Chapter 6 - When it matters, correct: ch. 1 - 5

When it matters…












Chapter 1: Wake-up call.






This story isn’t about me. This story is about my little brother. This story is about my brother and my mother, about my father, my friends and all the other people around me whether they are alive or dead. But it’s not about me, for I’m simply not that important. But I will tell you about all the people around me, so that maybe I’ll find a part in that story in which I matter. In which it matters that I was there, that I had opened my mouth or just stood there silently.





But I don’t think I’m special in any way. I might even be more boring than the average dull person with it’s dull life. My brother for example is addicted to videogames, my mother is obsessed with the latest gossips, while my father screams his lounges out in front of the telly when football is on and my friend takes pleasure in hurting herself, and another won’t stop adoring himself. But I.. there’s nothing you could wake me up for in the middle of the night. Nothing I find pleasure in, and I most definitely do not like the way I look or who I am. I am just not all that. I’m less.





Let’s start with today. When my mother woke me up from another dreamless night and when she asked what I wanted to have for breakfast, I answered: “Bread with cheese.” Like I did every morning and yet she kept asking me over and over and I’d never came up with another answer. Even when I felt like having cornflakes, or toast, the same response would come out over my lips: bread and cheese. Though it didn’t matter, she had already made me something else. It was never bread with cheese. She would make me the breakfast of what some famous star would eat also. Every day I ate the meal of some other moviestar and while I would eat, she would tell me all about this person. Then, every time she made a pause, I would automatically nod my head at the ‘Isn’t that cool?’ punchline of my mother (my mouth was stuffed with whatever that moviestar ate, this time buttered toast, which gave me an excuse not to respond).





She used the time I used to drink the tasteless water out of the glass in front of me to call my brother for the fourth time, who then came down five minutes later with tired eyes after trying out his new video game the night before. Yet as soon as his eyes caught me sitting there, he would place his flatt butt on the chair next to me and tell me, with no breathpauses, how cool that game was. When it was time to leave, he would have yet to eat his food but mom just put it in a sack and gave it him to eat on the way and then she’d tell us, while she shoved us out of the house, about a famous lazy bum who was just like us, so there was still hope for us to become famous and make lots of money.





Even though I knew all the gossips and knew about all the latest videogames, but I never had a subject to talk about with my friends. I guess it didn’t even matter. Their mouths stood never still anyway, so my silence was misunderstood as being interested. After thirty minutes of another inforound about Spazz, the coolest bunny on earth who could flap its ears and so gain a zillion points, we arrived at school. My little brother would, as soon as he spotted his friends, give an hyper salute like a comichero whose name I’ve forgotten and they’d all respond in the same way. They would do the coolest moves copied from either the telly or a videogame and other students would stop and stare at them, while I was still dragging my heavy bag pack out of the bus.





I stepped towards the schoolbuilding and sat down outside with my back against the wall. I watched my feet as students passed me by, paying no attention to me since I’ve been doing this ever since I had entered school, which was three years ago. I waited and waited until a little voice informed me that my friends had arrived.





,,I wish to die. I never had such a lousy morning.”





,,Oh, don’t be sad. Look at me! Don’t you feel all better now?”





I looked up. This was my cue. ,,Hey guys.”





,,Why am I referred to as a guy? I’m looking manly again, aren’t I? I must be the ugliest girl in the world, I have no feminity whatsoever. How cruel of you to remind me.” And she let out a sob. I guess I screwed up my one line, like I had been doing for the last three years.





,,Oh, don’t worry! No one will look at you anyway when I’m walking next to you! I’ll capture all their gazes with my perfection and flashy smile! Do not worry, do not worry!” my guyfriend Russ cheered.





They were different and in a way (although sometimes in a negative way) they stood out. I felt like the fifth wheel. There was nothing special about me. I didn’t wish to die, although there wasn’t much to live for either. And the confidence Russ had, was something I could only desire to have, but never own. He loved himself, Maya hated herself, and I didn’t really care about myself. Russ pulled me up by my arm, and let his rest on my shoulders.





,,You know, yesterday my uncle came, that one from Spain, and he said I grew up very handsome. Ha ha, I guess I did, didn’t I! Don’t you think so too?!” I said nothing, just nodded my head.





,,You’re handsome and I’m ugly. The world is cruel.” Maya complained.





,,Sure is! Ha ha ha!"





Maya seemed worse than other days so I tried to care and asked softly: ,,What has happened this morning then ?”





,,NOW YOU ASK?! I SAID IT LIKE ALREADY TEN MINUTES AGO AND NOW YOU ASK! NEVER MIND ALREADY!”





I never would dare to scream like that, especially in public. Or to brag like Russ. I just nodded my head from time to time. Maya always looked depressed but once you got to know her, she still was able to smile a lot. I guess she didn’t fully hate herself, more a love-hate relationship with a little more hate than love. But today there was something wrong, but I didn’t dare to ask again so I let it drop.





,,Oeh oeh oeh! Since we are in such good moods today, can I copy someone’s homework?”





