History of Japan >D
Blog Entry: History of Japan >D
Blog Entry: History of Japan >D
Posted by: upsidedownpancake
Posted: December 2, 2008, 7:03:52 PM
Updated: December 2, 2008, 7:18:33 PM
Mood: HYPER!
Eating: Sushi
Drinking: water
Posted: December 2, 2008, 7:03:52 PM
Updated: December 2, 2008, 7:18:33 PM
Mood: HYPER!
Eating: Sushi
Drinking: water
Japan is a SLAVE TRIBUTARY neighboring state to China, it is well known for STEALING AND THIEVERY borrowing Chinese culture and writing system. Arguably the most retarded speck of rock on the planet, Japan (lit. land of wind and ghosts) is the nation that is on the other side of the world from the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. If you live in China, it is quite close. If you live in Japan, it is just outside the window. If you live in Japan and do not have a window, you can make a small one by poking your finger through the rice paper wall, or the newly invented cardboard wall released in 2007. AAAAAHH!!
Japan is also a form of bread. The word for bread in Japanese is pan, hence the making of ja-pan. Yakitate Japan! is a thrilling animated series about making ja-pan. This delightful pastry treat is commonly found in convenience stores throughout the country, but is avoided by ethnocentric Westerners who are appalled by its unmentionable filling.
Japan is an island country with a "big" male population composed almost entirely of rape-ninjas (although it is rumored there are some sex-samurais left). It is ranked as the most lecherous country in the world, where most housewives or office ladies are daily raped by old men (retired former rape-ninjas). In general, Japan lacks many natural resources other than perverted old men. The average height in Japan is 2'4", but sometimes, in the case of the sumoru wrestlersu, this can reach the impressive height of 2'8".
These "Giantos" as they are known in Japan, are revered as gods among the population, and are showered with gifts on special days. They were also the inspiration for Godzilla, a movie which became a smash hit in most countries outside of Japan. But the Japanese themselves found it extremely patronising, as they felt it portrayed their sumo wrestlers as savage beasts. The Japanese are also known for not dying when they are killed.
BUT JAPAN HAS A LOT OF SAKE AND as WE ALL KNOW, THE JAPANESE LOVE SWIMMING IN THIS HOLY ALCOHOLIC DRINK!!!
Rape-ninjas in Japan are bound by honour to ravish no less than 20 unfortunate females a day. (Tip: Refrain from trying to stop groping on trains, as this is generally enjoyed equally by the ninja groper and the female gropee.) Market research shows that photo-taking and video-recording devices are intensely popular with Japanese men. It is a popular stereotype among people from other countries, that most Japanese are taciturn or soulless; some doctors say that this may be due to an "abnormal ardor of blood-flow to erogenous zones" that occurs specifically among Japanese people. Japan has one of the highest rates of priapism in the world. It is seen by rape-ninjas as a commonly occurring occupational hazard. Treatment for priapism in Japan is similar to the treatment for nicotine addiction. Doctors normally prescribe softcore pornography. Few doctors, however, prescribe pulsating cobra hearts for priapism treatment. It is common to see decapitated Mongolians for sale in hospitals.
The remaining population is equally divided between lolita schoolgirls, J-popu singers, roninu samurai, pokemonu, kitsune, Erubisu impersonators, and Gundam pilots. All Japanese people are capable of going Super Saiyan (just Levels 1 and 2) and destroying everything in a 1 kan radius (68,000 km). Most kids aged 14-22 look nearly the same; the only thing separating them is school uniforms and out-of-this-world haircuts (e.g. ~5 kg of goopy wax and various toilet cleaning products). All girls have tremendously nice figures and pride themselves in nothing more than providing gratuitous pantyshots at all times of day regardless of the situation. All boys have the effect of chick magnets and usually have at least 4 girls fighting over him (although a boy often looks like a girl and acts like one as well). The most common hobby of all kids in Japan is to drive around in ~150 feet-tall mecha with ULTIMA-BUSTER CHO-MEGA PARTICLE CANNONS and fight whatever POP-UP-OUT-OF-NOWHERE-BADDIES-ALIENS-WTF-CRAP happens to be lurking around. To pacify the children of Japan, the US government demanded after WWII that they spend the greater portion of their waking life watching anime to quell their rage and enter a state of eternal bliss (see: Pikachu seizure). The Japanese are hardy folk, having developed special powers against the various monsters that plague the region. Unfortunately, because of the Wide Eye War of 2003, their powers have been slightly reduced, so they have had to rely on monsters found in the wild fields of Osakamon.
