Chapter 3 - A Fresh Start

III.A Fresh Start
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        I didn't even have the nerve to call Callie's house. What if she had also been hurt somehow by what had happened just yesterday? That was just what I needed--something to tear my mind apart once more. If this kept on going, I wasn't sure how much more I could take. The shade wouldn't come until tonight, and I wanted my answers right then. What had happened to Callie and Bella? Was Callie even alright? Slowly, with a shaky hand, I dialed the number and waited.

        Each ring seemed like torture. Finally, I gave up and tried her cell phone. In little more than two rings, someone was on the phone. I easily recognized the sound of her mom's voice and my hands shook even more. "Hello," I said, and I found that even my voice was quavering. "I-is Callie there?"
"She's in the rehabilitation unit," her mom replied. "They won't even let us see her until she's out of there. They won't tell us what's wrong with my baby." For a moment, I let my jaw hang slack. She sounded like she'd been holding this in for a long time.

        "Would it be okay if I came to the hospital to visit her?" I asked, and Callie's mom's voice brightened.
"I think that would really make her day," she choked out unsteadily. "Thank you, Merina." She hung up and I was alone with myself and the resurfacing voices. They all sounded so happy, so sickeningly casual while my two best and only real friends were in the hospital. I picked up a picture of the three of us and held it close to me, wanting to disappear into that reality where we were all together and laughing again, where we could call each other and be there for each other all the time.

        A knock sounded on my door, and I put down the picture, trying to compose myself as quickly as possible. "Merina?" Mom called, and I cringed. We didn't need something like this to send her into hysterics. Once she got going, my Mom would have me in therapy in two seconds flat.
"I'm busy," I yelled back quickly, hoping the tense edge to my voice wouldn't tip her off.
"Come on, Merina," she said calmly. "Let's go for a drive, okay?"

        My eyes snapped shut, and that was the one time I wished the voices would come back full force. Just so I would have an excuse not to go on a "drive" with my Mom. Yes, I loved her, but I didn't know where on Earth she would take me. Therapist, psych ward, asylum, padded cell. I could see it all happening if I let her take me. If I went with the shade, though....no, she was a total dangerous stranger, but.....a dangerous stranger who made me feel better than Mom ever could.

        Lost in my own thoughts, I easily drowned out Mom's shouts before she burst through the door in an angry huff. Her fair hair was falling out of its messy bun, and I saw tear-streaks on her cheeks. Kara and I had done things to make her upset, but nothing like this. She hadn't been this bad even after Kara's suicide attempt. "This is ridiculous, Merina!" she shouted furiously. "We're going now, and you're going to talk to someone if you won't talk to me!" Oh, crap, a thousand times over. Now I had done it.

        Tears came to my eyes, but I forced them back. Mom couldn't see me cry, or...I let them go, and she rushed over. Really, I felt bad for doing this to her. This was the worst she'd looked in a long time. "I'm sorry, Mom," I whimpered, and the casual, happy voices were overpowered by one loud one screaming,
"I don't want you to die. I want my happy,normal baby back! I want us to be a happy family again, and I don't want to know that my baby's gone crazy." It was most definitely my mom, and I wrapped my arms around her. She started to cry too, and I buried my face in her shoulder.
"I want us to be normal again, too," I said. "I just don't know if I can stop myself from hearing these things."

        Her eyes went wide open, and I looked up at her face. There was that pain that I had seen in Kara's eyes, except this was mixed with a blatant confusion. Unlike either of us, Mom's eyes were blue, and they looked like the ocean with those tears rising in them. "How did you know....?" Her eyes opened wide in astonishment.
"I don't know," I admitted. "A voice told me, and I thought you were yelling at me." She backed off a couple steps.
"Get in the car," she panted, and I obeyed silently.

        While I was gone, she had thrown a few suitcases full of my stuff into the car, and I just remembered now that most of my wall decorations were gone. "What's up with this?" I asked, and though her lips didn't move, my mom answered,
"You'll be going someplace safe, where you can start anew." That didn't sit well with me, but after our little episode, I didn't dare say anything.

