Chapter 6 - Episode Six

 
   The mana Ian had spent to create Alej proved not to have been wasted. Although it took him a minute to figure out where he was and what was going on, the Dark Chef quickly got the idea when Nanairo shoved a frying pan into his hand, and got to work proving himself worthy of his title of Skilled. In an astonishingly short period of time, Alej had scrambled a mountain of eggs, fried up enough bacon to feed a small army, and cracked the mystery of creating the perfect French toast.
   The kitchen was located underneath the huge crystalline lobby, and was in fact built into the side of the hill the palace was perched upon. It was like a colossal underground cavern, with a hugely high faraway ceiling and rows upon rows of counters lit by wall sconces shaped like candle-topped bundt cakes. Unlike the iridescent Crystal Tower and the crystal-azure lobby, the kitchen was earthy and brown, made of some odd kind of material which resembled packed-down soil—but despite the appearance, everything was so clean it sparkled. Long tables lined with sturdy little stools patterned the east side of the room, hinting that the kitchen also doubled as a kind of mess hall—the counters were piled high with cooking tools and utensils, from humble forks all the way up to a jumbo-sized fondue set the size of a witch’s cauldron.
   Most prominent in this kitchen, however, were the three immense fires sunk into three deep firepits along the entire western side of the room. The fires roared straight up into three long, chimney-like tunnels which Nanairo tried to tell Ian spat fuming clouds of smoke so high they could be seen from space until Subaru smacked her and explained that the fires were magical and smokeless, and the chimneys were only to provide an escape for the heat they generated.
   Ian had already half-guessed from looking at the fires that they were magical. The middle blaze, the one Alej was currently using, was a rich cherry-red. The flames on the left were lime-leaf green. And those on the right were bright sky blue.
   It was swelteringly hot in the kitchen, despite the help of the chimneys. Alej’s bandana and Chinese jacket were soaked through with sweat, and even the Prinnies (there was a large number of Prinnies running about, stoking the fires and poking the logs with…well, pokers) were perspiring. Despite that, it was a wonderfully cozy place. Ian took an instant liking to it.
   So, while Alej discovered his calling and the Prinnies poked the fires, Ian sat at one of the long tables with Nanairo and Subaru (a seating arrangement which shocked both vassals, until Ian told them to sit down, eat food, and stop complaining,) discussing strategy.
   “So, what do I do now?” Ian asked, gratefully taking a plate of breakfast from a Prinny. “Thanks…what’s the regular procedure for a new Overlord? Do I go off and try to conquer someone else’s Netherworld now?”
   “I wouldn’t recommend it,” Subaru said worriedly. “The Dark Council can get really upset with you if you start expanding too fast and taking over too much. There are few enough Overlords already—killing more of them…”
   “Gotcha. But the Dark Assembly can be bribed, can’t they?”
   “Oh, the Assembly can, sure,” Nanairo said, before Subaru could reply. “But he’s talking about the Dark Council. It’s not made up of senators, it’s made up of all the Overlords. If you get too many of them ticked off at you, you’re in deep trouble. You might even have your Overlordship revoked if you’re not careful.”
   Ian winced. No way I want that, that’s for sure. I’m just getting into this—I can’t let it end this early. “Ah. I see. I didn’t know there was a Dark Council.”
   “Well, since only Overlords are privy to it and you’re new, that’s understandable,” Nanairo said magnanimously. “The last vassal who snuck into one of the Dark Council’s meetings was disemboweled with a cheese grater and—”
   “I’m eating here!!”
   “Sorry, milord.”
   At that instant, a tiny little boy only a foot tall, dressed in a petite russet cat-suit with little red fangs framing his face, came zooming down the stairs at a truly inhuman speed. It was a marvel he could see where he was going, because his eyes were closed as though in slumber.
   “Aww, a Hell Kitty!” Ian exclaimed, spinning around on his stool. “Ohh, it’s so cute!”
   The Hell Kitty zipped unerringly to Ian’s feet and proffered a clawed paw, on which was skewered a small black envelope. Slightly confused, Ian took the envelope, and the Hell Kitty made an about-face and rocketed away up the stairs and out of sight.
   “What was that?” Ian asked, turning back to Nanairo and Subaru. “What’s this?”
   “Ooooh, it’s stamped with the emblem of the Dark Assembly!” Nanairo exclaimed, her eyes lighting up. “Open it, milord, open it!”
   “The Dark Assembly, not the Dark Council, right?” Ian picked at the edge of the envelope and ripped it open.
   “Yeah, our Dark Assembly. Every Overlord’s got one, to make sure they don’t go too psycho on the rest of us. What’s it say, what’s it say?!”
   Ian slid from the envelope a piece of coal-black paper, upon which words like fire burned. Nanairo, Subaru, the kitchen Prinnies, and even Alejandro all crowded around to look—apparently the phrase “Dark Assembly” attracted the interest of more people than just Nanairo.
   The words on the paper were short and concise.
 
