Username   Password  
Remember   Register   |   Forgot your password?

Chapter 1 - Soccer Players Aren't Always Pretty

We were making fun of Soccer players obviously

Chapter 1 - Soccer Players Aren't Always Pretty

Chapter 1 - Soccer Players Aren't Always Pretty

Liz: did I tell you my new goal?

Liz: Im gonna to marry an Italian soccer player because apparently they're almost all hot

Olivia: all Italian guys are hot

Olivia: majority anyway

Olivia: they're not shy and they'll stand on the street and ask you out if they think youre cute

Liz: I'm going to Italy

Olivia: me too

Liz: I'm gonna look at the Italian players and decide which one I'm marrying

Olivia: they'd better get in line


Liz: hmmmm

Liz: I think I want to be in shaved-head boy's position

Olivia: hell, me too



Liz: HE WAYS 76 KG!

Olivia: how much is that pounds?

Liz: I have no idea

Olivia: lil rough, but doable

Liz:....he looks like someone just beat the crap out of him

Liz:...with a bat

Olivia: thats why I said 'lil rough'

Liz: well I'm thinking you better take him to the hospital before you do him

Liz: Alberto makes me feel awkward

Olivia: yeah

Liz: I dont know what he's looking at but its both intriguing and appalling

Olivia: bet Australia's team is hotter

Liz: probably

Liz: I think that's the guy who beat the crap out of Massimo

Olivia: yeah, he has that evil eye

Liz: no wait

Liz: maybe he did it

Olivia: they both mustve done it

Liz: then they slapped each other high fives and spoke sexy Italian

Olivia: Archie watched the whole beating

Liz: thats why hes got that sadistic smile

Liz: hell never be the same

Liz: you notice how all the Italian guys have the same name?

Olivia: "MARIO, LUIGI, ANGELO, MARCO.....POLO! bum bum chee

Liz: Polo: "Present!"

Olivia: lets look at our team&

Olivia: nope, nothing good there

Liz: nothing good on our team at all?

Olivia: I dont think so

Liz: guess Ill be marrying Andrea Barzagli

Olivia: hey I saw him first

Liz: okay Im gonna look at Japan

Liz: you check Germany

Olivia: okay, whats with the hair?

Olivia: it looks like a strong wind blew it all one way

Liz: it's all forming around one little off-center point on his head

Liz: Austin Powers


Liz: hes thinking about shaggin

Liz: Yeah, baby!

Liz: I don't know what to do about Tsuneyasu

Olivia: I think he's doable

Olivia: his background is even glowing

Liz: he kinda looks like a 70's porn star

Olivia: his hair is fixable

Liz: am I crazy or is he black?

Olivia: he's definitely black


Liz: do his ears flap like Dumbo?

Liz: Fukunishi your mom

Liz: leprechaun

Olivia: thats what I was thinking

Liz: I love how we think alike

Olivia: hes a cheery lookin fellow

Liz: Owen has had a great day

Liz: he's either going to sneeze or tell a joke

Olivia: or he's horny

Liz: he was turned on while the Italian guys were straddling each other

Liz: I dont blame him

Olivia: the soccer ball probably hit his crotch and popped

Liz: Im gonna see if there's anything in Brazil

Olivia: there isnt

Olivia: Ill save you the time

Liz: one word: disproportional

Olivia: he looks like the soccer ball hit his face and left an imprint

Liz: and he kicked it

Olivia: doesnt he belong in basketball?

Liz: that's why he kicked it

Olivia: works for me

Liz: HOLY shoot HAPPY

Olivia: soccer gets him REAL excited

Liz: I noticed

Liz: his nickname on the team is Stinky

Olivia: thats like, a dogs name

Liz: well he looks like one

Olivia: wtf, Zidane is a real name?

Liz: he still doesn't get it

Olivia: "The Chicken got to the other side? Wha? Werent there cars on the road?"

Liz: so Emo it hurts

Olivia: uh oh, step back, Emo soccer player

Liz: "We lost? *slits his wrists*"

Olivia: "I wrote a sad poem of our loss......

Liz: you can always count on him to bleed


Liz: Stinky's cousin Reek

Olivia: "Whoa, what was in that cigarette?"

Liz: "Stinky rolled a fat one!"

Olivia: "Anyone got some Cheetos?"

