Chapter 4 - bus flash

i stand in the school parking lot i'm a little early for the trip but it cant be helped i packed fast "hey moss" rea says i smile lightly rea is nice the whole group of them are but i cant get sucked in my loyalty is to the spiders i have to stop letting things slip to the guardians through kasi. soon everyone going is there and on the bus i lean back into my seat next to kasi i took the window seat for some reason. i look out the window as i watch the small town we live in fly by us its not long before i can see the forest i just stare blankly out the window into the forest unable to stop memories i'd rather not think of from playing in front of me "moss" kasi says my ear twitchs so she knows i'm listening "are you alone in the world" she asks i look at her with a slightly confused look saying more detail "i mean do you have any family in shikon or any were" she asks i sigh should i tell her i dont want to by my body betrays me slightly "my mother and father are dead i have 3 brothers all living in shikon but they dont know about me" i whisper the last part i can feel her hand on my shoulder and its making my barriers shatter danm it all why did i agree to this i cant do this i cant let my guard down i cant trust her "so sorry honestly i'm alone to pretty much as far as blood line you know one thing about you i cant understand no matter how hard i try is why did you stand when naraku declared war" kasi says i close my eyes to fight back tears "none of us know exactly why but i trusted him he took me in stayed by my side the top males in the spiders are more of brothers to me then my blood related ones" i whisper i can feel her eyes on my back i shiver as i remember the fact i'm wearing a cross strap dress and my hair isnt covering my back the scars from one of my past fights are still on my back i know whats coming next "how did that happen it looks like it hurt was anyone there to help you" kasi says the last part suprises me i'll be truthful "i'm not sure were they came from i know it was a past fight were many died but i dont know how i'm here if i was there becuase everyone in the fight died but i dont know how else i would of gotten them" i whisper i can feel her nod "did anyone try to help" she asks my entire body skips a beat and i see something
FLASHBACK
"moss you dont want to do this naraku is dead evil is dead we dont have to try again" kasi pleaded moss growled "you dont know me never did never will and i cast the spell so i know when the evil is truely gone so shut up" moss hissed "your right i dont know you but who says i cant try who says not everything has to end as others" kasi shouted at the life tridemon "i've been throught this before i dont let anyone inside i dont get hurt i dont get betrayed i dont get broken its better to live alone then live broken" moss screamed turning to face the human they both froze when there eyes met then moss turned away from kasi.
END OF FLASHBACK

my mind races why does it seem like i lived that like i spoke those words like i once held that hatred sorrow and pain

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