~     ~     ~
To His Supremacy Lord Ian, Greetings.
 
We request your immediate attendance in the Assemblyroom. We have reached a decision upon your request.
 
The Dark Assembly
~     ~     ~
 
   “The Dark Assembly wants to see you?” Nanairo let out a long, low whistle. “That doesn’t sound good. You’d better go soon, milord. The Dark Assembly, you do not want to keep waiting.”
   “I bet,” Ian said, feeling his stomach turn over.
   We have reached a decision upon your request…what request? Did I make a request? This is like my becoming an Overlord in the first place—why can’t I remember it?
   Appetite abruptly gone, Ian stood up. “Um, you guys…where is the Dark Assembly?”
   “Go talk to Kitty,” Nanairo advised. “She’ll take you there again. You can’t really go there on your own, although I’m sure you’d rather, milord—the Dark Assembly won’t let you in unless you come escorted by one of their workers.”
   “You mean Kitty works for the Dark Assembly?”
   “Yeah, didn’t you realize?”
   “Maybe. I guess I haven’t been thinking very clearly this morning.” Ian sighed, and cracked his knuckles. “All right, guess I’d better go…”
   “What?! Dressed like that?!” Nanairo sprang to her feet, eyes blazing. “Are you kidding me?!”
   Ian looked down, and suddenly remembered that he was still dressed in flowing silk pajamas—great if spending a day in bed, but not so great if meeting with an incredibly powerful body of dark senators. “Oh. Oops. Duh, sorry, I forgot…”
   “Forgot!” Nanairo huffed. “Subaru, help me! We need to make our lord presentable!”
   “Me, help?”
   “You think I’m gonna hang around to zip zippers and buckle buckles? I don’t think so! C’mon, people, time’s a-wastin’!” Nanairo struck out for the stairs. “We’re taking half an hour, and we’re gonna knock the Dark Assembly off their feet!”
 
*     *     *
 
    The senators of the Dark Assembly had gathered in their courtroom, tucked securely away in a folded-over pocket of the dimension of this Netherworld. These senators were of all races, all genders, all opinions, all levels, but all shared one thing in common—they had been chosen to represent the population of this Netherworld. Not by democratic vote, but by near-tyrannical rule, as almost everything in the Netherworlds was done by.
   The senators sat quietly at their seats, arranged in tiers according to their status—Faeries and Apple Kids in the first row; Mermaids and Flora Beasts in the second; and Gargoyles and Shadows in the third and highest—eyes staring vaguely at the magnificent black-crystal room they held their assemblies in every day. The sweeping expanse of sparkling black crystal that swallowed this little dimensional pocket like a void, keeping the world dark while still filling it with reflecting light, was certainly fantastic, but after the first century or so, the magnificence palled somewhat. Only Senator Margrete, the newest Senator, still found his eyes drawn by the zodiacal patterns of light on crystal as he waited with his fellows for their new Overlord to arrive.
   The transportation circle at the front of the stadium-style seating that served as the Dark Assembly court flashed. Light spilled forth, and out of it walked the badger girl, Kitty.
   “Presenting, His Supremacy, the Pattern of Disruption, the mighty Lord Ian!!”
   The light died down, and the Overlord himself stepped forward.
   He was dressed in a slick black bodysuit which clung to him like a second skin, with a high turtleneck collar and long swallowtailed sleeves. A leaf-green silk sash pinned with a golden medallion encircled his slender waist—from the sash draped two rose-colored panels of silk, one in the front hanging to just above his ankles, one in the back like a small train, long enough to touch the ground. Leaf-green boots with half-inch heels shod his feet—a silver zipper ran from the level of his sash straight up to the top of his collar, between the sparkling crystals that decorated the front of his bodysuit. His long brown hair was loose and gleaming upon his shoulders (Nanairo had brushed it within an inch of its life, studied it briefly, then brushed it some more) and his glasses shimmered with the same chestnut browns as his hair. Most striking, however, were the two golden spheres on his shoulders, from which hung to the floor two long, flowing strips of palest rose gauze.
   The Overlord bowed, and the rose gauze whispered through the air.
   “Greetings, Senators of the Dark Assembly,” he said cordially, his voice echoing just slightly in the giant crystal court.
   “Greetings, Overlord,” said the most senior member in the Assembly, the Balrog Senator Parendal, inclining his curved stone head. “We have called you here in response to your inquiry upon ascension to the throne of Overlord.”
   “Of course.”
   “Following much deliberation, we of the Dark Assembly have decided to grant your request and allow opening of the portal to the city of Bluecat, in the land of Rhapsody. Use it wisely, and with it further this Netherworld’s prestige.”
   The Overlord blinked. An uninformed observer might have even thought he was surprised by this statement.
   “We are counting on you, Overlord,” Lilliput Senator Zhushesh said sternly, eyes narrowing beneath his helmet. “You promised us a new regime that would raise us above the shameful conduct of the prior Overlord. Stay true to this promise or you shall risk the retraction of both this decree and our goodwill. We are not in the good graces of the Dark Congress thanks to the shocking notoriety of the previous Overlord. We are trusting you to repair our reputation—do not disappoint us.”
   The Overlord smoothed his face back to calm serenity and nodded. “I will remember that.”
   “Kitty, take the message to Hazuki that she may open the portal,” Parendal commanded. “A long and prosperous Overlordship to you, Lord Ian.”
   “A long and prosperous future for us all,” the Overlord replied smoothly, bowing again.
 
