Chapter 16 - Robots, violence and nudity

G-Bot and Monkeyfist stand in front of Monkeyfist’s room. The alien opens the door.

G-Bot & Captain Hero in the cam-room:

G-Bot: I know that my master behaves a little strange sometimes, but this time I really have no idea what Monkeyfist wants from me. I mean it! I just had some fun with Captain Hero and Toot! Is it just because they’re humans I hang out with?! (shrugs.)

C. Hero: I guess you’re asking right now what I am doing here and why am I not at Mc Donald’s farm. I will let you on a little secret. Actually Mc Donald’s isn’t a farm at all… (Looks around.) It’s a fastfood-restaurant. But that’s not the reason why I’m here. The mainly reason is that my super sharp super-senses are telling me Intruder Monkeyfist is up to do something EVIL. I’m going to sneak in her room and spy if I find out something suspicious… (sneaking away, holding a cheeseburger and a coke.)

Back:

Monkeyfist is entering the code to its secret-lab. The regular human-girls-room transforms into a high-tech-laboratory.

Computer: Welcome back, Monkeyfist. It’s a pleasure to meet you again.
Monkeyfist: Yes, yes, whatever. Now let’s get started: Computeeeeeeeer, which name is Billy, I command you to-
Computer: My name is Timmy now.
Monkeyfist: May I ask you why-?
Computer: Because it sounds cool.

Silence.

Monkeyfist: Can I continue my demand,… (annoyed sigh.) Timmy?
Computer: Of course.
Monkeyfist: I command you to activate the newly upgraded brain-control-program!
Computer: Loading of the newly upgraded brain-control-program is now in progress. Please wait.
G-Bot: I don’t think this is a good idea to operate my database, master.
Monkeyfist: Did someone ask about your opinion?
G-Bot: No, master…
Monkeyfist: Your hard disk is full of emotional feelings, which are no necessity for a young fighting robot unit like you. But you can be sure it will not affect your hidden intelligence during the procedure. I’ll just operate your useless… emotion-… control-… cable… thingy… off. Yeah. So just sit on the comfortable chair and we can begin soon.

Monkeyfist points to an old-fashioned chair, surrounded by long cables and high-tech-machines.

G-Bot: Okay…

G-Bot sits on the chair and gets automatically connected to the computer.

G-Bot: (snickers.) That tickles.
Computer: Loading complete. Starting process now, Monkeyfist?
Monkeyfist: Yes, yes! Go ahead!

Suddenly Captain Hero appears in front of Intruder Monkeyfist with a heroic pose.

C. Hero: Hold it right there, evil disgusting monster…!
Monkeyfist: Ooh, thanks for the compliments… (blushes.)
C. Hero: You’re welcome. I have come to stop your evil plan!
Monkeyfist: Uh, actually it’s not THAT evil to repair a broken hard drive…
C. Hero: DON’T INTERRUPT ME WITH YOUR MISLEADING DISTRACTION!!! I’ve seen through you and you have hideous organs. It just makes me want to puke! … But I’m not able to puke right now… But soon!
Monkeyfist: Yawn! You bore me!
G-Bot: Hi, Captain Hero! (waves.) How’s it going?!
C. Hero: Not good, G-Bot. Not good.
Monkeyfist: How dare you sneaking into my secret-lab anyways?! Well, it’s not THAT secret anymore thanks to you, but…
C. Hero: You couldn’t notice me because I was hiding behind G-Bot all the time! HA! (doing another heroic pose.)
Monkeyfist: Damn you!
C. Hero: And now I’m going to save my sidekick: G-BOT!
G-Bot: Yaaaay! I’m Captain Hero’s sidekick! (smiles.)
Monkeyfist: You can’t keep him as your sidekick, Captain “touching-his-own-nipples”! He’s already my robot slave!

G-Bot nods.

C. Hero: Oh, yeah?
Monkeyfist: Yeah!
C. Hero: Oh, yeah?!
Monkeyfist: Yeah!!
C.Hero: OH, YEAH?!?
Monkeyfist: YEAH!!!

Suddenly Austin Powers pops out from nowhere.

A. Powers: Yeah, baby, yeah!

Captain Hero pushes Austin Powers away.

C. Hero: So, in that case, I’ll punch your disgusting guts out! Prepare for your punishment!
Monkeyfist: Try if you dare. SECURITY!!

Dangerous looking robots come out and surround Captain Hero. He keeps cool.

