Chapter 17 - He loved me...

When I was young, it seems that life was so wonderful. I didn’t thought about all the bad stuff that can happen to me, because I didn’t know it yet… A long time ago, I asked myself the very same question over and over again. And I found the answer. And the answer was a hedgehog, and he got me through everything as I helped him with his struggles. We had a relationship together that only a few people have with each other while we didn’t even realized it, and especially now, where love is uncommon and a rare thing to witness. Even though I don’t see him anymore, smell him anymore, or touch him anymore, he never left my side. Words can not tell how much I miss him, pictures can not show how much I love him and feelings can not be expressed of how much I cared for him… [br]
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I was ignorant enough not to know. But now I do, and I don’t know what to think. It makes me wish that I made different choices in the past, and although there are still a lot of things I deeply regret, there’s nothing I can do to undo it. The only thing I can do now is to look at the current situation and make decisions on how to carry on from that point. And after all the things we’ve been through now, makes me think that life is not as wonderful as I pictured it a long time ago… [br]
[br]
It wasn’t my first near-death experience… No… It wasn’t… Blain was there… But now he wasn’t. Sometimes, when I look at Terry and see how he treats everyone else, and especially me, makes me think that a part of Blain lives on in Terry. Although they are not related to each other in any way, there are so many things I can see inside of Terry that Blain has too. It makes me wonder sometimes what it’s like to be loved again, to feel the same feelings you get when you’re in love. There isn’t a way to describe it when you truly love someone or how to describe it if the other is feeling the same for you. It’s something you have to see and feel for yourself to comprehend the feelings. For twenty three years, I felt it… And it always came unexpected… Whenever I hugged Blain, or kissed him… Taking a shower with him or slept with him… We always showed affection towards each other, even if it was a simple gesture like a hug or a kiss. With everything we did, it felt so passionate and intense. But at some point, you take it for granted, and as I learned the hard way, you don’t know it’s there until it’s not there anymore… And that was, and still is, a very difficult thing to accept… Maybe you’re thinking right now: “Why is she telling me this?” Well… Truth be told, I have no idea… But I almost died and I thought way different about things than I used to. I already knew that life is fragile and can be over in a second, but this time… I know that there isn’t much love left over in this world, and all I want is a little bit affection… I wanna know what it’s like to be loved again, even if it’s just a tiny little bit. I’m feeling alone while I’m not, and I’m scared… I was afraid that history might repeat itself again of what I did a long time ago… And it did happen except I didn’t realize it at the time… [br]
[br]
I was so tired of the struggle to fight for my life. I was soaking wet… I felt really cold… I was being carried by Terry as I slowly opened my eyes, and noticed that dawn was breaking down. Terry was carrying me with my legs in his left hand and the rest in his right as I was leaning over to his chest. I felt so tired… Every move I tried to make, exhausted me, and even the simplest things like breathing and blinking was tiresome for me… I noticed that Lattei walked on Terry’s left side, carrying two. He was carrying Mahabi and that brown hedgehog… Then I felt that someone was stroking through my hair. I turned my head with a lot of effort and noticed it was that tigress… And then I felt how my eyelids closed again… [br]
[br]
I woke up in total silence… I didn’t know where I was. I saw the clear starry night sky through tiny windows that somewhat illuminated the large area. And as I looked up, I noticed all sorts of ropes with rings once my eyes were used to the darkness. It took me a while before I realized I was in a gym. The familiar green floor with all sorts of stripes that felt like rubber was seen and as I looked to my left, I noticed the others were sleeping on gym mats, and noticed I was placed on one myself… I noticed Terry was to the left of me. He was wearing different clothes… Everyone was actually, even me… I kept staring at Terry until he opened his eyes… [br]
[br]
Nicole: … Hey… [br]
Terry: Hey Nic… How you feeling…? [br]
