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Chapter 0 - Cola

The Sugar Rush racers have something to ask newcomer Ionia about Turbo. But what could it be?

'Oh, Ionia' © MCD & Rachel Prince
Wreck It Ralph © Disney

Chapter 0 - Cola

Chapter 0 - Cola
It had been a month since Litwak had installed a new Turbo Time machine due to a request from a resident. There had been 3 other games installed a week after the new Turbo Time was brought in and the characters from it were still getting adjusted to socializing with the regulars of the arcade. A Dastardly & Muttley game where you flew planes to try and catch a pigeon, a new version of Soul Calibur and a game called 'Oh, Ionia' based on the popular sci-fi fantasy comic and animation series where you'd have to fly around defending villages.

Ionia, the star of the game, had managed to fit in well with the Sugar Rush characters, Ralph and Felix and would often visit when the arcade closed. She just loved the way the Sugar Rush world looked and smelled and enjoyed flying over the candy cane forest and perching herself on the tops to watch the racers do what they did best. Ralph got on with her well enough, though he found her clumsy and a little socially awkward. Felix found her charming, though he knew his wife did not share this notion. She was indifferent to say the least.

The new Turbo was, as he had been before, self-absorbed, only interested in his game and deemed himself superior to the Sugar Rush racers. However, he had one thing different to the previous incarnation. He hadn't invaded another game.

Ralph and Felix had taken it upon themselves to shadow Turbo's every move when out of his game to make sure that it didn't happen again. Felix, being the optimist he was, didn't suspect that he would ever do it. After all, it was a different version of him and the circumstances were entirely different. There was no Road Blasters game in the arcade and the Sugar Rush characters had already made it perfectly clear that they'd have no shenannigans or there'd be Ralph to deal with. Ralph, on the other hand, was always suspicious of him and felt that he shouldn't let his guard down no matter what.

However, something had happened that had caused somewhat of a stir in the group. Ionia and Turbo had developed a friendship, something Ralph did not think was even possible. He couldn't help but feel this was entirely fake on Turbo's part and that he had a hidden agenda. Old habits, as they say, die hard. He had followed the two into Sugar Rush after the arcade closed and watched them like a hawk as they greeted the racers.

Taffyta Muttonfudge leaned against her cart and grinned at the pair as they slowly made their way into the clearing they were all stood in. "Well, hey there." She tossed a lollipop around in her hands and nodded to Ralph and Felix who slumped on a nearby fudge mound. "Long day, huh?"

Vanellope scoffed. "Naaah, long schmong! These guys are tough." She punched the air to make her point sending a ripple of giggles through the group.

"Well, it was down right fun, if you ask me." Felix grinned widely and patted his golden hammer. "I think it was the best day so far! We had a lot of quarter alerts."

"Yeah, well, you're not the one having to land on your butt every time are you?" Ralph whirled his eyes around and rubbed at his lower back in protest. "After 15 quarter alerts it starts to hurt a bit."

Ionia let out a laugh, a little too loud than what she had intended. She instantly slapped her hands over her mouth and stifled her giggles.

"You wanna trade places, Blue?" Ralph looked over to her with an unimpressed expression plastered on his face.

"Nah! I'm good!" She waved frantically in reply and continued to stifle her giggles through a giant, beaming grin and leaned down to Turbo. "Heeheehee he said butt!"

"Yes. Yes he did." Turbo couldn't help but find her overreaction somewhat amusing and cracked a small smirk. Normally such behaviour would be above him, but he was in a good mood. His game had brought in many quarters that day and he felt the need to celebrate regardless of the company.

Taffyta nudged Candlehead who was stood beside her and nodded to Ralph. "Yeah, it's OK. She won't trade places with you. After all, she will probably be busy later." Vanellope ended up in a laughing heap on the floor over the comment.

Ralph had no idea what she meant by that, or why Vanellope was in hysterics so he just cocked an eyebrow. "Huh?"

"Oh, yeah. By the way, Ionia?" She swung her head to look at Ionia with a sly grin on her face. "Tell me." She licked her lollipop and chuckled. "Is Turbo a good kisser?"

A sharp intake of breath was heard from a few of those assembled and it fell silent.

"What? I-I'm sure I don't know what you mean." Ionia began to fiddle nervously with her armour in an attempt to cast aside the question.

"Oh, come on! We're all friends here." Taffyta shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "What's he like?"

Vanellope had turned purple from all her laughing and stood up to try and catch her breath, but as soon as she caught sight of Turbo's shocked face she fell over once again.

