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Chapter 1 - Always

Laughter’s in the air, you can see the fireworks. The Dark Lord has fallen! But among all these celebrating people there’s a woman, slowly walking towards a fresh grave, letting her fingers gently touch the name written on it: Remus John Lupin.

Chapter 1 - Always

Chapter 1 - Always
Titel:Title:                            Always
Disclaimer:                   Nothing belongs to me!
Author:             Moony 4ever
Category:                     romance/angst
Summery:                     Laughter’s in the air, youcan see the fireworks. The Dark Lord has fallen! But among all thesecelebrating people there’s a woman, slowly walking towards a fresh grave,letting her fingers gently touch the name written on it: Remus John Lupin.
Authors notes:              PLEASE REVIEW!!!! My first ff inEnglish (so it will be so bad!) so please be gentle!
Thesky was clouded and gave the world the look oft sadness and loneliness butnobody seemed to care. People were laughing in the streets, dancing, huggingeach other and kissing one another because IT was over. Seven day ago the DarkLord fell, they were free. Even the Muggels felt the dark force of the war hadbeen taken away. It was easier to laugh again. But not everyone felt this way.
Whenthe raindrops began to fall a thin figure was walking on the green grassbetween the gravestones. The eyes of the woman were closed, she had walkedalong this path very often, to often.
Sheknew it by heart.
Itbegan to rain heavily and the black hairs of the woman were pressed against herface, she didn’t care. In here hand she hold a letter, very tightly, notwilling to let it go, she tumbled, her long wet coat was heavy, she didn’t feelit. She felt nothing, nothing at all except the cold, she was naked and alonewith no one beside her. She was without HIM.
Thewoman paused for a moment, slowly she opened her swollen eyes. If there hadbeen anyone to look in those eyes, it would have broken his heart. Her eyeswere sunken with black circles underneath them. They were red, as if the womanhad been crying.
Shelooked around and then she continued to walk until she reached the very end ofthe graveyard. There was a grave, it was fresh, the earth was still loose, theflowers were still good, the wreaths not dirty.
Fora second she just looked at it, like frozen, then with a scream of pain shefelt on her knees. Her whole body was shaking and her cold fingers gentlytouched the letters on the stone
In Memory and Love of 
Remus John Lupin
(Order of the Merlin 1. Class)
Friend, Marauder, Teacher
And Men
Fallen fighting the Dark Lord
Remus Lupin watched Molly and Fleur hugging eachother, he didn’t feel well, knowing to well that seconds ago all eyes were uponhim.
He muttered some excuse and made his way out. He hadto be alone, just for some minutes.
Tonks watched him leave, her eyes were filled withtears. She never cried in front of people, but at the moment she didn’t care,about nothing. Without a word she left too, following Remus out of the castle.She saw him standing near the lake and walked to him slowly. She was fed up, shewas tired and hurt. She would make an end to it, no matter how. The one way orthe other. Now, here.
He flinched and turned around, to her horror therewere tears shining in his eyes. He never cried. He looked at her, just lookedand didn’t say a word. The tears said it all. She could only see thosebreathtaking eyes of him, the beautiful grey color. Those eyes which she lovedthat much but which she also hated. He could hide his feelings, could smile undjoke even when he was crying inside, but his eyes never lied. In them Tonkscould see all the pain, the sorrow, the disappointment and the worries. Shehated the thought of all these thing this wonderful man had to go through butstill...he never had cried. Werewolves don’t cry, that’s what he had told heronce. And here he was standing, crying like anyone else.
She could do anything else but ran to him and take himinto her arms hugging him like her life would depend on it. She couldn’t tellhow long they were standing there, just crying into each other, abouteverything. About Lily and James, about Sirius, about Peter, about Dumbledore.But she knew it was the right thing to do, she knew he needed it. And it wasthen, when she realized, she would never fell that much again for anyone else.
Slowly they parted, his eyes were red and he lookedashamed.
            „I’msorry.“ He whispered and turned away from her.
            „Forwhat? What is it you are sorry for? Are you sorry for doing what every normalperson would do too? Are you sorry for showing me how you feel?“ She asked himangrily.
