Chapter 17 - The neighbour's kid

Welcome to a special edition of “DRAWN TOGETHER SURVIVAL”. We keep our promise and uncover hard facts in „BARE NAKED FRENZY“! You’ll see asses, nipples, tits, penises, vaginas, pubic hair, birthmarks, pimples, horny skins and cellullite until your eyes begin to bleed! Resistance is futile! It’s gut-wrenching!

Foxxy: Excuse me, but I gots a question.

No, nature-sparkling wine-games are not included, Foxxy.

Spanky is in the garden and is about to urinate on the flowers.

Spanky: Hey, I call it deprivation of liberty!
Foxxy: I don’t even mean dat! It is just about dat I really don’t like to put down ma’ headgear. Can I keep ma’ cap?

If you insist…

Foxxy: Yeah, yo’ da best! Thank ya very much! Woot!

You’re welcome.

Monkeyfist in the cam-room:

Monkeyfist: The presenter couldn’t come up with a worse punishment. Two days I’ll be forced to show my naked body to a lot of naked, repulsive, mammal-like creatures. I have it up to here just to be stared with their little hideous human eyes.

Flashback:

Everybody stares at Monkeyfist. Captain Hero runs with bloated cheeks to the bathroom quickly.

Xandir: Monkeyfist? Are you a guy?
Monkeyfist: No, whatever it may be.
Spanky: Oh, sh**! You are a hermaphrodite!

From the bathroom you can hear Captain Hero vomiting.Monkeyfist looks distrustful at everyone.

Monkeyfist: And? Do you have a problem with that?!
Xandir: Um…
Toot: Uh… I dunno…
Foxxy: Well… Actually…
Felia: I don’t have a problem with that! (grins.)
Spanky: I like it. Theoretically you could have sex with all of us without being called queer.

Once again you hear Captain Hero vomiting. This time it’s louder and longer.

End of flashback:

Monkeyfist: And then all these questions! „How is it as a hermaphrodite?“, „Can you produce by yourself?“ or „Is there also gender-fights between androgynes?“ Those pathetic primitives understand nothing!

Xandir in the camroom:

Xandir: It was a shocking event for us all when we found out Monkeyfist’s true “I”. We all thought it was a girl, all the time! I’m not sure if we can come round sharing the villa with an androgyne… (blushes.) Though I must confess it’s tail somehow turns me on. (snickers.)

Felia in the cam-room:

Felia: Monkeyfist has always rather shown, in my opinion, manly characteristics. It’s not interested in things we normal girls are. You know what I mean: shopping, tattling, make ups, watching love-movies, complaining about their own figure, crying, moaning about odds and ends during the menstruation et cetera… I don’t have a problem with that but the only question I have is: Should Monkeyfist go to the men’s bathroom or can it still stay in our bathroom?

Foxxy in the cam-room:

Foxxy: I just don’t get it why dere’s so much trouble bout it. Da story of Xandir’s comin’-out isn’t dat different, is it ? …Yeah? Hmm… I see. Though I suggest to treat Monkeyfist da same as always. Putting her on a chain and beat her with da newspaper when she freaks out. (grins.) Nah, I was just kiddin’. Dat only happens to Ling-Ling.

At the terrace:

Captain Hero struts on the border of the pool and whistles a little song.

C. Hero: Ah, what a beautiful day!

Toot goes past Captain Hero and smiles.

Toot: Tootelitoo!

Toot puts her arm up and waves at Captain Hero. Under her armpit there’s overgrowed bush, where a birdfamily built a nest. Captain Hero throws up. Toot runs disgusted away. Felia goes into the direction of the swimmingpool and slips on Captain Hero’s spew. She falls into the water. Foxxy see it as it happens and goes angry toward Captain Hero.

Foxxy: Captain Hero, how many times I have to tell ya dat-

Foxxy slips on Captain Hero’s spew too and falls into the water. Captain Hero says to himself…

C. Hero: Well, well. Sometimes it’s good to be me.

Spanky pitchforks Captain Hero into the water and gloats on the superhero’s misfortune. After that he goes to the garden. Spanky looks around the garden and thinks.

Spanky: Hm… So where should I start at first? AHA!

Spanky pees on the big tree and laughs mad. The tree loses its leaves and dries. Even the birds and the squirrels fall down from the tree. Dead. Spanky looks surprised.

Spanky: What the…? This is weird.

Monkeyfist stands without attracting attention behind Spanky and watches the whole situation quietly.

Spanky: Next time I’ll drink terpentine without Aspirine…
Monkeyfist: This explains everything.

Spanky is terrified, turns to Monkeyfist and gets a boner.

Spanky: Hey, how do you make me always horny like this?!
Monkeyfist: Tell me first why are you always sexed-up when I’m present.

Monkeyfist folds its 4 arms.

Spanky: Maybe you wanna join me, hun?
Monkeyfist: You mean joining you by plant-extermination? Sounds very evil… I’m in. (evilgrin.)
Spanky: Great, hun! You can pick a bush.

Spanky points at the bushes. One of them is already old and dried out. There are no leaves in that one but Monkeyfist is still interested in that bush.

Monkeyfist: I take this one.
Spanky: I don’t know, sweetheart. The bush is not really-
Monkeyfist: QUIET!! I HAVE MADE MY DECISION!!!
Spanky: Okay, okay, I said nothing…

Spanky takes a few steps backwards. Monkeyfist begins to urinate on the bush. The alien enjoys it and Spanky looks very sceptical. Suddenly the bush begins to bloom. Spanky drops his jar to the ground and his eyes get big for astonishment.

Monkeyfist: Say, my little pig friend, is it normal?
Spanky: No way! NO F****** WAY!!

