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Chapter 1 - Dreams & Memories

Please comment I need all the help I can get! lol Tell me where I need to improve and everything! Please I hope it's ok!

Chapter 1 - Dreams & Memories

Chapter 1 - Dreams & Memories






Marelda awoke to the sound of screams and the smell of flames flickering outside her window. Whats going on? She thought drowsily. She turned her head and looked over at her little sister Rosalie who slept in the bed opposite her. Rosalie looked at her as tears streamed down her face and whimpered, Marrie I think theyre trying to hurt papa, It was then she remembered overhearing her father say to her mother, These are dire days Velma and Im afraid that soon we wont be safe anymore.











Without hesitating she quickly got up as she heard a window smash near the back of the house. Papas men must be defending us if they arent in the house yet, she thought hopefully as she rushed over and grabbed Rosalie saying Come on we have to go and get the twins! In a room two doors down she could hear the sounds of her twin baby brothers Aiden and Justin crying their lungs out. With Rosalie right behind her they raced into their brothers room and saw a dark figure leaning over the crib. Marelda quickly put her hand over Rosalies mouth to stop her screaming and letting him know they were there. She didnt realize until a moment later that Rosalie had down the same thing to her. A habit they had both grown into whenever they had gone sneaking somewhere they shouldnt. So far the man hadnt noticed them yet but Marelda knew that they didnt have long until he either spotted them or killed her brothers. What do I do? she thought wildly Im only 6 years old! How can I save them hell crush me! Letting her hand fall from Rosalies mouth she crept as silently as she could until she was right behind him. She had seen the dagger sticking out of his boot and so she quickly ducked down and grabbed it. Yes! She thought as she pulled it out. Then the man turned around a look of surprise on his face.











It was this next task that terrified her. She had seen her father do it plenty of times in the training yard and he had even taught her how to through a small knife which she proudly showed off to anyone who cared to watch. Thinking of nothing but protecting Rosalie, Aiden and Justin she plunged it forwards and right in the mans stomach. She remembered her father saying it was best to try and get their heart or throat but she couldnt reach up that far. The man sunk to the ground and she saw his hand snake out and grab her by the throat. She dropped the dagger and tried to fight him off realizing she had probably just dropped her only chance of life.











Behind her she heard a scream as her vision swam and then the hand holding her vanished and she fell to the floor gasping for breath. Rosalie stood above her with the dagger in her hand looking terrified. Poor Rosalie, she though as she stood up, she was only 4years old and she had heard her mother say so many times to her father that they were too young to be taught this kind of life. Marelda herself loved this kind of life. Learning how to use weapons and fight, but Rosalie was more proper as her mother often put it preferring to play with dolls and learning how to sit properly and talk appropriately.











Quickly she reached into the crib and pulled out Justin while Rosalie grabbed Aiden. They were both strong for their young ages from constant tree climbing and snooping in the forest. Marelda heard shouts coming from inside now and knew they had to somehow get to the forest. Their papa had always said that if there was any trouble they were to run into the forest and hide until it was safe. Quick, she panted as she ran down the hall,  Well go through the front door! The door came into view already open and she could see the bodies of men and women scattered everywhere. She almost stopped in horror but she knew she had to protect her brothers and sister. She was the oldest so it was her responsibility to make sure they were safe.











She heard Rosalie behind her sobbing as they entered the front garden. With no shoes on she could feel the softness of the ground and an image of walking in blood and entrails appeared in her mind but she managed to shake it away. Just think of safety, she thought grimly as she ran. It was then she heard someone say faintly, Marelda&.Rosie&. she look around and saw her father lying close by with a spear through his side. Papa! she screamed and she raced over and knelt by his side. He smiled painfully at her and cupped her face in his hand. Here, he gasped and he placed his dagger in her hand. It was a fine-looking object, its handle was carved with beautiful symbols and the blade was a smooth flat shape that ended in a fatal tip. She looked at it wonder. Her father had never let her touch it even just to look at. It suddenly frightened her that he was giving it to her now. She opened her mouth to say something but then he said Take care of them, Marrie they need you. then his eyes half closed and his body stopped moving.











Tears streaming down her face she stood up still holding Justin, turned and ran towards the forest with Rosalie carrying a crying Aiden bringing up the rear.