,,Go the hell Russ.” Maya said quickly and rushed off to her locker. Russ paid it no attention and turned his face to me.





,,Jenn?” I nodded. It was okay. It had plenty of time to do my homework, while he was busy all day taking care of his looks, so I guess it was only reasonable to let him copy mine with his stuffed schedule. I stared at his rightarm (his left was still on my shoulders). He was very muscled. No, not very. Just about right. Since Russ always noticed when people looked at him, he immediately responded to my stare.





,,I’m looking good huh! All that work-out really pays off, really does! I’ve done a bit extra yesterday. The key to all this isn’t just training though. The most important factor is food.” He talked about his perfectly balanced diet all the way to the classroom. And the informationflood switched from the calorie-table to Napoleon. Napoleon, that little guy, seemed so weak, but did such great things. Why couldn’t I do something like that? Was it because I was female? Much history was about males. But some were about females, so it shouldn’t be impossible, but I did nothing historical in my seventeen years alive. I started to hope that I might have done something amazing when I was still in my mother uterus. That way no one would have known I had done something great because they couldn’t see me. Even though I was worth to be put in history books, I would have stayed unnoticed. But I soon enough came to my senses that that may be a bit farfetched, though not entirely impossible. I could have been a wonderembryo. It could have been so.





Maya poked me in the back (she sat behind me in class). The bell had rung. The lessonbook I had hardly even glanced at was put back in my bag and I got up to follow Maya to the next lesson.





,,In India they still burn people alive. More precisely women. I wonder how it feels to be burned like that. I bet I’d get burnt if I lived there.” Maya swore. ,,I want to try it.”





She looked at me, while I was looking straight forward. ,,You’ll help right?”





I nodded. I was just glad she had lightened up a bit.





,,Great. But let’s not tell Russ. He always freaks out when the skin gets damaged, that stupid overreacting weirdo. Who the hell does he think he is anyway? Miss Universe? Sheesh! And who is he to decide what we do to our bodies.” We had arrived at the next class, English. I nodded my head again and got to my seat. ,,That weirdo.” She mumbled a last time and the time for me to stare out the window had begun.





English was too easy to mind paying attention. I guess you could call me smart. But since I never studied all I got on my report card were C+’s, and an occasional B. I never felt like studying, though I didn’t mind making my homework. I had all classes with Maya, while Russ was in another. If everything went right we would graduate at the end of this year and each go our separate ways. Russ told us he would always stay our friend even after we had graduated, putting Maya in a bad mood because his presence really annoyed her.





But I, on the other hand, didn’t believe him. He was always so cheerful and even though he was so full of himself, he got along with others pretty well. The only ones who hated him on this school were Maya and the ex-boyfriends of whom their ex-girlfriends had been stolen by the charms of this irresistible gigolo. I guess that makes him hated by quite a lot. And I can’t say I blame them for it, since he doesn’t mind kissing girls who are already taken (and surely he’ll go even further with them than just kissing, but I’m not sure if I want to know so I won’t ask).





All by all, as soon as he leaves this school and starts on the next, he’ll forget about us as soon as a pretty girl makes her move on him (which, I’m sure, will be before first period has even started). He’ll make plenty of friends and never contact the old ones anymore. He’ll forget everyone and especially me. I mean, what is there to remember me by? I wish there was something about me that would clung onto his brain, making him remember me. Even if I would just cross his mind only once after we have lost contact, it would mean he noticed me, that I made an impression on him even if it was a tiny one.





He probably only hangs out with me because I’m like the only girl left that doesn’t have or had a crush on him and he feels like making me fall for him before he leaves. I’m the last obstacle in the way of his victory. But I know that that’s exactly what made Maya hate him. She, too, fell for his trap once and regrets it dearly now. I don’t know if she still likes him despite it all, but he really played a dirty trick on her. It was two years ago.





One thing you must know about Maya; when she has something in mind, she’ll do or say it right away. You might not think it of her, but as soon as she falls in love (although it doesn’t happen that often) she’ll confess just as soon, and sudden, as she’ll pull out the hairs of the one that insulted her.





She confessed to Russ and they decided to go on a date. I immediately felt something was wrong, but I just smiled when Maya informed me about what had happened because she seemed happy.





When she arrived at the cinema they had agreed to meet at that Fridaynight, Russ already stood there waiting, making out with some ultra-blond bimbo on high heels to ‘kill the time’. I’m not kidding. Maya told me, that when she came up to him and demanded an explanation, he simply said he got there too early but then got bored waiting just like that girl who was waiting for her date to arrive, and they started making out to kill the time. ,,But,” he added, ,,now that you are here, let’s enjoy ourselves!” That wasn’t too smart of him. She kicked him in the crotch and left.





She came straight to my house and told me everything, without dropping a tear. We watched a movie together instead and she asked if she could spend the night and I, as always, nodded my head. Later she went into the bathroom and called for me to bring her a razor. The blood flew so beautifully that even if I had wanted to say something, I wouldn’t have been able to do so. We cleaned up and went to bed like nothing had happened.





