Chapter 2 - Well.

Gosh... i should really be getting to bed. its ten to 1 and i'm back at school again tomorrow after one of the best holidays i've had. I've been with my boyfriend (the second guy- more on that later) literally the whole time, except one night. Youre probably thinking, but surely, you'd get fed up with seeing each other so much? Nahh, from the day we met in y7 we spoke every day on msn and we're still going. It's so weird, just the other day i was sat and just thought about how fa we've come together. it's weird, how just talking grew to friends, and quickly to best mates (as i told him everything and he told me) but also, at how obvious it was i loved him, staring me straight in the face, but by god i was blind to it! i was blind to it and, was sometimes SUCH a dog. I regret alot of things from my past, and thats one. The other is the whole ordeal with the first guy.
so here's how i see the story.
Just started secondary school.
Guy 1 gives me butterflies when i see him - ive never liked anyone before.
He likes 10 girls at a time and all that shoot of gf's and stuff.
I feel like he chooses me out of them all everytime though.
Not long after, butterflies arent there anymore (it was only a stupid crush you moron.)
Too shy to say no to things.
Goes on for waaaaaaaaay too long so finally decide to stop it. Right after he said he loved me. bad move.
He is clingy beyond belive and won;t leave me alone.
Guy 2- who kept going on and off me, is going out with my best mate (now ex, so we shall call her lexy)
He tells lexy that he still likes me and she makes it fully clear i know that too.
Guy 2 stands up for me against guy 1 and so do most of my other mates.
Guy 2 and lexy brake up.
Lexy takes sides with guy 1 and i fall out with her.
I go away for the wholee of the summer holidays..
Come back to find guy 2 has a new girlfriend - the girl he barely knows (she is such a slag. i cant stand even thinking about her or her mate, eurghh).
That feeling of being torn up makes sense now.. I love him.
guy 1 starts to back off.
Guy 2 brakes up with girl he barely knows. He says to me theres a desicion. It's me or her, and he doesnt know what to do. I told him to go for her, I've waited already, i can wait a little longer - besides, shes better than me :/
He brakes up with her and a few months later asks me out.
So here we are, it's almost 6 months now, we've had tough times at the start (me being a coward) and just getting used to each other i guess, but we always pulled through. We now spend almost every day together, and if we arent together we're texting. Theres some other things tooo but i aint going to say it on here tbh.He means everything :/
God. I wish i could just spit out those words 'i love you' but you know how much of a coward i am... i always thought how good you are for me though. You always pushed me to do something when i was too scared to but in such a way, im not pressure but it helps me gain the confidence, you know how to help me. you always have helped me. always stood up for me. always come back and forgiven me. always because i'm no where near as perfect as you are but i hope so much you'll stick with me and i'm trying to be better, honestly even if it doesnt look like it :/
I love the feeling of how close we are now. I genuinely want you to be the only one.
I wish so much to have a flat with you, where we can be together. One of my dreams has always been about getting an house and sharing it, i imagine how i would decorate it and how it would be so much more free and how exciting it will be. And now i have you to share it with (:
Gosh.... i could go on and on about you for hours but i'm going to stop cuz i should really get some sleep :/
Need to be healthier afterall, hairs been falling out so yeah....
Tbh though.. i know it looks like i changed my mind and its bullshoot from liking to not liking and not liking to loving. But, i was young and nothing was clear and i think i put up a barrier to protect myself? i dunno.
But anyway,I know i said friends are everything, well that kinda changes when you get a boyfriend... i dont see them as much but i know theyre still there for me, as i am them.
Oh and i lost another best friend. but i havent decided about her yet..
hmm, everythings still a muddle. Brother running away and stuff but thats for another time.
I'm gonna get some sleep. night <3

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