            „I’msorry to border you with my problems, I guess you have to much anyway.“ Heclearly tried to avoid her gaze.
            „Damnit Remus! During the last two years you have been the one, always comfortingeveryone. You have the right to be comforted as well, and don’t even thinkabout thinking it would bore me. You know it’s not true.“
He didn’t response, just looked out on the lake again.She walked to his side gently touching his arm. He felt back.
            „They’reall gone.“ His voice was nothing more than a whisper, „James, Sirius, Lily, alldead and Peter... well, the Peter I have known is lost. I have no idea whetherI would have made it without Albus. He always trusted me, he understood. Icould always depend on him; always depend on the fact that he was here...forme. They’ve been everything I ever had. I have no idea what I’m still doinghere.“
Tonks was shocked, he had never talked to her likethat, without theses walls he liked so much. Depressed, she remembered theyoung werewolf a year ago, he had killed himself. That night she was lyingawake, crying, thinking about Remus doing something like that. She could bareanything but his death.
            „Weneed you Remus. You can’t give up now. We have to beat You-know...Voldemort. Youare one of the rare wizards who could actually fight him.“ She looked at himwith pleading eyes.
            „And afterwards?“ For the first time he looked herstraight into the eyes „What happens if we, against all hope, win? Whathappened if Harry defeats Voldemort and survives? There’s nothing on this worldI wish more for, but I’m afraid of the moment I have to realize, there’snothing there for me to live for anymore.“
            „Youhave Harry. Harry needs you; you are the closest thing he has to a father. Heloves you.“
            „Harrywill be an adult himself in one years time, he doesn’t need a...a Werewolf topretend to be his father, he needed James, he needed Sirius but he never neededme but still, I’m the one alive. I’m the last of them and deserved it thelast.“
            „That’snot true! You deserve it. Harry needs you, why the hell do you think no one onthis planet likes you because you have a little problem. We all loveyou, we need you but you won’t let anyone get close to you.“ Hissed Tonks.
            „Yes,because every time I did, they died!“ He was almost screaming, she had neverheard him screaming.
            „Sothat’s what you want, don’t you? To die? You take the easy way. Instead ofbeing strong and fight you give up.“
            „I’ve tried to be strong my hole life long, despite alldeaths, despite all the discrimination, despite the pain, despite…I have noidea how much a man can take. I never would have thought I could stand what Ihave, but I don’t know if I can bare more. I’m not strong. I never was.“ He,again, looked at the lake.
            „Doit for me.“ Whispered Tonks „Please, be strong for me. I don’t know waht Iwould do if you weren’t here anymore.“
He sighted.
            „Tonks,it’’s…stupid holding onto someone who...who is like me and it’sespecially stupid to tell yourself that you’re...“ he laughed dryly „in lovewith me.“
            „Oh,you think I’m just imagine it. Remus John Lupin I love you since I was eight,don’t tell me it would be a stupid crush, `cause it isn’t. I am a grown womanand I know fracking well what I feel. I am in love with you.“
            „Tonks...“He started.
            „No,know you’re gonna listen to what I am about to say. I’m sorry for what I didinside there but I just can’t hold on much longer. Since the day you werestanding on my doorstep, bleeding, almost torn into two pieces you are runningaway from me. I told you how I feel and you avoid me, I told you I’m in lovewith you and you refuse to talk to me. I can’t anymore because it’s breaking myheart, I can’t anymore because I can’t sleep, I can’t anymore because...because I love you. I want to end it know. Just tell me, do you love me or doyou not?“ Tonks gazed at him, she knew she had been screaming but now shedidn’t care anymore.
He looked at her, turn his head towards the forest andspoke very slowly and clearly.
            „I donot love you Nymphadora.“
Tonks felt the tears starting to fall.
            „Lookat me!“ She commanded with her breaking voice. With some effort he turned toface her.
            „Ido...I. Good damn it Dora, you know pretty well I can’t.“ He turned away veryquickly, Tonks heart started to beat again.
            „So...actuallyyou are in love with me?“ She couldn’t remember ever praying that hard beforein her hole life.
            „Youknow this, don’t you? How could I not love you? I’ve loved you from the veryfirst moment I saw you, when you were tripping over that umbrella stand.“ Hestood in front of her and touched her face with his hand.
