Chapter 4 - Episode Four

“The army has assembled, Your Majesty!” Emiko proclaimed, saluting. “They are waiting to hear your words of wisdom!”

Chris waited for Hatoko to finish lacing up her knee-high high-heeled black leather boots, then turned to face Emiko. As soon as she had made her declaration of war, Chris had returned to her room to garb herself in raiment better befitting a Netherworld Princess.

She was now outfitted in a snug black sleeve- and strapless top and a short black leather skirt ornamented with three belts, beneath a sleeveless sky-blue coat that came down to just past her skirt and was fastened across her ribcage with two burgundy crystals. Black fingerless gloves came up halfway above her elbows, cinched into security with miniature belts—more belts encircled the black tights hugging her legs. A black leather choker dripping a perfectly round burgundy crystal and a silver feronniere equipped with yet another crystal completed the ensemble. Hatoko, who had helped her pick out the outfit, had assured her that the crystals were steeped in protective spells to help ensure the survival of the wearer. Chris had observed that they couldn't have worked very well, since their old owner was now dead. Hatoko had said, rather delicately, that the former Overlord hadn't been wearing these crystals when she had fought Chris, and tried very hard not to imply that had the former Overlord done so, the outcome of that fight might have been different.

Shaking back her long black hair, Chris took a step towards Emiko. And another. And another, enjoying the feeling of power this outlandish but definitely tasteful outfit gave her. There really was truth to that old saying, “The costume makes the clown.” Or, in this case, the Netherworld Princess.

“All right then, Emiko, show me to them!” Chris dropped her heel onto the ground, smiling inwardly at the decisive clack it made.

“Right this way, Majesty!” Emiko bowed Chris through a door out onto a balcony.

* * *

The balcony was about two stories above the ground, and the ground was covered with a positive legion of creations. Female Warriors and long-haired Ronin compared the sizes of the gigantic swords they carried. Archers giggled secretively with wand-wielding Magi. Succubi bounced in midair, drawing the astounded stares of a brigade of Prinnies. Kitkats practiced their martial arts skills against female Brawlers. A trio of Professors tinkered with a tank while helpful Merchants stood by, handing them parts and tools. A phalanx of Knights stood stiffly at attention while a pack of loose-limbed female Soldiers loaded their rifles nearby. Whip Masters equipped with glowing Beam Sabers barked out military orders over their impressive busts, while flame-haired Amazons ignored them. A group of multicolored Idols, every color from red to white, freshened up each other's paint jobs and practiced vocal warm-up exercises.

Chris stared down with something like astonishment. This was her army? This incredible array of high-powered ladies, all armed to the teeth, all ready to march at her slightest word—this was the population of her Netherworld?

For a moment, Chris was seized with the un-Overlord-ish desire to cut and run. Being the center of the attention of all these women—all of whom looked capable of tearing her apart, and half of whom looked like they might want to—was suddenly almost maybe just on the verge of unbearable. She actually felt her knees bend like pasta. She was only thirteen, for screaming out loud! She couldn't lead these people into battle!

She turned around, not sure what exactly was running through her mind, knowing only that she was terrified, and saw Emiko and Hatoko. Emiko saluted so energetically that she nearly concussed herself; Hatoko looked like she was going to cry with pride, seeing Chris getting ready to address her troops for the first time. Something about their trust in her—or maybe about how funny and ridiculous the both of them were—squared her shoulders and stilled her knees. And suddenly she wasn't scared. Suddenly she was ragingly excited.

Chris whirled back around, faced her army, and raised her gloved arms.

“Hey, guys!!”

All conversation down on the ground died instantly. With a great swishing murmur of shifting cloth and turning boots, every single person in the courtyard turned to look up at Chris, their eyes radiating almost fanatical devotion.

Chris drew in all of that devotion, boosting herself with it, and when she next spoke, she surprised even herself with the tremendous force of her voice. “We are all gathered here today for one reason, and one reason only! We are going to war!!”

There was an explosion of cheers from the courtyard. The Brawlers and Whip Masters seemed particularly pleased with this statement.

“I am now officially declaring war on Laharl's Netherworld!” Chris shouted, glorying in the words. “Once our final preparations are complete, we march there immediately, and we shall conquer that Netherworld and claim Laharl as MY vassal! Because I am Laharl's Number One Ichiban Fangirl!!” Damn straight she was! “Your goal is simple! Kill anything and everything that gets between me and my Laharl!”

The cheers grew suddenly louder.

Chris considered. “Well, almost everything. Don't kill Etna. Or Flonne either, I guess.”

A muttered, “Awww,” went up from Chris' abruptly-depressed troops.

“But anything else, is completely fair game!”