*     *     *
 
   “Whoa.” Nanairo’s mouth pursed into a round O of surprise. “You actually got the Dark Assembly to open you a portal? Damn, milord, you are good.”
   “You bet he was!” Kitty had blurted out the story the moment they had returned from the Dark Assembly and was still hopping with adrenaline. “You shoulda seen him! He wins over the Dark Assembly within a day of Overlordship and makes them open him a portal, then cool as a cucumber dismisses himself on their level, so politely even Zhushesh couldn’t’ve argued it! It was flippin’ awesome!”
   Ian was grinning uncontrollably.
   “Hey, Lord, what’s with your face?” Nanairo asked. “It looks like you’re being infected by Spastiticus Twitchervosus in the mouthal region.”
   “OMIGOD!!” Ian threw himself on Nanairo and hugged her wildly. “I can go to Rhapsody!! It never even occurred to me to ask!! Rhapsody! Oh my bloody god, a Rhapsody portal! A Rhapsody portal!!”
   “Rhapsody portal! Rhapsody portal!” Kitty caroled.
   “Rhapsody portal! Rhapsody portal!” Nanairo contributed.
   Ian joined in, and the three of them danced away doing a cross between the can-can and the cakewalk, looking like complete idiots. “Rhapsody portal! Rhapsody portal!! Rhapsody portal!!!”
 
*     *     *
 
   It took Ian a little while to calm down, but once he had returned to the kitchen and regained some sanity, he got right down to business.
   “How many vassals can I take with me through the portal?”
   “Without a formal declaration of war, seven,” Kitty explained. “If you decide to declare war, you can mobilize all of your vassals at once, but that’ll mean challenging the Overlord of Rhapsody, so—”
   “Bad idea. Yeah, Subaru and Nanairo told me I shouldn’t challenge any more Overlords for a little while. Seven vassals’ll plenty.” Ian beamed at his vassals. “And of course, I know two I’m taking.”
   Nanairo blushed fetchingly—Subaru simply flushed.
   “I’ve got a list of available vassals around here somewhere,” Kitty said, sticking her hand out into midair and rummaging through absolutely nothing. “Umm…mmm…aha!”
   She procured a long scroll of paper out of thin air and handed it to Ian. Ian took it from her green-polished fingers and examined it.
 
~     ~     ~
Available Vassal Deployment List
    Serenity (1st Class Fusionist)  Level 330
    Kidd (Gunner)  Level 260
    Gloria (Galaxy Granny)  Level 258
    Nyo (Predator)  Level 210
    Nyu (Predator)  Level 210
    Nanairo (Prism Mage)  Level 196
    Bran (Savior (Male))  Level 182
    Hiroya (Centurion (Male))  Level 170
    Rinjo (Forbidden Fruit)  Level 166
    Mamoru (Warrior (Male))  Level 154
    Cordelia (Belladonna)  Level 133
    Subaru (Scout)  Level 109
    Alejandro (Taste Sensation)  Level 1
~     ~     ~
 
