Chapter 0 - The Big Bang
Submitted May 10, 2010 Updated May 10, 2010 Status Complete | This a parody. Repeat after me. Pa. Ro. Dy. If it insults anyone, let me know. I''ll fix it.
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Chapter 0 - The Big Bang
Chapter 0 - The Big Bang
Once upon a time, there was nothing. Then there was God.
God found the universe to be very boring, so he decided to make a friend for himself. So God raised His hand and said, in the voice of a thousand church bells, "LET THERE BE CAPTAIN FALCON." And Captain Falcon was.
God and the Captain did everything together. They had lunch together, they played chopsticks together, they even played games that weren't even going to be invented for bajillions of years to come. Then one day, God had an idea.
"HEY, CAPTAIN?" said God.
"YES!!!?" said Captain Falcon in that over dramatic voice he always used to drive normal people insane.
"I WASN'T GOING TO INVENT THIS UNTIL 1937 A.D., BUT... DO YOU WANT TO PLAY POKER?"
"YES!! C'MON!! SHOW ME YA' MOVES!!"
And so they sat down to a poker table-that God had created out of His sheer will power-and drew their hands. Captain Falcon had a very nice hand. A full house. Lucky him. it was going to be an easy win. God didn't bet anything since that would be blasphemy and the author would get in serious trouble leading to a law suit and eventually the streets of Richmond, CA. Ick...
Anyway, Captain Falcon revealed his hand. God was slightly surprised, but not too surprised. Because He had something up His sleeve. He revealed His hand to the Captain. The Captain looked down and frowned.
God had a Royal Flush.
Captain Falcon was so frustrated, so angry with God, that he wanted to give him a taste of his own strength. God sensed his anger, and started to try and calm him down, but the Captain kicked the table out of the way, pulled back his fist...
"FALCON..."
God stuck His palm out to deflect the blow... and everything became a blur with a single word.
"PAWNCH!!!!!!!" Author's note: I know that "pawnch" is not a real word.
A bright light emerged as a result of the two forces colliding. Thunder rolled, lightning cracked, children ran home crying to mama, Timmy fell in the well, and continuity errors flowed out of the story like bull flowed out of Sarah Palin's mouth.
It clamed down for only a few seconds, and the a massive explosions occurred. Planets formed, stars were born, and life began. Captain Falcon inadvertently created all life as we know it, only to become an internet phenomenon some 20 bajillion years later.
The end.
God found the universe to be very boring, so he decided to make a friend for himself. So God raised His hand and said, in the voice of a thousand church bells, "LET THERE BE CAPTAIN FALCON." And Captain Falcon was.
God and the Captain did everything together. They had lunch together, they played chopsticks together, they even played games that weren't even going to be invented for bajillions of years to come. Then one day, God had an idea.
"HEY, CAPTAIN?" said God.
"YES!!!?" said Captain Falcon in that over dramatic voice he always used to drive normal people insane.
"I WASN'T GOING TO INVENT THIS UNTIL 1937 A.D., BUT... DO YOU WANT TO PLAY POKER?"
"YES!! C'MON!! SHOW ME YA' MOVES!!"
And so they sat down to a poker table-that God had created out of His sheer will power-and drew their hands. Captain Falcon had a very nice hand. A full house. Lucky him. it was going to be an easy win. God didn't bet anything since that would be blasphemy and the author would get in serious trouble leading to a law suit and eventually the streets of Richmond, CA. Ick...
Anyway, Captain Falcon revealed his hand. God was slightly surprised, but not too surprised. Because He had something up His sleeve. He revealed His hand to the Captain. The Captain looked down and frowned.
God had a Royal Flush.
Captain Falcon was so frustrated, so angry with God, that he wanted to give him a taste of his own strength. God sensed his anger, and started to try and calm him down, but the Captain kicked the table out of the way, pulled back his fist...
"FALCON..."
God stuck His palm out to deflect the blow... and everything became a blur with a single word.
"PAWNCH!!!!!!!" Author's note: I know that "pawnch" is not a real word.
A bright light emerged as a result of the two forces colliding. Thunder rolled, lightning cracked, children ran home crying to mama, Timmy fell in the well, and continuity errors flowed out of the story like bull flowed out of Sarah Palin's mouth.
It clamed down for only a few seconds, and the a massive explosions occurred. Planets formed, stars were born, and life began. Captain Falcon inadvertently created all life as we know it, only to become an internet phenomenon some 20 bajillion years later.
The end.
Comments
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mechadragon13 on May 17, 2010, 10:28:03 AM
......i lawled. XDZukoinferno on May 29, 2010, 6:20:19 AM
Zukoinferno on
Yay XD_ren_tao_fan_ on May 11, 2010, 6:41:24 AM
XD That's great. Simply awesome!Zukoinferno on May 15, 2010, 5:35:40 AM
Zukoinferno on
Well, thank you! :D I thought the first comment would get me in trouble, to be honest ^^;