Enthusiasm was restored.

“So grab your weapons!”

A sea of swords, spears, axes, guns, bows, staffs, bombs, and lightsabers shot up across the courtyard.

“Put on your armor!”

The Merchants opened their trusty bags and removed helmets, breastplates, belts, and cloaks by the handfuls, which they distributed out to the crowd with the easy generosity of Merchants knowing they were going to get paid double what the armor was worth as soon as this war was over.

“And let's—go—kick—some—BUTT!!!!”

The army exploded into raging, cheering, bloodthirsty chaos.

* * *

“Hatoko!” Chris declared, riding back in from the balcony on a burgeoning wave of adrenaline.

“Yes, Your Majesty?”

“I need to make at least fifty new vassals, and I need my Dimensional Gatekeeper as soon as possible.” Chris paused. “I do have a Dimensional Gatekeeper, don't I?”

“Of course, Your Majesty,” Hatoko agreed. “Eida has been the Dimensional Gatekeeper at this castle for almost seven hundred years now.”

“But we can't bring her to you or anything, Princess,” Emiko said, the words clearly shaming her. “Dimensional Gatekeepers are outside of the influence of even Overlords. They never go anywhere they don't want to. Eida hasn't left the Dimensional Gateway for almost seven hundred years now.”

“Not a problem.” Chris strode from the room, high heels clacking against the floor. “Take me to the Dark Assembly. I've got vassals to make.”

* * *

“Are you ready?!” Chris shouted to her troops.

“READY!! READY!! KILL!! KILL!!”

Sure sounds like it. “All right!” Chris turned to her Dimensional Gatekeeper—a beautiful Cleric, her flowing black gown shimmering with crimson like oil on water, her hair as straight and bright as a golden flame. “Eida, if you would…?”

“Of course, Princess,” Eida replied, her voice a dulcet velvet murmur. “The Netherworld of the Overlord Laharl, correct? It is fairly close by. This should not take long.”

She turned to the whirling cerulean vortex behind her and raised her arms.

Mystical power outside of the realms of normality flashed and danced from Eida's fingers and slid into the cerulean whirlpool, changing it, stretching it, expanding it into a huge gaping black hole hanging in midair—a wormhole to another place and time.

“Now, simply enter the Dimensional Gateway, Princess,” Eida said, completely unruffled by the hole she had just opened in space, “and you shall find yourself in Laharl's Netherworld.”

Chris nerved herself and fell forward into the darkness, letting the world disappear around her.

* * *

“Prince Laharl! Prince Laharl!”

The overexcited Brownie came charging into the throne room of Overlord Prince Laharl, remembered it needed to make proper obeisance, and pulled up short to fall over flat.

Laharl looked up from his extremely important list of things to do today (1. Tease Flonne. 2. Capture and torture some new prisoners. 3. Give Prinnies senseless backbreaking tasks to do. 4. Tease Flonne some more. 5. Blow up some important natural landmarks. 6. Send insulting letters to Prier and tell her Alexander did it. 7. Tease Flonne until dinner.) and frowned at the Brownie. Laharl's frown had been known to crack windows. “What the hell is your problem?”

“Prince Laharl!” The Brownie got to its feet, waving its arms frantically. “We're under attack!”

“WHAT?!?!” Laharl jumped off of his throne, shoved the Brownie out of the way, and ran to the nearest window. “AGAIN?!?!?!”

The sight the demon prince saw when he gazed out of the window was so horrible, so terrible, that he let out a scream that shook the foundations of his castle.

Etna, Laharl's most “loyal” and “trusted” vassal (if you asked the right people,) floated into the throne room, a look of irritated boredom fixed with easy familiarity on her little-girl-ish features. “What is it now, Prince? Flonne leave one of her Love and Justice Forever comic books lying around again?”

Laharl ran past her, screaming.

Etna watched her overlord career down the corridor she had just exited with one eyebrow raised. “That must've been one lovey-dovey comic. I haven't seen him freak out that much since the whole Succubi-attack thing in Jotunheim.”

A loud explosion came from outside the window. Etna sighed like a martyr and drifted over to the window. “HEY! KEEP IT THE HELL DOWN OUT—”

The scene that greeted her eyes was not at all what she had been expecting.

A seemingly limitless number of Succubi was mobbing the castle in droves.

Etna abandoned all pretense of boredom and ran after Laharl. “PRINCE!! WE'RE UNDER ATTACK AGAIN!!”

* * *

Chris was standing safely at the back of her army with Emiko and Hatoko, waiting until access to the inside of the castle was gained before she brought herself forward. She wanted to keep herself at 100% strength until she faced Laharl.

