Chapter 2 - Chapter 2

i guess you heard he's gone to l.a.
he says that behind my eyes i'm hiding
and he tells me i pushed him away
that my heart's been hard to find

It was summer when I met him. A clear summer night, to be exact. I preferred nighttime, when there weren't many people around. I liked to walk to the park behind the nearby library, just to lie in the grass and look up at the moon and stars through the dark green leaves of the shadowy trees that cluttered the wide, well-kept lawn.

I was happier then, I think.

It was pretty much a night like any other. I walked to the park that night, intending, like always, to relax beneath the trees and think of nothing. On one of the five or so benches, though, was a figure, hunched over. At first I thought nothing of it; there were sometimes people here enjoying the night breeze and virtual lack of life, like I did. But as I got closer. the sounds of sniffling somehow persuaded me not to walk past. Surprising, since I usually didn't care.

I sat beside him on the bench, turning slightly so I was somewhat facing him. He gave no indication that he'd heard me, so I spoke.

"Hey idiot," I said softly. "Who said you could be so fracking adorable when I'm trying to stay single?"

He looked up at me, startled, and I suddenly realized how accurate my retarded, half-sarcastic pick-up line was.

One of his eyes was a different color than the other. Talk about a double take.

"Nice pick-up line, jackass," he replied when he'd recovered, and that lisp was all it took for me to realize I wanted him.

But what he wanted - or needed - at the moment was a friend. And I was all too willing to oblige.

I ended up walking Sollux to his apartment an hour later, after he told me what was wrong. He'd found out his partner of five years wasn't exactly faithful, and was uncomfortable about being in their apartment alone, even though the other was gone. So I stayed with him, only leaving when the moon had fallen beyond the horizon and the sky was turning a lighter blue-green.

Before I'd stepped past the first cement stair outside the door, though, he grabbed my hand, effectively turning me around, and pressed his lips softly against mine.

Only about a week later, my parents found out I didn't swing for the straight team, and kicked me out with that same suitcase full of my shoot. When Sollux saw that I was dragging it behind me on our nightly visit in the park, he demanded to know what had happened. That led to him practically forcing me to move in with him.

Things progressed from there - and then declined.

Before long, I noticed his mood changed drastically over the smallest things, usually for the worse. It was all right at first, but then we got into the biggest arguments over the most idiotic things. He'd find scraps of food in the sink I'd forgotten to clean away, or I'd come home a few minutes later than I told him I would. Which, I know doesn't sound like much; after a few months, though, it wore me down nearly to the breaking point.

Finally, after Thanksgiving, when he'd gone to a family party the day after Black Friday that I wasn't able to go to, I noticed a change. He was happier. But the happiness was neither caused by, nor directed toward, me.

Without my understanding why, it was making me miserable. And he never noticed.

)O(

"I'm moving."

My eyes were more focused on the woman whose hand was clasped in Sollux's. My mind was more focused on the statement preceding these two seemingly harmless words, but I still heard him.

Without waiting for a reply, he continued. "I got a referral to a school in California. And I have family there I can stay with. I can't stay here anymore, Karkat." The last sentence was spoken in a tone used for pleading.

I remained silent. What should I have done? Gone on a profanity-laced rant about how he should stay rather than take the opportunity to do something with his life?

How he should stay with me instead of the one he was obviously more happy with?

"Are you done talking?"

I'd learned long ago that my life is not a romcom.

)O(

"Hey, are you okay?"

I was still glaring dismally through wet eyes at the bowl of soup in front of me, still hungry but without the heart to pick up the spoon. I looked up at John, who was standing beside my table with a tray of his own. He set it down on the other side of the table, but made no move to pick up his own spoon as he sat down. Instead, he placed his elbows on the table and rested his chin on laced-together hands.

"Tell me what's wrong," he said kindly, his former grin now a small, warm smile.

I dropped my eyes. "Why the frack would I want to tell you that?"

"Because you need someone to talk to," he said, overlooking my barely-concealed sailor's tongue. "And I'm more than willing to listen. You can tell me."

The sharp retort I'd been intending to shoot back turned into a mere sob, as I realized that I was in the same place Sollux was only half a year before me. After a few minutes, wherein I recounted everything that had gone wrong in my life, I realized John was now in the chair beside me, both of our meals left to cool, rubbing my back softly as I tried unsuccessfully to calm down.

"Don't try to hide," he said quietly. "It hurts a lot more in the long run if you bottle it up."

It wasn't exactly the best first impression in the history of mankind, but he didn't seem to mind.

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