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Chapter 1 - Nine Cloaks

This is just something I thought I'd work on when I'm not drawing. Even so, I'd still like your opinion and critisism. Also, this story will involve different anime, videogames, and even a few books.

Chapter 1 - Nine Cloaks

Chapter 1 - Nine Cloaks
No one had gone outside today. No one ever does. It was never safe here. Silence enveloped the entire city. It was so quiet you might think you could here someone else’s thoughts. The city itself looked ominously simple. All the buildings were colored in a dull gray, and had perfect square bases. They were also all exactly the same distance from each other, making it look like a grid map from the top. The only thing that made these buildings different from each other was the fact that they were all different heights, some sprouting out several yards, while others towered over the others for five or six stories.

A strange figure appeared as if from nowhere, leaving behind a trail of black miasma. He had been walking around the city for what seemed like ages. On the other hand, maybe it had been. Time was difficult to distinguish here. Centuries could pass by in a second, while seconds could last an eternity. That is how it always was in this city. The sky constantly tinted in a midnight blue. The cloaked figure wandered through the city, searching. Finally, he had come across, something that was strange, even for this city. In the far corner of the city, two buildings were closer to each other than any of the other buildings ever were. This made a narrow alley, and at its entrance, was a gate, decorated with swirling moon patterns and laced with thorns. The strange man waited, for what seemed to him like an eternity. Then, the gates opened as if a phantom had done it. The cloaked figure entered briskly, and disappeared.

The cloaked enigma was now standing in a long and dark hallway. Even with the torches of blue fire dotted across the place, the man could not really make out his surroundings. He could only tell that there were several doors to his left and right, but he ignored these. Instead, he continued down the hallway. He finally came across a large ruby red door. A solitary eye had stared at him.

The man stated “Oblivion.” Then the eye had snapped shut and the door swung open slowly. He entered the room heatedly. Inside was a small group of people with cloaks similar to his on. “Have you any idea as to how long I’ve been waiting outside!?”

“No, but I’m sure your just dieing to tell us.” said a larger man with a sarcastic voice.

“Ages! Ages!! I felt like I was going to die before I got inside!”

“Really?” said a child’s voice playfully. “It only felt like half a minute to me.”

“Time is altered there and you know it!” snapped the outraged figure. “Limbo has no hold on time or reality!”

This time a rather fat man had spoken, “Please, spare us. We all know about limbo. This had to happen for all of us, not just you.”

“You dare--!”
“Shut up,” said the fifth figure. “You’re getting on my nerves. Do not forget why you now have the body you do. If I were to get irritated, I might accidentally destroy it with your petty consciousness.”

At that, the first cloaked man finally shut up. Well, not really. Now he just continuously growled.

“Is everyone here then?” said the largest figure.

“No.” said the seventh cloak. “There is still two more not here. And I already I grow impatient. We shall begin now.”

“Don’t be like that.” This voice had surprised most of them. They did not know from which direction it came from.

“I’m tired of your games. Come out now before I destroy you.”

“You’re no fun…..” and in an instant a short figure walked out of the shadows with another.

“And stop abusing your powers; you never know what may happen.”

“Who asked you?” snapped the child-like figure.

“It’s a good idea to listen to him kid,” scolded the man next to the child. “You never know when you will lose control over your powers; it’s amazing you still can handle it on your own right now. That kind of power can kill you.”

“Humph!” the child jerked his head. Once everything had settled down, all eyes had turned to the cloaked man at the center at the room. He was sitting on a chair that was colored charcoal black, and had blended quite nicely with the walls in the room. The throne was crowned with spikes and had dragon designs covering the arm rests.

“Let’s begin then. Oliver! Fetch the scrolls and distribute them.”

At his command, the plump figure got up immediately and grabbed the pile of scrolls on the table at the center of the room and gave them to each person the scroll with their name on it.”

“So when do we get to blow stuff up?” asked the only girl in the room.

“Focus. I need each of you to study your assignments carefully. If anything goes wrong, the entire operation will shatter.” He smashed his fist on the armrest. “And I will personally destroy anyone who fails, understood?!” he said this last part with a loud and terrible tone, eyes flashing blood red.
Everyone in the room fell silent, nodding in fear. Even the first figure’s constant growling had stopped.

“Good, then go.” Everyone else in the room quickly left. One ran, leaving the apparent leader alone on his throne. “…all mine…” he whispered, “Very soon… it shall all be mine…”

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luckylace222 on June 10, 2008, 10:41:44 AM

luckylace222 on
luckylace222O_O MY! VERBAL FIGHTING ALREADY! XD LOL! THis is coolio!

CrimsonDot on February 3, 2008, 6:57:23 AM

CrimsonDot on
CrimsonDotNicely written. Hope to see more of this soon.

UnderUnion on February 1, 2008, 12:52:16 PM

UnderUnion on
UnderUnionInteresting time distortion, this could be an excellent story. Good work. lol, my "The Dire Project" has fell stagnant, remember, if you dont work on it much you seem to lose interest.

neodusk on January 31, 2008, 3:52:38 PM

neodusk on
neoduskNice. Definitely potential for an interesting story!

...um...as for criticism...you seem to be having some trouble with grammar and consistency with present v. past tense. You may want to check your word choice too. But good job, otherwise. :P