Chapter 1 - Meditation
Submitted May 1, 2004 Updated May 1, 2004 Status Incomplete | Basically, I was thinking deeply and decided to write down what I felt. It's sort-of in a meditation format. Hope you like it!
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Chapter 1 - Meditation
Chapter 1 - Meditation
A/N - I wrote this tonight, finishing it at 2:35 A.M. >.> Yes, I realize it sucks. It's written in my thoughts in meditation format. The poem at the end is my own creation, I just changed the words of a prayer I know to go with my thoughts right now. Don't ask who "he" is because, most likely, you wouldn't understand.
This is mostly dedicated to Juli for liking my poem "Rain" so much. I love you Juli!
Any questions/concerns/comments, review. I'll gladly answer them.
*
The jewels kept dropping to the ground outside my window as I stared up at the ceiling above my head, darkness all around my eyes. I heard that uninterrupted sound of the rain floating into my room as I blankly continued to stare into the darkness, unable to see anything and lost in thought. The pillow under me engulfed my head in its cloth-encased down. Sprawled out on the mattress, my thoughts consumed me. What was I doing here? What was my purpose? Did anyone have a use for me? The empty void inside my heart was tearing at my insides as I sat and forced myself to think these things, begging myself for answers. None came.
It was deep into the night as the rain continued to fall outside my room, my open window blowing a few stray drops onto my exposed feet causing me to shiver unknowingly. My blonde hair looked black as it lay in front of my face, obscuring my view of the nothing I was looking at. My stomach churned and growled, doing somersaults inside my diaphragm. I felt sick. My heart ached. My head demanded answers. Why? Why was I even alive? Why should I stay here? My eyes burned with unshed tears that felt like acid, decaying me from the inside out. They were reluctant to come and refused to give me the relief I had been longing for all these years.
"What do you seek?"
I seek answers! What else would I seek?!
"What do you seek?"
I don't know what I seek, I'm looking. I'm looking hard. I can't find anything! Nothing's here! How am I supposed to find something when I don't know what I'm looking for?!
"What do you seek?"
I don't know.
"What do you seek?"
I DON'T KNOW!
"What do you seek?"
I seek . . . someone . . .
"Who do you seek?"
I don't know.
"Who do you seek?"
I'm looking for someone, I don't know who.
"Who do you seek?"
I want a friend.
"Who do you seek?"
I'm looking for someone to love.
"Why do you seek them?"
I'm lonely.
"Why do you seek them?"
I need them.
"Why do you seek them?"
To ease the pain.
"What pains you?"
I don't know.
"What pains you?"
My thoughts.
"What pains you?"
Emotions
"What pains you?"
The fact that I am not loved
"What pains you?"
I do.
"Why do you pain yourself?"
I don't know.
"Why do you pain yourself?"
I don't try to.
"Why do you pain yourself?"
It's all I know how to do.
"Why do you pain yourself?"
Because everyone else pains me.
"Why do you pain yourself?"
I have no other option.
"What is there to pain?"
Everything
"What is there to pain?"
Life
"What is there to pain?"
Emotions
"What is there to pain?"
Loneliness
"What is there to pain?"
Nothing
"Then what pains you?"
Seeing others happier than me
"Why does that pain you?"
I envy them
"Why do you envy them?"
They're happy
"Are they really happy?"
Of course
"Are they really happy?"
Yes
"Are they really happy?"
Maybe
"Are they really happy?"
No
"Why do you envy them?"
I don't know
"Why do you envy them?"
I don't
"Are you happy?"
No
"Are you happy?"
No
"Are you happy?"
A little
"Are you happy?"
Yes.
"Are you happy?"
I'm absolutely miserable.
"Why are you miserable?"
I'm empty
"Why are you empty?"
I don't know
"Why are you empty?"
There's nothing to fill the void
"Why are you empty?"
Nobody's here
"Is there anybody here?"
No
"Is there anybody here?"
No
"Is there anybody here?"
Yes
"Who is here?"
I don't know
"Who is here?"
Somebody
"Who is here?"
He is
"Who is he?"
I don't know
"Who is he?"
He is my imagination
"Who is he?"
He is me
"Who is he?"
He is nobody
"Who is he?"
My guardian
"How is he your guardian?"
He's always here
"How is he your guardian?"
He watches over me
"How is he your guardian?"
He protects me
"How is he your guardian?"
He keeps me company
"Are you lonely?"
Yes
"Are you lonely?"
Yes
"Are you lonely?"
A little
"Are you lonely?"
No
"Who is he?"
My guardian
"Who is he?"
My protector
"Who is he?"
My love
"Who is he?"
My friend.
Now you lay me down to sleep,
I pray for you my soul to keep
Don't let me die before I wake
I pray for you, my soul, to take
And now, as I lay sleeping here
I pray for you, always, be near
The sun is set, the moon is high
I pray I sleep ‘til morning nigh
This is mostly dedicated to Juli for liking my poem "Rain" so much. I love you Juli!