Nicole: I’m still feeling nauseous… And… A little woozy in my head… [br]
Terry: *nods slowly* [br]
Nicole: How about you…? [br]
Terry: Same… How’s your arm doing…? [br]
[br]
Arm…? Terry looked down on my right arm and as I looked too, I noticed that it was wrapped up in a bloodstained bandage… Every time I tried to move my fingers, it hurt… [br]
[br]
Terry: It had some bullet shrapnel, which is why it’s a deep long cut… It actually looks much worse than it is… I managed to get most of the fragments out… [br]
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Nicole: *nods* [br]
Terry: You’ll be alright Nic… [br]
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Nicole: Thanks Terry… [br]
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I stared at my arm for a bit. I was anxious enough to see how it looked like, but I was scared at the same time. And then I noticed my new clothes…Which got me wondering…[br]
[br]
Nicole: Terry…? [br]
Terry: Hm…? [br]
Nicole: Who eh… [br]
Terry: What? [br]
Nicole: Who got me into the dry clothes…? [br]
Terry: … I did… [br]
Nicole: … You’ve… Seen me naked…? [br]
Terry: *nods slowly*[br]
Nicole: … [br]
Terry: … Hey… It was either seeing you naked or to see you dieing from pneumonia… [br]
[br]
Nicole: You didn’t…-[br]
Terry: … No, of course not… It’s not like I’m… some kind of a sick frack or anything… What do you take me for…? [br]
[br]
Nicole: *sighs* [br]
Terry: I mean… You barely made it… Mahabi almost died… Axel who was about to drown… [br]
[br]
Nicole: Axel…? [br]
Terry: *nods* The brown hedgehog over there. [br]
Nicole: I see… [br]
Terry: I mean… I wouldn’t know what I would do without you guys… And I got a lot of things on my mind, and what you were thinking of is the least on my mind… [br]
[br]
Nicole: I’m sorry… [br]
[br]
It stayed silent for a while as I was staring outside through the roof windows… [br]
[br]
Terry: You know, Nicole…?[br]
Nicole: Hm…? [br]
Terry: When we first got out of Deberan and before we met Lattei and Mahabi, I thought this was the start of our survival, where every day we had to fight to survive… But as Lattei and Mahabi came along, I considered it more as an adventure… Maybe even considered it as some sort of roadtrip, having fun on the way and everything… But… What happened yesterday… I mean… We did great for well over a month but… I realized after last night that… You guys mean a lot more to me then I could ever imagine… And well… Seeing you and Mahabi lifelessly on the ground is… [br]
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Nicole: Heh… [br]
[br]
Terry: I mean… I was scared shootless you know… [br]
Nicole: So was I… [br]
Terry: *sighs* [br]
[br]
I had the feeling Terry wanted to tell me more. I kept looking in his eyes, but I guess he didn’t know how to tell it. I might have a hunch what he wanted to tell me, but his eyes said a lot. I caressed with my left hand through his spiky hair as I kept staring in his eyes. And at some point, I could hear him sobbing. I guess what happened yesterday really made an impact on the poor guy. So I cuddled him, and kept him close until the sobbing stopped… [br]
[br]
The next day, I felt something tickling my nose. As soon as I opened my eyes, I noticed Lattei dangling above me on those ropes doing all sorts of tricks… But those tails kept poking my nose… And at some point, I got so sick of it that I grabbed one of those tails… He got so startled by that, that he fell down and dangled on one leg through the ring as his face was right in front of mine… [br]
[br]
Lattei: … Don’t ever do that again… Their sensitive… [br]
Nicole: *smiles innocently*[br]
Lattei: You’re lucky you’re a woman… [br]
Nicole: Hehehehe… [br]
Lattei: When did you wake up?[br]
Nicole: Not too long ago, no thanks to those tails of yours… [br]
Lattei: Hm. [br]
Nicole: Hehe… [br]
Lattei: So how are you doing? Terry told me this morning you woke up again. [br]
Nicole: Yeah… Still feeling a bit funny but… I’ll manage… [br]
Lattei: Good… [br]
Nicole: What about Mahabi…? How’s he doing…? [br]
Lattei: Not so good I’m afraid… He got hit by something and has a deep cut on the right side of his head. Terry says that he has a concussion…[br]
[br]
Nicole: Ooh…[br]
Lattei: Yeah… Do you know what he was hit with…? [br]
Nicole: No… I’m sorry, I don’t know much of it anymore… So how’s he doing now…? [br]
[br]
Lattei: Sometimes he’s fully aware and… Other times he falls unconscious… Terry thinks the best thing for him is to rest a lot, and keep a close eye on him… [br]
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Nicole: Yeah… How about you…? [br]