Liz: something is wrong

Olivia: maybe his head will get bigger and bigger and he'll float away

Liz: I imagine he hasn't missed a header yet

Olivia: bum bum chee

Liz: he's probably the guy who goes around head-butting his teammates after the game, explaining why they end up motionless on the ground

Liz: theres a Frank if I ever saw one

Liz: he mustve got the hardest head-butt of them all

Olivia: his side burns arent even

Olivia: I take that back, his whole head and face are uneven

Liz: not much about him is even

Liz: I look at Gregory and I think "Intense Sex"

Olivia: I look him and think "YIKES! A GHOST!"



Olivia: Beatles hairdos are hot in the Ukraine

Liz: he somehow reminds me of William Beckett from The Academy Is...

Olivia: seriously?

Liz: yeah, William Beckett is hot

Olivia: he looks like he'd wear bellbottoms

Liz: now that you added the bellbottoms I'm not sure

Liz: you ruined my mental picture

Olivia: sorry

Olivia: I can just picture him with an acoustic guitar singing about flowers

Liz: my picture of him jumping around and singing about raging against the world is way cooler


Olivia: hes cute

Liz: it looks like hes got a scar on his chin

Liz: from the war

Olivia: the war of soccer

Olivia: many men were lost, and many balls popped

Liz: all because Akira got a little too horny

Olivia: every time he fell forward he made a hole in the ground

Liz: "Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"

Olivia: "You're screwed into the ground!" "DAMMIT, NOT AGAIN!"

Liz: Ruslan threw himself into the battle to unscrew poor Akira

Liz: but when it popped out of the ground it flung across his face

Liz: thus scarring his chin

Olivia: owch

Liz: tragedy

Olivia: thats a mouth full

Liz: was it that big?

Olivia: he was the first to get taken out in the battle

Liz: the horror remains painted on his face like a tattoo




Olivia: hes the only white guy on his team

Liz: thats why they only gave him one name

Liz: and hes probably French

Olivia: probably

Olivia: what is that?

Liz: it looks like something that should be in Rocky Horror

Olivia: the unrated version

Liz: I think someone threw a wrench at his forehead

Liz: and hit him dead on

Olivia: I think someone threw a cinder block at him

Olivia: and it hit his whole face at same time

Liv: when he has to sneeze, duck and cover

Liz: he's probably the cause of some of the worst disasters of the past 10 years

Olivia: he went scuba diving and turned his head too quickly causing the Tsunami

Liz: he blew his nose on a tilt-a-whirl and started Katrina

Olivia: I dunno how, but I'm sure he's the cause of global warming too

Liz: word

Liz: HOLY shoot!

Olivia: the psycho theme plays every time he enters the arena

Liz: children cry

Olivia: birds flock to get away

Liz: silence takes the stadium

Olivia: the ball deflates, Akira isnt so horny anymore

Liz: and every dentist within 20 miles prays for the opportunity to bleach his teeth

Olivia: Chris is on Cloud 9

Liz: hes been hanging with Stinky and Reek

Olivia: they went clubbing

Olivia: Eddie watches Chris, Stinky, and Reek

Olivia: and cries a lone tear

Olivia: because he wasnt invited

Liz: that's okay

Liz: Eddie has already conjured a way to make them suffer for the pain theyve put him through

Liz: and it's sitting in his bathtub

Olivia: Does it involve laser beam dynamite?

Liz: that's only the beginning

Olivia: Im in

Olivia: he's oddly cute in a way

Liz: in that "My girlfriend just slapped me and called me an ignorant puss but I love her anyway" kind of way

Liz: I take that back, with the way his nose is bent it must've been a punch

Olivia: what if I said I was his girlfriend?

Liz: then Id say youve got a good arm

Olivia: Id say thank you

Olivia: he played the frog in his 5th grade play

Liz: he hasn't forgotten it either

Liz: the play had a sick twist after the frog was kissed resulting in a severely disappointed princess

Liz: he relives it on a day-to-day basis

Olivia: he's still in character and costume

Olivia: or thats a tumor

Liz: a full facial tumor?

Olivia: OF DOOM

Olivia: it'll grow so big it'll explode into puppies and gumdrops

Liz: at least the kids will get something out of it

Olivia: chyeah


Comments (3)

You are not authorized to comment here. Your must be registered and logged in to comment

scooter_girl_Haruko on July 11, 2006, 5:47:35 AM

scooter_girl_Haruko on

TehKupoKween225 on July 11, 2006, 5:19:22 AM

TehKupoKween225 on
TehKupoKween225I think I pissed my pants X3333
How'd you get pictures in your ficcey?
-KATZ o^_^o

Black-rainfall on July 10, 2006, 10:00:00 PM

Black-rainfall on
Black-rainfallXXXDD I like the emo soccer player XXDD and Akira, my god that's hilarious