From the ground of the bush a dog jumps out. In the meantime Xandir get out of the pool and looks at the dog.

Xandir: Thirsty*?!

* That’s the name of the dog in episode “A very special Drawn Together”.

Xandir: Thirsty! You’re alive!

Thirsty runs into Xandir’s arms. Happy-Ending-music in the background. Monkeyfist takes out it’s voice recorder.

Monkeyfist: Note to me: Urinating on plants seems to be a fertilizer for them. I have to keep that information in mind. If my plan works, I’ll be able to let my flesh-eating sizzmors grow faster and let them eat all earthlings who won’t worship me.
Spanky: Why are you talking to yourself?
Monkeyfist: Why haven’t you got a neck?
Spanky: Ey, I was-
Monkeyfist: Ha! You don’t even know what to answer! You pathetic little piggy! Another victory for the superior Intruder Monkeyfist! MUHAHAHAHAHA…!!
Neighbour: Could you turn down the volume, please? I’m trying to concentrate!
Spanky: Oh, no. It’s the neighbour’s kid. Hey, where are your parents?!
Neighbour: Why do you wanna know, piggy?!
Monkeyfist: Hey, human larva! Why should some little worthless lifeform like you concentrate on something anyways?
Neighbour: Watch your mouth, you… (looks around while thinking.) green creature! I’m practising voodoo. (Darkness surrounds the kid.)
Spanky: Voodoo? You really believe in that crap? Don’t you have any hobbies instead of that useless waste of pastime?
Neighbour: Yes, my other hobbies are black magic, necromancy and collecting samurai swords and stamps. (Darkness surrounds the kid… again.)
Spanky: Nevermind. Come on, Monkeyfist. Let’s go inside.
Neighbour: Wait! I know you guys from somewhere! Yes, you are the guys from the new reality show “Drawn Together Survival”!
Spanky: Correct, Einstein junior. Why don’t you do the humanity a favor and jump from a cliff?
Neighbour: I’m a big fan of you all! This is so exciting! I, Jmonay, really live next to the “Drawn Together Survival” crew! Could you ask the presenter if I could be in the show, please? This would be totally awesome!
Monkeyfist: Yes, yes, whatever…
Jmonay: Kick @$$! I’m gonna tell my parents about you and then I call my friends and then I’m logging in the internet and write it on my journal and-

The whole Drawn Together cast is inside their villa already.

Jmonay: … Uh? Hello-o! Anyone?! … Okay, I’m going to the national park and wake some dead people to life near the deadly waterfall.
Jmonay’s dad: What are you up to do, son?!
Jmonay: Uuh, I’m going fishing!
Jmonay’s dad: Without any fishing rod? That’s suspicious…
Jmonay: Yeah, whatever! I can do what I want!
Jmonay’s dad: No, you cannot do whatever you want. You can’t breathe under the water, you can’t fly, you can’t eat the air, you cannot be pregnant…
Jmonay: Dad, that’s not what I want.
Jmonay’s dad: Well, in that case… Have some fun and take this equipment with you!

Neighbour’s dad throws the fishing equipment to Jmonay.

Jmonay: (sigh.) Thanks, dad.
Jmonay’s dad: And take some of your friends with you! I MEAN IT!
Jmonay: (pissed off.) I will…

Dark and mysterious music in the background. Darkness surrounds Jmonay while he’s going the road to the national park… With the fishing equipment. Meanwhile in the Drawn Together villa Ling-Ling, Felia, G-Bot and Wooldoor are playing billiard. Spanky and Monkeyfist come along. Monkeyfist stands and raises its arms.

Monkeyfist: Bow down, primitives! Your future-master has arrived!
Ling-Ling: Pssst… Talk to her now, Wooldoor. She’s waiting for you to talk to her.
Wooldoor: Well, I’m not that sure if she-
Felia: What is it, sweethearts? Do you wanna join us in playing some billiard…?

Felia leans her breasts on the billiard table without even noticing. Spanky looks at Felia’s breasts and is stunned.

Monkeyfist: Billiard? Is it evil?
G-Bot: No, but it’s fun-

Wooldoor pushes G-Bot nervously away.

Wooldoor: It is! It is, Monkeyfist! Please join us!
Monkeyfist: Good! Uh, I mean: Evil! Argh, whatever! Spanky and I will join your little game… Right, Spanky?
Spanky: … Uh-huh… Yes, nice boobs…
G-Bot: Yyyyya-a-a-yyy…
Felia: Oh, excuse us for a while, fellas. Ling-Ling and I have something important to do… In the garage… (winks at Ling-Ling.)
Ling-Ling: So long, corrupt americans.

Felia carries Ling-Ling and leaves the villa. G-Bot, Monkeyfist, Spanky and Wooldoor look at each other.

G-Bot: I didn’t know we have a garage.
Wooldoor: Exactly! It was replaced with a helicopter parking lot, space station, army supplies hall, a huge empty space and… a broom-chamber.
Spanky: Perhaps she means the broom-chamber.
Monkeyfist: Yes, that must be.
Wooldoor: Definitely.
G-Bot: I like pie.

Silence.

Wooldoor: Me too.
Spanky: Pie is the best.
Monkeyfist: I agree.

Who is that kid that wants to be in that stupid immature reality show so hard? How long can the villa-mates hold it on being naked without anything embarrassing moments? And why hasn’t Wooldoor asked Monkeyfist for a date yet?
Jmonay: I know!

Really? Would you tell me then?

Silence.

Jmonay: No! Hahahahahahaha!!!

Get out.

Jmonay: No, wait! I’ve got something important to say!

So? What is it?

Jmonay: … Yo mama! Hahahahahaha…! (runs off.)

GGGGGRRRRRRRR!!!! X( Next chapter is coming sooooon!!

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