Chapter 35 - Decisions

Tohru couldn't believe her eyes. Satsuki was back. He was actually back and he wanted her to go home with him. She felt the cool floor beneath her hands as she watched his feet struggle against the host members holding him back from Kyo as the pair continued their verbal spar.

Ayame stared at Satsuki as he tried to wrestle from Haru and Hatori's grip. "Sir, why don't we settle this like gentlemen?" Ayame turned around at Kyo, "Kyo, lower your fists and stop acting like some savage."

Hatori nodded saying, "We understand you miss Tohru-san, Sonto-san, but you have no right to come in during hours, scare the girls, and then create a situation between yourself and Kyo-kun. You must calm down."

Satsuki glared at Hatori before pushing both him and Haru off. He wiped blood from his lip with his fist. "Sorry to barge in. I don't think I introduced myself either. I'm..."

"We know," Hatori said with a rather cold tone, "who you are."

Satsuki turned sharply to the crumpled Tohru on the floor behind Momiji. "Nice to know I've been talked about."

She flinched.

Everyone began to come to her defense, the sounds of their voices melting into one of flitting chatter in Tohru's ears. She just wanted everything to go away!

"Hatori!" Kyo yelled out. "You can't be serious about even considering this man to take Tohru back! He's dangerous! He cheated on her! He...!"

"Kyo, that's enough!" Hatori bellowed hushing everyone's talk.

That comment shut Kyo's mouth and he turned away. He didn't miss the smirk on Satsuki's face though. His heart was racing and his blood was boiling. Everything was going so well until he showed up. Tohru looked as if she wanted to find a hole and crawl into it. All Kyo wanted to do was make her smile for him. Now all he could see was her distant frown as if looking back at a life of dispare, like she wanted to change it all.

Momiji watched the pair carefully before turning around to face Tohru who was staring blindly at the floor. "Tohru? Tohru, are you okay?"

Her mouth was dry and her body shook. Why was this happening? She wished Satsuki never came and found her in the first place but knew such a wish was a naïve and foolish thing to consider. Sniffling, she stood up with the help of Momiji, holding onto his shoulder and wishing to gather the strength to stand up for the first time in her life. She prayed for the strength she needed. The boy opened his mouth to repeat his question but Tohru began to speak shakily, letting go of the Sohma for support.

'It's okay to tell people what you want...'

She needed to stand up for herself.

"Why did you come back...?"

Satsuki's face fell with pain. "Tohru-chan, I've told you. I'm lost without you. I'm nothing without you."

"That's bull!" Kyo burst out.

"Lost without me?" Tohru asked.

Kyo stepped toward Satsuki once again raising a fist. "Stop putting nonsense into her head! She doesn't want to hear it!"

"Why don't you let her talk for herself, hm?"

"You..."

"If you were so lost without me, why didn't you come looking for me?" Tohru cut in quietly. Her voice cracked from the tears she tried to hold back since Satsuki walked into the room. Still, she spoke slowly and deliberately. "It's been more than half a year and the season's have changed. Yet you come now of all times." A tear escaped her eye when she blinked, "If you were so lost without me, why didn't you? Why didn't you even care?"

"Toh..."

"Why didn't you even look for me!?" She screamed while stomping her foot, the noise echoing like shattered glass. Everyone jumped from her outburst. Her face was flushed and her lower lip quivered from hurt and confusion. Shaking her head, her purple ribbons shook side to side, tangled in her brown tresses. "Did you ever love me at all, Satsuki?" She asked quieter.

The room fell silent as her voice echoed in the grandiose room. Tohru's hands were balled tightly as she shut her eyes tightly, her face hot and cold at the same time. She felt angry, relieved, confused, anxious, she felt everything but happy. She felt a familiar warm hand come across her forehead and stroke down her cheek. Chills ran down her back at the sweet sensation the touch gave her.

She opened her eyes to see Satsuki's piercing blue eyes stare back at her intensely. "I'm sorry," he whispered. Finally her tears spilled forth and she felt him latch onto her, hugging her fiercely. "God, I'm so sorry. Yumi told me where you were when she saw you. I was relieved to hear your whereabouts. I thought... I thought you'd come home on your own, but to see you here with another man, it made me jealous. I'm sorry, koshii. I'm sorry for making so many wrong choices with our relationship."

"Satsuki..."

"Come home with me. Even just one day, I'll show you, I'll be better for you." She leaned into his touch, remembering the better times of their relationship. The time when he was so loving to her. When he was the man she fell in love with. "Tohru-chan..."

"Satsuki?" She asked questionly. It felt as if the man she first met had returned to her. He was being so honest with her just like old times.

He chuckled quietly while stroking her hair. "Yes, it's me."

Suddenly she felt herself being ripped from Satsuki's embrace and her world spun only to meet a pair of familiar amber eyes. She blinked at his pensive features. Kyo looked serious as a heart attack. What were those emotions that washed over her just moments ago?

"Come on."

"Eh?"

"I said come on!" He growled irritably while tugging her away. "I need to talk to you in private."

Kyo took her by the wrist and led her away to the TV room while Satsuki made a movement to go after them, but was haulted by Hatori's hand.