"Wait, wait, wait." Ralph flailed his arms around. "What exactly are you blabbering on about?" He got up and stomped his way over to Taffyta who just plopped her lollipop back into her mouth and pointed at Ionia and Turbo back and fourth without a word.

"Oh my." Felix scuttled over. "Th-That's not your business, young lady."

Turbo waved his hands wildly, but no words would come out of his mouth. "Hmn nuhh nnnn!"

"See!" Felix tilted his head and raised his brows. "That's clearly just a bunch of hearsay hoo hah."

"Haha, no." Vanellope had managed to calm herself as much as she could and clambered up to her feet with the aid of Taffyta's cart. "Y-see. They're all smoochie and it's gross and they have cooties..." She fell about laughing again.

"Well, I don't believe that." Felix frowned at the group. "I don't think it's fair to make up such stories about people. Do you?"

Taffyta just shrugged and looked back to Ionia who was still fiddling with her armour. "S'not made up."

"Now see here..." Felix clenched his fists, he didn't enjoy getting angry, but when it came to friends and doing what was right he couldn't help it. "I'll not have you dragging her good name through the mud! You've only known her a short time. What makes you think you can jud..." He was interrupted by Ionia who could tell that they wouldn't let it go no matter how much she protested and that a fight would break out should she stay silent.

"Damn good."

With that Turbo fell over backwards and the entire group just stared at her in silence.

"R-Really?" Candlehead chuckled nudging Taffyta out of her shock. "He is?"

Ionia just nodded.

"Wow. Who'd have thought that?"

"Wait, wait..." Vanellope, free of her hysteria, got to her feet and pulled a confused face at Ionia. "Are you telling me that..." She jabbed a finger in Turbo's direction as he clung to a candy cane tree for support. "HE is good at smoooooching?" She made a kissy face and grinned up at Ralph whose face was a mixture of anger, confusion and disgust.

"Yeah. The best I've ever had, actually." Ionia's face was deadpan as she assisted Turbo and propped him against another tree nearby.

Suddenly curious, though she suspected that it was more morbid curiosity than anything else, Taffyta stepped forwards. She couldn't tell if she was being serious, or was pulling their legs. "So, what's he taste like?"

Down Turbo went again, followed by a chorus of 'ugh', 'yuck' and 'ew'.

"Wh-What?" Ionia's face flushed pink at the question. Being asked about kissing was one thing, but such details were something she would never normally discuss, let alone get asked about. "He, well..."

Felix frowned at Taffyta. "That's none of your beeswax, pardon my pottymouth!"

Vanellope hopped forwards and shoved Felix back into Ralph. "Come on, Ionia. Tell us, we wanna know. Does he taste like smoke?"

"Or oil?" Laughed Minty.

Rancis pulled a face. "Cigarettes?"

"Or," chuckled Taffyta, "All of the above?"

Ionia's eyes darted from Turbo's face to the racers and back again. He was sweating in his racing suit and she could tell he was not impressed by the onslaught of personal questions. She had to do something to stop them asking. "Cola, actually."


"Yeah, Cola. I know, it sounds unexpected. But he tastes of cola. Fizzy, sweet, sugary cola."


"Mmmm, so lovely." Ionia made overexaggerated smoochie faces in an attempt to gross them all out and, thankfully, it seemed to work. "I love his cooties." She took hold of Turbo by the collar and drew him, flailing wildly, up to her face and planted a smacker on his lips. He flapped around and squawked against her before she plonked him back down on his feet, albeit a little wobbly. All the racers screamed in terror at the sight, jumped into their carts and drove off as fast as they could leaving Ralph and Felix with them.

Ionia brushed herself off and began to walk towards the exit, Turbo wobbling and weaving behind her. Ralph and Felix gave each other a look, shrugged and followed them.

"So..." Finally, Ralph broke the silence and watched as Turbo nearly ran smack into a wall due to his current state. "Was that a load of bull s-"

"SUGAR!" Felix would always try to censor Ralph's swearing whenever he could and, despite being stunned by what had just happened, he still found it in himself to do so.

"Yeah, that. Was that a load of bull sugar?"

Ionia glanced back as she continued to the train carts. "Hm? Which bit? The bit about me and him?" She pointed to Turbo who was having a hard time focusing on the seat and ended up sitting on the floor instead. "Or, the bit about cola?"

"Yeah, all that."

She grinned. "No, he really does taste of cola."

The train carts pulled off to a series of disgusted noises from Ralph and Felix, Turbo's howling as the pressure finally broke him and Ionia's satisfied laughter.


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