Chapter 7 - Dealing with the past

On the way back home I noticed Blain kept staring at the night sky… Before Blain went to his house, he held me back and he pointed upwards…



Blain: Look…
Nicole: Hmm?
Blain: The stars…
Nicole: What about it…?
Blain: Ssh…

Then he kept staring at it for a while… I thought he went insane or having a mental breakdown or something… I didn’t really get it and I frowned at him at first… But then he explained…



Blain: Stars are not just some dots in the sky Nicole…
Nicole: No of course not… Their big rocks filled with gas billions of miles away from here…

Blain: No…
Nicole: Whadda ya mean no…?
Blain: They tell stories Nicole…
Nicole: … You feeling alright?
Blain: Never been better… Do you know the constellations?
Nicole: Yes…?
Blain: Then you should know that they represent something… They represent a story… They represent a vision, an ideal… They represent you and everyone else… How it’s interpreted is what makes them fascinating… If you look at them, what do you see?

Nicole: I don’t really know…
Blain: Then look deeper…

I don’t really know what to say… For some reason, it fascinates me and I kept staring at it…



Nicole: I see myself…
Blain: They say that they shine down on you, protect and guide you when you need it. Provide you comfort when you need it the most… As soon as you open your eyes and face the night sky, all your problems and worries are gone… Just like that… In a blink of an eye… And that’s what kept me going during the war…

Nicole: I see…
Blain: And you were right…
Nicole: About what…?
Blain: That it’s time to let the past be the past…

And after that, he looked at me and smiled… Which was something I saw for the very first time… He turned around and went to his house… And after he got inside and closed the door, I went inside my house as well…



It took me a long time to fall asleep… Thinking about what Blain said about the stars made me wander… How could something like that have a whole meaning behind it? And what’s even more surprising, how did Blain come up with that…? Was it something he interprets on his own, or did he just heard from someone? The way he interprets the simple things made me think. How could something like that have a whole meaning behind it? Those questions and a lot more would never be answered, because I don’t see the things like he does…


Damn it… The alarm clock goes off at 7 am… I only had four hours of sleep… I had a lot of trouble opening my eyes and practically forced them open. I took a hot shower and then turned it cold to wake up. And after that, I was wide awake. Then I made some coffee. I looked around for something to eat but then I realized I wasn’t really hungry and as soon the coffee was done, I made a cup. I took some sips and slowly dozed off…



Cody: Good morning!!!

I scared the shoot out of myself and fell down of my chair. The cup of coffee I held was spilled on my arm, which burned. Well yeah, of course it hurts. Do you still need to ask? So I held my arm under cold water for about 10 minutes and after that, I slapped Cody on the back of his head. Surely, it wasn’t his fault, but I’m always moody in the morning when I haven’t got any coffee. And especially when I only slept for a few hours.



Then all of a sudden, there was a knock on the door… Cody opened the door, and to my surprise, Blain was there…



Cody: Hey Blain!
Blain: ‘Sup…?
Nicole: Blain…? What are you doing here…?

Blain: Well… About last night…
Nicole: Hold that thought. Cody, could you leave us alone for a sec?
Cody: … Damn…

So after he went to his room…



Blain: What happened to your arm?
Nicole: I spilled some hot coffee on it…
Blain: Oh…
Nicole: Well anyway, go on…
Blain: I just… I wanted to say I’m sorry too…
Nicole: It’s ok… Let’s not talk about it anymore. What’s done is done…

Then he sits down and sighed…



Blain: So… Now what?
Nicole: Whaddaya mean?
Blain: Well you’d said you would help me.
Nicole: *sighs* Blain… You gotta do what every guy of your age does…
Blain: Like what?
Nicole: Just… You know… Go out, see people, find a love, brag about your shoe-size…

Blain: … My shoe-size?
Nicole: … Never mind… Look, just tag along every time we go somewhere. We’re going to do a lot of things. Just go along and you’ll find out it’ll be worth every change you ever made. Come on, it’s gonna be great. Don’t worry.

