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Chapter 1 - The Beginning of My Story and A Bloody Escaped

please Read it, theres really not much to descibe

Chapter 1 - The Beginning of My Story and A Bloody Escaped

Chapter 1 - The Beginning of My Story and A Bloody Escaped
My story began in a cold, white yet blood-drizzled cell in the shape of a cube with exactly one hundred and forty-seven tiles and a one way glass mirror, you end up knowing this when you’ve spent most of your life there after all I used to call it home-well ever since I was thirteen. It was my thirteenth b-day (birthday) when finally escaped, it was my fifth try, each time I try to escape they change security just so I didn’t know what to expect from them. I had to try though I couldn’t take much more of the torture-that i would call my life.

you see each morning to wake me up they’d hose me with freezing cold water, I’d go though morning training. This was an assault course while being shot at with an A-28 rifle, if I dodged the bullets they’d use a faster gun-they now used a machine gun that when i knew they wanted me dead, that was just the morning, in the night I was forced to kill anyone they told me to if i resisted i would get beaten for a month or two although i didn't help myself by taunting my torturers i'd say things like "you call this punishmentment it feels like im getting tickles" or "that kick felt like a pat on the back are you praising me for what i've done" but then they switched to using tazers and guns and could defy them no longer-the night before i left they asked me to kill myself i refused-that was why i had to get away.

I was taught to kill this way-I was also born with incredible intelligence so school; the guards described it as a place where humans children like me were trained, was not needed while the change of security was-nearly ironic. But as years went on I started to suffer more and more and so I learnt that if I have to suffer then so does anyone else tries to hurt or get in my way. Now to the part where I escape, I was a wolf at the time (I’ll explain later). I banged up against the one way glass, it did not shatter, I stepped back ready to make a run up, I ran, I ran hard, my paw felt broken, no melted as if the bone inside had liquidfied into the floor, I carried on as the pain did not bother me CHSSSS!

The glass shattered into a thousand pieces that looked like the stars had just been lit in the skies, I didn’t know what stars were but from what I’ve learnt their suppose to look like the way I’m describing them, the glass shards aimed as i hoped they would and killed the two men standing behind the one way mirror, the men were killed in one and only one way, internal bleeding and the stars were gone, the first step was to use the one way mirror for my advantage for one thing. Shards, some so small and dangerous and able to cause blindness but this was not the case I hit the glass just at the right angle in order to turn the glass into flying blades, at least to whoever was standing behind it.

The reason I knew how to use the glass as a weapon was because us things or G.I.A as named by the Humans. We grow into an advance intelligence state as soon as we reach the age of 8, about that name G.I.A I figured that the only sense I could make of humans making the acronym, Genetically, Integrated, Adults/Teens, I only say /teens because I'd only seen an adult once and even then they were killed, i needed to concentrate my main objective was to escape and not to look for more of my kind.

The glass was smashed and blood was everywhere and I was quickly outside the small observation room, ripping the throat out of anyone who got in my way, leaving the hallway red, back then I saw it as nothing else then a remainder of my calculations and,.. nothing more I didn‘t care about the lives I had ruined technically I still don’t, I guess many people would see me as being sick and wrong I guess humans always think like that. I passed the double door and I was outside and it was the smell of the clean, fresh, beautiful air of which I expected dirty, soiled, diseased land.

I felt the wind brushing against my fur it felt like a whole family patting, loving, stroking the fur of a friendly family dog. I was thinking all these things while running, running for my life. I had to keep running and find my heaven, my sanctuary, somewhere to call home. These Thoughts made me Sick!

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Kupo on July 6, 2008, 10:06:04 AM

Kupo on
KupoHey, I fixed this chapter up on word. How can I send it to you?

xkibaxgirlx on June 30, 2008, 9:02:53 AM

xkibaxgirlx on
xkibaxgirlxoh my gosh! thats so sad...but its a crazy good story^__^

Kupo on June 29, 2008, 7:26:12 AM

Kupo on
KupoI like it :D Very interesting. Nice set up, good descriptions. A couple of things though: number one, text walls are bad. Very very bad. The story is great so far, but having it all together instead of split up into paragraphs makes it look intimidating to read and feel unorganized while you're reading it. Plus once you get chapters long enough to need to scroll it's really hard to do that and keep up with your spot. I also really like the way you say things, but I don't think you're punctuating it as well as you could to really show that off. You have a lot of run-on sentences that would make perfect sense if you had dashes in there and made some of them rhetorical fragments, etc. Without changing any of the words, your first paragraph should be something like this:

Let's see. My story began in a cold, white, yet blood-drizzled cell in the shape of a cube with exactly one hundred and forty-seven tiles and a one way glass mirror. You end up knowing this when you’ve spent most of your life there. After all, I used to call it home -- well ever since I was thirteen.

See? The punctuation's just kind of out of place. *sigh* I'm sorry I probably sound really picky (which I am, I guess) but I honestly really do like the story a whole lot and I think this would help ^^

qgcooper on June 29, 2008, 1:50:51 AM

qgcooper on
qgcoopervery awsome!