Any questions/concerns/comments, review. I'll gladly answer them.
*
The jewels kept dropping to the ground outside my window as I stared up at the ceiling above my head, darkness all around my eyes. I heard that uninterrupted sound of the rain floating into my room as I blankly continued to stare into the darkness, unable to see anything and lost in thought. The pillow under me engulfed my head in its cloth-encased down. Sprawled out on the mattress, my thoughts consumed me. What was I doing here? What was my purpose? Did anyone have a use for me? The empty void inside my heart was tearing at my insides as I sat and forced myself to think these things, begging myself for answers. None came.
It was deep into the night as the rain continued to fall outside my room, my open window blowing a few stray drops onto my exposed feet causing me to shiver unknowingly. My blonde hair looked black as it lay in front of my face, obscuring my view of the nothing I was looking at. My stomach churned and growled, doing somersaults inside my diaphragm. I felt sick. My heart ached. My head demanded answers. Why? Why was I even alive? Why should I stay here? My eyes burned with unshed tears that felt like acid, decaying me from the inside out. They were reluctant to come and refused to give me the relief I had been longing for all these years.
"What do you seek?"
I seek answers! What else would I seek?!
"What do you seek?"
I don't know what I seek, I'm looking. I'm looking hard. I can't find anything! Nothing's here! How am I supposed to find something when I don't know what I'm looking for?!
"What do you seek?"
I don't know.
"What do you seek?"
I DON'T KNOW!
"What do you seek?"
I seek . . . someone . . .
"Who do you seek?"
I don't know.
"Who do you seek?"
I'm looking for someone, I don't know who.
"Who do you seek?"
I want a friend.
"Who do you seek?"
I'm looking for someone to love.
"Why do you seek them?"
I'm lonely.
"Why do you seek them?"
I need them.
"Why do you seek them?"
To ease the pain.
"What pains you?"
I don't know.
"What pains you?"
My thoughts.
"What pains you?"
Emotions
"What pains you?"
The fact that I am not loved
"What pains you?"
I do.
"Why do you pain yourself?"
I don't know.
"Why do you pain yourself?"
I don't try to.
"Why do you pain yourself?"
It's all I know how to do.
"Why do you pain yourself?"
Because everyone else pains me.
"Why do you pain yourself?"
I have no other option.
"What is there to pain?"
Everything
"What is there to pain?"
Life
"What is there to pain?"
Emotions
"What is there to pain?"
Loneliness
"What is there to pain?"
Nothing
"Then what pains you?"
Seeing others happier than me
"Why does that pain you?"
I envy them
"Why do you envy them?"
They're happy
"Are they really happy?"
Of course
"Are they really happy?"
Yes
"Are they really happy?"
Maybe
"Are they really happy?"
No
"Why do you envy them?"
I don't know
"Why do you envy them?"
I don't
"Are you happy?"
No
"Are you happy?"
No
"Are you happy?"
A little
"Are you happy?"
Yes.
"Are you happy?"
I'm absolutely miserable.
"Why are you miserable?"
I'm empty
"Why are you empty?"
I don't know
"Why are you empty?"
There's nothing to fill the void
"Why are you empty?"
Nobody's here
"Is there anybody here?"
No
"Is there anybody here?"
No
"Is there anybody here?"
Yes
"Who is here?"
I don't know
"Who is here?"
Somebody
"Who is here?"
He is
"Who is he?"
I don't know
"Who is he?"
He is my imagination
"Who is he?"
He is me
"Who is he?"
He is nobody
"Who is he?"
My guardian
"How is he your guardian?"
He's always here
"How is he your guardian?"
He watches over me
"How is he your guardian?"
He protects me
"How is he your guardian?"
He keeps me company
"Are you lonely?"
Yes
"Are you lonely?"
Yes
"Are you lonely?"
A little
"Are you lonely?"
No
"Who is he?"
My guardian
"Who is he?"
My protector
"Who is he?"
My love
"Who is he?"
My friend.
Now you lay me down to sleep,
I pray for you my soul to keep
Don't let me die before I wake
I pray for you, my soul, to take
And now, as I lay sleeping here
I pray for you, always, be near
The sun is set, the moon is high
I pray I sleep ‘til morning nigh
Comments
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Rikan on December 6, 2004, 5:39:09 PM
Rikan on
Wow. It's so good. I'm-I'm speechless.ReiRei on May 17, 2004, 8:08:33 AM
ReiRei on
Yeah, I am psychotic. Everyone thinks so and I agree. |>|-|3412 |\/|3|-|! Teehee ^.^ You're welcome for the dedication, but I was so happy you liked my poem so much. See, nobody else commented/liked it. ::cries:: Oh well, thanks for commenting! I appreciate it!Juli on May 16, 2004, 1:58:15 PM
Juli on
WHOA. That's kind of psychotic and good at the same time. Thanks for your dedication! ^_^