The Monday after, Russ came up to us, acting like Friday had never happened (or wasn’t important enough to recall) but the friendship between him and Maya was obviously over. Yet, I was still both of their friends so they bumped into each other a lot. For some unknown reason they refused to give me up in order to avoid one another.





So they kept playing their silly cat-and-mouse game and I was stuck between. It didn’t bother me. It was their fight, not mine. But I must admit, I found it interesting that one boy could make a girl do such a beautiful thing as showing her friend how humanblood flows. It might have been a dirty and mean thing what Russ had done, but the consequences were amazing.





I suddenly began to laugh as the teacher was explaining the past forms of irregular verbs. A relief had come over me. There was something I liked, and I only realised it now, staring out the window from classroom 47b.





Chapter 2: Mind reading desire.





Maya has violin lessons every Wednesday and for that reason it has become the day I most frequently spent my after-school-hours alone with Russ.





,,Now, we can finally enjoy our time together without that suicidal freak.” He would utter relieved while throwing his head in his neck, sighing at the sky.





I don’t know if it made me a bad friend, I guess it did, but I never said anything against it. I’d just look away. Focus my attention on something else. Stare at cars passing by, couples smooching while walking hand-in-hand on the sidewalks, notice the dogpee on the lamp poles and the poop in the gutters, only halfly paying attention to what Russ was laughing about and wondering if he would ever make Maya bleed again. Probably not.





Today Russ suggested to go shopping. He needed a new jacket. As always, he rested his leftarm on my shoulders as we were walking towards the shopping centre. He was laughing and talking, Wednesdays more enthusiastic than on other days, must have been due to Maya absence, and most likely it was all talk about himself. I don’t know for sure, because, like I said, I only paid little attention anymore. Just an occasional nod was sufficient most of the time.





,,Don’t you think so too, Jenn?” and I nodded, but this time instead of continuing with his self-adoring it seemed this time he was talking about something else, because he was silent and looked at me. Just looked. As I turned my face to see his expression, I saw a frown. A deep gaze that attempted to read my mind, or so it looked. Finally his lips parted: ,,You weren’t listening were you?”





Stunned. I was stunned. Since when did he notice something or someone else beside himself?





I stared him in the eyes, then looked up at his forehead. ,,Wrimpels.” I spoke.





,,What?”





,,Frowning gives you… wrimples... Right?” I didn’t really care, but I wanted to cover up my exposal as quick as possible. And it worked. He even appeared to be shocked for a moment for forgetting it. His arm left my shoulders and soon two manly, perfectly manicured and babybottom-soft hands massaged the once frowning flesh. Nice safe, if I may say so myself and I continued watching cars and couples and lamp poles and gutters. Not too long after, his arm rested on my shoulders again and he was gaily talking away.





,,Oh we’re here, this is the store I want to browse through. It’s said to have real cool clothing, so let’s see if there’s something worthy of my beautiful body.” He laughed excitedly and pushed me inside.





It wasn’t that crowded, but there were more people I’d liked to be there.





,,Oeh, maybe this. Oh and what about this? Mmm, no this is just rubbish. Ugh awful! Ah! Splendid!”





As Russ went through the pieces of clothing, judging them, intensely feeling if the fabric was nice, label them as either ‘disgusting’ or ‘fabulous’, I just watched the whole scene. I might not always have my thoughts with what’s happening, but never did I get distracted when Russ was going at it in a store. It was funny, amusing. Sometimes you could see him tiptoeing in place out of pleasure. Russ went up, down, up, down, up, squealing for the perfect outfit was right before his eyes. As he went into a changing-cabinet I was wondering; was this something you could wake me up for in the middle of the night? It was amusing indeed, but I doubted the answer.





After showing outfit one, two and three in store A, then outfit four and five in store B, and finally outfit six in store C, we decided, well Russ decided, to take a rest at a café. He treated me on a diet-coke and a loaf with cheese, he himself took water and a salad.





When we were near to finishing our lunch a friend or acquaintance, or anyway somebody who knew Russ, came over to us. A Brunette who must have spent all morning squeezing herself in her little sister’s miniskirt and tanktop.





,,Hey Russ, what’s up?” She glanced over to me, smiling a weird smile, ,,She your girl?”





,,No,” Russ smiled back, ,,she’s a friend of mine, a friend from school.”





,,Oh I see,” she said still glancing at me, ,,Have you heard of that party this Fridaynight? It’s going to be lots of fun, are you going?”





,,Yeah, I heard of it! Billy’s parents are gone on a holiday right? Unsupervised house-crashing, wouldn’t want to miss it!” He laughed a cool person’s laugh.





The girl giggled, her eyes finally focussing on Russ: ,,You want to go with me sweetie? My friends aren’t going and it’d be lame to show up alone, you know.” She smiled, giggled, flashed her teeth, flicked her hair and pulled her skirt a bit more up. Behind her I saw some men staring with fascination at the revealing of even more skin. It wouldn’t surprise me if there was already a panties-shot.