            „Ilove you Nymphadora Tonks, but we’ll never be together.“
Tonks had never heard more beautiful words than his.He loves her, the only thing she had to do now was to make him behave like it.
            „Ohgod, I’m...“
            „Yeah,yeah, I know!“ She interrupted „Too old, to poor, to dangerous. I’ve told youabout a millionfivethousandninehundredthirty times: I DON’T CARE, I LOVE YOU!“She had gapped his hand, begging him to understand.
            „Maybeyou don’t care, but I do!“ He spoke very quietly, moving his hands away.
            „Alright,“Tonks said very clearly, Remus looked at her in surprise „let’s go throughthis!
First of all you think you are too old. My god whatare 13 years? The father of my friend is 10 years older than his wife. Do youreally think this matters to me? Be honest, would it even matter to you if youwouldn’t be a werewolf? I love you and nothing; especially not your age canchange this fact. I was always more interessted in the older ones. This here isabout character and about nothing else. I would even love you if you were awrinkled, 103 years old Flubberworm-Breeder. Well...of course I would have tochange the Flubberworm-thing...“ She stopped and noticed to her relief thesmall smile playing on Remus’ lips.
            „Secondly:You believe I don’t love you because you don’t have any money. If I would havewanted someone riche, I wouldn’t be here at the moment, I would be lying in thearms of Lucius Malfoy and thinking about my bastard of son.“ Remus started tosmile, Tonks was very pleased with herself.
            „It’sbecause...“ He began again but again she did interrupt.
            „Becauseyou don’t want to depend on someone. I know that. First of all, you should putaway your silly pride, I earn enough for both of us and as soon as V…Voldemortis gone, everyone will want to change the law. I can already see you as thefuture headmaster of Hogwarts.
Let’s move on to point three on today’s list,“ Shecontinued objective „too dangerous. I will never underestimate thedangers of a werewolf, you should know this. You should also know that I own myvery own werewolf-library. I know what I’m getting myself into. Your are a masterof self-control; you would never hurt me in your human shape. And during thefull moon...I mean, you can take your potion and I will leave. Believe me, Iwouldn’t even give you the chance of hurting me.“ She smiled.
            „Snape.“He said the name with such hatred, Tonks was shocked and flinched.
            „Snapewas the one who made it. I could never live with the thought of having you hurtor know.“
            „We’llfind a way!“ She sounded were confident.
            „Dora,you have no idea what you are doing, we could never be normal.“
            „Ofcourse not, we are both special you know.“ She managed a very seducing smile.
            „Iwasn’t talking ‚`bout that. We could never marry, never have children,never...“
            „Iknow, I’ve read the laws. I don’t care! Nothing matters as long as I am by yourside. Being married to you will never change the way I feel about you.Children, well you’ve got Harry. I know how much you love children, more thananyone else. Again, we’ll find a way.“ She promised him and for a second hewished he could believe it.
He didn’t say a word, just looked at the ground.
            „Dora,it is not possible!“
            „Why?Why not?“ She screamed „I’ve shown you clearly, we are going to find a way. Getit: I don’t fracking care that you are a werewolf. I love you!“ Tears beganstreaming down her face again.
            „Idon’t want you to be unhappy.“
            „Areyou blind? How do I look at the moment.“ Tonks stood up infront of him „Look atme. Am I happy?“
            „No,it’s not because of Albus. I look like this since you’ve been gone. Gone tothis mission which could cost your life. I look like that since you’ve turnedaway from me. I can change myself anymore, I can’t even retourn to my trueface. I look like I am 10 years older, I’m crying every night, I can’t laugh,my Patronus has changed. Wanna know what it looks like.“ He starred at her.
