lavitz: Sir?
Ron: Think about it! A new star! Our next big thing! We could make MILLIONS!
Lavitz: BILLIONS!
Ron: No…he’s too ugly to sell that much…
Ron: You told him about the script?
Lavitz: Well…yeah…
Ron: Hope so…this will be the best F3 episode that has ever comed out of production!
(At Bowman’s house)
Bowman: (Trying to set up a pyramid of cards) Almost there…
Noel: (Opens the door) HI GUYS!
Bowman: (All the cards fall down) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! THIS TOOK ME 5 HOURS! (Cyring)
Noel: Hiya Bowman! Why are you crying?
Bowman: It’s not…(Sniffle) fair…
Noel: I know…(Hugs him) I’m going into movies and you don’t…
Bowman: What are you talking about? I made a movie last month…(Shows him a movie with Bowman in a thong) It was Baywatch the sex version 2 ^_^
Noel: 0_0’ (Leaves)
Rena: Hi Noel!
Opera: Hello!
Claude: (Shivering)
Noel: Hi guys! (Looks at Claude) What’s wrong with him?
Claude: Brent and Hullo…no killings…UGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Celine: He’s a little nuts…he’ll be fine…
Opera: I heard you said something to Bowman about movies?
Noel: Well apparently I’m staring in this new movie! ^_^
All: 0_0’ you?
Noel: Yep! ^_^
Rena: What’s it called?
Noel: Um let me check…(Reads title) F3: The 4th episode…cool!
Opera: F3! They wanted to me to play one of the girls but I refused…
Noel: Too bad Opera…
Rena: Do you even know what F3 is about?
Noel: Yeah an action movie!
Opera: It’s a Hentai show!
Noel: No it isn’t…I don’t do that kinda of stuff just look at me!
Rena: But Noel it is!
Noel: Your just jealous! YOUR ALL JEALOUS!
Claude: Must wash off dirt spot…still not clean! (Licks his dirt spot on his hand)
All: 0_0’
Noel: Anyway I’m going to bed!
Opera: Hey wait!
Rena: What are we going to do?
Opera: Leave him…we got better things to do!
Claude: (Holding Opera) Help me I lost my mommy…
Oprea: *_* Never mind let’s try and follow him tomorrow…
Rena: Ok!
(Next day at the studio)
Ron: Alright take it from the top! 1, 2 ,3 action!
WARNING: THE REST OF THIS FAN FIC TALKS ABOUT SEXUAL COMMENTS AND HAS SOME SWEARING IF YOUR UNDER THE AGE OF 12 YOU SHOULD STOP READING HERE!
WARNED? LET’S CONTINUE SHALL WE?
Lavitz: Oh baby! I wanna really mess you up bad! Screw your boyfriend the real deal is here!
Hiroe: I don’t know about that!
Lavitz: Come on! I don’t wanna wait any longer! (Touching her breasts)
Dart: Hey Lavitz!
Lavitz: S…shoot!
Dart: WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH SHANA!
Hiroe: I’m not Shana! I’m Hiroe!
Ron: You blond haired fag it! You ruined the shot! You idiot!
(For once in this fan fic Claude hasn’t been dissed)
(And Dart is being dissed)
Ron: Hey Noel is here! Ok Hiroe go change and bring out Mayanka!
Noel: Hi guys! Hey Lavitz!
Lavitz: Yo! (Slaps his hand)
Dart: Hey Lavitz…I thought you loved me?
(Cutepiku pops up in the corner)
Cutepiku: We apologize for the diss on Dart with him loving Lavitz…the author wasn’t thinking quite right…we now return you to your regular scheduled program.
Lavitz: Hey ever since I lefted the show you treated me like crap! No phone calls…no nothing…you loved Shana more than me…(Crying)
Dart: Oh come here you big lug! (Hugs him)
Noel: 0_0’
Ron: Ah Noel my big star you’re here! Are you ready for your scene with Maynaka…played by Molly from Virtual Expel…^_^
Noel: Oh…yeah I’m ready!
Lavitz: Dart…
Dart: Lavitz…
Ron: Um…could you get those guys outta here?
Reebi: I like when guys kiss…
Noel/Ron: We don’t!!!
Reebi: fine seesh…(Takes Lavitz and Dart away)
Ron: Alright action!
(Music plays)
Noel: …
Molly: Hello…I’m lost can you help me?
Noel: I guess so…but…(reads script) what’s a girl like you doing here?
Molly: I got separated from my friends…but you look like you can help me…
Noel: I can so…wanna ride in my nice Pontiac Astrowagon?
Molly: I hate Pontiac’s!