She was a weird girl, or so I thought, but even stranger was Russ. No word of bragging, no sign of self-adoring, just cool guy behaviour. Like all those guys who are, I don’t know, keen on parties and seducing ‘chicks’ and comparing sizes in the schoolshowers and stuff like that. Is he only so obsessed with himself when he was with Maya and me? That would explain why he is so popular. I mean, I always found it a bit funny that someone so stuck up about himself would be so popular, but this would explain it.





I sipped from my last bit of coke and listened to the one-on-one conversation. I felt like an outsider, it was as if I wasn’t even there, sitting at that same table, discovering a whole new side of Russ which I wasn’t sure of if I was happy to have found out or not.





Maybe he, I thought, is in fact very insecure about his looks and for that reason hangs out with outcasts like Maya and me, so he can brag and make himself feel better. But what did he have to feel insecure about? He was dropdead gorgeous!





Or was it, to make him not seem too available? If he were to always hang out with the popular kids at school, the pretty girls would be spending all day talking to him and hanging over him, and since he sat with us at lunchbreak, no girl would come over, because they didn’t want to be spotted together with Maya and me, so he would have a bit of rest.





I don’t know how many explanations had crossed my mind by the time their conversation finally finished and Russ turned my direction again. It appeared all this time I had been sucking on an empty glass. He laughed, I put the glass away, he rose from his chair, I followed, his arm was around my shoulders again and we walked out of the café to head to store D, E and F.





When I got home, I waited until Maya’s practice would be over and she had gotten a chance to get home herself. Then I phoned her, to ask if she knew.





She didn’t and added: ,,Only shows how two-faced he is!”





Maya told about her violin-lessons and about a difficult song called the Devil’s Snare that she aspired to play someday and I caught myself nodding. What was wrong with me, had I become an automatic?





,,Ah uh yes!” I added quickly.





Two-faced Russ, depressed Maya and nothing-special Jenny. Yes, my feelings today were because the people around me were interesting, but would Russ at home tell stories about me? Or call his friends to tell about me, like I just did about him? I wanted a change! But… I’m just me. I doubt if anything will happen. Maybe if I asked Maya, would she understand? But I immediately shook my head to rid the thought. She would say something like: “You are worried about irrelevant stuff like that while I’m stuck in hell?!” It was no use talking to her about stuff like that, certainly not.





I dragged myself to my room and started on my homework. History, English and Math.





I had just finished History when mom called everyone to come down for dinner. The first one to sit at the table was myself, then my father after turning the television a bit louder so he could hear the sports results being announced and finally my brother rushed down after the third call.





I chucked down the Brad Pitt dinner, and observed my near to choking little brother who could eat with such a pace that it almost was inhuman. My father, on the other hand, was slow, forgetting to chew whenever the voice on the radio said something interesting, which, apparently, was all the time. When he finally stuck his fork in his mouth and managed to chew a recordbreaking two times, he would scream out a “Nooo! Those idiots! How could they lose!” and all that was first in his mouth, flew out again. All over the table, little pieces of stake with garlic-sauce, it was revolting and I was used to it.





Since it was my brother’s turn to do the dishes, the one with their hands in the soap, after everyone had finished eating, was me. Michael has rushed off to his videogame. Understandable, because he challenged himself to reach level 12 today and he was only at level 5 and more than half a day had passed already.





When I was almost done, Russ called. With my hands still soaked I accepted the phone from my mother.





,,Hey.”





,,Hey, what are you doing?”





,,Finishing up on the dishes.”





,,Isn’t Wednesday your brother’s turn?”





,,Yeah.” Weird, remembering such a useless thing.





He laughed: ,,Little doormat.”





,,I guess.” He was right that I just let people step over me, but I didn’t really care, so I never thought it as troublesome. He laughed again.





,,Will you come to watch a video at my place when you’re done?”





I paused for a second. ,,If I’m coming over, whose homework are you going to copy then tomorrow? I haven’t finished mine yet.”





He laughed. ,,It’s alright. So are you coming?” I stopped myself from nodding and said that I was fine with it.





,,Good. Want me to pick you up?”





,,I’ll walk.”





,,Then I’ll meet you halfway.”





,,Is… Maya coming?”





He laughed: ,,No way. My home is no place for freaks.”





,,Don’t…” say that. Don’t say that. Why couldn’t I say it? It wasn’t like he would make her beautiful ever again.





,,Don’t what?” But I hung up, put on my jacket and started walking. He didn’t meet me halfway like he said he would and as I stood in front of his house, I looked up to his window, turned around and went to Maya’s instead. He wasn’t going to make Maya do beautiful things anymore and after we all have graduated he’ll forget about us. Besides he didn’t keep his word when saying he’d meet me halfway, and people who break their promises don’t really care about you anyway. I wanted to change and I was going to try to break it to Maya carefully, if there were any negative responses I would give up right away and change the subject. Torture-techniques from the Middle-Ages always did well with her.