   “So give me some background,” Ian said. “Who’s who here?”
   Kitty rattled off a quick list of various facts about Ian’s acquired-by-conquest vassals. Serenity had been fusing things together here in this Netherworld for over a century—she was probably the most powerful vassal here, and she was also in control of the palace gardens. Kidd was a Netherworld legend—he had lost all feeling in his right arm because of a fight with an incredibly powerful Magician who had tried to declare himself Overlord and had managed to completely paralyze Kidd before the Gunner could defeat him. The Magician had been slain and healers Bran and Rinjo had managed to mostly cure the paralysis, but Kidd’s right arm—his dominant arm—remained immovable. Despite this nearly-fatal setback, Kidd had not only survived it but overcome it. He was now proficient with every kind of gun in existence, even having only one hand to shoot them with.
   Gloria was the oldest vassal still untransmigrated, a Granny who had been around as long as anybody could remember. She was slightly insane, but that was okay—most good vassals were. It didn’t stop anybody who needed advice from going to her for help. Nyo and Nyu were twin Hell Kitties, both very little, very cute, and very insane. But that was still okay—they usually only showed it on the battlefield, and usually only against their enemies.
   Bran was actually not from this Netherworld at all. He was a descendant of a fallen angel, and had come to the previous Overlord for employment. He was now the best healer in the entire Netherworld, and had become the Chief Healer of this Netherworld’s hospitals. Rinjo was his second-in-command, an Apple Kid with a sweet disposition and an unfortunate pyrophobia that made him useless on the battlefield. He was the grandson of old Melanthe Apellan, the head of the Apple Party in the Dark Assembly—she was very disappointed that he could never become a war hero, considering his fear of fire, but she took it remarkably well.
   Hiroya was the old Overlord’s first vassal, an old-fashioned Warrior who specialized in Morningstars. Mamoru was Hiroya’s back-up, a fighter as brave as a lion, even in the face of overwhelming odds— he was one of the new-fangled Warriors, the kind who fought with swords and without shirts. Cordelia the beautiful floral Belladonna had been raised by Serenity from a seed, and despite her delicate appearance was a viciously powerful fighter. She had battled the rogue Magician with Kidd and survived where many other vassals had entered souldeath and become lost, even to the powers of transmigration—had it not been for her, Kidd would have been killed instead of merely paralyzed.
   And of course, there was Nanairo and Subaru. Subaru was Kidd’s student and an accomplished shot despite his relative newness in terms of vassal creation, and Nanairo had won the title of Biggest Liar in the Netherworld for four years now. Both blushed with pleasure at the compliments.
   “You’re not on here, Kitty,” Ian said.
   “That’s because I’m not a vassal. I’m a Dark Assembly representative. I’m not technically part of your army.”
   “Oh.” Ian couldn’t help sounding slightly disappointed.
   “Trust me, you don’t want me on your side in a fight anyways. I’d run away screaming.” Kitty snapped her fingers. “Fight! You’ll need a weapon, milord!”
   “A weapon?” Ian considered. “But what am I proficient with?”
   Kitty ticked them off on her fingers. “Books, Boxes, Fans, and…” She stopped, her eye threatening to twitch. “And…”
   Ian waited for about five seconds. “And…?”
   The badger girl was still struggling to respond when Nanairo abruptly stood up, a very solemn look on her face. “Kitty, I think it’s time to fetch…that.”
   Kitty gasped, hands flying to her mouth. “That? You mean…that that?!”
   “Yes. That that.”
   “But the former Overlord sealed that up! That’s way too dangerous for us to use!”
   Ian made a mental note that, although Nanairo had said earlier that nobody was supposed to mention the previous Overlord to him, everybody seemed to be doing so.
   “But it’s not too dangerous for an Overlord,” Subaru pointed out. “He could handle that.”
   “No way! Not that! Something safer, like a bazooka or a drill or—”
   “He’s proficient with them, Kitty,” Subaru said. “He can handle that.”
   “How did you know he was proficient with them?” Nanairo asked suspiciously.
   “Excuse me!” Ian interrupted. “What the heck is that supposed to be?”
   Nanairo, Subaru, and Kitty all turned to stare portentously at Ian. Even the Prinnies stopped stoking the fires, watching the drama unfold.
   “Follow me,” Nanairo said in a sepulchral tone, “and I shall show you that.”
 