        We drove and drove before Mom finally spoke to me. "I didn't want to do this to you Merina," she said slowly. "I know you like your old friends and everything, but I think it'll be good for you to go someplace fresh, where all this stuff hasn't happened."
"I don't want to leave," I said in a very pronounced manner. "Callie and Bella need me. Now. At home."
"Well, I found this boarding school," she said, sounding almost afraid of telling me the news. "It's for....well, special children."
"Why are you sending me to a school for retarded kids!" I screamed, fury coursing through my veins. "I can get help or whatever you want, but I want to do it at home!"

        She gave me that look that told me she was at a loss for what to do. What about Kara, anyway? When she had problems, Mom and Dad didn't just shove her off to some stupid boarding school without her consent. They went and took her to therapy, let it slide, and moved on. Didn't they think that maybe I was just in shock? After all, according to what I'd been hearing, both my best friends had just been in car crashes. Wasn't that reason enough for me to be tearing myself apart? Wouldn't anyone react like that?

        "Kara didn't hear voices and then clam up like you did," I heard Mom say. Her voice was firm and instructive, but inside I could tell she was ready to break.
"It's been one day," I said irritably. "It took Kara a while to get over things, but she did." I saw something inside Mom snap, and she put on a stoic look and pressed on the gas a little harder. I refused to look at her, holding to my stance as the angry, rejected child.
"I just wish this had never happened!" she screamed hysterically, and I looked over, surprised by what I saw.

        That stoic look was still on her face, her fingers gripping the steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles were white. This time, though, I didn't respond to her. I watched my mom, wondering at how she'd stayed so pretty over the years. Maybe, when she was younger, she was a model. Then again, she was too motherly, too unstable to settle down in a career. I could see her as a young, flighty secretary. "Mom?" I ventured.
"Yes, Merina?"
"I'm sorry I've been such a brat," I said quietly. "I've been dealing with a lot of things since yesterday, and I've just been figuring out how to handle them. It's nothing against you, or Dad, or Kara."

        It probably took a few seconds for my words to actually sink in before Mom smiled at me and said, "I know that you're going through a lot. It's just.....well, just don't scare me like that again." Tension still held her voice, but I knew that had helped a little bit. "I'm so glad she's not mad at me," I heard her whisper under her breath, and I grinned inwardly.In the end, my mom was a little flighty, but she just wanted the same things as everyone else--to love and to be loved. I did love her, despite her hysterics, but she needed her little assurances here and there every once in a while.

        "It's hard, Merina," Mom continued softly. "I remember seeing you as a little baby, when you had just been born, and you needed me so much. Now I feel kind of, well, extraneous."
"You're not," I argued, watching the long, ornately forested driveway that was coming up. "I just need my room now that I'm getting older. I'm not going to have you forever after all."
"Have fun at school," she said, and I realized that we had pulled up already and a tall, dark-haired woman was waiting to escort me to wherever I was staying.
"Love you, Mom," I replied, and gloomily let the woman take two of my suitcases while I carried the third.

        "Welcome to Lamont Boarding School," the escort said with a warm smile. Her voice was pretty, but very quick and businesslike at the same time. Dark hair tied back into a severe bun, she wore black horn-rimmed glasses and a fitted black dress. "My name is Diana, if you need me," she continued. "I am the assistant headmistress."
"I'm....Merina," I replied shakily, and started lugging my suitcase wherever she was leading me.
"Here is the main complex," she prattled, gesturing toward a cluster of large, ornate buildings. "And there is the residential complex." This was one enormous building that seemed to go on forever. One set of double doors loomed almost twenty feet over my head.

        When we entered the residential complex, there were two corridors, each going off in an opposite direction. Diana led me down the left-hand hallway, and I made a mental note of that. We went up a few staircases, and through some doors, all of which I tried to mark. However, we eventually got up to a simple, brown door. Behind it was a room with two twin beds pressed against opposite walls. A dresser was shoved against the third wall, and a closet was in the fourth wall. The beds were simple, with dark brown comforters thrown over a white blanket and sheets. The entire room was spotless, so I was guessing that I would be alone, at least for a little while.

        "Do I have a roommate?" I asked, just for the sake of confirming this glorious peace.
"No," Diana replied. "You may have one soon, though, if we get any more new arrivals."
"I'm fine alone, really," I assured her. "I don't socialize well." Most people made fun of me at first because of my eyes, and I didn't want to be stuck living with one of them. Diana said her farewells to me, and left me to get settled in.

