Chapter 1 - Part 1

My sister and I were looking at the overly dramatic Eragon commercials, and we decided that we could do a better job at the movie’s commercials. Warning: [color=]DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE ERAGON-OBSESSED. Oh yes, and DO NOT STEAL. [/color]

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[color=#000000][u]Commercial 1:[/u]

Narrator: One boy....

[Scenes of Eragon]

Narrator: One dragon...

[Scenes of Saphira rearing and breathing fire]

Narrator: One alcoholic drinking problem.

[Scenes of Eragon drinking mugs of beer at Dras-Leona in the Golden Globe]

Saphira: How are we feeling?

Eragon: Shut up...

[Scene of Galbatorix sitting on his throne in all his evil glory]

Galbatorix: So...our biggest threat is a teenage boy who needs Alcoholics Anonymous?

Narrator: ....Er.....Yep.

[Scenes of Eragon tripping over random stuff]  

[u][/u]

[u]Commercial 2:[/u]

Narrator: A long time ago...              

In a world of dragons...

[scenes of dragons]

Narrator: A tyrant rules over Alagaesia...

[film stops short]

Narrator: Ah, well, the rest is just too cliché! Befriend dark and mysterious dude, sob over the death of your mentor, save the hawt elf chick, go to secret organization, and save the day!

Angela: Sounds like Star Wars to me...

Narrator: *gasps* IS NOT!!!

[scenes of Star Wars only with cast members’ heads crudely pasted on]  

[u][/u]

[u]Commercial 3: [/u]

Eragon: I’m the Rider and I say we go!

Arya: ...Go where?

Eragon: ....*looks at script*.....To....save the...wood?

[director comes on scene with angry look]

Director: That’s WORLD, you idiot!

Eragon: Well, maybe IF YOU HAD A BETTER TYPIST...

[fight breaks out]

Arya: *coming up onto screen* ....Just cut to some random fighting scenes that make no sense linked together...

Eragon: YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?! HUH, HUH? I GOT A FAKE SWORD AND I HAD CHOREOGRAPHED SCENES DONE!!!

Director: OH YEAH? WELL, I GOT THE CAMERAMAN! *grabs the poor guy and flings him at Eragon*

[finally the random fighting scenes come up]  

 

[u]Commercial 4:[/u]

[usual scenes that are thrown together and overly dramatic]

[scene of Solembum with his back to the screen]

[Solembum turns around]

Solembum: Eragon? *snorts* Who ever thought of [i]that[/i] name?

[scene of Paolini with his hand raised to the ceiling and amidst many complicated diagrams]

[dramatic music]

Paolini: Hahahah! Dragon – D + E = Eragon!

[switch back to Solembum]

Solembum: ...What an idiot. Why couldn’t the title be...oh, I don’t know....Solembum? Now [i]there’s[/i] a great name.  
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More coming soon????? 

P.S. Do not take this seriously. It is for laughs only and does not, in any way, particularly rebuke or insult Eragon, the Inheritance series, or Christopher Paolini.[/color]

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