Chapter 25 - Who is like you, who was and who will be...?

The day that Terry died was… I don’t know… I can’t describe it… No one could… We considered Terry to be a friend of ours… But under normal circumstances, it takes months to develop a tight friendship with anyone… But… That wasn’t the case Terry… It was really painful when I saw him passing away… He saved me two times… And just his overall perky attitude that cheered me up whenever I needed it… We did something that others wouldn’t approve… It was something that made me forget all the sorrows I was feeling for a short time… So if you asked me… “Was it a wrong thing to do…?” Then I’d say… No… I don’t think it was… But it shouldn’t have happened… I couldn’t do that to Blain and Kaelyn… But then the doubts started… And I realized that I regret what I did with Terry even though I wasn’t so sure about it… I didn’t know… Was it because he made me forget the sorrows I had…? I really didn’t know… But I regret it deep down inside of me… Not just for me, but also for Terry… And I often wondered why I did it and how different it would be if Terry wasn’t there that particular night when we left the village… Maybe I wouldn’t be alive anymore… Regrets…? Remorse…? It didn’t mean anything to me ever since then… I stopped thinking about it… It’s because I realized that everything can be over in just a blink of an eye… So I decided that I should do the right thing… To make sure that I will not have any more regrets… Because that truly is the most awful thing you can experience… It makes you feel powerless… It makes you want to change the decisions you made in the past in order to rectify your actions today. But you can’t… And that’s why I’ve decided not to tell Ceylan… It was a painful decision, but I had to… It was the best for both of us… She wouldn’t probably take it the right way and I didn’t wanna risk losing her… She’ll be better off without me telling… And the only thing I could do was to try to rectify everything I ever did wrong… And to deal with it like everyone else… And the struggles I faced were hard… [br]
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We buried Terry in a meadow not far outside the city when the sun was coming up… And the only way to deal with his death was to keep telling myself that he had peace… But that didn’t mean I didn’t cry over him… Not long after that, we had to go on… We couldn’t stay, not after what happened that dreadful night… And no one said anything as we were walking… No more jokes… No more laughing… Just the sounds of footsteps in the mud… There was this empty void that no one could fill up… And everyone noticed it…[br]
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The road was long and exhausting… Everything went rather slow since no one escaped unharmed… Lattei had a black eye and everyone else had cuts and bruises all over their bodies. It hurt… In the distance, you could hear thunder as the dark and grey clouds assembled above us, spreading out over a wide area… Then the first raindrops fell… Soon, the clouds would open up and soaked us with their water… But we had to keep on moving… On the way, we saw two humans beating each other to death… They were fighting about something, but we didn’t really know about what. We walked by slowly and tried our best to stay unnoticed. Luckily, they didn’t even notice us because they were too busy with fighting… As we got closer, we could see they were fighting over food they found… Then a third guy came, shot the other two, and took it… He takes a bite of an apple, chews, spits it out and throws the rest of it away as we kept walking on like nothing ever happened… [br]
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Many hours later, we arrived at a very small village… Most of the houses were blown up, or was shattered to pieces, but there were a few buildings left fairly intact… And we entered a very old large building that a cross in front of it… As soon as we entered the building, it was fairly dark, but you could still see everything… It had a lot of benches, chandeliers, large windows in lead, and all sorts of stuff were carved out in the walls. To the left, it was filled with a lot of pipes, ranging from small ones, to very large ones. At the end, there was some sort of podium… And there was a guy hanging on a cross behind it… I had no idea what this place was… But it was amazing… I’ve never seen anything like it before… There was something about this place while we could hear the rain and thunder outside… I sat down on a bench with my feet up to support my head on my knees and was captivated by everything I saw… I was still soaked and tired, but luckily, it was nice and warm inside…[br]
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I must have dozed off a little when I felt someone gently shaking my shoulders… As I opened my eyes slowly, I saw it was Ceylan… [br]
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Ceylan: There you are… I’ve been looking for you… [br]
Nicole: Where are the others…? [br]
Ceylan: Their taking care of each others cuts and bruises… You should do the same… [br]