Then he looked at me and smiled…



Nicole: Let’s go, we’re gonna be late for school.

So after we packed our stuff, we went to school… Blain and I talked on the way…



Blain: What did you do before you got here?
Nicole: Eh… Hanging out with friends… Going to clubs and pubs… Going to the movies… The only time when I was home was when I was either sick or asleep.

Blain: You never told me how you got here. You were shipwrecked… But, that’s all I know…

Nicole: I ran away from home…
Blain: What made you run away from home…?
Nicole: Let’s not talk about that…

So I quickly changed the subject…



Nicole: We need to get you some cloths when we got money. Running around naked is out of fashion.

Blain: But-
Nicole: And some new sneakers.
Blain: What’s wrong with my boots?!
Nicole: … Their old…
Blain: Yet comfortable.
Nicole: And smelly after all these years…
Blain: You smell your upper lip…

Then he just smiled as he looked in front of him. I pushed him when he wasn’t expecting it. He fell in a ditch while I smiled at him…



Nicole: Ha, ha, and might I add, ha.
Blain: Don’t expect me to save your @$$ again when you need it…

I reached out a hand to help him get up. As soon as he grabbed my hand, he grinned and pulled me in the ditch as well. I looked at him and he laughed, then I flicked his nose and smiled. As soon as he got out of the ditch, he pulled me up.

Then we headed for school…



Second day of school… Boring as hell and time sure went slow… I didn’t see Rouge… During the 15 minute recess at 10, I took a coffee and seeing as we didn’t saw anyone familiar, Blain and I stick together. At some point, Blain pulled out a cigarette and lighted it up…



Nicole: … Since when do you smoke?
Blain: Eeh… Since 14 years. Want one?
Nicole: Eh… No…

Then it stayed quiet for a while…



Blain: Do you have anyone waiting for you back home…?
Nicole: Yeah…
Blain: Oh…
Nicole: Why do you ask?
Blain: Well, it’s just that…
Nicole: No…

Ouch… Well that was really subtle wasn’t it…? He looked a little surprised to say the least but…



Nicole: Look, I don’t know you that well, and you don’t know me too well… I mean, we’re way too different… I mean… I’m a kangaroo, and you’re a hedgehog… People would gossip you know…

Blain: … I never asked if you had a boyfriend… Don’t get all cocky like that…

… Ouch…



Nicole: Well you know now… It would never work out between you and me Blain… I’m only doing this because I owe you…

Blain: Just because you owe me…?

He got a bit pissed… Hell, I would be too… It sounds like I only wanted to help Blain just to clear my conscious… And well, this time he got every right to be pissed…



Nicole: *sighs* You don’t understand…

Blain: No… You don’t understand… I saved your @$$ twice… I never asked anything for in return… And this is what I get in the end? To make me look like a fracking fool? Just because you “owe” me…? Open you’re eyes for fracks sake and realize I’m not stepping in the bullshoot… If you really think you could, then you better frack off back to the shoothole you crawled out from, because I don’t take this shoot from anyone…

After that, he flicked his cigarette away and I watched as he walked off while not looking back…



Truth be told, I had a boyfriend… It’s just that we were at off’s and had a couple of fights before I got here… I still loved him… But… As soon as we got moved out, I never heard from him again… I often wondered if he still loved me… And if he still thought about me… But I know I miss him… The only question was, did he miss me…?



I know I shouldn’t have said that to Blain… I didn’t mean it like that… And well, in some way I do owe him…



For the next few days, we didn’t talk… And I had a feeling we were back at square one… I was afraid that the fights would come back, but even that didn’t come back… I was feeling guilty and that proves that something innocent to say can turn out disastrous for the other… And well, soon everyone would know what happened… Sure I wanted to help him out, but I tried keeping him at a distance. I don’t know why. Rouge told his story… I thought I understood… Maybe it would help if he said it himself…



The days crawled by… Blain and I still didn’t say anything to each other… But with each day, I felt more guilt. On a Friday I decided to apologize to him… I went to his house but no one was home. Then after asking around and looking for him, I finally found him on the beach… All alone… I don’t know if he already forgot about the whole incident but I went towards him…