"Please stay in the main hall," the doctor requested.

Satsuki's once warm and soft tone turned bitter once again. "Who do you think you are? The God of this house? That's my fiance in there and I'm..."

"I don't particularily care who you are," Hatori boomed, "but Tohru-san isn't anything you can claim and you have no say in what she wants to do. She is a dear friend to us all and almost like a daughter to my friends and I," Hatori continued as he pointed in the direction of Shigure and Ayame, "I suggest you stop stepping on my feet and back off before I take actions I do not feel are very gentleman-like." Shigure and Ayame were surprised how eerily cold Hatori spoke. It seemed that he did not like this situation one bit since it put Tohru in an awkward position. As Satsuki stared at Hatori, it looked as if the two men were sizing each other up. Hatori felt pitty for this young man, having so much anger and posession issues. "The Sohmas have many connections and you are in no position to go against my orders unless you don't mind having half of Japan hunting you down, Sonto-san."

Satsuki glared at Hatori and looked away. "Whatever. In the end," Satsuki smirked, "Tohru will come back to me."

Yuki coughed, "I doubt that. She'd never go back to being your little play thing."

"What's it to you?" Satsuki snapped.

"You like making enemies don't you?" Yuki muttered while placing his right arm across his chest and leaning his left elbow on his right hand. "That girl in there," he pointed toward the room occupied by Kyo and Tohru, "if anything happens to her, the slightest thing, you'll regret ever showing your face around the Sohma household. We got her back on her feet and we're not about to let you push her down again." Yuki now stood inches away from Satsuki, meeting his own cobalt eyes with Satsuki's unmoving blue ones. "Dare to break her heart again, pretending to love her-- which we all know you really don't-- I'll personally see to it that I slowly break every one of your fingers and let you watch with excruciating pain and then gouge those sinful eyes out of your eye sockets."

"A little graphic there, aren't you?" Satsuki snickered nervously.

Yuki saw him sweat and a grin crept upon his features. "If thinking about it makes you nervous," he lowered his voice an octave, " just imagine what it'd feel like."

To Yuki's pleasure, Satsuki flinched away from him while narrowing his eyes. "You all talk big, but just because you have connections and money you think that will stop me from having Tohru again?" He pointed to himself, "Sorry boys but she's mine and mine alone. Always."


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In the TV room Kyo dragged Tohru in and sat her down on a chair.
"Kyo-kun."

"Tohru, what's the matter with you?"

Tohru was at loss for words. What had she done? "W-what do you mean?"

"Why do you let him still control you like that? Damnit, he doesn't deserve you! You are too good for him. He's just using you, can't you see? As soon as you go back to him it's all going to start all over again! The worthlessness, the isolation, the--" Kyo thought of his dear Tohru making love to that man and didn't even want to mention it to her, "--lies. I won't let him hurt you."

"Satsuki isn't a bad a person," Tohru defended quietly. "He was there for me when I needed him."

"Like he was there when he decided to screw another girl."

She gasped, "Everyone has their mistakes, we're all human, Kyo-kun!"

"But he's not making a mistake, he knew what he was doing!"

"How do you know that?"

"Cause I know!" Kyo began pacing around the room throwing his hands up in the air. "Why the hell are you defending him anyway, Tohru? Why?"

She opened her mouth to reply but snapped it closed. There was a pregnant pause and Tohru thought on that. Why was she being so defensive? She didn't like Satsuki anymore, right? What was there to defend for him? He was the one who hurt her in the end. She was so confused, and didn't understand why she was acting like this or where her emotions were leading her. She wanted to forgive Satsuki, but she didn't want to hurt Kyo either.

Suddenly she felt Kyo hold her head gently between his hands, forcing her to look into his steady eyes. "Tohru, look at me. No, look at me." He said sternly. Tohru finally got herself to look into his eyes. "I don't want to see you hurt."

"I won't...!"

"No, I'm just warning you," Kyo kissed her forehead, "I don't know much but that Satsuki guy...he's dangerous, Tohru. There's something about him, there's something amiss with him. Dispite how much you know about him and think he's a good person, he's trying to hurt you and I don't want anything to happen to you, Tohru. You need to stay here."

A faint memory clicked in Tohru's mind. Something so familiar about that tone...

"Tohru..."

Tohru backed her head away from Kyo and stood up, staring at him with wild eyes. "Why?"

"Why what?" Kyo asked. "Why do you have to stay here? Because that man is dangerous! He's no good for you, Tohru, and he cheated on you! Don't you remember? He played with your mind. Please, I need you to stay here where you'll be safe from him."

Tohru shut her eyes tightly, tears welting in her eyes. "You're just like him aren't you?" She cried. Kyo just stared at her. "It's just like when Hana-chan and Uo-chan used to visit me! He said they were no good, I should stay home with him where I'd be safe, that he would love me!" She said, touching a quivering finger to her heart. It burned and ached as if she just punctured her already beaten heart. Kyo's eyes widened noting the connection as Tohru shook her head side to side.

"No, Kyo-kun, I will make my decisions! I won't be locked up again!"