Lattei: Got a few scratches and bruises, but nothing serious… [br]
Nicole: I see… That’s good to hear… [br]
Lattei: Yeah, except my leg turned numb… [br]
Nicole: … Huh? [br]
Lattei: … Look. [br]
[br]
Then I realized he was still dangling… I wasn’t really that bright yet… He pushed himself up and reached with his left hand for the rope. It took him a few tries, but once he got hold of the rope, he lifts himself up with just one hand while his foot stands in the ring itself. Then he drops down. [br]
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Lattei: Come on, let’s go see the others. [br]
Nicole: Where exactly are we…? [br]
Lattei: Well, obviously, this is the gym. [br]
Nicole: … Yes, I figured that bit. [br]
Lattei: Actually we arrived at the Farrell Tech University. [br]
Nicole: …[br]
Lattei: Complete with dorms, so that means hot showers and warm beds. [br]
Nicole: Ah… Then why didn’t we spend the night in those dorms…? [br]
Lattei: Most of them are still a mess, so we need to clean it out first… We’re probably staying until Mahabi gets better. [br]
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Nicole: Ah. [br]
Lattei: And the best thing is, we got the whole place for ourselves… [br]
[br]
Lattei and I walked out of the gym and walked through the large hallways. Everywhere you looked, the place was a terrible mess. It looked like everyone left the place in a hurry… After walking for a while, we reached the huge cafeteria. As soon as we opened the doors, I saw Rachel sitting at a table, eating. When she saw us, her eyes widened and she ran towards me. Rachel kept on cuddling me and told me how much she missed me. Lattei walked off towards the counter and I saw Terry behind it… [br]
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Tigress: Terry, I asked for food, not some smelly blob. [br]
Terry: Stop whining already Ceylan… [br]
Ceylan: … I think it just winked at me… [br]
Terry: Axel seems to like it.[br]
Ceylan: Yeah, but Axel is like a trashcan, everything goes down. I’ll bet when they cut open his stomach they’ll even find license plates. [br]
[br]
Nicole: Ceylan…? [br]
Lattei: Yeah, that’s her name. [br]
Nicole: How’d she get here…? [br]
Lattei: Axel and Ceylan are the only ones that made it besides us… They were the only ones smart enough not to run over the bridge, but to take cover behind the debris. [br]
[br]
Nicole: Ooh… [br]
[br]
I looked at the tigress first. She was dark orange, with black and white patterns all over her body, and slightly smaller then Terry. She was wearing ripped jeans, sneakers and a top with long sleeves. One of the sleeves was ripped, and I could see she had muscles. She wasn’t as muscular as Terry, but I think she could lift a lot of weight… Ceylan didn’t really look that old… Nineteen years old, twenty maybe… Twenty three tops… She had this kind of a tender and soft expression on her face, and everything she seems to do was touched by her gentle motions and expression… She was really pretty… [br]
[br]
Terry: Yo!! Dude!! *waves arm *[br]
Nicole: Huh? [br]
Terry: Finally! [br]
Nicole: Oh! Hey!! [br]
Terry: C’mere dude!! *hugs Nicole*[br]
Nicole: Hehehe… *hugs Terry* [br]
Terry: You’ve slept for a whole day! [br]
Nicole: I did…? [br]
Lattei: *nods* [br]
Terry: You must be hungry, here, have some winking smelly blob. *throws some on plate* [br]
[br]
Nicole: You sure it’s safe to eat it? [br]
Ceylan: Well eh, Axel is eating it and hasn’t died yet, so it’s safe I guess. [br]
Nicole: Hehe, I’m Nicole. [br]
Ceylan: Ceylan. Come on, let’s find a place to eat our blobs. [br]
Nicole: Well, that shouldn’t be too hard… [br]
Ceylan: We can always go- Heey!! Look! It’s Axel! [br]
Axel: … [br]
Ceylan: Enjoying the blob?! [br]
Axel: … Hm. [br]
Ceylan: Axel gets shy around new people… It’s ok sweetie! This… This is Nicooooooole… Can you say that? [br]
[br]
Axel: ‘Sup… [br]
Ceylan: Daaww… *hugs Axel* [br]
[br]
Axel glared at Ceylan… [br]
[br]
Nicole: So… Are you two like… Together…? [br]
Ceylan: What? Oh no! Oh ho, no, no, no, no! Noooooo… Axel saved my life once. And I sticked with him ever since. He’s like my personal bodyguard. [br]
[br]
Nicole: I see. [br]
Ceylan: He’s cute though! [br]
Axel: You know I can hear you right…? [br]
Ceylan: Yes… [br]
Axel: Hm…[br]
[br]
Ceylan kept on blabbering about all sorts of things while Axel just sat there and ate his blob. She was much like Terry, just as cheered up like he is. At some point, her plate was empty as mine was… Still half full… She looked over at Terry, who was talking to Lattei. [br]
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Ceylan: Hmmm!! Delicious! My compliments to the chef! [br]