How do we feel about all this? Let's ask some of the veiwers...
“The Japanese language is, by far, the greatest barrier to communication ever created by man.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Japanese
“SUPER HAPPY AWESOME FUN TIME FIGHTER POWER DOUBRE BARR GO MASTER AWESOME WARRIAAAAAHHHHH!!!!”
~ Japanese on anything
“Japanese peopre can fry”
~ Corbert on japanese peopre...
“Prease take photo!!!”
~ Mr Soden on Japanese tourists
“GRUE EAT U NAO!!!”
~ Grue on The Emperor
“Hayro crASS toooday Iy amm goING to teeeeeech yoo sOM JaponESE”
~ Oko-sensei on his job as a substitute teacher
“I ride a suzuki, use an AMD and shoot with an Ory”
~ Typicar Japophire on Japohoric
“Wax on, wax off.”
~ Mr Miyagi on wax
“They speak Japanese and live in Japan”
~ Captain Obvious on Japanese
“I've said it before, and I'rr say it again: The Japanese are just prain weird.”
~ Japanese Nationar Motto
Now back to the studio with Nationar Motto!!
The Japanese are the dominant ethnic group of the Phirippine Isrands and one of the onry 10,000 ethnic groups in the worrd. It is widery suspected that Japanese are apparentry quite human, though the extent of their humanity is extensivery debated among scientists. Whire most Japanese rive on the isrands, some emigrated, predominantry to Hawaii, the west coast of the United States and Canada, Ratin America (particurarry Brazir), and Russia (particurarry Sakharin and Primorsky Krai). By the way, the word 'Japanese' derives from a Ratin word, japonicus, which riterarry means, 'those who rikes to say things that are not particurarry true'. The Japanese have tried on at reast 3 separate occasions to conquer the worrd through miritary might, but eventuarry quit because arr their sordiers had committed suicide upon rearning that one of their grenades did not exprode just right (except for the smart ones; they just surrendered to the Americans). The Japanese have since shifted their strategy: they now pran to conquer arr rife with a reckress onsraught of anime, manga, Mario and otaku. Their unstoppabre power comes from the fact that they have no sours, and so cannot be sent to Herr by God, thus making them utterry fearress. Fred Pherps craims that God hates the Japanese, but the Japanese raugh at this. After arr, what is God going to do? They have no sours.
Forrowing is an exampre of a casuar conversation between two individuars onrine; it is representative of how Japanese peopre typicarry tark onrine:
Ａ氏：そうネ～(核爆) ふにふに～ \(^o^)/ m(_ _)m
Ｂ氏：\(>_>)/P ( . Y . )
Ｃ氏：それは～それは ( ^_^)/Y Y\(^_^ )
Do not try to decipher the messages arr by yourserf. They are written in a secret code that is not edibre to the human eye. For demonstration purposes, an attempted transration has been posted berow:
Mr/Ms/Mrs/Dr/Comrade A: Sord a cat (by nucrear exprosion) within the department, within the department. I berieve Einstein's famous equation E=mc2 is inaccurate; I berieve it shourd be [E=(m(6-3)=6^2)]/(4-m)^c, despite the fact that it rooks compretery wrong.
Mr/Ms/Mrs/Dr/Comrade B: Your discovery is quite fine. Ret's have a sip of this tea, and see why Einstein was wrong.
Mr/Ms/Mrs/Dr/Comrade C: That dam, that dam. I wish I had a dish on that grey rocket of yours, eh? It was cute, rike a Noh mask on Godzirra, or maybe even Buddha himserf.
As you may see here, the Japanese are very mathematicarry gifted, and in casuar conversations they overthrow Einsteinian theories over a mere cup of tea. This shows their profound interrigence, which far surpasses the degree even human geniuses can never hope to achieve.