            „It’sMoony. My Patronus looks like Moony. The last year was the worst I’ve ever had.And it only happened because you wanted to protect me. You wanted toprotect me and you were to blind to notice how much you really hurt me. I justcan hold on any longer. You turn away to safe me and break my heart by doingso. You are holding speeches about love and age and werewolves and you’re notable to hear me weeping. You are afraid I could get scars by a werewolf and bythis you overlook the scars inside of me.“
            „Ihave news for you: You have hurt me! You have hurt me more than any otherperson ever has! You have succeeded in making me worry about you. I’m dying offear and you’re not even able to hug me if you finally return home. You havesucceeded in creating a bundle of nerves! You have hurt me, I have got scars.But it’s this sort of scars you can’t see. And believe me, these are the worst.I love you Remus John Lupin. Nothing you can do or say will change a thingabout it. I have loved you, I love you and I will always love you and no oneelse. It’s sad you can’t accepts this gift in time of war, but I won’t forceyou to do it.“
            „Ifyou like being unloved, if you like taking away each little piece of luck justbecause you think you don’t deserve it. Okay. Do it. I don’t fracking care! Youare the best man, human being I had ever the pleasure to know, if there is oneperson on this planet who deserves to be happy, it’s you. But as I said, Iwon’t make you see it. I won’t make you notice that you can’t just turn offlove like a lamp or something like that. Love is!
I won’t force you to see that I am a grown woman andthat I can decide on my own who I’m going to give my heart and with whom I wantto spend the rest of my life. I won’t make you see that you can love and thatyou can BE loved. I won’t force you to understand that you mean the world tome. I won’t do it, and I suppose I can’t do it because you are the one, you arethe one who has to destroy these walls you’re building around yourself toprotect you. But in reality you are just afraid, you are afraid of beingdisappointed, because you’ve been it so many times. I accept this. I accept youdon’t want me, or that you CAN’T in your opinion. I love you and I always willeven though you have broken my heart about a million times. I DON’T CARE! ILOVE YOU REMUS JOHN LUPIN! Maybe you’re going to realize this in 50 years time;maybe you will realize what you’ve missed. Maybe you will realize that you havedenied happiness to both of us, because I will never be able to love anotherman. Not after I know what it means to love you.“
See couldn’t see anymore because her whole face wascovered with tears, she turned around a started to run towards the castle. Shefelt stupid and she knew that, if Remus hadn’t hated her before, he nowcertainly did. She thought she would never be able to look in those eyes again.
Remus stood there, frozen. He was surprised,spellbound yes almost moved to tears. But the worst part was, he knew she wasright. And he knew what to do next.
            „Tonks.Tonks! Wait! TONKS! NYMPHADORA!“ He ran to her and caught up with her near theentrance. He gapped her arm and turned her to face him.
            „Dora,I...“ He wasn’t, for the first time in his life, able find the right words.Tonks couldn’t look at him; she stared at her feet desperately. Suddenly shefelt finger lift her chin. Slowly she lifted her head and looked directly intohis eyes.
            „Dora,this was the most wonderful, beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.“ He whispered.Tonks didn’t answer; she hadn’t been this close to him for almost a year. Shefelt his hands on her back and couldn’t do anything but stare into those eyes.
            „I’mtired.“ He simply said. She smiled unsafely.
            „Weall are, it’s been a long day, lot’s...“
            „That’snot what I meant to say.“ He interrupted her and she starred at him indisbelieve. „I meant: I’m tired of acting like you weren’t anything more than afriend to me. I’m tired of forcing myself not to hug you the whole day long,I’m tired of looking for excuses to be near you, I’m tired of rejecting you andtelling myself I don’t love you, because I do. Nymphadora I love you and I’msorry if I have caused you pain, I never meant to. I love you.“
Tonks had no idea what to say, but even if she hadknown something, she wouldn’t have had the change to say it, Remus didn’t giveher the chance to answer. He pulled her toward him and pressed his lips againsthers. She had never been kissed this way before, it was more beautiful than shewould have ever imagined. When his tongue parted her lips she couldn’t help butwrap her arms around his neck and response with the same passion. When hefinally moved back, but only a much as necessary to breath, she smiled.
            „Wow!“She whispered „If I had known this, I would have had my breakdown earlier.“
He laughed and it was the first time since Sirius haddied. He kissed her forhead and stroke her hair out of her face.
            „Youhair!“ He said quietly.
            „Whichcolor?“ She asked and closed her eyes.
            „Pink,the vividest pink I have ever seen.“ He looked into her eyes, she was beamingand it came to him like a huge wave. How could he possible love this woman thatmuch? He would never be able to love someone else this way. Pink was his newfavorite color.