Nicole: Hey…
Blain: ‘Sup…

Well first contact was established… Seeing as I fracked up again and needed to make up…



Blain: … You’re blocking my view. Move.
Nicole: …Alright…

So I sat next to him… He still didn’t say anything… I was trying to feel a bit uneasy…



Nicole: What are you looking at anyway?
Blain: The sun… It’s going down…

And indeed, the sun was going down… The water reflected the gold orange skyline as the clouds turned dark red, reflected by the water… The sky was light blue where the sun still shines, but looking back, I could see the dark blue sky while the stars came out of their slumber above the hills… Beautiful…



Nicole: Why are you always staring at stuff like that…?
Blain: It’s beautiful isn’t it…? Proof me wrong…
Nicole: It is…

You could hear the sea waving over the beaches… As we sat there for a while, it became so relaxing…



I don’t really know how long we sat there… We didn’t talk… I looked to my left and saw Blain lied down in the sand, staring at the night sky like he always does…



Blain: You know what’s funny?
Nicole: What?
Blain: I actually hate beaches, and yet here I am…

Then more silence…



Nicole: You know… You would have loved the sun going down in Buthainah…
Blain: Really…?
Nicole: Yeah… I remember back when I was young… My dad used to take me outside in the middle of the night and we stared at the hundreds of islands being surrounded by clear ocean water as the sun went down… There isn’t really a way to describe what you see, but it’s something that’ll never be forgotten…

Blain: Yeah… It does have some kind of symbolic meaning to me…
Nicole: What does?
Blain: The sun… The stars, the moon…
Nicole: Like what?
Blain: The sun rises and falls… And with it, goes another day… As soon as you saw the sun rising again, you know you’re still alive and made it through the night…

Nicole: Ooh…

Blain: I often wondered how many times I would see the sunset…
Nicole: Whaddaya mean…?
Blain: Well… During the war, every day was to question if you would make it to the next… One night, it rained… Then all of a sudden it stopped… Like someone turned it off or something… The clouds moved away and I stared at the stars… And that’s what always got me through… Because I wanted to see the next sunset no matter what…



Then it stayed quiet for a while… And after what Rouge told me about Blain, I think it’s time for him to tell me personally what truly happened…



Nicole: What happened during the war Blain…?
At first, he looked a bit baffled… But I was serious… Rouge told me he died, got shot, tortured, interrogated, that he was responsible for the death of one of his team mates and all… He sighed and looked down… I think all Blain needs is someone to listen to him… And then he started talking…


He talked for hours… And I just listened… It was the way he talked about it that got me hooked… All sorts of emotions were heard in his voice… Anger, sorrow, hate, regret, scared… He also talked about the good things that happened… Like someone brought a bag of marshmallows and that the four of them ate them all up… I wouldn’t jump 10 feet in the air if someone brought a bag of marshmallows, but those things were the only good things that he had… Then he sounded happy… He had his moments where he could barely talk because he almost choked down in his tears… He got moments where he became pissed… He was sad… He had regrets… All sorts of stuff…


And from that moment on, I knew he was telling the truth… It was all true, no doubt about it… It stayed silent for a while after he was done with his story… For some reason, he sighed in relief and smiled… Then it stayed quiet for a moment…



Nicole: Look… Eh… Tomorrow it’s Cody’s birthday… And it would certainly mean a lot to him if you showed up… You don’t have to be there for me, but at least do it for Cody… He’s fond of you…

Blain: I’d like that…
Nicole: Cool… So… See you tomorrow?
Blain: Is cool… You’re going home…?
Nicole: Yeah… You coming along?
Blain: Naah… I’ll stay here for a while…
Nicole: You sure…?
Blain: Yeah…
Nicole: Goodnight…
Blain: Goodnight…

So I turned around to walk away…



Blain: Oh, and… Nicole…?
Nicole: Yeah…?
Blain: Thanks…

I smiled at him and walked home.

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