Nicole: *shakes no* [br]
Ceylan: Hm…? Why not…? [br]
Nicole: It’ll heal…[br]
Ceylan: No, its not gonna heal if it’s open like that… It might get infected… [br]
Nicole: No, really… I’m fine… [br]
Ceylan: Come on, don’t be silly… [br]
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She gets out a bandage and a bottle of water. She soaked the bandage with water and started to clean my face a bit… The wounds didn’t really heal that good, and there was still blood on the bandage as she removed it… It did sting a lot, and every time she placed the bandage soaked with ice cold water on a cut, I gasped because of the stings I felt. After she was done cleaning my face, she looked at me… [br]
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Ceylan: You have to take off you’re sweater… [br]
Nicole: … No, it’s fine… Really… [br]
Ceylan: I can see blood seeping through, Nic… Come on, don’t be so stubborn… [br]
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Before I could protest, she took off my sweater… And eh… I wasn’t really comfortable with it sitting half naked in front of her… Two days ago, I wish she would have done that but… It feels different now… Maybe it was because I decided to not to tell how I feel about her… I still had feelings for her but… It’s not the same… I wish it was, but it wasn’t… I looked down on her while she was taking care of the cuts I had on my stomach and chest… I didn’t know how I got it… But her gentle moves and soft fluffy paws made the pain go away… I didn’t realize it, but I was crying… I didn’t know why I was crying… Maybe I was crying over Terry… Maybe I was crying because I realized she would never love me in the way I meant it to be… Or… Maybe I was crying over both… Then she looked up to me and placed her paw on my cheek and I closed my eyes … [br]
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Ceylan: Ssh… It’s ok, Nic… Everything is gonna be alright now, ok…? [br]
Nicole: *nods*[br]
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Then she got up and walked away… [br]
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Nicole: Ceylan…? [br]
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She stopped and turned to me… [br]
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Ceylan: Yeah…? [br]
Nicole: … Do… Do you believe everything is gonna be alright or… Did someone told you to believe that…?[br]
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Ceylan: Terry believed it… So why shouldn’t we…? [br]
Nicole: *nods slowly* [br]
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I never saw Ceylan crying ever since I knew her. And she wasn’t crying now… I knew Terry was a good friend of Ceylan, but even so, she didn’t cry… But as she turned her back to me and walked away again, I could swear I saw her wiping her eyes… [br]
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I tried to sleep… But I was afraid to… As soon as I closed my eyes, everything started to come back… I tried to stay awake for as long as possible as I was lying on a bench… It was uncomfortable, but its better then to sleep on the ground… I heard everyone else sleeping, and the longer I listened, the louder it became… The seconds, the minutes, the hours crawled away until exhaustion took over and I fell asleep… But I was scared… [br]
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As soon as I woke up, I felt the nice warm sun shining on my face… I focused my eyes to get a better vision… No longer was I in the building… Huge open grass plains, surrounded by the big forest like it was back home… There wasn’t a living soul I encountered as I walked, and I even walked by the lake… As I bent over to see my own reflection, I saw I was young again… As I kneeled down to feel the water, I felt a really sharp pain in my right arm which was touching the water… I noticed the water turning dark red as the sharp pain kept on getting worse… And when I looked down on my arm, I noticed my wrist had a deep cut where a lot of blood was flowing out… I quickly removed my hand out of the water, but the cut didn’t disappear… The sky, the ground… The trees, the grass…The sun… It was all turning blood red as the shadows became pitch black… But then I felt a hand on my shoulder… And when I turned around, I saw it was Cody... He looked at me with that little smile he always had… And I told him how much I missed, and how much I loved and cared him, which is something I rarely did… But I had to say it… Then I grabbed his hand and noticed it was severely burned… It was all pink and black as the smell of burned flesh entered my nostrils… I was so startled by that, I let go of his hand… But I looked at him, still same old Cody with that smile… I saw how his face slowly burned to the point it was black and pink as he strokes my cheek and told me he loved me… [br]
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I opened my eyes and heard the wind waving through the cold dark night as I stared outside the high window. It seemed as if time didn’t pass on while I was asleep… I felt cold and was shivering on the wooden bench. It wasn’t really that comfortable to sleep on but it was better then nothing. I curled up, trying to warm myself but that didn’t really help… [br]
