Chapter 9 - Fighting for no reason
Submitted October 12, 2006 Updated December 31, 2007 Status Complete | Drawn Together Survival That means: new characters, new rules, new challenges and a new container! ;)
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Cartoons » Drawn Together |
Chapter 9 - Fighting for no reason
Chapter 9 - Fighting for no reason
„9 means no in german, but I’ll frack her anyway!“ – Puppy, Retarded Animal Babies (own by Dave from www.umop.com)
G-Bot: Battle-unit G-Bot, waiting for your commands, master!
Monkeyfist: Excellent. My work is done. (mad laugh.)
G-Bot laughs monotone.
Monkeyfist: Quiet! Only I am supposed to laugh. Now pay attention: You are programmed to help me to take over Earth.
G-Bot: Yes, master!
Monkeyfist: You eliminate everyone who tries to stop my evil plans or tries to attack me. Even if that means you have to sacrifice yourself.
G-Bot: Yes, master!
Monkeyfist: Good… My first command is:…
The camera zooms to Monkeyfist’s face. Gloomy music in the background.
Monkeyfist: Find out what the meaning of life is!
G-Bot: In the atheistic, existentialist, humanist, nihilist, positivist, pragmatist, transhumanist, spiritual, mystical or humorous views?
Silence.
Monkeyfist: What is the simplest explanation for the meaning of life?
G-Bot: Michael Palin’s view, my master.
Monkeyfist: What is a “Michael Palin”?
G-Bot: He told once to try to be nice, to avoid eating fat, to read a book every now and then, to get some walk in and to try to live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.
Monkeyfist: EEEEWWW!! That’s low life primitive human talk! It sickens me! Do something to make me feel better, G-Bot.
G-Bot: I can kill the reporter if you want…
Reporter: Attention, everyone! Please come to the living-room for a review.
G-Bot is behaving typical again.
G-Bot: Aw, man!
Monkeyfist: Let’s just put it on another time…
In the living-room:
The living-room has got new furniture. The new sofa has got a cherry red, fluffy cover. The new table is bright green and has got a round shape. Just like from the 70s. The whole group sits on the new sofa… And most of them look confused but not Xandir. He’s enjoying it.
Xandir: Where did you get this sofa from? It’s very comfortable.
Foxxy: Since we gots rid of da grizzlies we could efford to buy dis sexy sofa and everythin’ else we want. (smile.)
Captain Hero puts out a grizzly coat which still has blood on it and shows it to Xandir proudly.
C. Hero: Would you like to buy one?
Xandir is frightened and hides behind Trevor.
Xandir: I’m scared!
Trevor: Don’t worry, Gay Boy Advance: It’s dead.
Presenter: Okay, let’s get started with the preview: You guys have- Did I mention that I hate the 70s?
Trevor: Well, it’s not our problem, is it?
Foxxy: True dat, bro!
Presenter: Nevermind. It seems that no one has succeeded in this first assignment. Honestly it was my fault.
Spanky: What a premiere: The presenter finally confesses he’s a big dumbass! So in the end you see that you didn’t give us enough time for that, don’t you?
Presenter: You’re right, Spanky. I should have given you one minute and I apologize. I promise you that this time I’ll give you an easier assignment.
Wooldoor: Really?
Presenter: No, I was just kidding. It’s not called “DRAWN TOGETHER SURVIVAL” for nothing, is it?
Spanky: You’ve got a point.
Presenter: After both of the teams have failed, only one of the new members has died. That surprised me because I expected more corpses. What was her name again…?
Foxxy: I think her name was kinda jewish. Sumthin’ with Dorf-
Clara: SHE WAS A JEW?!? WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME ABOUT THAT?!?
Xandir: Wasn’t it obvious? In fact, she-
Clara: AND I ALWAYS THOUGHT SHE WAS A GERMAN!!! God, help me: I need a bag to inhale!
Clara puts a paper bag out of her purse and inhales in it heavy.
Trevor: Calm down, princess: She’s dead.
Monkeyfist: Get on with it: I intend to take over Earth now before the sun goes down.
Suddenly the sun gets shot from nowhere. It’s getting dark.
Monkeyfist: Damn!
Captain Hero holds a gun and blows the smoke away.
C. Hero: And once again the good triumphs over the evil. (smile.)
Presenter: (ironic and pissed off) Great, now I can cross out the task to fly into the sun. Thanks a lot, Captain Hero!
C. Hero: You’re welcome.
Presenter: (to himself) You can say to that peabrain whatever you want but he’s such a naive dork. – Okay, let’s split up the teams-
Toot: Again?! Couldn’t we just stay- (looks at Clara and Felia, then turns back to the presenter) Nevermind, forget it.
Presenter: Before everyone falls asleep from boredom, I’ll make it short and painless. Just like a visit to the piercing-studio.
Trevor: You say it, buddy! (a close-up of his whole pierced face)
Presenter: Everyone who gets called goes to Team 1. The rest is the other one. Now listen up: Captain Hero, Clara, Felia, Foxxy, G-Bot and…
Monkeyfist crosses its fingers.