Terry: The chef could use a hug! [br]
Ceylan: Lattei?! [br]
Lattei: Aye?[br]
Ceylan: Hug the chef for me please! [br]
Lattei: … I don’t hug canines. [br]
Terry: Of course you doooooooo!! *hugs Lattei* [br]
Lattei: Alright, alright, enough. [br]
Ceylan: Fine, I’ll hug you then. [br]
[br]
Then she got up and hugged Terry, as Rachel jumped in Lattei’s arms… Then I just stared at Axel… [br]
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Nicole: So eh… [br]
[br]
He looked at me for a short moment, but as soon as he noticed I stopped talking, he continued eating… [br]
[br]
Nicole: How are you? [br]
Axel: Good… [br]
Nicole: … Good, good… [br]
Axel: *nods* [br]
Nicole: And eh… How long do you know Ceylan? [br]
Axel: Two months… [br]
Nicole: Okay… [br]
Axel: …[br]
Nicole: … [br]
Axel: Don’t get me wrong, I do like her. She’s nice. [br]
Nicole: Yeah. But…? [br]
Axel: She eh… [br]
Nicole: Hm? [br]
Axel: She’s a bit of a… A… [br]
Nicole: … Weirdo? [br]
Axel: … Yeah. [br]
Nicole: … Then she fits right in with us… [br]
Axel: Yeah… I mean… Just look at them… [br]
[br]
We looked over at Terry and Ceylan, who got their mouths wide open… Then Terry looked in her mouth… [br]
[br]
Terry: … Dayuuuumn… Look at the size of those things… [br]
Ceylan: Ah tol ya mine’sh biggah than you’re’ssh. [br]
Terry: Are not. [br]
Ceylan: Awe tewoo. [br]
Terry: Alright, alright, alright. *opens mouth wide open* Lattei! Who’sh got teh biggesht fang’sh?! [br]
[br]
Lattei: … She does. [br]
Rachel: *nods* [br]
[br]
Then he moves his head next to hers, and they both stared at Lattei… [br]
[br]
Terry: Ya shure? [br]
Lattei: Yeah, pretty much. [br]
Ceylan: Tol ya… [br]
Terry: … [br]
Ceylan: Cah Ah closhe meh mouf now? [br]
Terry: Yeah. [br]
[br]
Then I looked back at Axel, who shakes his head and sighed as he continued eating… [br]
[br]
The rest of the day was fun as far as you can call it that. Everyone was still pretty nervous about the thing that happened on the bridge two days earlier and Lattei, Terry and I were still worried about Mahabi. We checked on him every hour but you could see he was very tired whenever he was awake. He could talk, except you couldn’t really make sense of what he was saying. You could see that Lattei tried not to show it, but he was really worried about his cousin and if everything was gonna be alright with him… [br]
[br]
We all picked a room to spend the night in. Ceylan spend the night alone, as Axel and Lattei had a room for themselves. It does saved a lot of cleaning out if two people shared a room, and maybe it was we were too tired to make everything tidy. Terry and I got a room together as well, and although it was still a mess, we couldn’t be bothered to clean it further up. And we both got in bed. I got so used to that idea now… [br]
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It stayed silent for like half an hour… [br]
[br]
Terry: … Nicole…? [br]
Nicole: Hm…? Aren’t you asleep yet…? [br]
Terry: No… [br]
Nicole: Oh… What’s wrong…? [br]
Terry: Remember that story you told me a while back…? [br]
Nicole: What story…? [br]
Terry: … About you and you’re friend Jayla…? [br]
Nicole: Oh… Yeah…? [br]
Terry: … Do you still look at girls the way guys do…? [br]
Nicole: … No… [br]
Terry: … [br]
Nicole: … Well, sometimes… But… I don’t really wanna talk about it… [br]
Terry: Is it because… Everything ended in a bad experience and not the way you wanted it to be…? [br]
[br]
Nicole: … Maybe… [br]
Terry: Remember that feelings you had with her, when everything was fine...? [br]
Nicole: … Terry, just… Drop it already, ok? Go to sleep… [br]
Terry: And what about Blain…? [br]
Nicole: … What about him? [br]
Terry: Nothing… Never mind, it’s a silly thing… [br]
[br]
Nicole; Terry, what’s wrong…? Why’d you asked…? [br]
Terry: It’s eh… [br]
Nicole: Hm…? [br]
Terry: Well… I’ve… I’ve been thinking last night… After you woke up… [br]
Nicole: … About what…? [br]
Terry: It’s eh… It’s a bit of a stupid thing to ask but… Promise not to freak out… [br]
Nicole: … Ok… Just… What is it…? [br]
Terry: I told you before that I like you… [br]
Nicole: Hmm-mm… [br]
Terry: And eh… [br]
Nicole: … Go on… [br]
Terry: Well… Do you think… Do you think that… Two people can love each other while thinking of the loved ones who passed away…? [br]
[br]
Nicole: … Whadda ya mean…? [br]
Terry: Like… Loving them in everything they do…? [br]
Nicole: … As in “Loving them” loving them…? [br]
Terry: Yeah… Like…Pretending the other is the one who passed away…?[br]
Nicole: … [br]
Terry: *nods* [br]
Nicole: I eh… [br]
Terry: Hm…? [br]
Nicole: I assume you mean me…? [br]
Terry: … Yeah… [br]
