Chapter 2 - Ways to Get Yourself Killed by the Akatsuki.

Ways to Get Yourself Killed by the Akatsuki.

ITACHI:

1) Place little Sasuke faces on Itachi's cloak over the clouds.
2) Poke him for an hour.
3) Paint a clown face on him while he's asleep.
4) Sneak up on him when he'sasleep and shout, "POP GOES THE WEASEL!!" in his ear.
5) When he tries to send you to the Nightmare Realm hold up a mirror in front of your face so he sends himself there instead.
6) Put a note on his back on a daily baises that says, "I LOVE SASUKE UCHIHA!"
7) Give him wrinkle cream when he asks why tell him that he REALLY needs it.
8) Turn off all the lights and tell him that he's finally gone blind.
9) Give him Sasuke and Orochimaru plushies as gifts.
10) Talk to him like he's a little kid and tell him he can't have any cookies until he apologizes to his little brother.
11) Replace all his weapons with plastic ones right before a fight.
12) Glomp him while yelling, "SASUKE!" Then let go and say, "Sorry I thought you were Sasuke."
13) Scream, "Aaah! A WEASEL!" when you see him and set traps throughout the entire base.

KAKUZU:
1) When it gets really cold burn Kakuzu's money for warmth.
2) Spend all of his money on ice cream.
3) Steal all of his stuff then force him to buy it back.
4) Wait until he has counted a lot of his money then start shouting random numbers at him.
5) Sell him on e-bay and refuse to split the money with him.
6) Sing If I Only Had a Brain from the Wizard of Oz when you're around him.
7) Take his wallet and hide it in Hidan's room then tell him Hidan has it.
8) Tie him up and make him watch as you flush all his money down the toilet.
9) Convince him to rob a bank then tip off the police.
10) Tell him you'll pay him 100,000 ryo if he does the I'm a Little Teapot song and dance in front of everyone while wearing a pink Tu-tu. After he does (and he WILL) tell him you owe him.
11) Replace all of his money with Monopoly money.
12) Stare at him...do not blink.
13) Dress up like Hidan and tell him that you've converted to Jashinism and start cussing at him...do not stop until you lose your voice.


HIDAN:

1) Cut Hidan's arms off and feed them to Zetsu.
2) Try to covert him into Johova's Witnesses.
3) Tell him his religion is f***** up.
4) Throw garlic at him and yell, "Begone foul bloodsucker!"
5) Refer to Jashin as 'The pansy a** dude that needs mindless idiots to kill for him because he's too weak'.
6) Speak to him in a made up language and a squeaky voice.
7) Steal his scythe and hide it in Kakuzu's room then tell him Kakuzu has it.
8) Dye his hair green and address him as Zolo.
9) After a fight get to him before Kakuzu and put him back together incorrectly using duct tape.
10) Scream "BEEP!!!" whenever he cusses.
11) Hide a walkie talkie in his room and during one of his rituals come on it and pretend to be Jashin. See how many crazy things you can get him to do before he figures out it's really you.
12) Cut off his head and use it as a pinata.
13) Replace his scythe with a plastic one that squeaks.

KISAME:

1) Dye Kisame's skin pink.
2) Sneak into his room when he's not there, crawl under the covers and wait for him. When he gets into bed yell, "RAPE!!! RAPE!!" at the top of your lungs and see who comes running.
3) Sing Under the Sea and insist that it's his theme song.
4) Pretend that you're shooting and animal documetary whenever you're around him with him as the subject.
5) Bite him and see if he tastes like fish.
6) Sell him to a sushi shop.
7) Drink all of his sake then go streaking through the base singing Ray Steven's 'The Streak'.
8) Write grafti on his sword.
9) Dress him in a green tunic and silver tights and sing the Legend of Zelda theme song.
10) Leave a trail of worms through the hallway and when he reaches you beam and say, "Hey this fishing bait really works."
11) Make him shark soup and don't tell him what it is until he has eaten all of it.
12) When he's passed out put him in the tub with a rubber duckie take pictures and pass them out to the other members.
13) After he completes his missions pet his head and say in a tone of voice you would use for a pet, "Good fishy. Who's a good fishy? You are! Yes you are!"


ZETSU:

1) Call the police and tell them that he's going weed in the flytrap on his head.
2) Tear up a bunch of flowers in front of him and laugh saying, "Ha ha I killed your girlfriends."
3) When he's undercover, yell, "HI ZETSU!"
4) Ask him if The Little Barbershop of Horrors is his favorite movie, everyday.
5) Lend Tobi your weed killer.
6) Lock him in a closet and insist that you're starving him to death.
7) Pour water on his head and tell him you're watering him.
8) Ask him how many dogs have peed on him mistaking him for a tree. Ask every day.
9) Curve your initials in his flytrap.
10) Stuff him in a big green pipe then paint his flytrap red with white spots.
11) Only talk to the white side of Zetsu.
12) Ask him which of his sides is the man in the relationship.
13) Superglue a sign that says, "Beware: I Bite." on his flytrap.


DEIDARA:

1) Dress up like Tobi and annoy him twice as much. Insist on calling yourself, "Mini Tobi" and scream "Mini Tobi is a good girl/boy!"
2) Buy him a frilly pink dress for his birthday.
3) Kick him in the balls, when he yells in pain say, "Uh, so you are a guy...d*** now I owe Kakuzu 20 bucks."
4) Dress up as Itachi and tell him, "Foolish little artist. You lack...talent."
5) Teach Tobi the Goofy Goober song and convince him that it's Deidara's favorite song.
6) Superglue him to Tobi.
7) Replace his clay with Big Red chewing gum.
8) Dye his hair black and address him as Itachi.
9) Ask him what kind of villian plays with playdough.
10) Super glue pictures of Itachi with his sharingan activated all over his room.
11) State that Sasori's art is much better than his meek firecrackers.
12) Ask him in front of everyone if he gets off having men mistake him for a woman.
13) Steal all of his clay then go to Itachi and tell him that Deidara called him a gay sissy and wants a rematch.