Monkeyfist: Pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me…
Presenter: Ling-Ling!
Monkeyfist: I’m not amused with the split-up!
Presenter: I know.
Monkeyfist: As your future overlord I command you to call me instead of Ling-Ling!
Ling-Ling: What’s your problem, you freak?!
C. Hero: I will not allow this!
Captain Hero throws the table at Monkeyfist. Monkeyfist is hit by that table. G-Bot sees this and his lenses glow red again. He punches Captain Hero in the face. Captain Hero’s face is deformed.
C. Hero: What the f*** are you doing, G-Bot?!
G-Bot: Nobody is allowed to hurt my master without being punished!
Clara: Master? But you’re in our team!
Monkeyfist: Don’t listen to that pathetic human being, G-Bot. You did a great job.
Clara: Shut the hell up!
Foxxy: Keep cool, guys!
Ling-Ling: No way! Ling-Ling defend position, even if blood will run!
Xandir: This is getting embarrassing…
Trevor: Oi, let’s fight!
Hard rock is playing in the background. Almost all Drawn Together members beat each other up and throw with sharp objects at each other. Only Spanky and Wooldoor are standing away from this battle of nonsense.
Spanky: Here we go again…
Wooldoor: Spanky? Do you think that Monkeyfist and G-Bot are… You know… They both…
Spanky: What…? Those two?! Pfffft- Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! How delightful... What a rubbish.
Wooldoor: But they constantly hang out together.
Spanky: That’s right, but that doesn’t make them a couple. I suppose Monkeyfist is up to do something else with G-Bot.
Wooldoor: I already realized that she’s up to rule the world with G-Bot’s help, but behind this facade it could conceal something different.
Spanky: Yeah, I know, Wooldoor: I’m also jealous. Now would you excuse me? It’s a job for “Pee-Willy” to end this sillyness.
Spanky takes off his pants. Everyone stops fighting as they see Spanky horrified. Only Felia snickers.
Felia: Hey, what kind of a cute little wiener are you?
Spanky: Everybody calmed down now…?
Monkeyfist: I keep my word, Spanky. It doesn’t matter what you say or what you do.
Spanky: Or should I better clean your filthy loose tongue with my urine?
Monkeyfist: (gasp) DAMN YOU TRYING TO MARK ME AS YOUR PROPERTY!!! All right, I give up.
Xandir: Okay, we have split us up. Now what next?
Silence.
Toot: Uh… Hello?! Presenter?!
What happened to the Presenter? Why does Monkeyfist want to take over the world so badly? What’s the point of taking over the world anyways? What about the 70s and the meaning of life? What’s up with that?! It doesn’t make sense to me!!! ARGH! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!! … O_O’… Oh… Next chapter is coming soon. I hope that my migraine is gone until then. ^_^
G-Bot: Battle-unit G-Bot, waiting for your commands, master!
Monkeyfist: Excellent. My work is done. (mad laugh.)
G-Bot laughs monotone.
Monkeyfist: Quiet! Only I am supposed to laugh. Now pay attention: You are programmed to help me to take over Earth.
G-Bot: Yes, master!
Monkeyfist: You eliminate everyone who tries to stop my evil plans or tries to attack me. Even if that means you have to sacrifice yourself.
G-Bot: Yes, master!
Monkeyfist: Good… My first command is:…
The camera zooms to Monkeyfist’s face. Gloomy music in the background.
Monkeyfist: Find out what the meaning of life is!
G-Bot: In the atheistic, existentialist, humanist, nihilist, positivist, pragmatist, transhumanist, spiritual, mystical or humorous views?
Silence.
Monkeyfist: What is the simplest explanation for the meaning of life?
G-Bot: Michael Palin’s view, my master.
Monkeyfist: What is a “Michael Palin”?
G-Bot: He told once to try to be nice, to avoid eating fat, to read a book every now and then, to get some walk in and to try to live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.
Monkeyfist: EEEEWWW!! That’s low life primitive human talk! It sickens me! Do something to make me feel better, G-Bot.
G-Bot: I can kill the reporter if you want…
Reporter: Attention, everyone! Please come to the living-room for a review.
G-Bot is behaving typical again.
G-Bot: Aw, man!
Monkeyfist: Let’s just put it on another time…
In the living-room:
The living-room has got new furniture. The new sofa has got a cherry red, fluffy cover. The new table is bright green and has got a round shape. Just like from the 70s. The whole group sits on the new sofa… And most of them look confused but not Xandir. He’s enjoying it.
Xandir: Where did you get this sofa from? It’s very comfortable.
Foxxy: Since we gots rid of da grizzlies we could efford to buy dis sexy sofa and everythin’ else we want. (smile.)
Captain Hero puts out a grizzly coat which still has blood on it and shows it to Xandir proudly.
C. Hero: Would you like to buy one?
Xandir is frightened and hides behind Trevor.
Xandir: I’m scared!
Trevor: Don’t worry, Gay Boy Advance: It’s dead.
Presenter: Okay, let’s get started with the preview: You guys have- Did I mention that I hate the 70s?