*     *     *
 
   A massive steel door, twelve feet tall and eleven wide, barred with iron, chained with silver, hammered with boards, blocked with boulders, and locked with two dozen massive padlocks with the keys snapped off in the keyholes loomed in front of them like a sullen sphinx.
   “Whoa,” Ian said softly.
   This that must be pretty dangerous, if they went to this much trouble to keep it locked up…
   “How do we get in?”
   Nanairo clicked a flashlight on underneath her face. “You cannot. The door to that is kept locked and guarded at all times, except on the nights of the full moon, such as tonight…at which time the Overlord must walk on their head down this corridor and stave off twenty million powerful ghosts armed only with a toothpick and a loincloth—OW!!”
   “It’s never guarded, there are no ghosts, it’s a new moon tonight, and the Overlord doesn’t have to do anything armed only with a toothpick and a loincloth!”
   “I hate you, Subaru!”
   “Well, we all hate you too, so stop with the waterworks and get this door open!”
   Nanairo sniffed, and gave Subaru a tear-streaked glare. “Fine. I will. I see how it is. Nobody loves Nanairo. Let’s just abandon her to the wolves and let her open the door to that all by herself so she can get eaten alive by the ghosts…”
   “Please, both of you, stop it!” Ian groaned.
   Nanairo and Subaru both jumped. “Sorry, milord!”
   “All right. Now, then, Nanairo—please, open this door for us.”
   “Well, since you asked so nicely,” Nanairo said, composure restored.
   Subaru stiffened suddenly. “Wait—Nanairo—you’re not going to—”
   Nanairo threw back her hair, reached behind her back, and pulled from nowhere a truly gigantic magnet, at least twice the size of her head.
   Ian realized just exactly how Nanairo proposed to open the door just as Subaru dove at him and knocked him out of the way.
   Kitty ran for her life.
   “Magnet Field!” Nanairo shouted.
   The door exploded.
 
*     *     *
 
   Ian regained his senses a few moments later to find himself clinging to Subaru for dear life, his arms wrapped around Subaru’s waist, the Scout’s arms wrapped around Ian’s head. Subaru’s dive had knocked them both against the nearest wall, just out of effect range.
   “Are you okay, milord?” Subaru gasped, sounding a bit winded.
   “I think so,” Ian answered, carefully disentangling himself from Subaru’s body. “What just…?”
   The question didn’t need to be asked. The entire gigantic barricaded door that had been blocking the way to that was now tastefully decorating the opposite wall in pieces. A large Nanairo-shaped blob was sticking out from the center of a particularly large piece of steel, magnet apparently still in hand (to judge by the shape).
   “Oh my god, is she okay?” Ian asked worriedly, finding his hand stuck in one of the straps of Subaru’s backpack.
   “Probably,” Subaru muttered. “Nanairo’s a lot tougher than she looks, you know…”
   Kitty stuck her head back around the nearest corner, behind which she had taken cover when Nanairo had pulled out her magnet.
   “Is everything okay? Is everyone alive?”
   “We’re not sure,” Ian said, still staring at the perfect Nanairo-blob up on the wall.
   “Hmm?” Kitty followed his gaze. “Oh, I see. Don’t worry about her. I’ll go get the twins and Rinjo to get her back into shape. She’ll be her old self again in no time.”
   “Are you sure?” Ian asked, still worried. “I mean, she kind of just got overkilled right there…”
   “Oh, I’m pretty sure she’s not dead. If she is, we can always just reincarnate her. Meanwhile, you’d better go in there and get that quickly, before something really bad happens.” Kitty noticed the hesitation still in Ian’s face. “Hurry up, milord! Nanairo’s fine—but that isn’t! Without some kind of control, that could destroy this Netherworld as we know it!”
 
*     *     *
 
Many minutes later, far away in the land of Rhapsody, on the shores of the city of Bluecat…
 
