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Chapter 1 - funnyness

Chapter 1 - funnyness

Chapter 1 - funnyness
If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and
I'll pray for you.



This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The
only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly
every morning when he awoke.



The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and
make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop
ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't
stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor;
she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went
by and he continued to blast them out!

Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner
and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put
the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a
malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where
her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she
pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of
turkey guts into his shorts.



Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which
was followed by a bloodcurdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps
as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing,
tears in her eyes! After years of torture, she reckoned she had got him
back pretty good..

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained
underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked
him what was the matter.


He said, "Honey, you were right." "All these years you have warned me and I
didn't listen to you."



"What do you mean?" asked his wife.



"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out,
and today it finally happened!"



But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most
of them back in.!"

Comments

Comments (33)

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elvisfan123 on April 10, 2009, 7:10:56 AM

elvisfan123 on
elvisfan123hahahahahahhahaha OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahahaha!!!!!

laurelrokz on June 18, 2008, 12:18:21 PM

laurelrokz on
laurelrokzHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!
cake.

mewichigo2 on December 20, 2007, 10:27:26 AM

mewichigo2 on
mewichigo2I think I peed mahself a little bit reading that...
x'D
loololol9ololololol9olololololol
That was hilarious.
>3<

FluffysPrincess2968 on December 20, 2007, 7:58:26 AM

FluffysPrincess2968 on
FluffysPrincess2968XD OHMIJESUS THAT WAS SO FUNNY!!! XDDDDDD

finalxfreak on October 21, 2007, 5:36:22 AM

finalxfreak on
finalxfreakhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!

that guy is an idiot fo rdoing that....

but then again...
so is the wife

inuchibi on August 10, 2007, 12:22:09 PM

inuchibi on
inuchibilol wut an idoit :D

heartagram66 on July 10, 2007, 1:57:55 AM

heartagram66 on
heartagram66XD XD XD XD XD!!! LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Vampress on March 7, 2007, 7:49:52 AM

Vampress on
VampressThat was HILARIOUS! The end was the funniest, but also the grossest....no offense. I'm laughed so hard. I showed it to my brother and he also liked it! Poor poor turkey....

AmmyK on January 14, 2007, 10:49:29 AM

AmmyK on
AmmyKO MY GOD!!! LMAO

homiez502 on October 16, 2006, 8:07:46 AM

homiez502 on
homiez502LOL


*FAVS*

fuzzyavalanchefob on October 8, 2006, 8:33:03 PM

fuzzyavalanchefob on
fuzzyavalanchefobROTFLMBO!!!!!!!
XD

AnimeChick21 on September 10, 2006, 5:00:18 AM

AnimeChick21 on
AnimeChick21That's hilarious!
a little gross, but still very funny!

Guitar_person on July 25, 2006, 3:31:39 PM

Guitar_person on
Guitar_personOMGAH
taht is so hilarious
x]
im laughing so hard
maybe cuz its of hyperness
who KNOWS!!!!!!
newayz
great job..

CrimsonCutter on April 11, 2006, 5:24:11 AM

CrimsonCutter on
CrimsonCutterHMM IT MIGHT BE A LITTLE FUNNY BUT REALLY IT IS JUST CRULE HMM IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMTHING I WOULD DO :) o.O were did you get it from or did you just make it up?

Whatsername on December 6, 2005, 3:27:35 AM

Whatsername on
WhatsernameOMSG! frackIN' AWSOME! *between laughs* he he he he! Spigin' gr8! =^.^=

kirara_n_sango on October 28, 2005, 9:54:44 AM

kirara_n_sango on
kirara_n_sangolol

DarkMustang on October 7, 2005, 10:12:18 AM

DarkMustang on
DarkMustangOhhh....nasty thoughts, nasty thoughts......


O.O That's just gross. But....what happens to the turkey's innards? Do they just stay there or something?

SandTL2003 on October 4, 2005, 4:07:41 AM

SandTL2003 on
SandTL2003Yeah...um... Ouch? Poor guy. I wonder what he would do when he finds out it was his wife who did it to him. Now that would be interesting.

_Sanctuary_ on September 11, 2005, 12:01:10 AM

_Sanctuary_ on
_Sanctuary_ewwww.....

TorturedSoul on August 4, 2005, 2:44:55 PM

TorturedSoul on
TorturedSoulAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wow... :::breathes really hard:: I wasn't expecting that last part.. AHHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHH! really gross mental image...yet...so very funny! XD

punkrocker on July 18, 2005, 1:30:24 PM

punkrocker on
punkrockerI can't stop laughing*still laughing*

DjSonic on July 16, 2005, 6:21:19 AM

DjSonic on
DjSonicHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHH!! *starts to cry from laffin so hard* thats so sick hahahahahhahahahaha

Ruby_Luffys_Musician_and_Lover on July 2, 2005, 5:13:44 PM

Ruby_Luffys_Musician_and_Lover on
Ruby_Luffys_Musician_and_Lover*Dies from laughing* HAHAHAHAHA *wipes tear*

killagamelord on May 25, 2005, 8:54:33 AM

killagamelord on
killagamelordi thank all who comment on this

jura on May 24, 2005, 11:07:40 AM

jura on
juraHahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahhahaahhahahahahahahhahahahhahhahahahahahhahaahahhahahahahhahaha(dies...comes back to life)hahahhaahhahahahhahahahahahhahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhhahahahahaha(dies...again)

Necromancer_of_Death on April 22, 2005, 9:14:43 AM

Necromancer_of_Death on
Necromancer_of_Death*dies lauging* oh my god! I love that joke!! lol !!! so funny !!! *faves*

killagamelord on April 14, 2005, 9:54:52 AM

killagamelord on
killagamelordthey weren't his guts remember*knocks on head*

Demonspite on April 7, 2005, 12:22:49 AM

Demonspite on
DemonspiteOh... My... fracking... God... I'm both totally grossed out, and struggling not to laugh my @$$ off (I'm in my school, and I've got to keep up my reputation of "evil depressed psycho".)
But I can't help but wonder...
HOW'D HE FIT THEM ALL UP HIS @$$!? (I have a feeling I'm the only one who thought of that...)

SoloAzume on April 4, 2005, 8:46:43 AM

SoloAzume on
SoloAzumeO.O; No comment...

Blood_Dagger on March 29, 2005, 1:17:31 PM

Blood_Dagger on
Blood_Daggeroh oh *gasp**gasp* HAHAHAHAHA *bangs head against the wall* hahah omg omg omg omg *sniffles* awsome haha
oh wow nice very nice Wa HAHAH *wipes tears from eyes* holy holy nice so funny!!! NICE!

twilightofdespair on March 13, 2005, 12:33:29 AM

twilightofdespair on
twilightofdespairOMG *put hand over face, with mouth wide open,speechless* I cant believe it.

KotokoPlum on March 12, 2005, 1:44:07 AM

KotokoPlum on
KotokoPlumOmg... O_O I seriously have no idea what to say....

FaustVIII on March 10, 2005, 7:31:26 AM

FaustVIII on
FaustVIIIo.O WAHAHA! HOLY shoot! thats just great, by the grace of god? HAH! >< wow thats just great.
-faust