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The moon shined its light inside the building, where it was poorly illuminated… For some reason, I wasn’t scared, unlike the university where were before… There was something about this place that made me comfortable and safe… And I still didn’t know what this place was… I couldn’t figure it out. It wasn’t a house, no doubt about it. Maybe it was a community building or something, like a party center. But that wouldn’t explain all those chandeliers and the big wooden cross with some guy nailed to it… It didn’t really seem “party worthy”… As I looked at the huge wooden cross, I saw a small light in the distance, near that cross. Then one light was lit as the other got turned off… And more little lights were turned on… There was something about it that made me curious... So I got up and slowly walked towards it… Then I thought… What if it were intruders again like last time…? A scary thought… I carefully got my hands on a large candle stand and walked slowly towards it…[br]
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As soon as I got closer, I noticed a human posture kneeling in front, surrounded by a few candles in front of her on a stand… When I got close enough, I noticed that it was an old woman… She had her eyes closed and mumbled something but I couldn’t hear what she was saying… So I let the candle stand I was holding down slowly, but I accidently knocked something over… And the old woman quickly turned around and looked startled at me… [br]
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Old woman: No, please… [br]
Nicole: Who are you…? [br]
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She looked surprised to say the least when she heard my voice… [br]
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Old woman: Please… Lower your rifle… I mean no harm… [br]
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Rifle…? I looked at the candle stand and she thought I was holding on to a rifle… Then I slowly got out of the darkness and showed myself to her… She looked really old… [br]
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Nicole: It’s not a rifle… I mean no harm either… [br]
Old woman: A-Are you alone…? [br]
Nicole: … No… No, I’m not… [br]
Old woman: Oh… … Maybe… Maybe it’s best for me to move along then… [br]
Nicole: Why is that…? [br]
Old woman: I know furries do not appreciate human companionship… So… I’ll… I’ll be off then… [br]
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She tried to get up from her kneeled position, but she had trouble to get up… So I helped her getting up… She looked at me for a short moment and smiled weakly, and then she walked off… But I noticed that she had a lot of trouble with walking too… [br]
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Nicole: No wait… Stay… Please stay, at least for the night… It’s way too dark to go outside now… And besides… You’ll be safe with us… [br]
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Old woman: Who could possibly want to hurt me…? [br]
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Nicole: I don’t know but… Please, stay… It’s not safe out there… [br]
Old woman: Alright then…… Thank you…… [br]
Nicole: It’s ok… [br]
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So we both sat down on a wooden bench, and I stayed with her, keeping her company, seeing as I wasn’t tired… It stayed silent for a long time… But there was one question that I’ve wanted to ask her…[br]
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Nicole: Miss…? Can I ask you something…? [br]
Old woman: What is it, dear…? [br]
Nicole: … Do you know what kind of a place this is…? [br]
Old woman: It’s a church… [br]
Nicole: So… This is how a church looks like…? [br]
Old woman: *nods* [br]
Nicole: Oh whoa… [br]
Old woman: You’ve never been into one, have you…? [br]
Nicole: No… I only saw it on pictures and I’ve heard of it… [br]
Old woman: I see… [br]
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Then it stayed silent for a long time… [br]
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Nicole: … So… Who’s the guy on the cross…? Is it some kind of symbol…? [br]
Old woman: That…? That would be Jesus Christ, the Son of God… He died for the sins of humanity… [br]
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Nicole: … What…? [br]
Old woman: It is a complicated religion, dear… People say that God and Jesus are up there, in the sky, judging the world and mankind for their sins… But… I don’t believe that… God is not up there, or here… He’s in your heart… But people these days… They banned Him out of their hearts… But I guess even the most stubborn atheists need hope in times like these… [br]
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Nicole: I see… [br]
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Then it stayed silent for a long time again… [br]
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Nicole: Can I ask what your name is…? [br]