   Gao the Great and Gluttonous, vassal of the mighty witch Marjoly, drove the prow of her ship into the shore of Bluecat and leapt overboard onto the sand of the beach, followed by a dozen assorted Neko Senshi her fellow vassal Myao had assigned to her for the purpose of tax collection. Brandishing her fists and a wolfish grin—not difficult, considering that Gao was part wolf—Gao stomped up through the sand directly into Bluecat, trailed by her cat henchmen.
   “Alrighties, peeps!” Gao bellowed, her tremendous voice echoing through most of the city. “I’m Gao the Great, vassal of Marjoly! I’m here to collect the weekly Marjoly tribute!”
   The Neko Senshi—four Nyankos, four Nyankis, and four Nyanchis—raised their paws into the air and did a little cat dance as they repeated Gao’s words. “Marjoly tribute, meow! Marjoly tribute, meow!”
   A man came forward, shaking from head to foot. “Great representative, we are sorry…but we couldn’t finish the tribute…”
   Gao’s mood went from good to thunderingly bad in record time. “Couldn’t finish the tribute? What the hell d’ya mean, ya couldn’t finish the tribute?! It’s just two hundred posters praising Marjoly’s beauty, five hundred copies of a CD with original songs praising Marjoly’s beauty, and a couple thousand balloons shaped exactly like Marjoly with detachable slogans praising Marjoly’s beauty! How hard can it possibly be?!”
   “Well, um…great representative…we’re sorry…but we are one poster short of two hundred…”
   “INSUBORDINATION!!!” Gao bellowed. She didn’t know what insubordination was, but it sounded good. “I can’t believe it!! Marjoly runs this whole world and you can’t even give her a tiny little tribute?!”
   “Insubordination, meow! Insubordination, meow!” the Nyankos, Nyankis, and Nyanchis chanted together.
   “Great representative, it’s hardly tiny…”
   “So it’s MUTINY!!!” Gao roared, steam shooting out of her ears. “I see how it is! Then I’ll just have to beat it out of you!”
   The Neko Senshi cheered. “Punishment, meow! Punishment, meow!”
   Gao advanced with her fists raised. The man saw his life flash before his eyes.
   A black hole opened in midair.
   The citizens of Bluecat all screamed and ran as Ian and a contingent of his vassals fell out of blackness onto the streets of Bluecat, face-to-face with a startled Gao and a dozen astounded Neko Senshi.
 
*     *     *
 
   “Who the hell are you freaks?” the dog-girl demanded.
   Ian recovered equilibrium, adjusted his glasses, and took a good look at the posse facing him. “Hey, it’s Gao!”
   Gao preened. “Yes, I am Gao the Great, and—hey, wait a minute! Who the hell are you, and…” Gao blinked. “…and why the hell are you carting around a magical girl stick?”
   Which he was.
   “Hey!” Ian brandished the stick in question—a bright, sparkling rod topped with spreading white wings and a colorful heart. “Is there a problem with me carting around a magical girl stick?”
   “Uh, yeah…you’re not a girl.” Gao shook her head in disgust. “That’s just wrong, dude. Even Myao wouldn’t use something that girly.”
   “Wrong, meow! Wrong, meow!” the Nyans chorused. “Girly man, meow! Girly man, meow!”
   Steam exploded out of Ian’s ears for the first time. It was an oddly invigorating feeling. “Excuse me?! I’ll have you know, this is a Dream Baton! It’s been locked up in the depths of our Netherworld for years! It’s powerful enough to incinerate you with one blow! And as an Overlord, I have the right to use any kind of weaponry I want!”
   That knocked Gao’s complaints of girliness right out of her head. She let out a bellow that shook all of Bluecat. “AHA!! An Overlord! REBELLION!!! You’re trying to overthrow Marjoly!”
   “Rebellion, meow! Rebellion, meow!” the Nyans caroled. “Punishment, meow! Punishment, meow!”
   “No, actually,” Ian snapped. “I was just—”
   “Quick! ASSASSINATION!!! Go, Nyankos, Nyankis, and Nyankas!”
   “It’s Nyanchi, meow!” one particularly brave Neko Senshi piped up.
   Gao rolled her eyes. “Whatever, just go!”
   The Nyans all looked at each other, shrugged—and pulled out a truly mindboggling array of weaponry, from Katanas to Beam Sabers to Flamethrowers to Bombs.
   Ian looked at the dodectet of Neko Senshi—or, more specifically, at their plethora of equipment—and blanched. “Um, somebody please do something…fast?!”