Her strategy was actually quite simple. Having played Disgaea, Chris knew Laharl's two weaknesses—optimism and women with sexy bodies. Keeping the second weakness in mind, she had, just before setting off to Laharl's Netherworld, created a virtual horde of level 1 Good-For-Nothing Succubi to use as shock troops. Although the poor level 1 Succubi had no chance in battle against Laharl's much better trained vassals, they soon proved themselves above their titles, as they were indeed good for two separate things. Firstly, by throwing themselves into the melee, they distracted Laharl's vassals, who wasted their time cutting them down by the dozens until Chris' own real vassals—the army she had massed in the courtyard—suddenly appeared out of nowhere with weaponry in their hand and murder in their eye.

Secondly, the Succubi's massive mounds of barely-covered bouncing bosom were having a very definite effect on Laharl inside of his castle. The scream he had let out when he had looked out the window had not gone unheard by Chris. Mixed on the front lines with her throngs of Succubi were copiously-endowed Whip Masters, well-fleshed Amazons, big-bosomed Knights, bare-breasted Kitkats, and overly-voluptuous Ronin, all gorgeously sexy and prominently displayed. This display of sexiness was causing Laharl intense pain. That earlier scream proved it.

Behind her front lines of busty beauties, Chris had lined up her Warriors, Soldiers, Professors, Merchants, and Archers, and ordered them to rain havoc down on Laharl's vassals with everything they had. This task they had taken joyfully to heart. The bullets and bombs this second rank of fighters sent flying at Laharl's vassals almost made Chris feel sorry for them.

And finally, at the very back, surrounding Chris and her two attendants like a multicolored cloud, were all of the Magi and Idols. The Magi added their staff-boosted spells to the mayhem raining down on Laharl's already shell-shocked vassals—meanwhile, the Idols kept a steady stream of healing and protective spells pouring over Chris' troops.

For a thirteen-year-old who had never seen battle, this was an excellent example of tactics.

“We're almost to the castle, Your Majesty,” Hatoko said quite calmly as she leapt into the air and threw a whirling blade of exploding air down at two Golems who were trying to fight their way through the eddying currents of women fighting everywhere. “Have you a weapon?”

“A weapon!” Chris had known she was forgetting something. “Darn it! I forgot!”

“You can borrow this!” Emiko offered, holding up her sword.

Chris eyed the sword, which was almost as wide as she was. “Uh…thanks, Emiko, but no thanks.” She snapped her fingers. “Merchant!”

A Merchant zoomed up out of nowhere, throwing a few last bombs as she came. “You called, Your Majesty?”

“What's your name?”

“Titania, Your Majesty.”

“Titania, I need a weapon.” Chris considered. “Something light and easy to use, but cool and devastating enough to blow a hole in a solid brick wall. You got anything?”

Titania threw down her bag of items, pulled it open, and began to root through it. “Well, according to my records, Your Majesty, you're experienced with daggers, hammers, rifles, and bazookas.”

“Awesome!!”

“I'm afraid I don't have any hammers, though. But, I did just get a rather nice bazooka in—the Dragoon. Tec-rating of 520. What do you say?”

“What do I say? What do I say?!” Chris snatched the offered bazooka. “I say you've got yourself a deal, that's what I say!”

“Excellent!” Titania beamed, clearly seeing her next paycheck soar. “Can I interest you in anything else? A helmet, a shield, a backup dagger just in case?”

“Nope, this'll do just fine. Go ahead back and keep killing things, Titania. And thanks for the help!”

Titania tripped and fell flat on her face. Emiko twitched from head to toes all in one motion. Hatoko missed her landing from her Wind Cutter attack and landed on her head.

Chris sighed. Geez, you'd think nobody ever thanked them before in their lives…

* * *

“We've secured the inside of the castle!” Hatoko shouted, shoving a chair into the drawbridge mechanisms to stop them from rising anytime soon. “Come on, Princess!”

Chris hurried over the drawbridge into the courtyard of Laharl's castle, bazooka resting with the utmost comfort on her shoulder, so excited she could hardly breathe. She was actually storming Laharl's castle! She was winning! Before today was over, Laharl would be the actual property of one of his fangirls!

(At that moment, Laharl screamed again, an incredibly bad feeling shivering down his spine like knives.)

“Princess! Look out!!” Emiko threw herself at Chris and knocked her out of the way.

A group of Brownies hiding on the ramparts had suddenly popped up and launched spiraling spheres of Petit Fire down at the invading Overlord. Emiko's dive just barely saved her princess from being turned into Kentucky Fried Chris.

As they fell to the ground, Chris moved with reflexes she hadn't known she had. The bazooka landed on her shoulder—her eyes zeroed onto the target—her aim congealed and locked—and she squeezed the trigger.