When she looked into his eyes her heart stoppedbeating. All the walls of sadness and reserved ness were gone. She could stillsee pain but also love. Love like she had never seen it. She moved toward himto kiss him again and felt him smiling when her hand touched his golden hair.
            „Promiseme, you’ll never leave me! Promise me, you’ll survive. For me.“ She whispered.
            „Ipromise you that I will never leave you, not in life and not in death. I willALWAYS be beside you.“ And standing here, in times of war, Tonks knew shecouldn’t be any happier.
Flashback end
It had stopped to rain, but the woman was still lyingnext to the cold stone. Her coat was splashed with mug and her hair full ofdirt but she didn’t care. She didn’t care about her fingertips being red ofblood because she had touched the letters so many times. She didn’t care abouther fists which would soon be bloody too because she was beating the hardground. She didn’t care about her teeth biting her lips. Nothing matteredanymore. Nothing had any kind of importance. Everything that had been importantto her had died with this very man.
He had sacrificed himself. He had gave his life tomake it possible for all the others to live in peace again. He had given hislife for a life without Voldemort. He had relinquished it. He had to relinquishsomething he had fought for his whole life long.
The woman heard music from a house not to far away.Somewhere people where celebrating again. Somewhere am man and a woman werekissing each other, happy about Voldemorts fall. But she could never kiss himagain, she couldn’t celebrate with him. She couldn’t visit Ginny’s andHermione’s children with him. She would never wake up in the morning curled upin his arms. She would never see his eyes again. He could never hug her againafter a she had had a bad day. She knew deep down in her heart that she couldnever love again. She had died with him.
It was late in the evening in July, it was, as usual,too cold to be summer. One could feel Voldemorts power und the coming FinalBattle. Tonks was sitting on her couch in her flat; Remus head was resting onher lap. Without his potion, the transformations were horrible; they had becomeeven worse since the wolf could smell the blood, the death, the fear. He neededabout two day to recover since June. She was afraid. He was so weak. She hadtold him to sleep, but she knew he couldn’t. With his watchful eyes he wasstarring deep into the fire. She gently looked at him and let her fingers glidethrough his hair. There was greyer in it, but it only made him look moreattractive to her. He was marked, but she loved him. He lifted his hand andtouched her gently. She saw him shaking and suppressed a whimper. She hated seeinghim suffer.
            „I’mall right. Don’t worry about me.“ He had turned his head and was now looking ather, smiling. She bent over him and gently kissed his face. He always couldtell what she was thinking about. He smiled this breathtaking smile of him,which was enough to nearly drive her crazy when the flames turned green.
Minervas head appeared, she looked horrible.
            „Hogwarts– Voldemort – immediately – Har...nnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooo!“ Her headdisappeared. Remus jumped to the fireplace, Tonks was right behind him. It wastime. They stood in front of the fireplace, he pulled her to him and kissed herwith a passion she had never felt before.
            „Lookafter you. I love you and will always be beside you!“
He stepped into the flames and raised his hand.
            „Ilove you too.“ Tonks said smiling.
            „Hogwarts.“Remus disappeared. Tonks followed him quickly into the Final Battle.
It was quiet in Minervas office; both hurried towardthe great hall, there it started. Tonks closed her eyes as she saw Neville’slifeless body lying next to a girl. She was nearly 12. Remus pressed her handand entered the hall.
Neither of them was prepared for what was going on,each deatheater and each member of the order was here, fighting. They werehopelessly outnumbered, even with the help of the aurors. Everywhere wizardwere dueling, even pupils tried to defend themselves, but they were simplybutchered. Remus saw Luna stumble over the body of Fred and falling to theground. Malfoy killed her without even flinching. Bastard Remus thoughtthat’s all you can do, kill children. The hall was filled with green light;Remus began to run, towards Malfoy. He noticed Harry, fighting Voldemort, Ronand Hermione together attacking McNair.
            „Lookwho’s here. The Werewolf.“ Malfoy hissed, „I hoped I’d be the one to slaughteryou, you disgusting half-breed. Reducto!
Remus blocked and began to attack by himself.
Tonks joint Moody, united they fought their waythrough the deatheaters.