   Nanairo jumped forward. Subaru and Kitty’s predictions had proved correct—once she was pried off the wall and stuffed with a few healing spells, Nanairo had gone right back to her old self without a problem. “You got it, milord!” She pulled out her magnet. “Gravity Blast!”
   “YOW!” Gao and the Nyans all yelped, as the massive force of gravity compressed down upon them.
   “Hurry, Ian!” Subaru shouted. “Combo them!”
   “Oh, right!” Ian mentally smacked himself for forgetting the basic rule of Disgaea-strategy-battles—namely, combo combo combo, because the bigger the combo, the bigger the damage—and seized the first name that came to his mind. “Serenity, Solar Laser!”
   Serenity, the level 330 Fusionist, was an old hand at battles and a mistress of comboing. No sooner had the words left Ian’s lips then she hefted a powerfully magical Sunflower above her head and shouted, her words starting just as Ian’s stopped, “Solar Laser!”
   A massive explosion blew Gao and the Nyans high into the air.
   “We give up, meow!” the Nyans cried—then they hit the ground and sprawled there, senseless.
   “You wimps!” Gao shouted, just before she too hit the ground with an earth-shaking whumpf.
   Ian swung a wild glance around at his remaining vassals. “Um, Kidd! Psychic Blast Gao!”
   Kidd flipped his poncho aside, grabbed his rifle with his left hand, and flipped it up one-handed. “Bang on, boss!”
   He aimed, and suddenly he was in eight places at once, and then he fired.
   BANG!!
   Gao yelped as eight bullets struck her at once. “Yowie!!”
   Ian knew he had to keep the combo going, or it would break and be rendered useless. “Mamoru, Dimension Slash!”
   Mamoru threw Ian a quick nod, then leapt into the air and split the dimension with an inconceivably powerful downward slash.
   “YOWCH!!” Gao shrieked.
   Ian was getting the hang of ordering a combo in real life as opposed to in a video game now. “Nyu, Nyo, double-team Dragon Rage her!”
   Both Hell Kitties rushed forward fast as thought, nunchaku raised. As the smoke from Mamoru’s Dimension Slash died away, the twin Kitties were on Gao.
   “Punishment, mew!” Nyu—or was it Nyo?—meowed.
   “Punishment, mew!” Nyo—unless it was Nyu—agreed.
   They smashed Gao upwards together.
   “YEEK!!” Gao screamed, as she was bashed around by two grey Predators with nunchucks.
   “Subaru, hurry!” Ian yelled. “Inferno her while I use Heart Breaker!”
   “I…” Subaru hesitated, then blurted it out. “I don’t know Inferno!”
   “Then Totenkruez, quickly!” Ian shouted, raising that—the powerful Dream Baton—into the air. “Before the combo breaks! Heart Breaker!”
   A massive heart-shaped blaster swallowed Gao whole and shattered, bombarding her with magical-girl power.
   “YEEARGH!!” Gao shrieked, smashed from all sides by magical pink power.
   Subaru leapt high into the air, pulled out his handgun, and fired. As Gao fell from the Heart Breaker, a massive fiery cross immolated her from above.
   Subaru landed. Ian held the terrible Dream Baton at the ready. Nanairo and Serenity waited, magnet and sunflower in hand. Mamoru had his sword in the guard position. Kidd shielded his face with hat and poncho, rifle still in his hand. Nyu and Nyo, the closest to the fiery cross of the Totenkruez, covered their eyes and waited.
   “Did we get her?” Nanairo asked as the fire slowly died away into smoke.
   “Not yet!”
   Gao stepped out of the smoke and flame, bruised and battered and not looking at all happy about it. Nanairo screamed.
   “Now it’s my turn!” Gao shouted. “Blitzkrieg!”
   “Look out!!” Serenity shouted.
   But it was too late.
   Gao bunched her formidable muscles and erupted all over with electricity, crackling like a Van de Graaff generator, surrounding herself with boomerangs of lightning. Before Nyu and Nyo could even open their eyes, she was on them—and over them, running them over like a bulldozer, smashing them beneath so much electrical power that they were down before their allies could even blink, arrowing straight for Ian.
   Ian couldn’t move. Even if he had been able to, he couldn’t have. Gao was arrowing at him like a god of thunder, so fast, so bolstered by electrical power that she more resembled a giant stormcloud than a human, coming straight at him
   smashing into something
   something that crashed into him
   and Ian fell over backwards, Mamoru singed and motionless against him, and the air stood suddenly still.
 