She was surprised to see me but didn’t ask questions, she just let me in and guided me to her room. Then she went down to fetch us a drink and sat down right across me. Her room was decorated in a darkish way: purple and black walls, a black bed with dark purple and blue sheets and an even darker purple carpet. All the other furniture was black too. Her parents thought it to be a ‘fase in growing up’ and just let her decorate it anyway she wanted, even when it screamed depression. The only cd’s she had were all depressing, dark music and her parents never frowned once. Maybe she was begging for attention and her parents just don’t give her any. They were rich and enjoying life and expected their daughter did the same, with her ‘experimental’ behaviour.





,,Want me to put up some music?”





,,Do you think I should change?” Honestly, it was the most subtle I could do. I’m not so good with words.





,,What?”





,,Don’t I… Don’t I ever bore you?”





She stared at me. I guess when all you can talk about is your own misery; you lose your words when someone else fesses up about their worries. ,,You don’t bore me.” She finally said.





,,But I never… I’m not… I don’t have anything… interesting…” I tried.





,,Oh, like I’m something special! Ha! Did you come here to talk about ‘you being boring’ and then later switching it to your real purpose of coming here? To tell me I’m boring?!”





There she went, she really was a person like no one else. ,,I don’t think you’re boring.”





,,Oh you don’t think I’m boring huh, yeah right.”





,,I think you’re special.”





,,…special?” She looked at me with disbelief, blinking her eyes. ,,What?”





,,I think you’re special, so I never thought of you as boring.”





,,Why would you… Why would you say…?” and then, suddenly, I saw something I never saw before. Tears and a smile she was trying hard to hide, but couldn’t. Maya was often depressed but she never cried. Well I never saw her doing so, but now she did.





,,I can’t explain it, I just think you are…that’s all.”





She didn’t try to hide it anymore, and smiled freely now making more and more tears come out to roll over her white cheeks, putting some colour on them. She leant forward and let her head fall on my shoulder. She kissed it and then buried her tears where the kiss had landed. I felt my shoulder getting soaked. I placed my hands awkwardly on her back, patted a little.





,,Thank you…” she whispered. I didn’t understand. The only thing I knew was that we weren’t going to talk about my need of change.





When the soundless crying finally stopped, she still kept her head lying on my shoulders, panting a little heavier than normal, sometimes inhaling in such a way as if she wanted to suck in life which was apparently somewhere stuck on my T-shirt.





,,Are you staying over tonight?” she asked making me feel her warm breath in my neck, her lips trembled relaxed against my thin clothes.





,,Sure, why not.”





I called home, got the okay, and was forced to sleep in the same bed as Maya. She wouldn’t have me sleep anywhere else. The entire night she clung onto my body, sometimes pecking my cheek, neck or shoulder, and whispering a ‘thank you’, until she fell asleep with her arms never losing grip around my waist, and I just kept patting her back from time to time, managing to fall in sleep as well after approximately two hours.





The next morning her eyes were swollen and she refused to go downstairs for breakfast, so I went down to get her a cold wet towel for her eyes and to bring the breakfast from the table to her room.





We ate silently, but it wasn’t awkward, because Maya seemed… relaxed, maybe even a little bit happy and at ease.





,,Maybe, I should buy some other cd’s.” Her voice kindly breaking the silence.





I nodded, deliberately this time, to not make a noise and to be able hear the sentence float through the room a couple of minutes more.











Chapter 3: The magic of words.





At school it was different than usual.





As I spoke my standard-greeting: ,,Hey guys.” Maya didn’t get upset and Russ wasn’t his overily cheerful self. I figured they met on their way over here and argued like they always did, but that this time Maya had won the argument. It had happened before, but not often, since most of the time Maya was in too bad a mood to care to win.





But today Maya even winked at me: ,,Hey Jenny.”





And Russ: ,,You know, since yesterday was cancelled, I figure I can copy your homework again?”





I nodded. That.. will, maybe, never change.





Maya hooked her arm into mine: ,,I don’t know why you allow that bastard to copy your homework.”





,,What’s your problem? She likes me, that’s all! Right Jenn? You don’t mind right?”





Suddenly, they were both staring at me, with a look that demanded an answer.





,,Tell that asshole that you don’t want him copying your homework or I’ll throw myself off a bridge.”





,,Tell that dog to mind her own business or I’ll throw her off a bridge!”





Either way, it seemed interesting to me.





,,Well?”





,,Oh don’t push it, Princess.” Maya sneered.





,,Shut the hell up! Jenn, answer, tell her you love letting me copy your homework, because we’re buddies.”





They were weird today. ,,Like, the truth?” I finally asked.





,,Well… yah!” Russ seemed a little irritated. That’s a first. I couldn’t help myself staring at him for a bit, amazed. Such a new side of him once again. How many sides of him did he have anyway? It would be fun if they were endless.





Maya moved our linked arms towards me, pushing me aside a little to grasp my attention, because I was obviously drifting off. ,,I’d like to know the reason too, the reason why you let him. You like him more than me?” Her grip loosened a bit, her eyes started to show her usual sadness again. Not totally, but it was coming.