        Just in case they stuck me with a roommate, I put all my clothes in only half the dresser and a little less than half of the closet. In the event that I got asked to a dance, my mom had packed a brand new dress for me. It was a deep blue dress that had a slit in the front going down about halfway down my torso. I smiled at Mom's taste in clothes, knowing that she knew this dress would bring out my eyes. It really was gorgeous, with a light dusting of glitter worked into the fabric. Low silver heels had been packed just for this purpose, and I shook my head. My mom had been thinking I would get asked to prom here, at a ritzy school, when I hadn't even gotten asked on a date in my small hometown.

        Everything was unpacked, and I rested my chin on the dresser and closed my eyes. Suddenly, they shot right back open as I noticed the necklace that I was supposed to have picked up sitting right on top of the dresser. It looked beautiful, and I had almost forgotten the beauty of that jewel in the drama of that afternoon. Immediately, I stripped down and put on the prom dress my mom had packed. It emphasized my cleavage so that I looked much more full-figured, and the slit didn't end up going too far down. The back was slightly low cut, and the fabric clung to my skin. I felt the skirt brush my feet, and I realized that it would probably come very close to sweeping the floor, even with those potentially dangerous heels on.

        And then the finishing touch. I clasped the necklace about my neck, and it seemed to fit perfectly. The jewel shone, but not so brightly that it lost its deep hue. Slowly, I turned to look in the mirror on the closet door, and I couldn't help but gasp. My tall, willowy figure looked beautiful for once, rather than skinny and juvenile. The necklace went perfectly with the dress, and the polished silver gleamed in a gentle contrast to the dress and the jewel. To be honest, I was quite pleased that I had chosen silver over gold. I took my hair up in one hand, imagining that it looked like I hoped it would on the night I wore that dress.

        Still wearing the gown, I sat down on my bed, and fell down on my back. That entire day had been one chunk of stress, and I glared at the space on my nightstand where a phone would have been in any hotel room. The voices had died until they were a low whisper, and I tried fighting them back, just as the shade had told me to do. Tomorrow was Saturday, so I figured I would have plenty of time to work on this, but I wanted to figure it out at least partially before nightfall. That was when the voices had amplified themselves last, and when I had almost died. Needless to say, I didn't want to go through that again.

        The emptiness of the room, which had been welcoming at first, only proved to be a distraction. I felt like someone else should be there, what with the empty bed and all. Shadows danced across the ceiling, and I saw Callie and Bella in every one of them. They glared daggers at me, telling me that I wasn't their friend anymore. I had hurt them, and I didn't even know what I had done. "Don't leave me alone," I begged, curling up into a ball. With my beautiful dress and its flowing skirt, I felt like a distraught faerie. In a world where I should have been magical, I was just a freak of nature, which gave people a reason not to like me.

        My eyes slid open, but remained mostly closed. Mom loved me, but she had still followed through with this insane plan. Why didn't she realize that I didn't want to be in a place like this? I didn't want to be forced to interact with other people outside my old friends. My old situation was comfortable, and at that time, I could have used a little comfort.

        Tired of sitting alone, I changed into some jeans and a chocolate-colored t-shirt. The faerie gown was hung up carefully in my closet, and I left the necklace on for fear of losing it. Outside, sunshine was beating down on this forested, ornate campus. People looked at me funny, and I smiled back at those who grinned at me. Two girls and a guy were standing off to the side, and they looked like nothing but trouble. The shortest one looked tough, with short black hair that had red streaks in it. She wore an orange tube top and a miniskirt. Hooker, I thought with a snicker.

        The other two looked much less dangerous, but they were still threatening. A tall girl stood next to the guy. She also had straight black hair, but it was much longer with two blue streaks in the front. The boy was over six feet tall, and he had blonde hair and honey-colored eyes. They made me want to melt, but at the same time, I felt that there was something lurking behind those model-esque good looks. His black fleece jacket fit his lean, muscular body, and his dark jeans hung on him in a very flattering way.

