Chapter 1 - Untitled

Why?



What is the third impact, exactly?

Is it good, or bad? If it's meant to happen, then why does mankind fear it so much?

Crying, panicking…these are some things I hear Misato doing…but why does she worry?

If god planned it, must it really be this dreary? I don't know…I don't know about much.

It's depressing not knowing about the world, and humans themselves, emotions and such.



And Asuka…she's always so mad about things…why is she angry? Why is she so mean?

It seems like the world she lives in is sad and rough, but why isn't it ever serene?

I worry for her…maybe it's love, but what does it matter? No one ever sees my feelings.

In a way, I feel as if I'm always bleeding- the positive things in my life seem to fade.

I always feel like I'm just driving in one big circle, day after day, never forgetting my pain…and never discovering what's new and beautiful.



And what is fear? Is it really so significant that humans must experience it everyday?

People have told me that it's just imagination, but why doesn't it ever go away?

It's real, and it's living in my mind, eating my peace, and growing bigger in every way.

Like a shadow, it always follows me. I want it to go away, but it just remains.

God, people, my father, Eva, the giant…these are all things I am scared of.

They are always burdening me, always there making me feel my worse…

I live the way I do so I will forget my worries…but despite this, it hurts…it tears at me.



Although I live, what is my purpose? I guess I'll never exactly know.

What way does the wind blow? To heaven or hell?

What is paradise? Will I ever get to experience its sweet, wonderful smell?

These are all questions I constantly as myself, but they are never answered.

Maybe that's best- maybe I'm not expected to know much.



I'll keep it at that, and I will never again worry about such.

I believe…I've finally found my peace in mind.



-Shinji Ikari

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