,,Oh, well. It’s not that I like him better, or that I… dislike him,” I hesitated a moment before I continued, ,,it’s just that, you know, he’s good-looking.”





Maya screamed a 'what!', Russ laughed victoriously.





,,You’ve got to be kidding me Jenny! You’re that much of a shallow girl?!”





,,Oh hush! You just don’t have any respect for the human beauty! How special and wonderful it is! Ha, but how could you know anyway?! You’re ugly as hell!”





As Russ kept on laughing, I pressed my lips against Maya’s ear and whispered: ,,Guys like Russ need all the time of the world to look good. He needs the entire day to make himself look pretty, it’s what makes him confident. How can I not let him copy my homework? He wouldn’t have time to smudge his face with crèmes and stuff. You know, to do his daily facial.”





She laughed out loud and for the first time in those three years they both walked into the school happy.





No.





For the first time in three years, we all walked into the school happy.





That’s probably why, at lunch, for the first time ever, I dared to suggest to do something after school, together, with the three of us.





,,Hell no!”





Well, it was worth a try.











Chapter 4: Finding a hobby.





The exams were coming close. Only six weeks yet to go. No more homework, it was all self-study from now on.





Both Maya and Russ planned to start studying a month beforehand which left them with two weeks of absolute freedom after school and in weekends. So naturally I decided to do the same.





During lunchbreak they sat down with their agenda’s in front of us.





,,Jenn, you’re mine on Wednesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays!”





,,Uhm..”





,,And then between those boring days we will have real fun every Friday and Sunday, oh and Monday! You can sleep over every Sunday and then we’ll walk to school together.”





,,Uhm..”





,,Yeah well, I will be lodging with Jenn then, ha! Agreed Jenn? This Saturday I’ll be sleeping over at your place.”





,,Uhm.. well... I ‘m not sure…”





,,No freaking way! Over my dead body that a horny guy like you will be spending the night at Jenny’s, she’s way too innocent for your dirty hands! If you’re sleeping over, then I am too!”





,,I don’t…”





,,What?! The Saturdays were mine! You’ll sleep over in your own damn time!”





The world had gone mad, at that very moment. Russ was openly fighting someone over a no one. No kidding, you should’ve heard the others.





,,Why is Russ making such a fuss over that nobody? I mean, who the hell is that girl?”





,,Isn’t she in graduationyear?”





,,For real? Then how come I never saw her in all these years?”





,,Sure you’ve seen her! She’s that girl that is always sitting in front of the school before first class starts.”





,,Oh that weirdo!” There was laughing and pointing, but Russ and Maya didn’t seem to notice. They just kept on arguing. So I picked up my plate, threw the left-overs in the bin and went to the bathroom. When I came back they were still at it.





,,You guys are acting a little funny.” I finally said. They stopped their fight at once and looked my way.





,,What?” Russ asked.





,,Uhm… you know, break is almost over. You guys haven’t even touched your food yet.”





,,Yeah well..” Maya muttered.





With my head resting on my righthand, I stared at the ceiling waiting for them to finish their lunch they just now started on. They finished five minutes after the bell had rung. Maya and me went onto History-class while Russ headed for Mathematics.





Maya wrote me several notes which I wouldn’t reply to with a simple scribbling underneath the message, but when it was a yes or no question I’d just nod my head.





“Russ is so annoying.”





“…”





“I mean, he thinks he’s the world, that stuck-up fool.”





“…”





“Why don’t we hang out together from now on, just us?”





I nodded.





“Really?”





I looked to my right, her eyes staring anticipating at me.





“Friday, Sunday, Monday… right?” I whispered.





“No I mean… always.” She started whispering too, spoken words replacing the written ones.





I turned my gaze back to the blackboard where the teacher was writing out an entire overview about WO II and which country fought which country and who were allies, etcetera.





“Jenny?”





“I don’t know… why you want to so much, but… I still want to hang out with Russ too… I think.”





“What for! He’s an @$$!” Maya said, shouting this time.





“Maya! You’d better pay attention instead of screaming, you do want to graduate do you not?” The teacher sneered. But Maya ignored him totally, looking at me seemingly angry and hurt at the same time.





“He’ll forget about us when we’ve graduated, so why not hang out until then?” I continued speaking in a whispering voice.





“Damn right he’ll forget us! As soon as he sees college-girls legs that are capable of spreading we’re out of his mind forever, so why the hell hang out with him at all!”





Good point. But… I liked observing the behaviour of both these people, always did, so why not stay close as long as they still want me around. Then I started thinking, would these people act the same around me as they would when they’re alone, or with friends or family?





“It’s Tuesday right?” I asked lost in thoughts.





“Why are you changing the subject! We’re talking about something here!” Maya shouted on,





“I thought you liked me! Why are you so mean!”





“I do like you Maya. I meant what I said back then.” The bell rung, “but I need to be somewhere right now okay? I’ll see you tomorrow.”