C. Hero: You really don’t think those tin-men could stop me? (laughs heroic.) I’ll beat them up with ease!

Captain Hero beats the robots up while Monkeyfist is about to push the button to activate the brain-controlling-process. But Captain Hero is faster and punches the alien so hard that Monkeyfist flies through the walls until it lands in the bathroom. Spanky and Xandir take a shower. Spanky turns around and looks at Monkeyfist who hardly moves. Spanky gets a boner.

Spanky: Uh… Monkeyfist? Are you still alive?
Monkeyfist: Eeerrrrrgh…

Xandir turns around too and is frightened.

Xandir: Oh, my goodness!!

Spanky helps Monkeyfist standing up.

Spanky: What happened, sweetheart? Say something!
Xandir: How do we get rid of the holes from the walls?!
Spanky: Put your clothes on and call the carpenters. In the meantime I’ll-
Xandir: Let me guess: Meanwhile you’ll “take care” of Monkeyfist like a millionaire “takes care” of a prostitute. I get it…
Spanky: Wait a minute! I just wanted to take her back to her room.
Monkeyfist: Eeerrrrrrrgh…
Spanky: On the other hand…
Xandir: Tisk, tisk, tisk!
Spanky: Hey! You brought me to the idea in the first place!
Xandir: Allright! I’m leaving now! (leaves the bathroom… Naked.)

From the outside you can hear women screaming for adoration and Xandir screaming for fear. Xandir comes back to the bathroom slamming the door and breathing heavy.

Spanky: I told you to put your clothes on first before leaving the bathroom.
Xandir: Excuse moi. I forgot. (blushes.)

Xandir puts a pink ballet outfit on and dances like a ballerina. Then he leaves the bathroom again.

Captain Hero in the cam-room:

C. Hero: Thanks to my underestimated “quick-witted” punch, I could keep Monkeyfist from full-controlling G-Bot. But after I saved him from his dreadful destiny, he was looking mad at me. Though I didn’t do something terrible, did I?

Back in Monkeyfist’s lab:

G-Bot gets up from the chair and goes slowly, with a bad look, toward Captain Hero.

G-Bot: No one is entitled to harm my master and gets off unpunished…
C. Hero: What’s wrong with you, my little friend? I expected more gratitude from you.

G-Bot’s lenses glow red. Captain Hero goes slowly backwards and is worried.

G-Bot: Prepare to meet your well-deserved punishment, mortal one…
C. Hero: Easy, G-Bot. Just don’t do any sh*t to me… I warn you…

G-Bot transforms into Super G-Bot. Now he’s only a head smaller than Captain Hero. Dramatic and thrilling music in the background. Close-ups from Captain Hero’s eyes and Super G-Bot’s lenses. Afterwards Super G-Bot pulls Captain Hero’s pants down. Captain Hero blushes for embarrassment and Super G-Bot gasps.

S. G-Bot: Pink underpants with ruffles?

Captain Hero hits Super G-Bot on the head. Super G-Bot takes one step backwards.
C. Hero: This distraction works every time. (Sly grin.)

Super G-Bot makes with his right hand a peace-sign and goes with his hand toward Captain Hero’s eyes. But Captain Hero counters with the edge of his hand. Super G-Bot uses the meantime to twist Captain Hero’s nipple.

C. Hero: OW!! You’ve found my weakness!
S. G-Bot: Yaaayy!
Presenter: Attention, everyone! I-
C. Hero & S. G-Bot: NOT NOW!!

Captain Hero and Super G-Bot continue fighting. Then Felia and Xandir come in Monkeyfist’s secret lab.

Felia: What are you doing?!
Xandir: Stop fighting each other and come to the living-room!
C. Hero: I said NOT NOW!

Super G-Bot puts hair-wax on Captain Hero’s bare leg. Then he pulls the wax out from Captain Hero’s leg.

C. Hero: YEEOUUUCH!!
Felia: If you don’t quit it immediately, we will stop this once and for all!
Xandir: LIGHTNING BLADE!!

Xandir holds his sword, which glows and runs into the battlefield. Felia dances to J-Pop music and causes a bubble-tornado. Suddenly Ling-Ling pops out with a happy face.

Ling-Ling: A battle without Ling-Ling?! IMPOSSIBLE!!

Ling-Ling throws a dark-lightning ball at Felia, Xandir, Captain Hero and Super G-Bot.

To be continue- ARRRGH!!

Xandir: Oh, my god! You killed the author-replacement!
C. Hero: You B…!

A short kid who looks like Kyle stand next to Captain Hero and looks mad at him

C. Hero: You barnacle-…!

A big crab which looks like Mr. Krabs stands next to the Kyle-like kid and looks mad at Captain Hero.