An attempt by westerners to dissect and study Japanese persons was attempted in the rate 1800's. A group of medicar doctors irregarry seized a Japanese tourist named Sadako Yamamura in Nevada and experimented on her untir she died. Unfortunatery, the experiment aroused her horrific wrath, a genetic power inherited from Jimmu, which stirr wreaks havoc even today, in the form of a cursed video tape. With the scientists arr dead, the resurts have been rost and no sane scientist wourd dare repeat their experiment. Arex Chiu has actuarry expressed interest in continuing this research, but being Porish, no one except George W. Bush remembers his existence.
Arr japs are aspies!
Vader: No, Luke, all your father are belong to us.
Japan is also a form of bread. The word for bread in Japanese is pan, hence the making of ja-pan. Yakitate Japan! is a thrilling animated series about making ja-pan. This delightful pastry treat is commonly found in convenience stores throughout the country, but is avoided by ethnocentric Westerners who are appalled by its unmentionable filling.
Japan is an island country with a "big" male population composed almost entirely of rape-ninjas (although it is rumored there are some sex-samurais left). It is ranked as the most lecherous country in the world, where most housewives or office ladies are daily raped by old men (retired former rape-ninjas). In general, Japan lacks many natural resources other than perverted old men. The average height in Japan is 2'4", but sometimes, in the case of the sumoru wrestlersu, this can reach the impressive height of 2'8".
These "Giantos" as they are known in Japan, are revered as gods among the population, and are showered with gifts on special days. They were also the inspiration for Godzilla, a movie which became a smash hit in most countries outside of Japan. But the Japanese themselves found it extremely patronising, as they felt it portrayed their sumo wrestlers as savage beasts. The Japanese are also known for not dying when they are killed.
BUT JAPAN HAS A LOT OF SAKE AND as WE ALL KNOW, THE JAPANESE LOVE SWIMMING IN THIS HOLY ALCOHOLIC DRINK!!!
Rape-ninjas in Japan are bound by honour to ravish no less than 20 unfortunate females a day. (Tip: Refrain from trying to stop groping on trains, as this is generally enjoyed equally by the ninja groper and the female gropee.) Market research shows that photo-taking and video-recording devices are intensely popular with Japanese men. It is a popular stereotype among people from other countries, that most Japanese are taciturn or soulless; some doctors say that this may be due to an "abnormal ardor of blood-flow to erogenous zones" that occurs specifically among Japanese people. Japan has one of the highest rates of priapism in the world. It is seen by rape-ninjas as a commonly occurring occupational hazard. Treatment for priapism in Japan is similar to the treatment for nicotine addiction. Doctors normally prescribe softcore pornography. Few doctors, however, prescribe pulsating cobra hearts for priapism treatment. It is common to see decapitated Mongolians for sale in hospitals.
The remaining population is equally divided between lolita schoolgirls, J-popu singers, roninu samurai, pokemonu, kitsune, Erubisu impersonators, and Gundam pilots. All Japanese people are capable of going Super Saiyan (just Levels 1 and 2) and destroying everything in a 1 kan radius (68,000 km). Most kids aged 14-22 look nearly the same; the only thing separating them is school uniforms and out-of-this-world haircuts (e.g. ~5 kg of goopy wax and various toilet cleaning products). All girls have tremendously nice figures and pride themselves in nothing more than providing gratuitous pantyshots at all times of day regardless of the situation. All boys have the effect of chick magnets and usually have at least 4 girls fighting over him (although a boy often looks like a girl and acts like one as well). The most common hobby of all kids in Japan is to drive around in ~150 feet-tall mecha with ULTIMA-BUSTER CHO-MEGA PARTICLE CANNONS and fight whatever POP-UP-OUT-OF-NOWHERE-BADDIES-ALIENS-WTF-CRAP happens to be lurking around. To pacify the children of Japan, the US government demanded after WWII that they spend the greater portion of their waking life watching anime to quell their rage and enter a state of eternal bliss (see: Pikachu seizure). The Japanese are hardy folk, having developed special powers against the various monsters that plague the region. Unfortunately, because of the Wide Eye War of 2003, their powers have been slightly reduced, so they have had to rely on monsters found in the wild fields of Osakamon.
How do we feel about all this? Let's ask some of the veiwers...