The bazooka shot an astoundingly large missile up at the ramparts. Before the Brownies could run away, the missile connected, and exploded, blowing all of the Brownies sky-high. They spiraled back towards the ground like airsick kites, dissolving in midair back into the mana they had been made from.

Titania had not been lying when she had said that Chris was experienced with bazookas.

* * *

Flonne was completely unaware that the castle she called home was under attack by an army half-made up of Succubi. She was blissfully doing her favorite thing in the world: spreading the message of joy and love to anybody and anything that would listen.

“Now, all together, class!” she caroled to her “class”—a small contingent of Prinnies and an Archer who had wandered into Flonne's room by accident and been roped into the proceedings since then. “What is love?”
“The best thing in the world, dood!” chorused back the Prinnies, who were just glad to be skipping work.

“And where is love?”

“Inside of all of us, dood!”

“And how do you get love?”

“By giving it away, dood!”

Flonne sighed with happiness. “I'm so proud of you all!”

The door slammed open, and Etna barged in, dragging a half-unconscious Laharl behind her.

Etna's appearance, in and of itself, was unusual. Etna had never set foot into Flonne's room ever since she had gotten the Titanic poster. Laharl's appearance was even more unusual—Laharl had never so much as touched Flonne's door in living memory. For both of them to enter at the same time was nothing short of mindboggling, and the Prinnies, their tiny minds easily boggled, quickly fled the scene by way of the window, not sure what the Overlord was doing in their classroom but pretty sure it involved their skipping work and the punishments that followed thereof.

“Flonne!” Etna gasped, completely ignoring the Prinnies. “We've got trouble.”

“Etna?” Flonne got the quizzical look that Etna was way too familiar with on her face. “What's wrong? Oh my!” For now she had noticed who Etna was carrying. “What's happened to Laharl?!”

“There's some crazy chick with a bazooka coming after him, and the castle's swarming with Succubi. We've gotta get him out of here, before—”

“Found you!!” shouted a voice.

Into Flonne's pink- and poster-covered room burst a young girl dressed in black, flanked by a Warrior and a Ronin. The girl's commanding attitude and the way her eyes zoomed in on Laharl as though by radar, as well as the large bazooka thrown casually onto her shoulder, pointed her out as the clear leader of the trio.

“Hi Etna! Hi Flonne!” the girl said almost cheerfully, cocking the bazooka. “Okay, Laharl, listen up. I've conquered you in fair—”

A Succubus flew in through the door.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!” Laharl screeched.

“Okay, maybe less than fair—combat,” the girl continued, waving the Succubus back out the door. “So now, I demand that you become my vassal. `K?”

“O…o…okay?!” Laharl demanded, his narrow chest rising and falling as though he might soon hyperventilate. “Damn never is it going to be friggin` okay!! I refuse! Try your worst, I'll never—”

“World peace,” the girl said sweetly.

“AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEERRRRRAGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!”

“Trust me, this hurts me more than it hurts you.”

“Like hell it does!” Laharl choked out.

“Kittens, sunshine, and singing daffodils.”

“GRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!”

“Oh, she's good,” Etna muttered. “Prince, you might wanna give this one up sooner rather than later. She might kill you at this rate…”

“I…never…give…up!!”

“Girls take initiative!”

“GYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!”

“Laharl!” Flonne cried, groping desperately for a plan and finding none.

“Don't make me pull my ultimate on you, Laharl!”
“Careful, Prince, I think she means it!” Etna said in alarm.

“Never!!” Laharl managed.

The girl sighed. “Then you leave me no choice.” She clasped her hands and fluttered her eyelids dreamily. “Eternal love.”



“EYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRGHHHHHRRRAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!”



And so was the Overlord Laharl conquered by Her Highest Majesty, the Flame's Overlord, Princess Chris.

* * *

Next Time, on Disgaea: Overlords' Dance

Etna: Poor Etna has been lured into the world of Wonderland by the White Flonnerabbit!

Chris: Heh…

Etna: Lost in a world of weirdness, Etna encounters the Jabberharl, the Midboss Cat, and the Gordoraths!

Chris: Heh heh heh heh…

Etna: Now Etna has been captured by the Card Prinnies to be offered as a sacrifice to the evil Black Queen!

Chris: Ha ha ha ha ha…

Etna: Will Etna escape?! Or will the Black Queen rule over her soul for eternity?!

Chris: Mwahahahahaha…

Etna: Next time, on Etna in Wonderland, Episode Five, “The Sacrifice to the Black Queen!”

Chris: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Etna: Will you stop? I know you captured Laharl, but you're starting to freak me out.

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