Noel: We don’t need to take anything…I’ll I got is you…(Hehehe what a nice story…and the way I said it was beautiful!)
Molly: Well why don’t we go inside…
Ron: Ok CUT!
Ron: That was great Mr. Chandler! You did great!
Noel: Thanks…you know that wasn’t quite bad…
Ron: Now for your big scene break a leg!
Ron: 3 2 1 ACTION!
(Lights dim)
Molly: Are you feeling comfy?
Noel: (Reads script) Oh yes…
Molly: Let me relax you…(Rubs his toes)
Noel: Ah…(This is great…what’s next?)
Molly: (Stand up and starts to undress)
Molly: Are you ready?
Noel: WHOA! WHAT THE HELL!
Ron: Cut! Noel your suppose to undress too!
Noel: YOU LIED TO ME!
Ron: What?
Noel: You said that this wasn’t going to be a porno film! And you lied!
Ron: I said in the locker room that this is going to be a magicful scene your going to do…and if you read the script you would know that it contains porn in it…
Noel: *_* Ah…I did…but not to there! But still you lied to me! I want out!
Ron: Are you sure?
Noel: YEAH! I DON’T DO PORN!
Ron: Are you gay Noel?
Noel: No! the only gays here are Dart, Lavitz and Claude!
Ron: Hahahaha
Noel: ???
Ron: Well once you start a movie…you can’t leave!
Noel: Just try it!
Ron: Alright…you just made a big mistake! LAVITZ AND DART!
Dart/Lavitz: !!!
Ron: TRANSFORM INTO DRAGOONS AND DESTORY THEM!
(Dart and Lavtiz are kissing)
Reebi: Hehehe ^_^ They are soooo funny!
Ron/Noel: 0_0’
Ron: No matter I have another weapon to defeat you! THE HOLLYWOOD PRODUCERS!
(5 men rush in)
Producer: STAY!
Producer2: NO BREAKS!
Producer3: You sell things now!
Producer4: Where do you think your going?
Producer5: Do I look fat in this?
Noel: Ah…this is easy! EARTHQUAKE!!!
(Nothing happens)
Noel: 0_0’ What?
Ron: MUAHAHAHA Prepare yourself!
Noel: !!!
????: WAIT!
All: !!! (Turn around)
(Rena and Opera are there)
Noel: Opera! Rena! You came to rescue me!
Opera: I knew you would screw up…
Noel: Hey…
Producer: DESTORY THEM!
Rena: Opera get ready…
Opera: …Alright bring em in!
(5 people with suits rush in)
Producer: OH NO LAWYERS!!! RUN!
(Producers are getting chased by Lawyers outta sight)
Ron: Hehehe 3 on 1...are not fair…now I’ll show you…
Opera: Your just a dumb Hollywood producer! What are you going to do?
Ron: (Glows White) HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Noel: Oh no! He’s the real deal!
Opera: …this is so stupid…(Shoot her gun)
Ron: Hahaha…Huh?
Ron: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! AND I DIDN’T GET TO USE MY MOVES! THIS CAN’T BE REAL!!! (Explodes)
Rena: We did it!
Bowman: (Opens the door) Hey guys what’s going on? (Sees the naked women)
Bowman: Holly shoot! Are we in Heaven? So many naked…girls!
Opera: I’ll take care of this! (Hits Bowman unconscious)
Noel: OH GUYS!!! (Hugs Opera and Rena)
Rena: Your…welcome…x_x…
Opera: My…back…
Noel: …
Noel: Come on let’s leave this awful place and never come back…(Walks away)
(A few days later)
Rena: Sorry your dreams didn’t come true…
Noel: It’s ok…
Opera: How come you don’t like Hentai shows?
Noel: Porno is just wrong…and I’M NOT GAY AT ALL! It’s just boring and nasty…
Opera: I hear ya!
Noel: I will never do a mistake like that aging! For now on your going to see a new Noel!
Rena: Huh?
Noel: A noel with change…a cautious Noel…and Noel who looks first before leaping…I will never go to the park aging…that’s where this madness started!
Rena: But Noel you like the park!
Noel: I know…I’m going to take a break from that place first…now I’m going to get some Ice cream to celebrate! See ya later! ^_^ (Leaves)
Opera: Well things are back to normal…
Rena: Did you think he really meant what he said?