            „Isthis my beloved niece?“ The cold voice of Tonk’s aunt made her flinch. Her facewas nothing more than a grotesque face.
            „Youfracking dog!“ Cried Tonks attacking Bella.
No one knew how long they fought, but slowly the orderstarted to win. Lot’s of deatheaters fled. The ministry came with help and itdidn’t look that bad anymore. But they all knew: Harry had to defeat Voldemort,or it was all over.
She turned to Bellatrix again and cursed her, sheblocked. Tonks was getting tired. Her head hurt and her arms were heavy. Sheheard voices around her, screams. Somewhere behind her Remus was shoutingsomething. It all felt unreal. She was standing in the middle of her belovedschool in between the corpses of pupils fighting her aunt.
Remus saw Minerva fall and felt the tears in his eyes.Tonks had just tried to course her aunt; he was relieved she was still there.He didn’t risk turning away from Malfoy and wondered who long he had been here.He could see Voldemort hurl Harry against the wall and he knew he had to act.
He blocked Malfoy course and concentrated on his hatedenemy, Malfoy was good, but Remus knew he was better.
With all his power he started to concentrate on onesingle spell and slowly formed the words in his mind IMPEDIMENTA. A redlight hit Malfoy against his chest and he was thrown back against another wall.Remus was over him in a heartbeat.
            „PetrificusTotalus.“ He jelled and Malfoy collapsed. Hopping this was enough to finishhim off, Remus turned around looking for Tonks. She was still fighting Bella,but seamed to make it. Moody was finishing of two and Ginny, Ron and Hermionehad just defeated another deatheater. Kingsley was nowhere to be seen. And thenRemus saw it. Voldemort raised his wand and pointed towards Harry.
            „EXPELLIARMUS!“His cold voice cut the air; Harry wand flew out of his owners hand. Remus couldhear the wood contacting the ground louder than normal.
Again Voldemort raised his arm, Harry was lying on theground, Remus ran.
Tonks saw Remus running, she followed him with her eyesand saw Harry on the ground. She screamed when Bellas spell hit her, her bodycollapsed because of pain and she fell to the ground, unable to make a singlemovement. Her eyes were fixed on Remus.
He ran; saw Voldemort opening his mouth to seal alltheir fates. Tonks fate. If Harry fell, it was all lost!
            „STUPFEY!“Was all he could manage, well knowing it wouldn’t affect Voldemort, but maybeit would distract him.
Voldemort felt it, he tumbled backwards and faced thewerewolf, than Potter again. He had his wand again and was almost standing. Heraise his wand and let al his hatred fill the last final curse which should putan end to Potters life.
            „AVADAKEDAVRA!“ Nothing could be heard but his voice, the fighting had stopped,all eyes were fixed on them as the green light made its way to his victim.
Remus was almost next to Harry when he heard HISvoice, he saw the green light and knew what to do. He crapped Harry’s shouldersand pulled him behind his body. The last thing he saw was Tonks, lying on the groundscreaming his name. Then the Light hit him and he felt a simplicity he hadnever felt before.
Dora, I love you was the last thing he thought.
Remus John Lupin was dead before he made contact withthe ground.
Nymphadora Tonks saw her love running towards Harry,but it was too late. The boy had his wand ready and was trying to get to hisfeet, but the Dark Lord had been faster. She heard the words, which meant deathand all things around her seamed to vanish. It was over. It was all over! Thegreen light was moving toward Harry like slow motion. No, not toward Harry.Tonks stopped to breath as she noticed that Remus was protecting the boy withhis body. Their eyes meet when the light reached his chest. Remus eyes grewwide, broke and he fell.
Tonks didn’t care about Bella, she didn’t care aboutHarry or Voldemort. She didn’t hear Harry screaming out of anger and attackingVoldemort again. She noticed nothing. Like he couldn’t notice it.
She tumbled through the hall, didn’t feel the pain. Itwas all over; she could only see him, his lifeless body. She couldn’t hear thecheering of her friends, not the scream of anger of the deatheaters, she couldonly hear his voice.
I will always be beside you!
She feel to the ground beside him, touched his face.It was so awful cold.