Old woman: Ah… Names… It’s not relevant to know my name, dear… I’m just an old woman, languishing away, waiting for the day that I pass away… And I can only hope that it will be soon… [br]
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Nicole: But… Aren’t you afraid…? [br]
Old woman: No… [br]
Nicole: … Why not…? [br]
Old woman: Is there a reason to be afraid…? [br]
Nicole: No… I… I don’t know… [br]
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Old woman: Jesus had to suffer in order to save mankind… And it’s the same with his followers… As long as there has been good and evil, people have suffered… But those who kept hope and believe ‘till the end, will be saved… [br]
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Nicole: How…? [br]
Old woman: He takes you away from this world… [br]
Nicole: So He makes you die…? [br]
Old woman: *nods* [br]
Nicole: … Isn’t that a little… Drastic…? [br]
Old woman: No… Death isn’t a punishment dear… It’s salvation… Dieing is the day where you start living… And that’s why I’m not afraid… [br]
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Nicole: Ooh… [br]
Old woman: Heh… It’s actually a silly thing… [br]
Nicole: What is…? [br]
Old woman: My life started here, 73 years ago, at this exact same place… And here it shall end… [br]
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Nicole: Ooh… [br]
Old woman: *nods* [br]
Nicole: … But… If God sees everything what’s happening here, how come he doesn’t do anything…? [br]
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Old woman: God is a being we can not comprehend… It pains Him to see humans like that… But humans need to realize that their taking the wrong actions… God gave them a heart, but most don’t do anything with it… Their blinded by materialism and greed… [br]
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Nicole: I see… [br]
Old woman: And most people who do believe… Their hypocrites… Shouting out that they believe in order to get worshipped by humans… You shouldn’t get worshipped by humans… You worship Him… Those who are praised shall be humiliated, but those who are humiliated, shall be praised… What is there for everyone to see shall be hidden, and what is hidden shall be there for everyone to see… It’s better to remain silent, then to speak… [br]
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Nicole: *nods* [br]
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Then it stayed silent for a while again… [br]
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Nicole: So… Why were you kneeling, if you don’t mind me asking…? [br]
Old woman: I was talking to Him… [br]
Nicole: … Praying…? [br]
Old woman: Yes… [br]
Nicole: For what…? [br]
Old woman: That it will be over soon… I’ve seen my entire family dieing… And I can only pray and beg to Him to take me away from this world and let me be with my family again… That’s all I ever crave for… [br]
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Nicole: … What about me…? And… Everyone else who died…? [br]
Old woman: Ignorance is bliss my dear… And now that you know, don’t be afraid to ask… Nothing is impossible for Him… For the first life will pass away and you will be reborn in the eternal life… And there will be no more sorrow, as He wipes your tears away… [br]
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The old woman was full of wisdom… At least, that’s how I experienced it… What I think was, is that she meant everything in symbolic terms… I didn’t know if there really was someone out there that did all these things she claimed but… It did made sense for some reason… And she was right… It gave people hope to cling on to an idea that they will be taken away from this world… [br]
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She fell asleep after a long time talking to her… The poor woman was exhausted… So was I… But I didn’t fell asleep once I got on a bench again… No… Instead, it got me thinking about everything she said… That nothing is impossible for Him… And I wanted to ask Him… But… How do you talk to someone you don’t see…? As I kept on thinking, I thought about Blain and Terry, about Sonic and everyone else… My little brother Cody… I kept on asking if I get to see them one day, and if he would take good care of them… I asked if I could be with them again… Nothing was said out loud… Just gentle whispers… At some point, I felt how the tears were rolling down my face as I kept on asking and asking… He never answered me once that night… And that’s how I fell asleep… Feeling nothing but cold, sorrow and loneliness… And yet comforted… [br]
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The next day, when I woke up, I noticed that woman was still sitting on a bench… As I approached her and shook her shoulders, she didn’t react… I took a good look at her face and felt her cold hand… It looked as if she was sleeping peaceful, and never wake up again… I was shocked at first but then I remembered what she said and asked… And I guess there was someone out there after all… [br]

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