“Jenny! Where are you going?” She rushed after me. “I’m coming with.”





Maya grabbed hold of my arm. “Where are we going?” she asked again.





“To The Stargazer.”





“That astronomy store? Why?”





“I want to buy a binocular.”





“A binocular? I think The Stargazer only has telescopes. I think it’s better to check out that new nature-store. That one must have binoculars for bird watching and stuff. Do you want to go bird watching?”





“Yeah, something like that.”





“Cool. We’ll both buy one! Is bird watching a hobby of yours for a long time already?”





“No, but I think it will be an interesting one.”





Maya smiled: “Yeah, we should buy a bird book along with it. It’ll be our secret hobby.”





Secret. Yes. But not ours, only mine. Maya stuck with me through the entire day. She had diner at my place and stayed over for the night, making me postpone my plans.











Chapter 5: Birdwatching.






Did the unimaginable just happen? I, Jenny Buncley, had a hobby. I started immediately the next day. Which was Wednesday: the day I was ‘scheduled’ for some quality-Russ-time and the day Maya had her violin-lessons. Thinking I should start with something simple, I figured looking through the rehearsal room’s window and observe Maya would be easiest. But since I was scheduled for other things, I wondered how I’d be able to do so.





Her rehearsal started at four ‘o clock. Would I be able to shake Russ off by that time? Probably not, because they were already acting weirdly clingy lately.





But then I remembered the shopping incident. I was completely ignored the moment that pretty big-boobs-girl came to our table. So if we went somewhere where all those popular lipstick-faces would be, then I’d be able to sneak out for a little while. And a little while would be enough.





I wrote out a plan in a notebook, which I called Kaspar (German for ‘a treasured secret’, it couldn’t be more appropriate), which I had bought along with the binoculars.





A new café had opened not so many weeks ago, it was called ‘Whipping’, a mighty stupid name if you asked me, but apparently when you entered the place you’d get a stamp shaped like a whip on your hand, and SM-looking girls and males stood in cages whipping their whip against one another or something. It was the coolest place to be, so ‘awesome’ that even I hadn’t missed out on the information. That says a lot, because ninety-nine point nine percent of the gossip and stories passed me by, simply because Maya never talks about such things, she’s not interested, and Russ only talks about his looks, the praises he’s got for looking good and how many times he scored on a night out because he looked “just so damn good!”





Anyway, Whipping only had the SM-theme at the evening of course, and was for the eighteen-years-and-older people. The youngsters not fulfilling that description would hang out there during the midday, just to taste the awesomeness for even a little bit. And praise the Lord, but Russ and most of the girls from his class were still seventeen, and yes, me too. Though I was precisely thirty-two days older than him.





So in the end it came down to me having exactly two hours to convince Russ to go to that place with me, sneak out, run three blocks to the rehearsal room, scribble things down in Kaspar, run three block back so that I will have returned before Russ noticed I ever was gone.





As soon as the schoolbell rung, at half past one, the plan rehearsed inside my head. Maya grabbed me by the arm saying one last “Don’t be too nice to the asshole, and keep your guard up!” then she let loose and went home for lunch and prepare for her music-lessons.





Not even a minute after Maya had gone out of my sight, Russ was already walking on my other side.





“I know exactly what I want to do today,” he smiled.





I looked up to him, letting my eyes ask the question.





“The park.”





Once again my eyes did the talking.





“Well they say there’s going to be a band performing there. A good one. You like music, right?”





A shrug, a nod and we were on our way.





It’s was really crowded at the park. Many teenagers. Also many of the popular kids, not excluding the lipstick-faces. It seemed this was going to be easier than I thought. Getting separated from Russ in this crowd, it was bound to happen, without looking it to be on purpose at all.





“How long will this band be playing?” I asked Russ, standing tip toe, bending my mouth towards his ear in order to overvoice the racket of the band which had already started playing. He also turned his head towards me, his cheek caressing mine, his hair tickling the left side of my forehead. I turned a little towards him, glancing at his face. With his eyes closed he smiled, his lips almost touching my jaw.





“A couple of hours. You don’t want to be here?”





“No, I do. Just wondering, because if it lasts until after dinnertime, then I need to call home.”





“I think five ‘o clock.”





“Then it’s okay.” While talking he had placed his hand on my back, very lightly pressing me towards him. I came down standing flat on my feet again. By a simple twist I got out of his embrace and moved towards the stage. Weird guy, very weird.





With him getting behind, we already lost track of each other for the first time since being there.





We ended up losing one another in the crowd three times, before I finally made my leave ten minutes before four. Maya attended her music lessons always ten times minutes beforehand. So I waited until then before I left, that way making sure she wouldn’t spot me while running towards the rehearsal room.





Exhausted but excited I arrived at the building. Sneaking through the bushes on the backside of the place as quietly as I could, though it was kind of useless because I could already hear them playing so no way they would hear the sound of rustling leafs and breaking twigs, I found a spot with clear sight on the hall. I was looking in from the side, a direction no one would look, since all eyes needed to be on the conductor all the time (yes, it was a group-rehearsal).