Nicole: *sighs* Geez Terry, what are you asking of me…? I’m a mother… I can’t do something like that… [br]
[br]
Terry: … Even if you really wanted it…?[br]
[br]
Nicole: … Look, Terry… I like you… But… Not the way you think it is… I mean… I’m forty one years old, and… You’re like, what, twenty five…? [br]
[br]
Terry: Twenty six… …Does age really matter…? [br]
Nicole: … Maybe not for you, but it does for me… I just can’t… [br]
[br]
Terry: … I’m sorry Nic… I’m… I’m sorry I even thought of it… *sighs*[br]
Nicole: It’s ok… Just… Go to sleep and… Let’s forget we had this conversation, ok…? [br]
[br]
Terry: *nods* [br]
Nicole: Goodnight… [br]
Terry: … Goodnight…[br]
[br]
Where did Terry come up with that idea anyway…? I still remember what happened with Rico a very long time ago… And before it happened, I felt miserable just as I am right now… Maybe I felt even more miserable now than I was then… I kept wondering why Terry liked me, even though I was 15 years older than him… I turned my back against Terry and stared at the pitch black… My eyes got used to it fairly quick and I noticed I was staring in a mirror. And of course, I saw myself… I kept wondering what it was that Terry liked about me and why he wanted to have sex with me. Well, at least, that’s what I thought he meant. But the question I thought about the most was, why did he want to pretend I’m his dead girlfriend…? Why did he ask about Jayla? Feelings…? I kept staring at my own reflection in the mirror when I suddenly found the answer… [br]
[br]
Terry misses Sarudja just as much as I miss Blain… Maybe he wanted to feel what it’s like to be loved again, like I do… And well… Having sex with Terry and pretending its Blain… I don’t know… It’s a wrong thing to do… But is it wrong to be loved by someone else…? I don’t know… All sorts of thoughts ran through my mind as I still remembered what happened a long time ago. People don’t love each other in this world anymore… I forgot what it’s like… I almost died… Would it be a wrong thing to do…? The more I thought about it, the more sense Terry’s idea would seem… [br]
[br]
At some point, my body turned around to face Terry. Everything in my mind said it was a wrong thing to do, but it was like I couldn’t stop myself. I stroked my hand through his spiky hair and at some point, he opens his eyes and looked at me. I gently kissed him… He looked a little surprised at first, but then he stroked his hand through my long hair, kissing me and in my neck and everything… After a while, he took off my top as I felt his hand going down in my panties… [br]
[br]
I thought I was being used. That I was a slut or something. There is no excuse to do something like that, especially if you still have a relationship. I was wrong… Maybe it was still a wrong thing to do, but it didn’t felt like that. With everything he did, it was done with so much passion, that I just closed my eyes. I felt his warm breath, the strong embracing’s, and the gentle touches and kisses. For one and a half hour, I thought that Blain really was here with me… Sounds faded off as I closed my eyes, and just saw Blain… [br]
[br]
Then at some point, I opened my eyes and noticed Terry stroking through my hair as he was still on top of me… He gently kissed me again and got off of me. Then the whole thinking started again… Right, wrong…? I didn’t know. All I know is that I wasn’t miserable anymore. But it felt like something was missing… [br]
[br]
As I kept thinking about that, I felt Terry gently massaging my breasts as his other hand went down again. At some point, he lifts up my leg as his head went down… So eh… Heh. It wasn’t actually kissing what he did down there… Gently lapping was more like it… And… That’s the only thing he did for a while… Heh… And after a while I… Well… You know… [br]
[br]
I still remember how intense everything felt, and I could feel how every muscle in my body was spanned as he did all those things. Gentle touches, kissing my legs, my paws and everything… I guess the reason why I let it happen and why I did it went deeper then just love. On the contrary, I didn’t feel it was love. I don’t even know why I even told you about this. But in a world where there is so much hate, so much sorrow and so many people lost their lives, you’ll have to grab every opportunity… Love is something small, and can’t be found with everyone, but it is so much stronger then hate. And although not many people loved each other in this world anymore, and although I only knew Terry for a month and a half, he loved me…With all his heart, he loved me…[br]

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