            „Remus,please, please don’t do this to me. I beg you. Please don’t. Don’t leave me andif you do, please take me with you. Please!“ She cried. She almost expected himto smile at her, take her into his arms and to tell her it was all going to bealright, but he didn’t. His eyes were staring into infinity and his mouth wasslightly open, his hand tightly hold his wand.
Voldemorts screams broke the silence, Harry hadattacked him with his bare hands, the Dark Lord was, like in Harry’s firstyear, not able to be touched by him. Like Lily had done once, Remus protectedHarry through death with his given life, the same magic like once wassurrounding him. Harry raised his wand and with a final spell he killed hishated enemy without batting an eyelid.
Tonks saw that the wounded were brought out of thecastle, but she didn’t care about them. Everything was blurred; tears coveredher painful face and trooped down on Remus forehead. This beautiful face, whichwould never smile again, to which she could never smile again.
Slowly she bend over him, gently kissing his lips asif she could bring him back, but his lips were cold. She could taste blood andfinally broke down screaming.
Gently hands pulled her up. Strong arms brought her toher feet. She barley noticed Harry’s wet face when he hugged her. Harry saidnothing, he didn’t need to and together they were standing over the dead bodyof Remus Lupin, Harry Potters teacher, friend, mentor and father, NymphadoraTonks life, and cried. Meanwhile the celebrating began on the streets.
The funeral three days later was the worst thing Tonksever experienced. She had to witness the moment the coffin disappeared into thegrave, and within this coffin was the one person she had loved the most. Shecouldn’t believe that her lover was lying in that fracking box, would be lyingthere forever.
She hadn’t cried, she seamed to have spread all hertears already, she couldn’t anymore. Harry was sitting next to her, his handclosed around her own while his other arm was resting around Ginnys shoulder.Both were crying. Ron and Hermione were there to, sitting on her left handside, holding each other silent tears streaming down their faces.
The minister was making the obituary after the Orderof the Merlin 1. class was given to Remus. He was the first werewolf ever toreceive this honor.
Tonks couldn’t help but be proud of him, if only hehad knew. She sobbed. No, he would never knew it. She asked herself if allthese people would have been here if Remus had died fighting Malfoy. Coldly shelooked at them leaving. Some faces talked to her, saying things like:
            „Hedied to save our world. You must be so proud.“
            „Hislife wasn’t wasted. He made HIM disappear.“
Molly offered to take her home but Tonks refused politely.She didn’t care what Remus had done, how many lives he had saved. Important,continuing, was only the fact that he was dead and there were no words, whichcould possibly ease her pain. Nothing to make it easier to say goodbye.
            „Tonks?“Harry was the only one left. Tonks turned around slowly.
            „Tonks,I have no idea how you must been feeling, to lose him...I don’t know what Iwould do if I had lost Ginny, but I...I loved him to, you know. Like a father.If you...if you ever would want someone to know where I am...?“ Hisvoice broke and he stroke her arm but Tonks didn’t answer, she had no idea whatwould come out of her mouth if she did. She just nodded.
Harry looked at her, worries were in his eyes. Slowlyhe moved to the grave gently touching it.
            „Farewell Remus, thank you for everything.“ He whispered quietly, then he turnedaround and left, leaving behind a lost woman. She broke down and stayed on thegraveyard for a very long time curled up next to his coffin.
Flashback End
The woman next to the cold stone stopped beating itwith all her mighty. Her hands were red of blood, but she didn’t feel it, shecouldn’t feel it. Neither pain nor anything else. She only felt this endlessemptiness in herself. She looked at the letter in her hands. Harry, who hadfound it in Remus old things, had given it to her shortly after the funeral.
She opened the envelope like she had done it about amillion times during the last days. Insdie there was a piece of parchment,which she slowly pulled towards herself.
She had always known his handwriting, it wasunmistakable his. She traced along the letters with her fingers, blood couldnow bee seen on it. It was not easy to read it, because tears had made the inksodden but she knew his words by heart, she didn’t need to read it.
Slowly she squeezed the paper to her chest letting aheart-rending whimper escape from her very soul. Her eyes started to follow theletters.
