infaltration

you arn't gonna be able make much more of this story because you started in 3rd person view if you restart do it in a perspective of a marine or master chief himself it will be alot smoothr for you to work with

cool story and all but......wtf is a helljumper?!

Helljumper is just another name for the ODST's from Halo 2.

Current Score: 2/5 (Meh)
Now, I like you and I also am extremely greatful for your fave of me, but the first thing I'd like to say is that you've went a step above the average score for stories here (1/5, horrid), but haven't reached the higher levels, 3 being good, 4 being great, and 5 being excellent. The first thing I'd like to point out is that it sounds not like a story. It sounds more like you played a game of halo and then said word for word what happened. Though, it may sound really exciting to the players, it doesn't work for a fic. Speed is also a crucial element. You're going to fast through the story, only listing what's happening, like a video tape. You need to describe the enviorment, expand the events, and give internal conflict at the same time. You do, though, have potental because your plot makes sense on paper, and it isn't random ooc scripting, but it still needs improvement. Good for your first try, just remember. Don't let good comments get to your head. Their probably from the fact that it's a halo fic, not your own quality. Bye.

Nice! >_< Must update!

Cool!