SASORI:

1) Dress all his puppets in pink tu-tues.
2) Release thousands of termites into his room.
3) Dye his hair pink and call him Sakura.
4) Sing "I've got no strings to hold me down, to make me frit, to make me frown. I had strings but now I'm free, there are no strings on me."
5) Replace his puppets with Barbie dolls.
6) Rip off his arm and use it as a back scratcher.
7) Shout "I see dead people!" whenever he walks into the room.
8) Replace his poision with cranberry juice.
9) Tangle the rope in his stomach.
10) Paint around his eyes with black face paint and call him Gaara.
11) Poke him with a stick and repeatedly ask, "Is this annoying?"
12) Take his soul container thing, put it in a blow up doll, and give it to Hidan on his birthday.
13) Follow him everywhere and scream random and annoying things, when asked why you're doing this tell them that you're trying to perform an exorcism on him.


PEIN:

1) Put a bikini in Pein's room and ask him if he's a cross dresser.
2) Tell him that without his bloodline limit he is a wimp.
3) When he has 8 of the 9 tailed beasts, release them from the statue and seal them in random things. (Make sure you forget what they are.)
4) When he goes into one of his 'I'm the most powerful being in the universe' rants, laugh and tell him not to tell such a funny joke without warning you first.
5) Follow him around singing, "We're following the leader, the leader, the leader, la la la la la."
6) Accuse him of being a fraud on a daily baises.
7) Replace his pierceings with heart shaped or rainbow colored ones and tell him that Konan told you that they made him look sexy.
8) When you're in front of the entire Akatsuki ask him if he's reported to his boss lately. [Guaranteed to get you killed!!!]
9) Fill a wine bottle with poison and give it to him. Leave a note that says it's from Sasori.
10) Throw magnets at his face and see how many actually stick.
11) When he's doing important paper work run into his office screaming and crying and jump into his lap...when he asks what's wrong tell him you saw Konan without any makeup on.
12) When he's all shadowy and trying to be evil shine a flashlight in his eyes.
13) Make really annoying noises when he's giving a speech and when he tells you to stop it, jump to your feet and yell, "YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!"

TOBI:

1) Spread a rumor that Tobi steals Deidara's underwear, make sure Deidara knows about it.
2) Tell him you know what his secret is but don't tell him which one.
3) Become Tobi's personal Tobi.
4) Steal his mask, put it on, and run around screaming, "Tobi is a gay boy!"
5) Dye all his underwear pink then pull his pants down in front of everyone.
6) Tell him that you fed Santa Claus to Zetsu.
7) Tap on his mask with some drumsticks like you're playing the drums.
8) Stick black paper over his eyehole.
9) Hang onto one of his legs and refuse to let go.
10) Super glue a fluffy pink bunny to his hand.
11) Tie him up and charge people to play: Smack the Idiot.
12) Give him a "How to" book on sex in front of everyone.
13) Draw a picture of a butt on his mask when he's asleep.

KONAN:

1) Tell her that her jutsu is the most useless jutsu in the universe.
2) Sell her underwear online.
3) Ask her to make a really complicated orgami and when she's done burn it in front of her.
4) Cry really loudly and when she asks why you're cryingtell her 'Because I saw your face.'
5) Ask her why she has a giant spit wad in her hair.
6) Announce in front of everyone that she must be really good in bed and that's the only reason Pein keeps her around.
7) Walk up to her and tell her to quit stalking you, especially if you're a girl.
8) Groan whenever she's about to talk.
9) Read her diary out loud to the other members.
10) Grab a can of tomato paste/juice and make a trail leading to her room.
11) At dinner slam your fist against the table and shout, "For the last time Konan I will NOT go out with you!"
12) Set her room on fire leave little hints that it was Itachi.
13) Superglue her own paper all over her body.


ALL:
1) Put hidden speakers all around the base and play nursery rhymes.
2) Make them watch Teletubies.

3) Sell the location of the base to all the nations.
4) Get everyone drunk. Then the next morning when they all have hangovers take a megaphone and an air horn. Turn the megaphone on high then use the air horn.
5) Replace all their cloaks with bright pink ones.
6) Read them Akatsuki yaoi fanfic and show them pics to go along with the stories
7) Burst into the room and yell, "Raid!" when there isn't one.
8) Make dangos and put laxatives in them then lock yourself in the only bathroom.
9) Scream, "KYUBI BRAT!" every 5 minutes for 5 hours.
10) Sing the gummy bear song constantly.
11) When on a mission loudly hum the Mission Impossible music attracting as much attention as possible.
12) Go into the middle of the living room and stare up at the ceiling, when the others come over and look up with you call them idiots and run away.
13) Get into a cussing contest with Hidan do not stop until either one of you loses your voice.

Well, that's all I've got for now...*Knocking at the door* Just a min...*Opens door* Kisame: "We need to talk...." Me: "Uh...." Zetsu: "I'll just turn this off...We don't need any witnesses." Me: "Hehe...how's it going guys? You all look kinda ticked." Tobi: "Yes, I guess we are. Zetsu, turn the computer off." O_O

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