"But...!"

"I won't be controlled! I won't be alone again!"

"You won't, just stay here with me and everyone else."

Her voice was desperate. "Stop trying to... to... decide... stop!"

"Tohru, I...!"

Suddenly Tohru did something Kyo never expected. She slapped him straight across the face with giant tear drops falling freely down her ghostly white cheeks. He touched his own red cheek, feeling the heat transfered from her hand to his face while gaping at Tohru with her hand still out stretched. Her eye's widened with fright at her irrational actions. She had never hit him before, never.

She stood still, feeling like someone was suffocating her to her final breath. Why did she hit Kyo? She loved him, she loved him so much. He was only trying to protect her.

Why couldn't she see that?

"I... I just don't want to see anything happen to you," he muttered quietly.

Tohru bowed her head. "Then nothing will ever happen to me."

Kyo watched the woman before his eyes. He could still remember the first time he met her, she was so shy and hiding everything she really felt behind a smile. She slowly grew from that girl into a person that really smiled because she was happy, she frowned when she was really sad, and spoke what she really felt. She wasn't anyone's marionette anymore. What right did he have to tell her what to do? She was right, he was doing exactly what Satsuki had done to her. Perhaps not for the same reasons, but he was still setting her boundaries he had not right to establish. She was her own person.

Kyo quickly turned his face away from Tohru to hide his grieving face. Never in his life had he ever thought he would come to love a person as much as he loved Tohru. She accepted him even knowing he was the only one of the Sohmas still cursed by the Zodiac. She always forgave him when he would get angry. He just wanted to love her and only her. Standing here watching her have a mental crisis and not being able to help her was tearing him apart. Satsuki was using Tohru's kind soul to persuade her to go back, and ultimately, Kyo couldn't do anything to stop Tohru from making her decision.

Looking up, Tohru saw Kyo's moisten eyes and his lip tremble. Her strange actions were harrowing for him, she could see it. In her entire stay with the Sohmas, she had never once seen Kyo cry. He was only trying to think of her.

Because he loved her.

Tohru covered her face with her hands, taking a few steps to finally fall into Kyo's back while choaking back her wreched sobs. "Kyo-kun, I'm so sorry. God, I'm so sorry! I'm so frusterated and scared."

Kyo stayed still, feeling her warm breath on his back. He blinked back his tears. She needed him to be strong for her right now. "It's okay, Tohru, you're going to get through this."

"I don't want to fight with you! I don't want to hit you!" She shook her head, trying to hold back the tears. "I'm just so sorry!" She cried as if she just commited a sin. Finally he turned around and gently placed his hands on her shoulders when she leaped into his arms crying. Kyo continued to calm her while she repeated her apology over and over.

Finally Kyo kissed Tohru on the cheek, rubbing away her tears. "I love you, Tohru."

"Kyo-kun..."

"Whatever will make you happy, do it. No one is stopping you from making the choice you want. This is your life, Tohru."

She nodded her head and released a deep sigh. "I want to be with you but as much as I know you don't want to hear it," the one word made Kyo freeze, but he had to be strong for her, he couldn't break down now, "Satsuki will always be my first love."

Kyo felt his heart clentch as Tohru slowly let go of him. "Everyone deserves forgiveness, don't you think?" She asked, caressing his face. "Even just one day, Kyo-kun..."

'Please don't...'

"I want to see if Satsuki is a real changed man. It doesn't mean I love him but, I've got to give our relationship another chance. I... I want to be friends with him. I may not love him but I wouldn't want to forget about him either." She looked up at his forlorn eyes. "Kyo-kun must be... so mad at me."

He stared at Tohru, etching her face into his memory, every line and every curve. "I'd never be mad at you..." He said, feeling Tohru squeeze hands tenderly.

"Just one day..."

"Just one," he repeated to himself. "You don't want me to come along?"

"I need to face my demons alone... I want to be strong like Kyo-kun. I want to break my curse once and for all."

Kyo clentched his teeth, the pressure almost giving him a headache. Finally he sighed saying, "just one day... like you said." He grinned, trying to lighten the tension in the air. "I think I'll survive one day..."

"Thanks." Tohru pulled Kyo's head to her and every so gently kissed him on the lips, savoring all his sensations deep within her soul. She never met a man like Kyo, so understanding and so caring. She had the words at the tip of her tounge. Those three words meaning so much.

She couldn't say it though. Not yet.

They pulled away from their last kiss as Kyo's hands overlapped hers which were on his face. He felt her tiny knuckles on his fingertips, wanting to hold onto her hand forever.

"Promise me the same thing you did that night under the stars..." she whispered, leaning her forehead on his. Up close, Kyo could see the tear drops soaking her dark long lashes. "Please."

Kyo's hands clamped on Tohru's, the pain eating him from the inside. He wanted to cry, force her to stay, anything, but he couldn't. Even if it was painful he wouldn't control her the way Satsuki did. Kyo nodded seriously while kissing the tip of her nose, soft as a feather. "I promise, my love."

And that was the last time Kyo saw that beautiful smile of hers...

...one last time...

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