I'm going to level with you space ponies:
*I live in the only known biosphere in New Hampshire
*I speak Esperanto Sign Language, but not Esperanto as a verbal language
*I was born without the ability to appreciate the humour of Benny Hill
*I only know seven ways to leave my lover
*I was unable to read backwards until I was shot in the neck
*I spell "spell" with two "p"s
*I'm a compulsive liar
Let's take some questions...
Q: Do you take requests? I wouldn't actually ask you to do anything, but if you were a good artist and I liked what you did, would you take requests?
A: Yes, but you wouldn't like what I could give you.
Q: What would you give me?
A: Photos of your parents in high school.
Q: Do you accept requests?
Q: That's it?
Q: Did Ben Folds make better music with the Five or sans them?
A: Neither. It's all good, baby.
Q: What about Mike Doughty?
A: He wasn't in Ben Folds Five.
Q: You suck. Any comments?
A: I got nothing. Thanks for playing.
So, there it is. I'm not the Greatest Artist Who Ever Lived, but confound it if I don't come close.