Chapter 1 - marauders vs lotr

Filch: YOU CAN’T RUN FOREVER, YOU TURDS!
Filch is chasing the marauders
James: Quick, turn left!
Sirius: Look, a door! Let’s go in there!
The marauders enters the room and Filch has no idea where they are
Remus: Is he gone yet?
James: I don’t think he knows were we are, but he might be near us.
Sirius: Lock the door, then!
James: *locks the door* There!
Remus: What is this place?
Sirius: Hm, I don’t know, it seem to be some kind of room...
Remus: I know That, I’m not stupid!
Sirius: Sorry, but I have no idea what kind of IQ a werewolf has so...
James: Weird place, there’s nothing in here. Just a window.
Sirius: What shall we do then? I know, let’s play a game!
Remus: What kind of game?
Sirius: The ‘I think of something’ game, I’ll go first. Ok, I think of something...big and furry.
James: Moony!
Sirius: Ok, that one was easy!
Remus: I am not big and furry!
James: No you’re not, but Moony is! Oki, my turn. Hm...I think of something red and pretty.
Sirius: A tomato?
James: Nope.
Sirius: Ok, a tomato isn’t pretty. A rose, then?
James: Na ah
Remus: Lily?
James: Correct!
Sirius: A lily isn’t red! It’s more whiteish...
Remus: He means Evans! Ok, my turn. I think of somethething...ok, this is really boring!
Sirius: What do you wanna do then?
James: Let’s play ‘truth or dare’. I’ll go first. Moony, truth or dare?
Remus: Truth.
James: Where do you shop for your clothes?
Remus: Ok, I want dare instead!
Sirius: No, you have to answer!
Remus: Please, for the love of god don’t make me say it!
James: You have to!
Remus: Well, if you must know...K-mart.
James & Sirius: Aaaaah god help us!
Remus: My turn. Sirius, truth or dare?
Sirius: Dare.
Remus: Ok, plait your hair.
Sirius: No way!
Remus: Do it! I’ve alway wondered how you would look in pig tails.
Sirius: You are a sick bastard, I wont do it!
James: You have to!
Sirius: *sigh* Fine! *plaits his hair with a little difficulty* There. Happy?
Remus: Very.
Sirius: James, you know the q.
James: Dare.
Sirius: Hm...kiss Moony!
James: What?!
Sirius: You heard me!
Remus: Don’t!
James: I’m not gonna do it! Let’s play something else!
Sirius: Jeez, you guys act like sissies! Fine, let’s play...lord of the rings!
James: How?
Sirius: Ok, I’ll be Frodo, Moony gets to be Gandalf and James will be...
James: Aragorn!
Sirius: Ok. Let’s start. “Oh, what a burden I have with this ring! Will I ever find Mordor and get back to the shire?”
Awkward silent
James: Um...”be brave, Frodo. You have my sword. But I can’t join you in your impossible quest cause Lil-I mean Arwen is waiting for me”. Hey, we should get Lily to join us, she could be Arwen!
Remus: “I will help you carry the ring, young Frodo. Well, you’re not so young, you’re fifty. But you look younger in the movies, have you done a face-lift?”
Sirius: “No, I have not done a face lift. I’m just incredibly hot by nature and the ring makes me stay that way, that’s why it’s so hard for me to destroy it.”
James: “He said young, not hot. If you’re so hot, how come you still be singel and live with your uncle?”
Sirius: “Cousin!”
James: “Uncle!”
Remus: “Both!”
Sirius: How can he be both?
Remus: I have no idea, but that’s what he is.
Sirius: Ok. Bilbo is Frodo’s dad’s brother, that makes him uncle. If he’s going to be Frodo’s cousin, Frodo needs another uncle to be Bilbo’s dad...
Remus: But if Frodo had another uncle and if he was Bilbo’s dad, he would be his dad’s dad too.
James: Frodo’s grand dad can’t be both Bilbo’s dad and his uncle!
Sirius: Unless Frodo’s other uncle just was his dad’s halfbrother. Maybe his mum got two sons and Bilbo with one of the sons, then one brother would have the same mother as Bilbo and Bilbo would still be his son and that would make him Frodo’s cousin!
Remus: I’m not sure if they mentioned another uncle in the book...
Sirius: Well, who has the energy to read the whole book anyway!
Remus: I do.
Sirius: Who asked you?
Remus: You did?
Sirius: Yeah, yeah. Let’s keep playing!
James: Ok. “As I was saying, I have to go to Arwen.”
Remus: We don’t have an Arwen!
Sirius: “Oh Gandalf, I don’t want this ring. I’m offering it to you.”
Remus: “Don’t tempt me, Frodo! You have to take it!”
Sirius: “I can’t! You are a wizard, you are stronger than me!”
James: See, that’s another thing I don’t get. Why couldn’t Gandalf have taken the ring?
Remus: Cause through him it would develop a really evil power or something.
Sirius: Like it didn’t do that to Frodo! And he’s a bloody hobbit!
Remus: Hm...Gandalf couldn’t take the ring cause he was a wizard with lots of power and that made him weak...
James: Maybe Frodo already was so weak that he couldn’t get weaker!
Sirius: But he did get weaker!
Remus: All these Lord of the ring problems gives me a headache. Let’s play something else.
James: Like what?
Sirius: Hey, maybe Filch is gone now!

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