        "Oh, shut up Eric," the girl in the miniskirt said in a joking way. "They won't last ten minutes here. Not unless...." Her voice got so quiet that I couldn't hear her anymore, so I moved on slowly. Other kids were standing around in clusters, and one girl looked up at me from her place leaning against a tree. She was the only other person I had ever seen with strange eyes outside of my family. Hers were a bright red, like a cheap photograph. Except, they looked natural on her, and they were a good contrast to her yellow-blonde hair. Long strands hung in her face, partially hiding her frown.

        I cautiously scanned the area, wishing that the rest of the people would be normal. Most of them were, though. A perky redhead came up to me with a shy smile on her face. "Hi," she said quietly. "I'm Lily. Are you new here?"
"Yeah," I said with the same shy mannerisms. Interacting with strangers was quite clearly not my forte. "I'm a student here as of about four hours ago." Lily smiled and nodded, and then started leading me off to a group of girls.
"Guys, this is...."
"Merina," I finished shortly, staring at my feet. She seemed eager to see me accepted into her circle of friends, and I liked this girl. I liked her enough that I didn't want to disappoint her so soon.

        All of them started introducing themselves, and there were three friendly teens and a few others who stared indifferently at my eyes. I knew better than to think that they were looking into my eyes. The three were Ian, Terri, and Lyn. They let me and Lily sit down with them and start chatting, while a couple of their friends wandered off on their own, clearly rejecting me.

        "So, where'd you come from?" Lyn asked, running a hand through her dirty blonde curls.
"I live about two hours from here," I replied with a quick smile. "Dalesburg."
"Oh, I have cousins from there," Terri volunteered, and plucked a piece of grass up. "I've never been out there, though. I live out in the city. Much more exciting, I'm sure." Oh, great, city people. This made them much harder to relate to, and therefore much more intimidating. I noticed that Ian was staring right at me, but it was like he was staring through me, right at my darkest secrets.

        "Are you going to the dance next friday?" Lily asked me. "It's just a casual dance, so there wouldn't be any issue finding a dress or anything like that."
"If you need something, I have plenty of stuff that would look great with those eyes of yours," Lyn said with a smile. I could tell she was the future-fashion-designer type. Most likely, she would be trying to get me to take time putting on mascara and lip gloss. Terri was a city girl, but she seemed alright nonetheless. Something made me curious about Ian. He wasn't talking at all, but he still seemed to be friendly toward me.

        We wasted a lot of time while I got to know their stories, their backgrounds, and all that stuff. Through all this, though, Ian had very little to say. The bell rang for dinner and the girls all got up to go eat. For a few minutes, I sat there alone with Ian. He stared at me with his grey-blue eyes and then sat next to me. "Merina," he began. "I was wondering....are you going to the dance next friday?"
"It depends...." I began, totally guessing where he was heading. Something gave me a hunch.
"I didn't want to ask you or anything. It's just....well, I wanted to make sure that you came, so that you'll get to meet more people."

        Now that I had him alone, I decided I might as well ask Ian about the group I'd seen earlier. "Those three," Ian began, and then cooled down his tone, as if holding something back. "The short one's Blaize, the other girl's Brianna, and their little boy-toy is Eric. He used to be a good guy, and then he started hanging out with the two of them."
"So they're bad news, huh?" I said quietly, listening to Ian while he whispered in my ear.
"Pretty much," he breathed. "That creep Eric, he....he hurt Lily. Big time. He's the reason why she's always so scared."

        It made me hate him so much. To see Lily so eager and gentle and pretty, and to know that someone had pushed her into the self-conscious terror I'd seen in her eyes every once in a while. It made me sick. "What'd he do?" I demanded.
"He was her boyfriend for a while, and then she caught him making out with Blaize," Ian said with a hint of disgust in his voice. "He told her that it was all an accident, but we're all pretty sure he did more than just make out with Blaize. Just....don't go blabbing to anyone."
"Okay," I said quietly. "And Ian, you don't have to play it so cool. I'll go to the dance with you," I whispered in his ear.
"Thanks," he said. "Sorry I couldn't ask you straight out. Your eyes kind of scared me."

        With a grin, I stood up and let him show me around campus. Here, at least some people seemed to think my eyes were cool instead of hating me for what I couldn't change. Maybe, just maybe, I could start a new, better life at this academy.

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