Duff Man: WHEN MOLLY TOOK HER TOP OF NOEL’S DREAMS WENT TO A CRASHING END! OH YEAH! NOW HIS DREAMS ARE OVER AND THINGS HAVE RETURNED TO NORMAL. YOU MAY THINK THIS IS THE END OF THE STORY AND THERE IS A MORAL BUT THERE ARE SOME STORIES THAT NEVER GET A HAPPY ENDING…AND THIS IS ONE CHUG MONKEYS…BECAUSE THE NEXT DAY…
(Bowman is on an table getting his back rubed)
Bowman: Ah this soooo relaxing…you make me feel so happy…
Bowman: I’m so lucky…could you get behind the @$$ please?
(Kissing sounds)
Bowman: Hey girls…more action less talking! (Looks above and sees Dart and Lavitz kissing each other on top of him)
Bowman: 0_0’ 0_0’ OH…
Dart: Lavitz I’m all yours…screw Shana…
Bowman: MY!!!
Lavitz: No woman could replace you…
Bowman: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Duff Man: THINGS LOOKED PROMISING FOR BOWMAN BUT WHAT ABOUT NOEL?
(Birds chriping)
Noel: ah…who needs the park…(scene switches to the zoo) when I HAVE THE ZOO!
Noel: Nothing will go wrong this time!
Guy: Excuse me sir…how would you like to do a camera commercial for 2 million dollars?
Noel: I don’t know…I had a bad experience with cameras…
Guy: It’s also for charity! ^_^
Noel: SOLD!
(Scene fades)
Duff Man: AND OF COURSE WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND…LIKE IN EVERY GOOD STORY…
(Next day)
T.V: The Panthers are beating the Maple leafs 4-3 this is going to be a good third period!
Hullo: Past the chips…
Brent: (Here you go)
Ashton: HA! Panthers are winning! You owe me…
T.V: MAPLE SCORES! IN THE LAST 4 MIN’S OF THE HOCKEY GAME!
Ashton: DOH!
Brent/Hullo: Hahahaha…(Hits beer mugs together)
Claude: (Looking over ahead in other room) I must be going crazy…I GOTTA STOP THIS shoot! (Runs into the room)
Claude: Brent! What are you doing with Hullo?
Brent: Claude…what day is it Ashton?
Ashton: Wednesday…
Brent: (Checks Calender…) Wednesday…is…good…
Claude: Face it more people love Claude admit it! You think I’m sexy!
Brent: Uh…I’m too tired to diss you today so I’ll get someone else to do it…(Claps hands)
Claude: What the?
(Expertise and Cutepiku appears)
Claude: 0_0’ OH shoot!
Cutepiku: Hullo you better stay where you are!
Hullo: I’m watching the game…I’ll diss you guys tomorrow…
Brent: That’s the spirit!
Hullo: I ain’t on your side…hehehe Brent is a jerk!
Brent: …(Nods head)
Cutepiku: (Slices her head off with a ax)
Brent: (picks Hullo’s head up) Hehehe…headless Hullo that sells right?
Cutepiku: Yep!
Claude: Ahhhhhh…
Expertise: Now for you!
Claude: LOOK OVER THERE!
Brent, Cutepiku, Expertise: (Looks at the other direction)
Claude: Suckers! (runs away)
Brent: Oh he won’t be going anywhere…
Expertise: That anti-Claude trap you showed us?
Brent: In a second you’ll hear thousands of screams…
(In the distance they hears buzz saws, electrical shocks, and screams)
Brent: 3...2...1...
(Silence)
Expertise: Music to my ears!
Cutepiku: Hey Ashton…can we watch the game?
Ashton: Sure…
Expertise: Pass the peanuts…
Cutepiku: Dip…
(Scene fades)
End.
Credits:
Claude: Jack @$$ Homo…he finally died in the end…
Rena: She didn’t do crap but she’s so sweet…
Celine: Claude’s mommy…
Bowman: Getting some action tonight…
Precis: Only one appearance? For shame…
Ashton: Shouldn’t bet on hockey games…
Noel: He’d learned his lesson…
Opera: Kick @$$ machine guns! ^_^
Hullo: Headless corpse…
Brent: He seems to start in more fan fic’s…doesn’t he?
Cutepiku: CUT OFF MORE HEADS!
Reebi: Werido…who likes gay guys kissing…
Expertise: Didn’t kill anyone…but who cares!
Hiroe: Slut…
Molly: She’s makes an appearance! ^_^
Dart: Cares more about men than girls…
Lavitz: Ok he’s was cool till later…
Mr.T: I PITY THE FOOL! WHO PUT HIM IN THIS STORY!
Ron Howard: As a fighter…he sucks…but I like his movies!
Duff Man: Give him credit…he’s always in my stories…
Hollywood Producers: Pushy people
Lawyers: Can you imagine a world without lawyers?
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