A story about coke
Submitted August 14, 2005 Updated August 14, 2005 Status Incomplete | this is acualy a poem about coke, its better that it sounds, its suposed to be funny. oh yeah, i sux at descriptions.
Category:
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Chapters
Chapters
Chapter 1 - Untitled
Submitted: August 14, 2005 • Updated: August 14, 2005
Word count: 356 • Size: 1k • Comments: 8 • views: 195
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_ren_tao_fan_ on August 15, 2006, 12:23:11 AM
_ren_tao_fan_ on (Chapter: 1)
ya they do! funnyinuyasha_naruto_lover on July 30, 2006, 1:05:31 PM
inuyasha_naruto_lover on (Chapter: 1)
lol love it! -favs-Xiakeyra on December 17, 2005, 3:55:17 AM
Xiakeyra on (Chapter: 1)
very funny!:-DChibichan on November 12, 2005, 6:57:03 AM
Chibichan on (Chapter: 1)
FUDGE!Whatsername on November 1, 2005, 10:15:00 PM
Whatsername on (Chapter: 1)
Aw man, now I'm thirsty! gr8 poem!faustrulesallwithhao on October 3, 2005, 5:18:09 AM
faustrulesallwithhao on (Chapter: 1)
i wuv it. i think that that is funny enough to make coke spurt up my nose.kos on September 24, 2005, 1:28:29 AM
kos on (Chapter: 1)
A few typos (I've written this as a separate comment so you can delete it after you fix them):Stanza 1, Line 3: "through" -> "throat"
S4, L4: "be" -> "but"
Also there are a few times when the tense changes from the usual past tense into the present tense:
S3, L6
S4, L4 (though maybe this one is ok like it is)
S6, L1 and L2
kos on September 24, 2005, 1:23:28 AM
kos on (Chapter: 1)
*grins* Yes, I know the feeling.I like this poem. The humour is good, the rhyming is good. Sometimes though the tempo did throw me off, I lost the rhythm as I was reading it especially in the last half. Overall, it's a good, fun poem.