 
   “Oh my God…Mamoru…”
   The words barely had breath. Ian couldn’t be bothered enough to give them any.
   Mamoru was slumped against him, thrown over his lap like an afghan, eyes closed, face far too peaceful for a warrior in the middle of a battle. Blisters were bubbling up across the lines of his unprotected bare chest, red welts streaking his stomach and arms—his clothes were smoking ever so slightly, giving off the odious stench of seared fabric. But Ian couldn’t smell it.
   Gao bounded back with an exclamation of annoyance. “Tch! Missed!”
   Ian reached out with trembling fingers and brushed Mamoru’s shoulder. A spark jumped from Mamoru’s body to Ian’s, stinging the boy’s palm.
   “Mamoru…!” Ian’s voice wobbled like a child just learning to walk.
   “C’mon, I still got more!” Gao shouted, striking the fisticuff pose beloved by fist-fighters across gaming history. “Gimme your best shot! I can defeat a dragon with my bare hands—I’m way more than a match for you!”
 
 
   Something burned down Ian’s throat, hit his heart, and exploded.
 
 
   “HOW DARE YOU TOUCH MY VASSALS!!!!! CHAOS SINGULARITY!!!!!”
   Ian spoke the words without conscious thought, but knew as soon as he spoke them that they were more than just idle insanity. They were more than chance usage. They were more than empty threats.
   They blazed with an Overlord’s mana.
   What happened next was indescribable, even to all that were there to see it. The only way to put it was that a hole in nature opened, and swallowed Gao whole, encasing her in pure disorder without hiding her at all. Convulsions and meteors and kaleidoscopes of pure chaos smashed through Gao like giant squid, blazing through her and around her in a dance of ultimate physical anarchy. Gao screamed once.
   Only once.
 
*     *    *
 
   It was Nanairo who broke the silence that followed Gao’s defeat.
   “Um…so…milord?” The Prism Mage swallowed. “What do we do now?”
   Ian looked up at Nanairo, and what startled Nanairo far more than the display of furious power she had just seen were the tears streaming down her Overlord’s face.
   “We can heal them, right?” Ian had to speak around a lump like a rock in his throat. “They’ll be okay, right?”
   Nanairo was struck dumb. Anger, fury, revenge, possessiveness—these were all emotions and situations she understood. Fear, horror, depression—these, too, she could comprehend. But sadness? In an Overlord? It was as much an oxymoron as saying that a butterfly possessed the will to kill.
   It was Serenity who stepped forward and, like a mother, laid her hand lightly on Ian’s shoulder.
   “Of course,” she said quietly. “Don’t worry.”
   Ian made a visible effort to pull himself together—he rubbed his hands up underneath his glasses, across his eyes, and took a focused breath.
   “Okay. Good. Then, right now, we’re heading back to our Netherworld.”
   Nanairo’s brain ground back into slow action. “Uh, hey, Overlord? What do we, um…”
   She gestured vaguely at Gao’s still-smoking body. “What do we do with her? I mean, she’s one of Overlord Marjoly’s vassals…”
   Ian got to his feet, lifting Mamoru up with him, gauze and silk whispering around the both of them. His eyes burned beneath a layer of too-thick liquid.
   “Not anymore.”
 
*     *     *
 
   Kitty was waiting for them when they returned through Hazuki’s dimensional gateway.
   “Hey, milord, great news! There’s a new monster class available in the vassal creation generator—Neko Senshi! You must have run into some, huh? Did you have fun out in Blu—oh, no!”
   Nanairo was the first out of the dimensional gateway. Behind her, however, came Ian and Kidd, carrying between them the fallen Mamoru—and behind them, each carrying a sad bundle of fur that had once been one-half of a killer-twin-Hell-Kitty duo, were Serenity and Subaru.
   Kitty’s emerald-nailed hands flew to her mouth.
   “What happened?! Are you okay, milord?! I’ll go get Bran right away! Did you get ambushed?! Who attacked you?! How did you ever—who are you?!”
   “Hey, nice digs,” Gao said, looking around.
   “Excuse me?!” Kitty took at least three steps away. “Milord, who is this…person?!”
   “This is Gao,” Ian said, casting a knife-edged glare over his shoulder at the newly reincarnated Gao. “She’s my new vassal. She’s going to become the palace’s new bathroom cleaner.”
   “She’s a dog!!” Kitty exploded.
   “Nah, I’m a wolf,” Gao explained, twitching her tail. “See?”
   “We have more important things to worry about right now than your species!” Ian snarled.
   “Yeah,” Kitty agreed, turning on her heel, her nose in the air and her proverbial hackles raised. “I have to go get Bran. If you’ll excuse me…”
   “Oh, whatever,” Gao muttered. “I just killed a few vassals, get over it already. Hey, badger-chick. Got something to ask ya.”
   Kitty froze mid-step and pivoted slowly, bristling. “What?”
   “Where’s the kitchen?”
 
*     *     *
 Next Time, on Disgaea: Overlords’ Dance

Etna: By some incredible twist of fate, Etna has been made the mistress of over a dozen beautiful men…
Ian: Hey, those are all MY vassals!
Etna: Although Etna protests, this bevy of beauties take their pleasure from obeying her every whim…
Ian: You’re not protesting at all!
Etna: Etna finds herself weakening to the advances of the man who loves her the most…
Ian: HEY!! THAT’S SUBARU!!
Etna: But out of nowhere…a dilemma! A mystery man appears, and steals Etna’s heart with one look!
Ian: AND THAT’S—! Wait a minute, that’s…
Etna: Next time, on aef6a7w4egfasdcbw$: A Woman’s Passion, Episode Seven, “The Test of Love!”
Ian: You do know Gao’s a girl, right?
Etna: WHAT?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?! CUT!! REDO!! REDO!!!
 

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