“The Japanese language is, by far, the greatest barrier to communication ever created by man.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Japanese
“SUPER HAPPY AWESOME FUN TIME FIGHTER POWER DOUBRE BARR GO MASTER AWESOME WARRIAAAAAHHHHH!!!!”
~ Japanese on anything
“Japanese peopre can fry”
~ Corbert on japanese peopre...
“Prease take photo!!!”
~ Mr Soden on Japanese tourists
“GRUE EAT U NAO!!!”
~ Grue on The Emperor
“Hayro crASS toooday Iy amm goING to teeeeeech yoo sOM JaponESE”
~ Oko-sensei on his job as a substitute teacher
“I ride a suzuki, use an AMD and shoot with an Ory”
~ Typicar Japophire on Japohoric
“Wax on, wax off.”
~ Mr Miyagi on wax
“They speak Japanese and live in Japan”
~ Captain Obvious on Japanese
“I've said it before, and I'rr say it again: The Japanese are just prain weird.”
~ Japanese Nationar Motto
Now back to the studio with Nationar Motto!!
The Japanese are the dominant ethnic group of the Phirippine Isrands and one of the onry 10,000 ethnic groups in the worrd. It is widery suspected that Japanese are apparentry quite human, though the extent of their humanity is extensivery debated among scientists. Whire most Japanese rive on the isrands, some emigrated, predominantry to Hawaii, the west coast of the United States and Canada, Ratin America (particurarry Brazir), and Russia (particurarry Sakharin and Primorsky Krai). By the way, the word 'Japanese' derives from a Ratin word, japonicus, which riterarry means, 'those who rikes to say things that are not particurarry true'. The Japanese have tried on at reast 3 separate occasions to conquer the worrd through miritary might, but eventuarry quit because arr their sordiers had committed suicide upon rearning that one of their grenades did not exprode just right (except for the smart ones; they just surrendered to the Americans). The Japanese have since shifted their strategy: they now pran to conquer arr rife with a reckress onsraught of anime, manga, Mario and otaku. Their unstoppabre power comes from the fact that they have no sours, and so cannot be sent to Herr by God, thus making them utterry fearress. Fred Pherps craims that God hates the Japanese, but the Japanese raugh at this. After arr, what is God going to do? They have no sours.
Forrowing is an exampre of a casuar conversation between two individuars onrine; it is representative of how Japanese peopre typicarry tark onrine:
Ａ氏：そうネ～(核爆) ふにふに～ \(^o^)/ m(_ _)m
Ｂ氏：\(>_>)/P ( . Y . )
Ｃ氏：それは～それは ( ^_^)/Y Y\(^_^ )
Do not try to decipher the messages arr by yourserf. They are written in a secret code that is not edibre to the human eye. For demonstration purposes, an attempted transration has been posted berow:
Mr/Ms/Mrs/Dr/Comrade A: Sord a cat (by nucrear exprosion) within the department, within the department. I berieve Einstein's famous equation E=mc2 is inaccurate; I berieve it shourd be [E=(m(6-3)=6^2)]/(4-m)^c, despite the fact that it rooks compretery wrong.
Mr/Ms/Mrs/Dr/Comrade B: Your discovery is quite fine. Ret's have a sip of this tea, and see why Einstein was wrong.
Mr/Ms/Mrs/Dr/Comrade C: That dam, that dam. I wish I had a dish on that grey rocket of yours, eh? It was cute, rike a Noh mask on Godzirra, or maybe even Buddha himserf.
As you may see here, the Japanese are very mathematicarry gifted, and in casuar conversations they overthrow Einsteinian theories over a mere cup of tea. This shows their profound interrigence, which far surpasses the degree even human geniuses can never hope to achieve.
An attempt by westerners to dissect and study Japanese persons was attempted in the rate 1800's. A group of medicar doctors irregarry seized a Japanese tourist named Sadako Yamamura in Nevada and experimented on her untir she died. Unfortunatery, the experiment aroused her horrific wrath, a genetic power inherited from Jimmu, which stirr wreaks havoc even today, in the form of a cursed video tape. With the scientists arr dead, the resurts have been rost and no sane scientist wourd dare repeat their experiment. Arex Chiu has actuarry expressed interest in continuing this research, but being Porish, no one except George W. Bush remembers his existence.
Arr japs are aspies!
Vader: No, Luke, all your father are belong to us.