C. Hero: You barnacle-eating piece of fur! Yeah, that’s a good one. Heheheh…
Kid: You were lucky there, you superhero-poser…

The Mr. Krabs-looking crab spits on Captain Hero’s boots. The kid and the crab leave. Ling-Ling, Felia, Captain Hero, Super G-Bot and Xandir continue fighting.

Presenter: That’s it! Get in the living-room! IMMADIATELY!! OR ELSE I’M FORCED TO SEND CELINE DION!!
All: NOOO!!! NOT CELINE DION!!! AAAAAAARGH…!

Ling-Ling, Felia, Captain Hero, Super G-Bot and Xandir leave the laboratory in panic and arrive quickly in the living-room, where already Foxxy, Wooldoor, Monkeyfist, Spanky and Toot sit on the couch waiting for them.

Toot: It was about time you arrive! Where have you been?
Monkeyfist: C-c-c-c... Cap- Captain H-h-h-h-hero... That p-p-p-p-prim-primitive peabrained human-being!
Wooldoor: What’s the matter with him?
Monkeyfist: What’s the matter?! WHAT’S THE MATTER?!? … He mocked me and called me “midget”. And then he punched me straight to the bathroom… But the worst thing… The worst thing…
Wooldoor: WHAT’S THE WORST THING?!?
Monkeyfist: He… He… (lowers the voice.) He sexual harrassed me.
C. Hero: But that’s not what happened! I swear!
Monkeyfist: Do you call me a LIAR?!
C. Hero: In that case, I do.
Spanky: Stop arguing with Monkeyfist. Don’t you see she’s been harmed enough from you?
C. Hero: But she… I mean, I just… There was…

Wooldoor and Spanky put their arms on Monkeyfist.

C. Hero: (sigh.)Oh, what the hell: (monotone voice.) I’m sorry I have hurt your feelings and I hope you forgive me.
Monkeyfist: Good, and now hurt yourself in your seed-producing-area!
Presenter: So, you finally have arrived. And it seems like you have lost two members this time.
Toot: I don’t remember…
Foxxy: Me neither. Who were dose members we allegedly have lost?
Presenter: You know: Princess Clara and Trevor Malone.
Foxxy: Ooh, da white trash punk and dat racist nobody liked at all.
Toot: True, true… (nods.)
Xandir: And I never told Trevor how much I loved him.
Spanky: You rather mean how horny you were at him! (wink.)

Xandir blushes.

Presenter: And in the last assignment you failed staying dry. No team has won… again!
Spanky: What did you expect? It was impossible for us to manage that!
Xandir: We tried our best, you know.
Presenter: Fine, okay. I guess I have no other choice… For failing the assignment, you are forced to take off your clothes.
Foxxy: Dat’s it?
Xandir: Pretty easy.
Ling-Ling: No news to Ling-Ling.
Spanky: Let’s get naked!
Wooldoor: Weeeeeeeee!

Everyone takes off their clothes. Even Toot. Captain Hero pukes.

Foxxy: Captain Hero!
C. Hero: What? I just do what others wouldn’t even dare to do in front of Toot.
Toot: You’re so mean. (sob.)
Foxxy: Use da bathroom for da next time, idiot!
Spanky: Hey, Monkeyfist! Why don’t you take off your clothes?
Monkeyfist: Uh… I guess I just don’t feel like it. (blushes.)
Spanky: Aw, come on! What could you hide from us we haven’t ever seen?!
G-Bot: It’s okay, master. Just take off your clothes.
Monkeyfist: Fine… But I have to warn you! You may not like what your eyes will see!

Monkeyfist takes off its clothes. The alien has got a hairy chest. A very hairy chest. Everyone is looking surprised at Monkeyfist. Wooldoor faints.

Spanky: Whoah, I haven’t seen that coming.
Presenter: And the best part of it: You go like that for the next 48 hours.
Felia: Oooh, I feel amused!

Suddenly Wooldoor stands up and jumps in the air.

Wooldoor: Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
Spanky: Let’s party! (swinging his hips.)
Presenter: … Stupid cartoon characters.
All: WE’VE HEARD THAT!!!
Monkeyfist: G-Bot: You know what that means…
G-Bot: Yes, my master!

G-Bot shots a laser ray from his lenses and destroys the speakerbox.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha! It seems like another nonsense is going on in Drawn Together VILLA. I guess we better stop here before somebody gets laid.

Felia: Too late! (gets laid by Captain Hero.)

Oh, ****! Next chapter is coming soon. MEDIC!!

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