My belovedNymphadora,
Please forgiveme for calling you by your first name, but you know I prefer it to Tonks. Ithink I’m right saying something has happened to me because you’re reading thisvery letter. I’ve written it shortly after Dumbledore had died and I wascarrying it with me since this date in case something would happen. I’ve writtenit to you because I know how it feels to lose someone; I’m scared you couldharm yourself once I’m not here anymore.
There are somany things left unspoken which I wanted to tell you, so many things I wantedto do with you, so many wishes I had for our future but the on thing I wishmost for is your happiness.
I love youDora, I have always and I will always. No matter where I am. In life and inaddition to it. True love can’t be forced upon us but it’s also impossible tobring it to an end. Love is. As you have said once.
Yes Dora, loveis and nothing, absolutely nothing especially not such a ridiculous thing likedeath can destroy my love for you.
I want you tomourn. Cry Dora! Crying is something very good (another thing you thought me)but don’t destroy your young life just because mine doesn’t exist anymore.
I hope I diedfighting, like the others: James, Lily, Sirius yes even Peter, you know I wouldhave preferred this way of ending it.
No war can bewon without victims, no victory without pain, no peace without mourning andloses. I’m sure, no matter how much pain you feel, I didn’t gave my life awayfor nothing, no life, no death is for nothing, maybe unnecessary but neverlost. There are thing in this world worth dying for.
Now, here is whatI want you to do: Dora I want you to live on. I don’t want my death to be yourstoo. I want you to keep on going on, I want you to live the life I can’t liveanymore. As long as you keep on fighting a part of me will remain on thisearth.
I want you tocontinue fighting against Voldemort, like I have done. I want you to supportHarry and to give him my old belongings from the marauders time. The rest maybe yours, but I advice you to throw it away, to try to forget me.
I don’t wantyou to stop living, to stop laughing and most of all, I don’t want you to stoploving. I want you to be the light and color of another mans life someday, likeyou’ve been to me. I want you to tell your grandchildren about uncle Harry whenyou are 90.
I want you tobe happy again. You have your own life, live it.
I’m sorry, Ihadn’t more time to tell you how much you mean to me. How much I love you. Itrust in you to know it, I hope you could have seen it in my eyes.
It’s my faultwe couldn’t be together any longer, I regret it and I’m sorry.
NymphadoraTonks, you’ve been the light, color and love of my life, you gave my thestrength to go on, you didn’t gave up on me instead you’ve given me the mostwonderful time of my life. I will be grateful forever.
I once promisedyou to be with you forever, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Nothingcan separate us! Nothing can keep me from being beside you, nothing in thisworld or the next.
Dora I will bebeside you forever! ALWAYS!
Love forever
The woman dropped the letter as she noticed new tearsfilling her eyes and splashing on the paper. She put it back into the envelopewith her white, shaking hands, than she turned to face the tombstone.
            „Youreally believed you could just go away and leave me here alone, haven’t you?You though you could just clear off and leave me behind? You are...your were mylife Remus J. Lupin and you’re not gonna leave me here alone, do youunderstand. We belong together, in this world or the next. If you go, I willtoo.“
The woman raised and pulled off her coat, gently shecovered the ground with it. After sitting down on it she culred herself up tothe gravestone with the name, which had meant her life.
            „We’llbe together forever Remus! Always!“ Whispered Nymphadora Tonks while raising herwand and pointing it at herself.
Authors note:
As I said, it’s my first ff in general and my first ffin English, too!!!!!!!! That means I starving for REVIEWS. So please, tell me whatyou think. Of the story or of my English (If there are any huge mistakes,please tell me!!!!)
Bye and thanks for reading
Moony (4ever)


Comments (4)

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star0bright on July 3, 2007, 3:35:47 AM

star0bright on
star0bright*sobs* wha-wha-whaaaaaa! so *sniff* so heart-breaking! *sobs runs out of the room*

Dumbledorelover on May 13, 2006, 2:08:18 AM

Dumbledorelover on

Padfoot_Lover on May 6, 2006, 4:53:05 PM

Padfoot_Lover on
Padfoot_LoverThat's so touching, I cried...does she kill herself?? :'(
Excellent Story, your really good at capturing the emotion perfectly. **faves**