It didn’t take me long to find Maya. The only black haired girl with a violin.





When I saw her sitting there, she looked… so beautiful. Her eyes looking straight towards the conductor’s handmovements. But she didn’t have that hard look in her eyes, neither that sadness that always seemed to be present. She looked as ease. She looked relaxed, like nothing was on her mind. Nothing but the music. I couldn’t describe the exact expression, but it was beautiful. It was a Maya I had never seen before. A Maya that was happy. Not happy as in: laughing, joking and so one. But happy as if she liked life, because she could play that violin. It made me feel weirdly jealous, a little sad, but most of all very excited. So that was the Maya when I wasn’t around, or at least one of the Maya’s. What kind of person would she be at home, when I wasn’t around. I could imagine her laying on her bed listening to depressing music all day long, but then again, I was also wrong about how she would be like with the violin. I thought that she, I don’t know, would look very serious. And people who look very serious always look a bit grumpy. But not a trace of that was to be found on her. Only relaxed happiness.





I lost myself in the music, but even more in fascination about Maya’s expressions, her way of playing. I lost myself so badly, that only just after half an hour I realised that Russ was still wondering around in the park supposedly with me. I figured he would have grouped up with some lipsticks a long while ago, but nevertheless, I needed to be there when the crowd would start thinning out and it would become clear that I wasn’t there at all.





I ran back as fast as my legs could carry me. I mixed myself in the crowd and Russ found me not too long after that.





“Where were you? I looked everywhere!” He said agitated, “I even asked people to look out for you, but you weren’t there.”





Alright, so my cover was blown. It had become obvious that I hadn’t been around, so denying it wouldn’t do me any good. A bad liar only digs graves for himself (a good one digs them for another).





“Oh. I went looking for a café to go to the toilet, I needed to take a dump,” I calmly replied, “a big one.”





Russ stared at me and then let loose and explosion of laughter. For ten minutes he didn’t seem able to stop. After the big earthquake of a “HAHAHAHAHA” there were still aftershocks full of giggles.





“Well are you relieved now?” He asked wiping the tears from his eyes.





“You have no idea.”





And another explosion followed. Shorter than the last, but still.





“Next time, tell me though. You had me worried.” The familiar right arm went around my shoulders and we listened out the rest of the performance, standing like that. But I couldn’t keep my attention on the band at all. I only thought of Maya.





When everyone had cleared the park, we still stuck around, sitting in the grass, which was now more polluted than ever with cans and candy-wrappings.





“How did you like the band?” Russ asked smiling.





“They were good,” I guessed.





“Yeah they were. Totally awesome,” he laughed squeezing his eyes together. “Maybe I should try playing the guitar too.”





“Or the violin,” I suggested, not really paying attention.





“What?”





“Hmm?”





“You think I should try playing the violin? How did you came with that idea?”





“Oh, Maya plays the violin.”





The until then never ending smile, disappeared like sudden lightning on a clear day. He looked away from me.





“Maya called me last night. Said you liked her more than me. That you said she was special to you. So that I shouldn’t expect much of today. But… how about me Jenny?”





I stared at him. My mind still distracted by the image of Maya playing the violin. Her expressions grabbed hold of my thoughts again. What an extra-ordinary side of her it was. So at ease, so different from the usual. Not the gloominess, the depression, anger, neither in need of anyone’s attention.





“Don’t you like boys?” He wasn’t looking at me as he asked the question, but he was studying the grass, plucking out ever grass-stalk that was longer than the rest.





“Sorry, what did you say?”





“I asked, if you only like girls?”





Surprised by the question, not really understanding what he meant with it, I answered: “Of course not.”





He lay down with his back in the grass, going with his hand behind his back, grabbing and throwing aside a can that apparently had been underneath him.





“Good.” He sighed deeply. Relief? Weird guy.





As soon as I came home, I went up to my room and wrote everything that I had seen today. Maya’s beautiful composure and Russ’ weird questions and actions.





“Jenny, time for diner,” my mother called me, standing on the bottom of the stairs.





As she served potato-quiche on my plate, she cheered happily: “Did you know Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt had a baby recently? The lady gave birth to it in Africa. Any paparazzi that came close got arrested, and they rented of the entire nearby beach, so no one could sneak-a-peak. Isn’t it so over the top? Great isn’t it! If you work hard you can also prohibit people to go on the beach when you are giving birth to a beautiful child whom another famous star has graced you with. The baby is called Shiloh Nouvel, but her, yes ‘her’, it’s a girl, but her full name is…”





She went on and on, and when she was done, Micheal screamed he wanted the new Zelda game to finally be put on the market, but he got hushed by my father. His team was losing.





“I like watching birds.” No one paid attention, but I felt a great satisfaction. Now I was officially part of this family.











Chapter 6:Theory of a player..






To be continued..

You are not authorized to comment here. Your must be registered and logged in to comment