Trevor: Well, it’s not our problem, is it?
Foxxy: True dat, bro!
Presenter: Nevermind. It seems that no one has succeeded in this first assignment. Honestly it was my fault.
Spanky: What a premiere: The presenter finally confesses he’s a big dumbass! So in the end you see that you didn’t give us enough time for that, don’t you?
Presenter: You’re right, Spanky. I should have given you one minute and I apologize. I promise you that this time I’ll give you an easier assignment.
Wooldoor: Really?
Presenter: No, I was just kidding. It’s not called “DRAWN TOGETHER SURVIVAL” for nothing, is it?
Spanky: You’ve got a point.
Presenter: After both of the teams have failed, only one of the new members has died. That surprised me because I expected more corpses. What was her name again…?
Foxxy: I think her name was kinda jewish. Sumthin’ with Dorf-
Clara: SHE WAS A JEW?!? WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME ABOUT THAT?!?
Xandir: Wasn’t it obvious? In fact, she-
Clara: AND I ALWAYS THOUGHT SHE WAS A GERMAN!!! God, help me: I need a bag to inhale!
Clara puts a paper bag out of her purse and inhales in it heavy.
Trevor: Calm down, princess: She’s dead.
Monkeyfist: Get on with it: I intend to take over Earth now before the sun goes down.
Suddenly the sun gets shot from nowhere. It’s getting dark.
Monkeyfist: Damn!
Captain Hero holds a gun and blows the smoke away.
C. Hero: And once again the good triumphs over the evil. (smile.)
Presenter: (ironic and pissed off) Great, now I can cross out the task to fly into the sun. Thanks a lot, Captain Hero!
C. Hero: You’re welcome.
Presenter: (to himself) You can say to that peabrain whatever you want but he’s such a naive dork. – Okay, let’s split up the teams-
Toot: Again?! Couldn’t we just stay- (looks at Clara and Felia, then turns back to the presenter) Nevermind, forget it.
Presenter: Before everyone falls asleep from boredom, I’ll make it short and painless. Just like a visit to the piercing-studio.
Trevor: You say it, buddy! (a close-up of his whole pierced face)
Presenter: Everyone who gets called goes to Team 1. The rest is the other one. Now listen up: Captain Hero, Clara, Felia, Foxxy, G-Bot and…
Monkeyfist crosses its fingers.
Monkeyfist: Pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me…
Presenter: Ling-Ling!
Monkeyfist: I’m not amused with the split-up!
Presenter: I know.
Monkeyfist: As your future overlord I command you to call me instead of Ling-Ling!
Ling-Ling: What’s your problem, you freak?!
C. Hero: I will not allow this!
Captain Hero throws the table at Monkeyfist. Monkeyfist is hit by that table. G-Bot sees this and his lenses glow red again. He punches Captain Hero in the face. Captain Hero’s face is deformed.
C. Hero: What the f*** are you doing, G-Bot?!
G-Bot: Nobody is allowed to hurt my master without being punished!
Clara: Master? But you’re in our team!
Monkeyfist: Don’t listen to that pathetic human being, G-Bot. You did a great job.
Clara: Shut the hell up!
Foxxy: Keep cool, guys!
Ling-Ling: No way! Ling-Ling defend position, even if blood will run!
Xandir: This is getting embarrassing…
Trevor: Oi, let’s fight!
Hard rock is playing in the background. Almost all Drawn Together members beat each other up and throw with sharp objects at each other. Only Spanky and Wooldoor are standing away from this battle of nonsense.
Spanky: Here we go again…
Wooldoor: Spanky? Do you think that Monkeyfist and G-Bot are… You know… They both…
Spanky: What…? Those two?! Pfffft- Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! How delightful... What a rubbish.
Wooldoor: But they constantly hang out together.
Spanky: That’s right, but that doesn’t make them a couple. I suppose Monkeyfist is up to do something else with G-Bot.
Wooldoor: I already realized that she’s up to rule the world with G-Bot’s help, but behind this facade it could conceal something different.
Spanky: Yeah, I know, Wooldoor: I’m also jealous. Now would you excuse me? It’s a job for “Pee-Willy” to end this sillyness.
Spanky takes off his pants. Everyone stops fighting as they see Spanky horrified. Only Felia snickers.
Felia: Hey, what kind of a cute little wiener are you?
Spanky: Everybody calmed down now…?
Monkeyfist: I keep my word, Spanky. It doesn’t matter what you say or what you do.
Spanky: Or should I better clean your filthy loose tongue with my urine?
Monkeyfist: (gasp) DAMN YOU TRYING TO MARK ME AS YOUR PROPERTY!!! All right, I give up.
Xandir: Okay, we have split us up. Now what next?
Silence.
Toot: Uh… Hello?! Presenter?!
What happened to the Presenter? Why does Monkeyfist want to take over the world so badly? What’s the point of taking over the world anyways? What about the 70s and the meaning of life? What’s up with that?! It doesn’t make sense to me!!! ARGH! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!! … O_O’… Oh… Next chapter is coming soon. I hope that my migraine is gone until then. ^_^
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