She could still hear the screams and smell the flames as she stumbled in the darkness. Our hiding place, she thought frantically well go there nobody will find us. Not long ago she and Rosalie had been wandering the forest and they had come across a small track leading into a bush. They had pushed through the bush and found a small grove. It was silent and beautiful so they decided not to tell anyone else about and keep it their own secret place. I only have to try and find it in the dark she thought. The sound of her sister screaming made her stop and spin around in fright. A man had jumped out of the bush and was coming straight at her.











The dagger!, her mind screamed at her to use it but she couldnt throw while she was holding Justin. She might drop him. Then Rosalie was behind him trying to kick him screaming at him to leave them alone. Faster than she could blink he spun around and hit her in the face. All at once her screaming stopped and she fell to the ground and when she hit the ground Aiden, who was still crying in her arms, ceased to make a sound. It was cut off in mid-cry. Everything seemed to slow down during the next few seconds. She screamed and as he advanced towards her she quickly placed Justin as carefully and quickly as she could on the ground and with everything she had she threw the dagger at the man who had killed her brother and sister. It hit him right in the centre of the chest. She saw the look of shock on his face as he fell to ground making strange gargling noises. It didnt take long for them to stop and once they did she approached him trembling and drew the dagger out of his body. She quickly picked up Justin who was crying even harder than before as if he knew what had just happened to his sibling. Marelda went over to Rosalie and hugged her while holding Justin. When she got up she felt the dampness of her night gown and knew it was blood. She let a small sob escape as she turned and ran into the darkness leaving her lifeless brother and sister in the middle of the forest floor.











She found the hiding place after a few failed attempts at locating it and crawled in holding Justin who was no longer crying but shivering and whimpering from the cold of the night. She held him tight as she allowed herself to cry and she whispered repeatedly until she fell asleep, Im so sorry papa Im so sorry&.











Morning came. She opened her eyes and realized where she was. She hiccupped and let out a small cry as she remembered the previous nights events. She knew that they were all dead. But what about mama?, she thought with hope she might of made it too! She carefully looked down at Justin and stilled. His lips were blue, and he wasnt breathing. She cried in despair as she placed him down and tried to gently make him wake up but to no avail. He was gone to be with his brother and Rosalie. Now truly crying she picked him up and crawled out of the grove and began to walk back home. Im so sorry papa, she thought miserably, I failed you.











She crept silently into the yard and saw the carnage from the night before. The grass once a beautiful shade of emerald green was now stained red with innocent and murderous blood. The flowers, those that were not destroyed, were glistening brightly with droplets of the red liquid spilled so carelessly everywhere. The first thing she noticed was that all the bodies were gone. While walking home she hadnt found Rosalie, Aiden or the man that she had killed but she had found their blood on the forest floor. She saw smoke on the other side of the house and quickly ran around realizing that everybody had gone. She rounded the corner and saw them. Bodies piled on top of another, people she had known all burning their lives smoking into the sky. Her stomach began to feel queasy and she knew she was going to be sick. She turned away only to see a more dreadful sight waiting for her. She screamed. Noooooo!











Noooooo! Marelda shouted as she shot up in bed. Sweat covered her brow and her heart was pumping frantically. She sighed and collapsed back onto her bed and stared at the ceiling in frustration. Thirteen years later and she was still haunted by that terrible night. She turned onto her side and whispered quietly, Im sorry papa before drifting into an uneasy sleep.





























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Sora121 on October 13, 2006, 4:33:33 PM

Sora121 on
Sora121Yo. now that's good stuff. and there aren't really any things that need to be revised. And a few tips, cause you said you needed them, you should take what you write and read it over and take all of it literally you'll find a few things that would be strange if they stayed. the only two things i seen were: when she heard her brother crying you should have just said "crying" instead of "crying their lungs out" but if you wanted to add to the effect of the story and tell how or what they are doing then use wildly crying or their crying is beastly to show what they are doing without having something that, if used literally, would sound strange. and second use Mareda awoke to the sound of screams and the smell --of the-- flames --that were-- flickering out side her window. But other than that its a great story. keep it up and i'll look at the next chapter tomorrow and if you need any thing looked over or revised then just ask me.

sam01 on June 30, 2006, 1:41:34 AM

sam01 on
sam01this should be publish this is the best fantasy story ever ,when r u going to do the next chapter i must know what's going to happen!

cyborg_katyuska on June 30, 2006, 12:05:01 AM

cyborg_katyuska on
cyborg_katyuskaYou must continue I am very interested in this. You are doign very well, the suspension is great and you are becoming good at it. I loved the fact that it was a memory and not the actual story. I'd love to know what happens next.